Monday, December 29, 2008

What it means if he doesnt call

By Christian Carter

What It Means If He Doesn’t Call

Ever wonder why the man you're dating and having an amazing time with doesn't call you very often?

Or worse... stops calling altogether?

If you've ever had this happen to you with a man, then you know how FRUSTRATING it can be when a man just suddenly stops calling for what seems like no good reason...

And you've spent more time than you'd like to admit wondering what happened and what YOU might have done wrong.

Most women in this situation fall into a kind of trap that seems to work against them...

Instead of recognizing that the man not calling is an important signal in of itself, they become obsessed with wanting to know what he's thinking and WHY he's acting this way.

But most women also know on an intuitive level that coming out and actually asking a man why he's acting this way wouldn't bring about anything good.

And guess what?

Their intuition is right.

With most men in this situation, if you want to connect with a man and grow closer, then the answer is NOT to try and get him to talk about his thoughts and feelings.

It's time you learned what it really means if a man isn't calling... and what to do about it to quickly "turn the tables" in your favor so that he's the one calling and asking you out.

I'll share this with you, but first I want you to read this email I got recently from a reader about this exact kind of situation.

**Question From A Reader**

Hi Christian,

First of all I think you are great and have learned a lot from reading your book. I am divorced and have been dating a widower for about a month. We get together once or twice a week - I don't expect more than that - as he lives about half an hour away from me. Our dates are great and there is a definite physical attraction on both sides. My problem is that in-between dates I don't hear from him. I know that he works hard and is bringing up 3 children on his own - but how long does it take to pick up the phone and ask me how I am? Am I asking too much? Is it too soon to expect anything? I don't want to complain and frighten him off, as I really like him. What do you suggest?

Looking forward to hearing from you R.J. from Illinois

**My Response**

Ok, let me get the facts straight here...

You've been out with a man for an entire month. (Not long at all, and effectively NO TIME in a man's mind)

You've seen each other once or twice a week or so for 3-4 whole weeks. (Not even enough for a man to see you as "dating")

And you know he is busy and raising three young children on his own. (His attention and focus is admittedly elsewhere.)

But in just a few dates you've already become disappointed and "bothered" by the way he's being... and you're wishing he would CHANGE.


This is bad for YOU, and for him.

The approach and mindset you have right now is almost guaranteed to make this man see you as too demanding and "needy" to want to be with you, when it's just a few weeks in.

So I hope you haven't started talking about all your feelings of disappointment with him yet.. because it wouldn't go over well with the way you're looking at things.

But here's the worst part of all this...

You already have my e-Book and you’re still asking me for the "easy" answer on this, as though there is some magic pill I can give you that will make a man act the way you want or expect him to be.

I'd like to be able to lie and tell you that I could change a man for you.

But I can't... and you know it.

The truth is, I've only got YOU to work with... and you've only got YOUR OWN thinking and your own behavior that you can use to make a difference.

It's time you started thinking about how you can take RESPONSIBILITY for creating the RESPONSE you want in a man...

Instead of sitting around frustrated that he hasn't met YOUR EXPECTATIONS you have for him. (Especially when he doesn't even know what these are)

You need to open up my e-Book and go to page 32.

On that page, I want you to read the section called "Initial Thoughts" at least twice and think about what's going on there.

I want you to think about the 2 types of people I talk about... and the kind of "magic mindset" that's going to help you naturally start creating great situations in your life.

Then I want you to think about how this relates to the idea of COMMUNICATING with a man in a way that creates ATTRACTION inside of him.

As opposed to communicating with a man in the way that KILLS the attraction he might be feeling for you.

Once you've thought about this, I want you to go to page 36 and read the section on "How To Be Honest About What You Want".

Pay attention here to the 4 important questions you need to ask yourself BEFORE you get involved with a man, or start talking about your relationship with him.

And make sure you learn and understand what I call "a unique habit of happy people".

If you could apply this one simple habit to your love life, I know it would immediately give back to you the kind of understanding and satisfaction you're seeking but not meant to get yet from the man you're dating. (Hint - there's a reason why you and he aren't totally "connecting" yet, and it's NOT all about him)

And by the way, you can download a free trial copy of my e-Book at the link below right now, and be reading it in just a few minutes

Download and read my e-Book here right now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Now, you've also asked a great question in your email...

"Am I asking for too much from him?"

Simply put - YES. You're asking for too much because you shouldn't be ASKING HIM for what you want and then hoping that he "meets your demands".

This is a LOSING APPROACH that will 100% guarantee that a man won't want to give you what you're looking for.


Well, it's not because you actually are asking for too much.

It's OK to know that you'd like a man in your life who you're involved with to call you more.

But this isn't about whether this is ok for you to ask for.

No. This is all about THE WAY you ask, and the emotions and expectations a man will see that you're holding onto when you open your mouth and you've been going through a whole lot of disappointment and frustration with him... while he's thinking that you've been out on a few fun dates and everything is fine and dandy.


Here's something you might not have thought about...

Men often communicate and show their feelings in less "direct" ways than simply saying and expressing how the feel.

In fact, most men are a whole lot more conscious of DOING things than they are of how they effect and relate to others on an emotional level.

So... when a man doesn't call, it's often NOT an indication of something else going on in his head that he might want to talk to you about.

Often times it's simply an indication that he doesn't actually FEEL like spending more time around you.

So he simply doesn't call.

In other words, when it comes to men and dating, it's best to look at a man's ACTIONS and BEHAVIORS as the only TRUE INDICATION of how they really feel inside.

As a woman, you can probably spin your wheels dreaming up all kinds of incredible and elaborate ideas and scenarios for why a man isn't calling and what it means about his feelings and your situation.

But, if you're interested in doing more than analyzing and trying to figure out things in your own mind... then it's best to "read" the men you're dating early on by what they DO... and NOT what they SAY.

Which means... a man not calling you often, or at all, is an important signal in of itself.

If a man is spending time with a woman he "likes", but he isn't sure if he would want much more than a few casual dates with her... then here's what he does...

He only calls her every once in a while to keep the "connection" open... making sure not to let the connection die, but also making sure not to spend too much time with a woman or show her too many signs of interest that might indicate he'd want a more serious relationship.

And yes, some men actually think this way and are CONSCIOUS about NOT CALLING women very often if they don't want things to get more serious.

While other men who don't call are usually doing this inadvertently as they're going about their life and not thinking much about wanting more with a woman.

Here's what you need to take away from all this...

If a man isn't calling and you'd like him to call more and to grow in your relationship together, it really doesn't matter WHY.

The only things that matter are if he's not calling because he's not interested in a relationship with you… ever.


If he's not calling because he's just not feeling "that way" for you… YET.

Which begs the question - how do you get a man feeling "that way" for you if he's not feeling it yet?

Well, for starters, you need to STOP doing the things that will promise that a man WON'T feel it for you.


Or getting upset and hurt that he hasn't called when there's no "relationship" yet, and it's just YOUR EXPECTATION that he SHOULD call more.

Or generally taking on any other needy, clingy, or overly emotional behaviors that will have a man thinking you'd be nothing but a pain if he was to get to know you and involved in a real relationship with you.

What you need to do instead is to start to learn the behaviors that create the feeling of ATTRACTION inside a man.

Why attraction?

Because attraction is the one thing that will "override" all the logical reasons a man has for NOT wanting to get involved with a woman or stay single...

And will take over his "emotional world" and have him thinking and acting from his EMOTIONS with you... instead of his "logical mind" that will often try to RESIST a woman and a real committed relationship.

The truth is, if you learn how to keep that intense level of attraction ALIVE in your relationship... and you know how to make a man feel attracted to you on a physical, emotional, and "intellectual" level, then your relationship with him will largely take care of itself.

If you want to learn how to create an intense level of attraction in a man... and keep it going, then check out the chapter on “How To Attract Men” in my e-book now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Women Want you to approach them

By Carlos Xuma
Women want you to approach them.

This one is the one that kicks my butt every time. You see, most guys don't believe this, and a lot of guys don't WANT to believe it.

First of all, I have conducted surveys of women, as well as spoken to women in just about every situation imaginable, and there is a big misunderstanding here about what women want.
This is what guys assume:

"If I see an attractive woman when I'm out during the day, I want to meet her. But I'm pretty sure she's busy, and I'll just be a bother to her. She's obviously doing stuff and in a hurry. I don't want to annoy her."

The problem here comes when we make the assumption without VALIDATING it. We never check in to see if it's real.

Most guys will not approach because of this belief.

And the one guy in a thousand that DOES approach her goes in with this belief in his head, and his approach is weak and half-hearted. He doesn't carry himself with any confidence.
Ask yourself: Do you believe that women are bothered when men approach and talk to them?

Before you do anything else, I want you to read this.
I asked a very attractive Asian girl what her experience with guys approaching her was:
I asked: How frequently do guys approach you?

She said: "This week I'd say 0 guys approached. They showed interest but ... weren't able to turn it into a conversation..."

I asked: How many wanted to approach but didnt?
She said: "Percentage-wise, I'd say 95%."
Interesting, huh?
Now, I know that a lot of guys will hear that and say, "Well that's just ONE woman. Most women don't feel that way."


This is true for every woman I've ever talked to.
Here are the facts from a recent survey:
41% of the women I asked said that they are only annoyed at guys when they're boorish and crude...
36% said they are almost always flattered by the approach...
22% said they were excited and happy to meet someone new.

And - get this - 0% (ZERO!) said that they are annoyed all the time when guys approach them.

I also asked them:If you do go to bars, would you go to a bar to meet guys? Or something else?
35% said they went to have fun, but there was a possibility to meet someone...
65% said they don't really go to bars to meet men. They go to socialize and chill.
And - get this - 0% said they go to bars to meet men.

I personally think that every woman goes to bars with that hope in the back of her head that she will meet a guy, but it's not the primary reason she goes.

Women want men to approach them - and especially during the day - because most of the quality women don't go to bars to "pickup" guys.
In fact, here are some of the things women have told me when I asked them, "What would you say to guys who are out there and see a woman they want to talk to?"

- "Just do it - be a man - take the risk..."- "Suck it up and go for it!"- "Just be yourself; don't worry about the perfect pick-up line."- "Do it the worst thing that can happen is she said no But, what if she is interested..."- "PLEASE approach me because most of the time I am assuming that if you do not initiate a conversation, you are not available..."- "Go for it, there's nothing to lose..."

That's a pretty big kick in the butt to get going and do it, isn't it?
But I have to admit, there's not a lot of helpful advice in their words.

"Just do it" is a great slogan for sneakers, but if you could just "do it," you would be doing it, right?

Well, a while back I sat down with some friends of mine that are dating advisers and "gurus," and I recorded all my strategies for approaching women in any situation.
AND I completely broke down and explained my method for getting past Approach Anxiety.

That sick-to-your-stomach sensation of fear and nerves that hits you when you see a woman you want to go talk to... but you can't...
... but you REALLY want to...
... and you still can't...
... but you really want to get to meet her, and you know you HAVE to...
... and you STILL can't do it.

It's like a bouncer is holding your arms and legs and every time you start to move towards her, you freeze up and become paralyzed.
And the worst part about it?
You know that YOU are doing this to yourself.

It's time to get rid of this sensation once and for all.
Kill your approach anxiety, and learn the specific things to say and DO to approach women whenever and wherever you can.

Get a FREE EBOOK with more information from Carlos here

Monday, December 22, 2008

What if your intuition with a man is wrong?

By Christian Carter

Have you ever sat down with theman in your life and started talking to him andsharing things that you knew were special andimportant...

But instead of him listening and relatingto you and your feelings bringing you CLOSER-it made him become DISTANT and WITHDRAWN?

Sometimes it seems that the MORE it matters toyou, the harder it is to get a man to LISTEN andRESPOND.

Good communication has little to do with how muchor how little you care. Actually, the women whohave the most trouble with men and communicatingin relationships are women who don't take themature and healthy attitude of "owning" the waythe things that they SAY and DO with a man makehim RESPOND.

And until you decide to take the bold stepof taking responsibility for the RESPONSE youcreate inside a man with the way you shareyour thoughts and feelings... you're likelyto NEVER have the man in your life listeningto you and giving you what you want instead.

The quickest and easiest "crash course"in becoming a great communicator, getting thekinds of RESPONSES and LISTENING you want inyour relationship...

While at the same time showing a man thatyou're the kind of woman he wants to be withbecause you're so easy for him to talk to is righthere

Now, let's get into using the incredibleand unique power of using your own INTUITIONto "tune into" a man on a deeper level andbuild the level of intimacy and attractionhe feels with you...
Read the rest of the article and comment on it here
Let me ask you....

Have you ever been with a guy and he seemedto have it all together?

He was caring, loving, generous, presentand aware, and you had such an amazing timetogether.

But then his issues popped up out of NOWHERE.
Maybe his issues were some of the dreadedand predictable telltale signs of a confusedand withdrawing man.

Tell me if any of the following seem strangelyfamiliar to you:

-He starts acting restless and talking abouthow he isn't really ready to "settle down" andwants his "freedom"

-He tells you that he didn't see things getting"serious" so fast

-He doesn't make an effort to connect with you,give you praise or attention, and stops sharingany personal thoughts or feelings

-He stops making you a priority. He wants to spendall of his time with friends or other people anddoesn't value time together anymore

-He never initiates anymore. He isn't asphysically excited and into you as he was at first

-He starts flirting, talking to or even hangingout with other women

Recognize any of these?
Ouch, right?

So what in the world can you do about it whena man is acting so withdrawn and closed off likein these situations above?
Well, tell me...

Did you ever sense any of these things comingbefore they happened, or when they started, butyou didn't have any "proof"?

Fascinating how that works.

What's going on here?

Well, what's happening centers around animportant idea I want you to understand -

It's the idea that you instinctively know moreabout what's going on in the world aroundyou than you or your conscious mind fullyrecognizes.

So here's the deal...

You ALREADY HAVE a magical ability insideyou that comes up for you every once in a while.

So all you have to do is learn how toconsciously tune into it.

This "magic" is what we also refer to sometimesas INTUITION.

So how does it work and what is it?

In short, intuition is something that comes"pre-wired" in your brain.
The way your conscious and subconscious mindis hooked up to the rest of your complex bodysystems and senses make it possible.

So the good news is that this ability is therefor you anytime you want to use it.

But the bad news is that you have to taketime to fully tune into it and recognize yourability.

It a kind of "practice."

Music is a good way to explain it.

You can't just pick up an instrument and start
playing, right?

But once you start to become more aware of theinstrument, the music and how to play, thingsstart to naturally fall into place.

And soon, sounds, melodies and rhythms juststart to flow out of you in the moment.

Like they appear out of thin air, and nothingcould feel more natural.

And your mind is able to process all theinformation coming at it that used to overload it.

But now it can take it all in and use it toactually ANTICIPATE what's next.

Well, this is EXACTLY what this magical abilityof yours called intuition is like.

Your mind is constantly picking up oninformation from your environment, even whenyou're not really conscious of it.

And all that information is being "processed"over and over to try and calculate the risk,danger, and expectations from your environment totry to find a way towards the outcome you want.
So let's get to it.

Here's something you already know...

Men don't make it very easy for open andhonest communication about what's happeningand what's going on in your relationship.

That's why I don't have to tell you thatmen can be bad communicators when it comes totheir feelings, emotions and intentionsaround love and relationships.
But give them a sports game and they'll giveit all kinds of meaning and emotion that you'venever seem them share before.

What a bunch of apes...LOL
So knowing that men can be BAD COMMUNICATORS,and that they can have serious shortcomings withsharing their feelings or simply knowing how theyare feeling in a given moment and being able toarticulate it leaves you with a personalchoice to make.

You can either:
A) Do nothing about it and continue to beshocked, frustrated, surprised and hurt bythe things that men do and say (or don't door say) and have your relationship stay "stuck"in the same place. Or...

B) You can start to create a more perceptiveand insightful way of being in your own lifeand relationships by using your naturalintuitive abilities... and changing the wayyou and a man COMMUNICATE.

Here's the thing...
Using your intuition will not only help youunderstand a man better, but help guide youto an even more rewarding benefit - to helphim understand YOU.
So which one will it be?
Choice A - do nothing and stay "stuck"?

Or Choice B - grow and learn?
Nod if you're choosing B - more perceptionand insight.
And if you're still stuck in the trap ofChoice A where things aren't great but youalways get to be "right" when the man in yourlife disappoints you... then go ahead and stopreading.
I don't want to waste our time.
Good. Glad you're still here.
Let's get to it then...

Using your intuition might be the best, andin some situations, the ONLY way, that you'll beable to know what's really going on inside themind of a man.

And even better, the best way to find a wayto help him understand YOU and your feelings.
But if you're completely honest, I thinkyou'll remember that deep down even YOU don'talways know exactly what your feelings mean orhow to make sense of it all. So how do you expect a man to take in thesmall part of your feelings that you can explainwith words and understand and relate to you?

Here's an answer to get you started -
Use your intuition and let it guide you.
So how do you do that?
I'm going to give you a short-cut guide togetting in touch with your intuition.
That way, you can start getting the benefitsof understanding and becoming understood.

Step 1: Clear Your Mind Of Fear And Doubt
Some women end up worrying almost obsessivelythat something is wrong or going badly with aguy they're interested in or dating once theysee some negative sign or pattern.
And once this happens, they want to knowwhat's going on so intently, and often expectthe bad, that they let their negative thoughtstake over.
If you want to be able to use your intuition,you need to start interrupting that voice inyour head that's the "fearmonger."
You know the one - that voice that's alwaysworrying just to try and keep you safe andprotected... And to predict all the bad thingsyou've seen and felt before so that you don'thave to go through them again.
The thing is, you can't find the truth ina situation if you and your mind is buried insideyour mind in fears and doubts.
Have you ever seen how arrogant people oftencover up or ignore real problems around themjust because they want to believe they're alwaysright - no matter what the cost?
Same idea.
Keep a balanced and objective mind set.
That way your beliefs systems aren't allmixed up with negative thoughts and fears.
If they are, there's no way for you to seethe real "cause and effect" around you.
You'll just see what your mind is fearfuland afraid of - and this only helps bring thesame kind of negative situations and experiencesyou've had in the past into your life again.
Don't do it!
By the way... if you're having a tough timemoving past any painful or negative thoughtsor experiences from your past... or you seethat often times it's YOUR negative and fearfulemotions that end up getting in your way andruin things with men, then I would STRONGLYSUGGEST that you take a minute and read theletter at the link below to help get thosenegative thoughts and patterns out of your lifeonce and for all.
Don't let the things that don't define youand aren't your personal best push away theman you're meant to be with.
Check out free tips and the in-depth programI've created to help you get into a positiveand healthy state that will naturally draw theright man to you and let him know you're thekind of woman he wants to love and be with.
Help yourself, and the man in your life,enjoy your "best self" here

Step 2: Accept That Men Don't Make "Sense"
All those frustrating things that men dothat don't make any sense to you as a womanwill NEVER MAKE SENSE.
Stop trying to make sense of them.
Trying to make sense of a man in your ownterms is entirely counterproductive and willonly make you frustrated.
To learn about things you don't alreadyknow, like intuitive ideas, you have to haveto look with a different set of eyes - notthe same ones you always use for yourself.

Step 3: You Can't Figure Everything Out
Have you ever REALLY hit it off with a guybut after a few weeks or months, even thoughthings seemed great, the man pulled away andstarting acting distant and cold?
Most men, at one time or another, do thingslike this that are impossible to analyze andfigure out.
So... EXPECT to NOT UNDERSTAND everything a man does.
If you can become more comfortable with theidea of not knowing everything about WHY a mandoes what he does, then you'll feel a strangesense of calm relaxation - along with an increasein your own self-confidence.
And guess what? This ends up being VERY UNIQUEand very ATTRACTIVE when a man sees and sensesthat you can be confident and "centered" inthose times where other women he knows have acteda little "too emotional" for him.
Now, I'm not saying that it's OK for a man todo whatever he wants, and that you should acceptany negative and withdrawing behaviors withouthaving your own feelings about it - and"pretending" it's all ok.
But the more relaxed and positive you thinkand feel around these things, no matter what theman is doing, the sooner you'll stop fightingeverything in your mind and start creating bettersituations for yourself.
It's frustrating and counterintuitive, butaccepting what's going on and moving forwardfrom that reality in a positive way changes thewhole frame of the situation.
There's a funny thing about the way the worldworks... and especially about how men are when itcomes to relationships with women -
Any "force" or "energy" that you apply to asituation with a man... there will be a responsethat's equal in force to what you're doing.
This is a basic law of the universe - everyforce produces a response of equal force.
So if the "energy" you're applying is anxious,fearful, uncertain, etc. than guess what you'regoing to get back from a man?
You guessed it - the same kind of energyin response.
But some women get stuck in the "I needto understand why he did this and THEN I'llfigure out how to feel and act" mind set. Sothey keep on pressing and using the force theyfeel... thinking it will somehow transform intoconnection and understanding from a man.
I'll put it to you straight - this NEVERleads to clear thinking and positive action.
And more importantly, it never gets youthe kind of connection and response you wantwith a man.
Quick note here - what if instead of usingfearful, anxious, negative energy that turns aman off, you were to have the kind of energythat would ATTRACT a man instead?
How do you "get" the kind of energy thattells a man that you're the ONLY woman he wantsto be with?
...that you're unique and worthy of his timeand attention?
...that he really got "lucky" the day he metYOU?
I'll tell you how - you get it by doing andsaying the things that trigger emotionalattraction in a man.
If he can't help but wonder and think about youall the time, he's going to pursue you in orderto be close to you. If you create real and lastingATTRACTION in his mind, he won't even be ableto help himself.
He's going to do what it takes to be with you.
Find out how to BE the kind of woman a manfinds irresistible, by clicking here:

Step 4: Listen For More Than Words
Intuition doesn't talk in straight answers,or in plain logical English.
It's much more abstract.
Your intuition talks to you through feelings,images, and bodily sensations such as "gutfeelings."
Most people, especially women I know, areusually in an open and relaxed state when theyget intuitive gut feelings and understandings.
I couldn't talk highly enough about meditation,but I know it's not for everybody.
If you don't think you have a strongintuitive sense, simply try asking yourselfmore questions and keep them mulling aroundin your mind.
When you've got something in the back ofyour mind, something amazing happens withoutyou even trying.
Your brain takes notice and uses all yoursenses to find any sign or trace of informationthat relates to your questions as you go aboutyour day.
It's kind of like a search running inthe background on your computer - even thoughyou're doing something else it doesn't stoplooking.
After you've asked your questions, yourmind will start sending you ideas, feelingsand images without you even thinking about it.
But sometimes it usually takes more timethan you'd like.
Finally, your intuitive voice will eventuallyjust pop up and start to give you hints andinformation without you even asking for it.
And then it's up to you to pay attention,acknowledge it and make good use of it.
The huge mistake too many women make iswhen they get intuitive messages that theydon't like, or that scare them.
When this happens, a mature Woman will lookat the intuitive message she's getting and goto a place of figuring out how she can usethe message she's getting in a constructiveway for herself - and for her relationship.
An immature woman (a Girl) will get veryupset about receiving a negative message, andwill get thrown off emotionally to the pointwhere she will say things that shows she's notin a very fun and attractive place personally andemotionally.
When a man sees this, it would be great ifhe would always stop and say,
"Hey, are you ok? Do you want to talk aboutit, honey?"
But I think you know that this is NOT whatmost men will do in these situations. Especiallyif you're in a "newer" relationship... or you'vebeen in a relationship where you've been actinghurt or upset often around a man.
At these times, most men will either PULL AWAYto try and avoid the negative emotions they cansee and sense in you...
Or they will get irritated or frustrated withyou and want you to simply get rid of your ownfeelings.
Either way, it doesn't work out well. At all.

Step 5: Practice Your Intuitive Abilities
One of my favorite things to do is to trainand tune my intuition with each new person Imeet.
And I've personally found that body languagehas become the thing that gives me specialintuitive hints about people and situations.
If you're new to using your intuition or you'reconcerned about if or how to act on it, startwith smaller things that might be less important.
Like whether or not you should go away forthe weekend or if your friend will like the giftyou've been thinking about for them.
That way, you can be practicing and learnto use your intuition without doing it inhigh-risk or high-pressure situations.
This will help you develop your abilities andbecome more comfortable to trust what you find.

Step 6: Act With The "Long-Term" In Mind
Years ago I had a huge learning experiencewhen it came to using and listening to myintuition in the right way.
I was working at a company that had laid offseveral people and I began to worry that myperformance was being scrutinized and that I wasin danger of losing my job, too.
I began to work harder than ever, hoping toshow them how valuable I was to the company andhow much they stood to lose if they laid me off.
One day, they called me into a meeting and Ithought, "Uh oh. This is it." I thought I wasgetting let go.
Before they could say anything, I startedlisting all the ways I was working hard. But Istarted blaming the managers for a lot of thethings I thought were wrong with the company.
Fortunately, they stopped me before I went "toofar" and said too much. They told me they hadnoticed how much I had accomplished recentlyand wanted to express their appreciation.
The meeting went nothing like I had expected.
End of story.
Thinking back, my intuition had alerted me sothat I'd be aware of what was going on, which wasgood because I was able to "step up" at a verycrucial time.
But the mistake I made was taking thatinformation and using it to justify my own fearsand insecurities.
If I would have taken the information, beenpatient with it and applied it towards my goalsin a positive context, then the entire experienceknowing that the managers were watching my workwould have been different.
Maybe even productive for me.

But I didn't use my intuition to see my wayto something better. I simply used it as a meansto worry and stress myself out over my own fears.
So all this talk about intuition...
How does it really apply to the men in yourlife, dating and relationships?
Well, take a man with some of those commonnegative male behaviors-
-fear of intimacy-inability to commit-flirting, cheating-withdrawal
Intuition can help you see past these thingsand understand them in the larger context of thedeeper, real psychological and emotional "stuff"that's hiding beneath the surface.
Your intuition could even help you cutthrough a man's ego and persona to get to thereal person that's often hard to find.

Intuition is probably the best tool forbeing able to identify good and bad qualitiesin a man.
A man's external or surface behavior andattitude can be very different than his deeperdesires and intentions - as you probablyalready know.
Some men are, unfortunately, just good atplaying the part of an emotionally stable,available and loving guy for a while, even ifthey aren't.
So it's really up to YOU to learn to getto the "deeper emotional truth" of any manyou're interested in or dating.
And yeah, I know men can be soooo frustrating.

In a better world, men would be able to tellyou honestly and sincerely where they were at.
But as you know, MEN SUCK sometimes.
And a man will basically NEVER be able totell you clearly and honestly everything hefeels or what he wants when you ask him.
So if you're constantly surprised, blind-sided or confused by what men around you do,then it's time to get in touch with not onlyyour intuition, but the other knowledge andskills that you can put to work for yourself.

Your heart and your love-life deserve it.
In my "Inside The Mind Of A Man" program,I reveal the "inner psychology" of men when itcomes to dating, relationships, love and sex, sothat you can get a better understanding of whereyour man is coming from, and how to handleevery one of those "weird" but common malebehaviors I mentioned earlier.

Remember, learning to understand is one ofthe best ways to be understood.
With my "Inside The Mind Of A Man" program,you'll learn to quickly identify what a man isthinking and feeling with you - without lettingthose self-destructive fears pop up that sooften cause us to react in fear, anger orfrustration.
Have you ever built up all kinds offrustration about a man, and when you finallytalked to him, it all came out in a destructivewhirlwind that only pushed him away?

Stop doing that to yourself and to yourrelationships.
It's easy to inspire a man to really love andappreciate everything about your relationship.
It all starts with a basic UNDERSTANDING ofwhat HE needs in order to feel like he's the rightpartner for YOU.
Go here now and learn what men really needin order to feel "in love" with you and in orderto know that you are "tuned in" with him everystep of the way:

Get it here

I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luckin Life and Love.

Your Friend,
Christian Carter
P.S. How does a man decide whether or not to"get serious" with a woman after dating her for awhile?
If you've ever felt "stuck" in your love lifebecause you didn't know how to break through the"casual dating" stage with a man and move into areal and committed relationship, I can help.
If you know much about men, then you probablyalready know that the answer with a man in thissituation is NOT to ask him for a commitment.
Lots of women try this and become frustratedand baffled when the man they thought they wereclose to completely pulls away from them or eventries to end the relationship all together.
If you want to grow your relationship with aman, the best way to move into a committedrelationship isn't to come up against his"EMOTIONAL RESISTANCE" to commitment when youbring it up.
The best relationships that women enjoy most,and that last the longest, are the ones where THEMAN is leading the woman into a committedrelationship.
Where HE is asking HER to COMMIT TO HIM.
But for lots of women, things seem to getterribly turned around.
For the greatest chance at happiness andsuccess with a man, and to be able to quickly andeasily move from a casual situation to a real andcommitted relationship with a man, the answer isto learn:
1) How the commitment process works for him
2) How to make a man want to be with you and leadyou into a committed relationship
3) How to keep your relationship growing andhealthy so that you both stay emotionally involvedand fulfilled by the relationship
Most women NEVER learn these things, and as aresult, they never have the kind of success indating and relationships with men they reallywant.
This is exactly what you'll learn in my "FromCasual To Committed" program.
So don't wait for your relationship to figureitself out if you're in one.
Don't wait for a man to figure it out and makeyour relationship work for you.
Don't wait until you're dating the right guyand in a great relationship to learn how to helpit grow and make it work with him.
Make it happen now.
Learn more, and get your trial copy of thisprogram right here:

Sunday, December 07, 2008

If you want to meet more people, look at them and smile


If You Want to Meet More People, Look at Them and Smile
I have the secret to dating success! If you want to meet more people, don’t be coy. Look directly at them and smile. That’s according to researchers at Aberdeen University, who studied how facial expressions affect attraction. Here are the details, courtesy of the BBC:
The scientists took two headshots of different models - one smiling, and one not. Then, they digitally altered the photos so they had a second set in which the eyes were looking away from the camera.
When they showed the photos to volunteers, everyone like the smiling pictures best. No surprise there. On average, ratings were 6 times higher for the models who were looking directly at the camera than those whose gaze was averted - even when the photos were of the same person!

What’s this mean to you? The researchers believe that when you smile and make eye contact, you’re perceived as being more open to communication. So, if you have a picture on a dating site, make sure you’re looking straight into the camera. You’re likely to get more responses. If you’re meeting people in person, look them in the eye and flash those pearly whites. It’s scientifically proven to make you more attractive.

Long Island Speed Dating Speed Dating on Long Island

Monday, November 24, 2008

Why some guys stay single!

The following was posted on Yahoo this week. Let me know what you think.

Do you find yourself wondering why most of your buddies have steady dates, yet you can barely secure a first date, let alone a second (and, playing a regular game of Mahjong and Canasta with your grandparents and their friends doesn't count)? Guys, if so, it's time to ask yourself a few Foxy questions...

Do you... have a problem with eye contact? Even if you love everything about this other person, it won't matter, if you can't take your eyes off their body parts. They'll likely think you're out for one thing, or that you're just kind of creepy. Sure, they might be wearing something revealing, but that's no excuse to stare all night long. Get a grip and get comfortable with eye contact, which creates a much better bond.

Do you... eat like a caveman? Utensils are there for a reason -- so you can eat like a gentleman. Shoveling food into your mouth is not something you should subject your date to. Same goes for talking while chewing. Not only is it unpleasant to watch at a time when your job is to be easy on the eyes, it's a red flag that says you're a little short on self-awareness -- an important characteristic in a mate.

Do you... trim your toenails?  Not that your date will necessarily see your toenails right away, but when they do end up eyeballing them, unkept toenails are a guaranteed huge turnoff. It means you don't take care of yourself, and valuing yourself is an important part of a healthy relationship. Plus, let's not forget the damage they can do to the other person's leg when you're snuggling up on the sofa watching movies.

Do you... order "everything on the side" at a restaurant? In other words, do you order like a girl?  Please don't. Because if your date has to be tortured by, "I'll have the Cobb salad, but no cheese, avocado, or bacon, and dressing on the side, and the pasta, but no oil please, and extra light on the pinenuts," they may be forced to hide under the table or at least wonder what kind of demanding partner you could be. If you have dietary restrictions, do your best, just don't get into what will happen to your belly if you don't follow them.

Do you... assume you're going to strike out? The Secret said it once but we'll say it again: In a lot of ways, you manifest your own destiny. So, if you have lots of thoughts about being unlucky in love, you may be pushing people away in ways you may not even know. If you assume the worst of the world and yourself, spend a few minutes before your date making a mental list of why you're looking for a relationship and why you are an incredible a catch.

Monday, November 17, 2008

NYC Singles- Guys with bad breathe?

At a recent event, this real cute lady came over to chat with me for a bit. She had met a "nice cute guy" and was speaking with him, but needed to step away because he had really bad breathe.

"What the F**K, he is cute and nice, but I couldn't see myself ever kissing him", she said to me.
My advice to her was to give the guy a chance anyway. "Offer him a piece of gum, or a mint." Certain things you cant change, but bad breathe luckily can be changed if the person becomes aware there is a problem.

But that is the problem! We cant usually tell ourselves if our breathe is kicking, and how do you delicately tell someone that their breathe stinks.

Any advice or similar stories?? Please share in the blog.

All I know, is that I am going to carry those listerine strips in my wallet for now on!

Long Island Speed Dating Speed Dating Long Island

Sunday, November 09, 2008

November 2009- Horoscopes


ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
There will likely be some friction at work concerning secret information that has to do with some one in authority. If you have nothing to do with it, stay out of it, and if you can feel the vibe coming on that something between your close associates just isn’t right, then observe it from a distance and don’t get involved. You will likely feel extra frisky, sexy and passionate during the middle of the month. Toward the end, the mood lightens and people around you want to have more fun. This month, there will be no shortage of sexual tension and opportunities to express it for your sign.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
Some one who shares your values will pop up this month and you may feel as if you have met a total kindred spirit. There could be more than one, even. The planetary action also hints at some opportunities to meet people who would present some competition for you in the romance and relationship departments, but you will have the will to stand your ground. Turn your attention toward some one from a far-off land (or some one who was born in a different State), at the end of the month.

GEMINI (May21-June21)
Your opportunities for romance and physical intimacy could be slightly hampered by daily chores that will need attention in the first half of the month. Patiently wait this out until the second half. You can expect intensity to rise in a situation where a person you desire is out of your reach. It is going to be a difficult month for expressing devotion, but everything and anything that you say about your feelings and your desires had better be true. Make sure that you know what you want. Your decisions and intentions could end up being set in stone even if you didn’t want them to be. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

CANCER (June 22-July 23)
The planets are lined up in your sectors of partnership and romance. You should have plenty of run-ins with potential romantic partners this month. You will likely meet someone through a job, or who has a job that is similar to yours. You also might meet some one who needs your help in some way, so if you are the type who likes to help out, get ready to help an attractive person move furniture or something (but it is a good idea not to engage in a relationship that looks like it will be co-dependent. Being an enabler and helping some one are two different things). If there has been an ongoing issue with a partner where details of an agreement needed to be ironed out, you will come very close to finishing the task at the end of this month.

LEO (July 23- Aug 22)
The first third of the month and the last third of the month look like serious times where you will need to attend to situations at home and mundane tasks, but the middle of the month is where all of the romantic action takes place. Shared assets are a pain in the rear end, most likely. If you are not currently sharing assets with some one then you will likely be looking into a venture that would combine your assets with those of another person. You can be sure that a romantic pre-Thanksgiving interlude would be satisfying. Help out a loved one toward the end of the month when he or she seeks out your advice, or a shoulder to lean on.

VIRGO (Aug 23- Sept 22)
Talk it up with a dark-haired, mysterious person this month. He or she can give you insight into what it is that you really want. The person might not stick around very long, but he or she will be very useful in teaching you something about yourself. It is likely that if an attraction begins this month, it won’t be a long relationship, but it will be intense and passionate. Get ready for a very pleasant event toward the end of the month that is directly centered in your romance sector, and brings something to you that you have long awaited. Remember though, that it is often better to have quality than quantity. Be Thankful for what you do have this Thanksgiving because you have some very good things in your life.

LIBRA (Sept 23- Oct 23)
Most of your partnership action is taking place in the areas that rule your domestic situation. People you live with may have a lucky streak going on in November. Family matters might have to take precedence over socializing and dating but that is ok. If you are already attached, you will be very busy with your partner making sure that you have finances in order and moving around anything that you have to in order to create security. Over all, it is a busy month. All Libras have the opportunity to meet some one who is fun and frivolous during the last third of the month and this person really tickles your fancy.

SCORPIO (Oct 24- Nov 21)
If you have been looking for a, “partner in crime”, so to speak, you have an excellent chance of finding that person this November! (Refrain from committing actual crimes, please). A hard-headed but shrewd partner is what you need and someone like this would bring some excitement into your life. A current partner or one that you meet this month might have different ideas about settling down than you do. The chemistry between you will be great, but you will have to decide if you want to move on or take a wait-and-see approach. New acquaintances and old friends will be very uptight about money so prepare for them to seek out your advice this month.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22- Dec 21)
You need to brush up on your communication skills regarding money and assets this month, Sag. You may disagree with close partners about finances and you will uncover some spending issues that you didn’t know about previously. Toward the end of the month your ideas will be very important to the people around you. Any questions you had about the motives of partners and love interests are likely to be answered at this time. The relationship ball is in your court during the last third of the month and you will be getting some kind of praise for how you have been handling partnership situations before December rolls around.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22- Jan 19)
Venus is in your sign this month, Cap, and it joins Jupiter. Your attractiveness and luck should sky-rocket. You also have a shrewdness about you now that can be used to get a person, or even groups of people on your side. You are seeing right through their motives so you can almost predict what they will say and do. The first third of the month you will get a little bit of opposition from your partners and people you are interested in. The middle of the month is when you will have the power to make people eat their words, or at least to let them know that you see what they are trying to pull. The last third of the month you will have some personal business to attend to, but you will also have won over some important allies and maybe even get a reward for your hard work.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20- Feb 20)
Your reputation as a go-to guy or girl is in the making this month so you had better be ready to reap the benefits of it. Your natural leadership qualities will attract people who are a bit more attachable and a bit less objective than you are, so choose your partners carefully. There might even be a jealousy issue involving some one you meet (the other party, not you, is likely to be the one showing the jealousy). Your wallet should fare better than the wallets of most people you know this month. Keep your secrets to yourself, watch your back, don’t gossip, and make sure your actions are on the up-and-up. A little excitement on the relationship front is on the way but you want it to be a positive experience for everyone involved. Connect with loved ones and find new friends who live far away.

PISCES (Feb 21- March 20)
You will feel even more idealistic about love this month than usual. You are a deep and emotional person to begin with, and you will trust that the world will bring people together just perfectly. If you don’t already believe in this sort of fate, then start believing in it now. Your need to have a perfect union is strong and you have to have faith that everything in the relationship and partnership areas of your life will turn out just right. Pisces occasionally gets criticized for having blinders on and for being in its own world; but sometimes a little blind faith goes a long, long way. One sign gets the benefit of having the planets of luck and love combine in its sector of dreams, hopes, and wishes for the next several weeks. Tag, Pisces, you’re it.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Fashion Mistakes for men

AOL just did a story on fashion mistakes for men and I will bring them to
you a few at a time.


#1 is something I have been preaching for years already. Guys,
please cut out the white tube socks with black shoes. It does not go
over well with many of the ladies. You only get one chance to make a
first impression, so please invest in some colored socks.

AOL Shopping Men's Fashion

Excessive jewelry


Less is more when it comes to accessories. Other than a wedding ring and a
watch it is best to try and tone the jewelry down. Here are simple pieces of
jewelry that would be an addition to any wardrobe:

fine watches
casual watches
wedding bands
link bracelets
cuff links

Football Jersey
3 of 9
Unless it is game-day it is not ok to wear your football jersey as the casual shirt option in your wardrobe. It is totally fine to show support for your favorite team while you are watching the game, but putting on a jersey to go out to dinner or to go to work says that you are immature. Here are some more mature casual shirt options:polo shirts long sleeved tees fleeces sweaters turtleneck sweaters

Worn down shoes
4 of 9
Shoes can say a lot about someone. They add a lot to an overall first impression. Worn down, scuffed shoes, or shoes with the heel worn down are unacceptable and can ruin the look of a whole entire outfit. Make sure that your shoes are in good condition with these following things:shoe shine kits rain boots shoe racks revolving shoe trees

The wrong socks
6 of 9
Socks leave many well dressed men walking down the wrong path. Socks are an insignificant part of your wardrobe, right? Wrong. Socks can turned a well suited man into a walking fashion faux pas. Specific socks should be worn with specific outfits. Sports socks should be worn with casual attire and casual shoes, like sneakers. Casual crew socks can be worn with khaki pants, polo shirts, and cotton sweaters. Dress socks should be worn with suits, business attire and dress shoes.
Note from Jay: Guilty as charged on this one. I know enough to NOT WEAR WHITE SOCKS WITH BLACK SHOES (yes guys, I am yelling on this one, to never do this again), but tend to wear the same black style sock with everything. So ladies, do you really notice if a guy is not wearing the right sock style (not color) with the right outfit?

Dirty Undershirts
7 of 9
Similar to socks, undershirts may not seem important, but they are. Make sure that you wear an undershirt if you have issues with prespiring or if you are wearing a shirt that does not have a lot of coverage. Selecting the right undershirt is a personal matter, make sure it works best for your body type. And, please, make sure to replace your undershirts when you see that they are stained or torn. undershirts tank tops crew neck undershirts v neck undershirts

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Why is it so difficult to get the guys ages 48-62?

So last week I posted the following in the newsletter
For the past 5.5 years, one specific age bracket has given me fits! Women 44-56 and Guys 48-62.

Why?? There are so many attractive great ladies for this event who want to do this event, but they outnumber the guys on my mailing list at about a ratio of 3 or 4 to one. That is why this age bracket always gets sold out so fast for women. So where do these good guys go? For whatever reason, many guys in this bracket are reluctant to try speed dating. So here is a special promotion for you.

Know a single guy (first time customer only) who would be a great candidate to go to this event, but needs a little coaxing? If you help convince him to go, you keep 100% of his admission fee. Tell your guy friend about the event and when he is ready to register, YOU call me at 718-757-6933 to let me know the referral will come from you. I will take your vital information, and if your guy friend registers you will receive a check for the full amount he paid. Note: You must call me prior to your friend making a reservation, not afterwards.

I received two noteworthy responses provided below

Response #1 from a woman

suggestion: why not lower the age of the men? What's wrong with younger men and older women? It's pretty sexist that you have the "corresponding" age groups at different ages in the first place. Any woman in her late 40's or early 50's gets approached by younger men all the time.....

What Jay wrote back
Hi, I hear you loud and clear and agree with you. The problem is that the number one question I get from the guys and the women for that matter is "how old are the people attending". 80% of the guys are looking for a younger woman, or at least so they say, where 50% of the women I speak with are looking for a younger woman.

Once people arrive at the event, it makes no difference how old people are, just whether there is any chemistry. However, in order to get the guys to register in the first place, the majority of the men want to hear that the women will be younger. We will not mislead people on the age groups and continue to require proof of age.

I have tried events in the past where the ages were the same for that bracket, and I had to cancel because I had almost no men.

So I hear you and agree with you, just that without skewing the ages, I have been unsuccessful in having any successful events.

Thanks again for your comments.

Response #2 from a Guy (Ladies you will not like this)


The reason why men in this age bracket do not want to go to speed dating is very simple. These men are older and wiser and do not want to take the bullshit of having a "girlfriend" any just isn't worth the headache. These older women are heavier, more wrinkles, want less sex and still think that men are out there to kiss their ass (which aint happening). At a speed dating event, these woman are sitting there thinking that all 12 men are dying to be with them (which isn't so). Men are tired of the three C's of woman ("controlling", "conniving" and always trying to "change" men). Men don't want these old xxxx anymore. You should have speed dating for "older men and "younger women"!


Jay's two cents and another guys comments

The above comment is quite harsh in my opinion and stereotypical. That being said, I thought it was best to leave the comment in it's original format and after getting permission from the author, open this up for debate.

I will be honest and say that I have met some women in their 50's at my my events who are in better shape and more attractive than some women in their 30's.

I reached out to a gentleman named "Bob" who has been coming to my events for a while and recently met a woman who he has really hit it off with. Bob is 49 and only came to the events where he could meet a woman a little younger (women 37-47; guys 40-52). Well about 4 months ago, Bob came to an event where the women could be a little older (women 44-56; guys 47-62)

I will tell you that Bob has not been back to one of my events since. He met a great woman that he is getting to know and is very happy. I called Bob for a comment on how he is doing and what he thought of the comment from the other guy.

Bob said " I have very happy I decided to go the event. I met "Sally. She is 5 or 6 years older than I am, and you wouldn't even think it. She goes to the gym, watches her figure, and is in better shape than some women in their 30's. Sally has a good heart, is down to earth, goes out of her way for me left and right. She cooks for me and treats me like a king. I have to laugh about what I did to deserve this.

It sounds to me that the guy who made those comments is frustrated because he has not met the right person. It is not fair to stereotype. There are many men in their late 40's, 50's and above that whole heartedly really want to meet someone for companionship. "

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Does Your New Romance Have a Future?


Does Your New Romance Have a Future?
So, you’re dating someone you’re totally crazy about! Is this intense attraction you feel for them love - or temporary infatuation? Here’s how to tell whether your budding romance has a potential future, or is more likely to crash and burn as the passion fades. Ask yourself these questions from eHarmony online.
How much do you know about the other person’s life? Sure, you may know what they do for a living and where they live, but have you met this person’s friends, spent entire weekends together, or been included in each other’s daily lives? The best way to know if it’s love or infatuation is take an honest look at how unified the two of you are. This doesn’t mean just the level at which you’re opening up, but how much your partner is letting you in, too.

Do you share common life goals, dreams and ambitions? When the newness wears off, you probably won’t want to invest your time, energy and intimacy with someone who doesn’t share a similar vision of your future. So, before you get too involved, discuss things such as your long term-relationship goals and how you feel about kids. Also, find out where each of your careers rank on your lists of priorities, and how similar your ethics and morals are. While broaching this conversation might feel uncomfortable, it’s an important discussion to have a couple of months into a budding relationship. Why? Because it forces you both to communicate in an honest and open manner, in hopes of cutting down on wasted time and hurt feelings.

Is the feeling mutual? Although YOU may feel that things are sailing along smoothly, your partner may have other ideas. If only one of you is interested in a future together, it’s better to know that before you get in too deep. So – ask. This is another conversation for the two-month mark or so. If you discover that your relationship has potential, congratulations! You may be well on your way to happily ever after. Either way, it’s important to know where you stand as soon as possible so that you can proceed with caution, care, or commitment.

Read the Rest of this article and Comment in the Blog

Thursday, October 09, 2008

How to save a few $$$ on online purchases

How to save a few $$$ on online purchases

Have you ever gone to make an online purchase and it asked you for a promotional code but didn't have one?

The next time this happens, minimize your browser, open up Google and do a search for the company name with the terms discount code promotional code and you may pleasantly surprised. With all that is going on in the news, a few dollars saved, is a few dollars I keep in my pocket. Sometimes the savings can be substantial.
I needed a new banner to hang outside the venues, and the retail cost was $99. I did a search for the banner company name promotional code and found a code that saved me 50%. So for an extra few minutes of googling, I saved $50.
Try it for yourself the next time you buy something online.

Another way to save money on events: REGISTER EARLY. You will start to notice a few more promotional discounts for people who register early.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Why Successful Women Fail with Men

Dating Advice:Why Successful Women Fail With Men
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
By Christian Carter


Have you ever thought that some men just don't like strong smart women like you?

What's up with that!?

Are men that weak and immature?

Well, let me ask you an important question about the men and love in your life.

By the way, how you answer this question could tell the difference between finding a fun, loving and almost effortless relationship that works out in the long term.


Being single and lonely because every man you get close to ends up resisting and withdrawing from the love and connection you know could be there.

So here's the important question I have for you:

Does not having the love and relationship you truly want in your life change how you act as a woman?

Think about it for a second.

I'm asking, because I recently got an amazing email.

In the email, a woman shares her realization about herself and men that has changed her attitude and perspective about love for the better.

Check out her FASCINATING email....

>>>> Email From A Reader


I found your book to be incredibly interesting and quite insightful. Lots of moments of clarity on a subject that is, at least for me, fairly foggy. While I'm not exactly new to the dating game, each experience I have had with dating, boyfriends and even a fiancée has turned up new and exciting horror stories. And then all of a sudden, I think I see the light. In reading your notes about women who subconsciously send signals of essentially being too interested and men's responses to them, I totally saw myself.

While I am more than a little reserved about an outright appearance of "needy" (I'm a very attractive, well educated, highly successful woman and I don't NEED anyone...right??) I suddenly realize, after reading your book, that my inner emotional state is actually very high-pressure, even if I try (probably unsuccessfully) to hide it. It's my inner control freak taking over. I find myself dressing a little nicer when I think I might run into the boy-du-jour. Positioning myself in places where I might "run into" him (I swear I'm not a stalker, but I think most women actually engage in this kind of ridiculousness). Fantasizing about my life with him in it. And all of a sudden, there I am, trying to take control and ensure the proper development of this "relationship". (of course- I'm always in control, right? That's how i've gotten so far in my career and other areas of life...) And then, inexplicably, the more I try to control the situation by impatiently interfering with the natural flow of things, the more I lose my patience and emotional cool. My long-winded point is, that prior to reading your book, I had not been able to step back from my own issues enough to realize that my "control" was actually making me lose control.

Amazingly, this explains not only my own relationship breakdowns, but those of most of my gorgeous, successful girlfriends who also seem to have no luck with men. We have successfully built careers (and great figures) with hard work, persistence, and ultimately achieving control of our situations. It's a pattern that has worked in careers where competition and winning is key. However, sometimes I think we view romantic interactions with men, not as an interpersonal communication in which we must evaluate the other person's point of view, but as just another part of the life scheme that has been set forth for every good superwoman- the significant other that we are expected and expect to have. The problem is that. you never "have" another person. Nor should you. Your book made me step back and reevaluate how I have been going about dating- as though it was a means to an end. And I firmly believe that this was the point of breakdown for me (and probably for lots of other women). Dating must be viewed as a means to a relationship with another person, not as a means to HAVE that other person. Thus, that person's needs must be objectively evaluated as very much separate from my own. If men can be happy and even have a need to pursue and compete, then why be readily available? It just doesn't make sense when you put it that way. And you did.

As a result of your book, I truly believe I will be able to reevaluate the way I look at the men I date- as PEOPLE. With individual interests, needs, wants, beliefs and expectations. Not as extensions of myself (like MY career and MY home) that I build based on my expectations, interests, etc. Thank you so much for sharing your gift of a fresh perspective, no doubt based upon plenty of extensive research. I really think this will change dating for me.

Sincerely, A.W. in Missouri

>>>> My Response


I love hearing from smart, analytical and thoughtful women like you.

Thanks for being so open and sharing your personal experiences... and for the feedback about my book.

There's something that's really FASCINATING about what you've brought up.

Over the last several 20 or 30 years, as women have started to enjoy a more “equal” place in society with careers, opportunity, etc., something strange has happened.

Have you noticed that women are often no longer considered “womanly” or “feminine” once they've become independent and successful in their own right?

I have.

And not coincidentally, everywhere I go I hear women talk about how much it sucks that men are intimidated by successful women and don't want to be with women who are on an “equal” or higher standing.

Well, with so many women talking about this phenomenon, I've thought a lot about how and why this is happening to women.

And why men are responding the way they are.

How can being smarter, more independent, talented, etc. than other women and other men actually become something negative?

After lots of research, observation, and personal experience, here's what I realized about the “plight” of the successful and independent woman...

I'm about to tell you the reasons why successful women often have a HARDER TIME than other women finding love.


Have you ever noticed that other smart and successful women around you are often the ones alone or in the least fulfilling relationships?

And have you ever noticed that no matter how intellectually educated a woman is, it doesn't make her immune to the problems of love that a broke or uneducated woman might face?

How can that be?

Does that mean an education and success is worthless?

No. But it does mean that one doesn't have ANYTHING to do with the other.

Lots of women assume that since they're intelligent they can FIGURE OUT or solve any dumb little dating or relationship dilemma.

They think that all it takes is enough focus and determination and they'll work everything out.

This couldn't be farther from the truth.

You can't “think” a man into feeling something for you.

Just like you can't get a man to treat you differently just because you logically figured out what's wrong with him and let him know.

In fact, doing the latter is more likely to have you standing alone in the cold than being held tightly in his arms.

Being “right” doesn't mean you'll be loved.


I can't tell you how many women I talk to that tell me how men are scared and turned off by, or intimidated by, successful or independent women.

I get where they're coming from, but they've confused one thing for another.

The truth is, men DON'T DISLIKE successful women. But they DON'T LIKE them either.

Let me explain...

It's obvious in this day in age that being successful and independent aren't “male” qualities that exclude women from being attractive if they have them.

But here's the thing...

Most men DON'T CARE how successful a woman is.

I literally mean it. They don't care.

Here's why:

No matter what a woman does for a living, and no matter how much money she makes, none of that is going to make a man FEEL anything for a woman.

Following me here?

Are you attracted to a man JUST because he's rich or successful or can buy whatever he wants?

Obviously not. A man's success can add to his appeal, but it doesn't create it.

Men aren't any different in how they feel about women.

But lots of women who are successful, secretly believe that their success should change how men act around them.

And some women, just like men often do, start to rely on their success to try and attract men.

The truth is, success isn't going to turn a man on or create a great situation.

If a woman doesn't UNDERSTAND how to attract a man and create a great relationship, becoming successful isn't going to change that.

But being a woman who LEARNS to ATTRACT men and create the right situation for love AND also happens to be successful will.


Being successful can be a nice quality or a “bonus” about a woman, but inside a man's mind, success has nothing to do with whether or not he feels ATTRACTION or LOVE.

But lots of successful women seem to be disappointed by this.

Understandably, they're frustrated that the respect and status that they've earned at the office or in life hasn't translated over to their love-life.

Even though in the back of their minds they keep thinking that becoming successful has worked for men all these years.


This isn't how it works for men either, so let me use that as an example.

Just because a man is successful or rich, a genuine and open woman doesn't care anything about that.

She only cares about how he makes her FEEL.

Most women just want to know that a man makes her FEEL ATTRACTED to him, and that he's open and loving and he'll always be the strong and solid person that he is today.

So even if a man is rich and handsome, if he doesn't LEARN to become a good partner who makes a woman EXPERIENCE LOVE and FEEL ATTRACTION, then the woman isn’t going to respond.

Like it or not, it works the same way for successful women.

Success won't buy you love, affection or get you shortcuts to a great situation with a man.

It just might help get you in the door.


Successful women have obviously found and used smart “strategies” to get where they are with the people around them.

They try and test all kinds of new ideas, approaches, attitudes, etc. until they find what works and then they stick with what's best.

And things go great. It's like they've got the world and everyone around them all figured out.

That is, until they run into a “guy-problem” and somehow everything seems to instantly go whacko and stop working.

So they just take their best strategy and try harder and harder at it, sure that it will work since they've seen the world open up to them with it.

But there's no results this time and it's a total shock to the system.

Men are the WORST at doing this by the way.

Tons of husbands come home each night and try to run their family and marriage with the logic and efficiency that they use to make things work in business.

How do you think that works out?


Have you ever thought about how a man falls in love with a woman?

One of the most important and central elements of love that takes a man from just “interested” to “in love” with a woman is experiencing a LOSS of CONTROL and the absence of PREDICTABILITY with the woman.

And no, this doesn't mean that he gives control over to the woman and she has it.

I'll explain...

When a man is experiencing ATTRACTION and CHEMISTRY with a woman and he DOESN'T know exactly what's going to happen next, then everything becomes terribly exciting.

And if the woman isn't acting controlling or manipulative, then there's a “space” or “void” that's created between the man and woman.

It's this natural “psychological space” that moves the man closer and closer to the woman as he's trying close the “emotional gap” between them.

Then the man begins to wonder what he can do to win over more of the woman's affections and attention.

And it's this out of control feeling and the desire to fill in the gap between himself and the woman that starts the classic patterns of love.

Unfortunately, lots of successful women get in THEIR OWN WAY and prevent the natural patterns that lead to love from taking place.

The most common way that successful women get in their own way is when they starting doing things to control each and every aspect of what's going on between her and the man.

*Cue the semi-obsessive behaviors like those that the reader mentioned in her email.

Like plotting to be where a man will be and then pretending to have “run into him”.

I think a lot of us can identify with that kind of behavior in one way or another.

The problem with these kinds of behaviors is that they do something damaging to us when we use them.

These are self-manipulations that stir up all kinds of anxiety and distance in your own mind.

AVOID THESE kinds of things, because they only lead to more obsessive worrying and more plotting.

It's part of what's called a negative feedback loop.

What's most important here is that these behaviors do an almost perfect job of destroying the “tension” a man and a woman both feel when there's a “natural” flow of energy between them.


Most mature women want to have a great relationship and continually experience deep love and intimacy once they've found a worthwhile and attractive guy.

But often times their desire to have their ideal situation is so strong that it can actually drive them to try and CONTROL the situations they're in and the man they're with.

Successful women have an uncanny ability to pull together every aspect of their life and make it work.

But what happens when successful women who have been gracefully in control of their lives get into a situation where they can't CONTROL the outcome and the other people involved?

What happens when there is NO LOGICAL SOLUTION or straight-forward answer that will make things work out the way they're used to?

What happens when they get involved with a man and things are no longer within their ability to control?

In these situations, successful women often end up feeling completely OUT OF CONTROL and begin to panic.

And then FEAR kicks in because they're not used to not having total control of their environment.

So they start doing whatever they can think of or what works for them in other situations in order to try and get CONTROL back in their lives.

Of course, what they often do to try and regain control is negative, fear-driven, and doesn't take into account the feelings and desires of the man... and so it backfires.

The man freaks out, he sees her as “crazy” and then he withdraws.

You might unfortunately already know that story.

What's fascinating here is that the woman's attempts to CONTROL are often more DESTRUCTIVE than they are productive.

Trying to CONTROL how a man feels, what he thinks and how he acts around them, not only doesn't usually work for women - it often works AGAINST them and repels the man.


The energy, drive, focus and discipline that can push women to success in their work can be a potent force to create the outcomes they want.

Unfortunately, this same attitude and approach DOESN'T translate over to getting outcomes women might want with men, love and relationships.

In fact, this attitude often becomes an obstacle to creating an intimate and loving situation with a man.

Successful women often make the mistake of approaching men and relationships with the same kind of intensity and energy that they seek to influence or control things at work.

They start to lead their interactions, conversations and decisions with men with what I call “masculine energy”.

This energy is very direct and purposeful and it has an amazing ability to motivate and push us to overcome and break through barriers.

But it isn't the energy that creates an intense and LASTING CONNECTION with a man.

The “feminine energy” is the energy that attracts a man and can lead and TEACH him how and why to stay open to a woman.

This feminine energy is what shows even the most clueless and reckless of men how to become great and loyal partners - just like it's the masculine energy that ATTRACTS women and shows them a man's strength, love and character.

Now, I'm not saying that women don't and shouldn't have masculine energy. Lots of attractive and interesting women are full of masculine energy.

But I've learned that women can be VERY SUCCESSFUL and have AMAZING LOVE LIVES by knowing when to use masculine and feminine energy.

The key is awareness.

So let me ask you....

When a woman uses or leads her interactions with a man with their more “masculine” energy, what happens?

Most men aren't able to open up or attach and connect with a woman who's meeting them with their “masculine energy”.

It doesn't make a man FEEL close, comfortable, trusting and it doesn't draw him in to connect with her.

In fact, lots of men react NEGATIVELY to women who present them with a lot of masculine energy.

When some women talk about men not liking successful women, this is what they're talking about.

Men don't like the masculine energy that a woman is putting in place of something WAY MORE IMPORTANT to a man:

How ATTRACTED he is to her and how she makes him FEEL.

So let's wrap this up for now...

One of the most critical things that I see successful women “missing” in their interactions with men, dating and relationships, is the idea of creating “Intellectual Attraction” - and using their natural “feminine energy” to do so.

A man might enjoy the idea of a woman being successful, but it isn't going to make him think about her like he might a woman who pushes all his male buttons.

A man doesn't think, “Gee, she's got a great job, makes good money and doesn't depend on anyone else to support her, I think I'll be into her.”

Actually, it's the exact opposite.

A man sees or meets a woman and Wham!

He instantly falls for her, and he can't exactly explain why.

And that's because there is no reason or logic to why it happens - it happens inside a man's mind.

When a man becomes attracted and interested in a woman, it's because his FEELINGS and EMOTIONS were TRIGGERED by something about the woman.

And no amount of logic, analyzing, convincing or “success” in a woman's life can control this.

If a man doesn't FEEL IT for a woman, nothing else will do the trick.

But if a woman CAN make a man feel attraction for her, then it doesn't matter how successful, gorgeous or shapely she is.

After years or research and observations, I've finally “cracked the code” on what actually works to trigger ATTRACTION in men.

And you'd be surprised to learn that ANY WOMAN can learn what these triggers are and how to start learning to use them in her own life and relationships.

Of course, I'm not just talking about that “one-night stand” male kind of attraction.

That's easy. Seduce a man.

I'm talking about the “long-term-he-stays-up- all-night-thinks-about-her-all-the-time-and-does- crazy-romantic-boyish-things-just-because-he-has- to” attraction.

That deeper and more intimate “relationship material” attraction.

I call this “Intellectual Attraction”.

In my ebook I talk about how any woman, including an analytical, successful and driven woman, can learn how to avoid all the common obstacles to love that they put up in their lives that men respond negatively to.

I discuss specific steps and theories about how to find and identify that great guy, build intense passion and attraction and turn all that into a great long term situation with a man.

So what do you have to lose?

I'll even let you try my ebook free just to see if you like it.

If you don't, all you have to do is email and I'll give you a full 100% refund... AND you can still keep the book.

That means all YOU have to do is be willing to open your mind to the idea that your love life can be better than it is right now.

And believe that you can have the chemistry, lasting attraction and love that you deserve.

So go check out my ebook for free and be on your way to the next great phase of your love-life.

Go here now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

And best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

©Copyright 2010, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

October 2008 Love Horoscopes

Your October 2008 Romance and Partnership Horoscopes
By Vanessa Calderon, Seventh Sense Astrology

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
You may get a nice surprise pertaining to a partner’s finances and desires this month, Aries. What he or she reveals to you will be generally positive. Remember that the surprises are happy ones and enjoy them even if you aren’t keen on knowing that there has been some action going on behind your back. Genuine warmth will come through from the people closest to you when you least expect it. Listen to the advice of a close friend mid-month because his or her intuition will be right on target, especially concerning your relationships. Come to think of it, your own intuition and dreams could end up providing you with enough information to help you and your loved ones make decisions about your stability and your ambitions.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
Look in the mirror if you are wondering why there seems to be a brick wall in between you and your ability to meet new and attractive people. There might seem as if there is a wedge in communication with some one who is far away, and you would like to fix that right now. Remember that it could be your own stubbornness that is preventing your love life (as well as other areas of your life) from going smoothly. Passion and affection need to be expressed gently now. Toward the end of the month the sun illuminates the marriage and partnership sector of your horoscope so try to hang in there until then, when people are more willing to share their thoughts and emotions with you.

GEMINI (May21-June21)
You will feel the effects of your ruling planet, Mercury, being in “Retrograde” motion during the first few weeks of the month, and then communication snags should end there. You will likely have a difference in opinion with some one over a sum of money that is shared by at least two people. The atmosphere is playful at times, and intense at other times in terms of romance. People are more willing to open up to you and will basically agree with your views after the third weekend of the month. Before then, use your sense of humor and your ability to be impish if you want to get your way. You might have to work a little harder to get partners to get with your program this month, but they will be receptive to an innocent-yet-flirty approach.

CANCER (June 22-July 23)
You will be saying, “I told you so” about fifty times this month, Cancer, especially when you are discussing family-related situations with your loved ones. Your romantic partners and prospects are no exception here. You can bet that you have given some great advice recently and that you will be proven right on more than one count. You are one hot tamale for most of the month, when you are wearing your sensuality on your sleeve. You might not even mean to be doing this, but you seem to have Bedroom-Eyes syndrome and that should get you some attention. And, has anyone ever told you that if you use your voice just the right way, it can be hypnotic? Well, put it to good use during the last week of the month and see the objects of your desire come rolling in.

LEO (July 23- Aug 22)
Your intuition will reveal information about some one you share or once shared a home with, Leo. Go with it. The news may not be all positive, but it is not all that surprising either. Stand your ground on important issues regarding loved ones. Don’t worry about whether or not any arguments you have will bring an end to a relationship, because that is not likely to happen. People you spend a lot of time with, as well as people you would like to approach and get to know better will not be a mystery to you by the third week of the month. They will be much more open and willing to communicate, and to flirt as well. Watch out for your wallet toward the end of the month, especially if you have a sudden urge to buy some one a gift. Beware of extravagance and going over-the-top.

VIRGO (Aug 23- Sept 22)
Could it be that some one is going to bail you out of a minor cash shortage, Virgo? That is not your style but if you just kick back and let it happen you’ll get some stress off your back. Clamming up around people you love, or who should know more about you, is not going to cut it this month. Keeping your mouth shut is not serving you well. Perhaps Mercury will give you the jumpstart you need to start opening your mouth in regards to love and your needs by the third week of the month. It is going to be a good month for you to spend time in or around water. Maybe that is just what you need, a good quality get-away with a good friend (better yet with a romantic interest, or with a friend who has the potential to be more than a friend). If you can’t travel to another locale for some R&R, then make some at home for a few terribly luxurious baths, complete with candles and aromatherapy.

LIBRA (Sept 23- Oct 23)
You’re not getting anywhere till Mercury quits stalling near the third week of the month, so don’t even try. I’m only half kidding here. You are taking a tunnel-vision approach on one or two issues right now so you may come across as if you are all business, or that you are a very serious person. Things will get moving again toward the end of the month and you can breathe a sigh of relief, especially when you realize that you may have been worried about something for no reason. You are also being put on alert: you are attracting some sneaky or secretive people this month. Don’t be alarmed about it, just ride it out until the end of October. You will not get duped if you use common sense. Listen to what people say to you, but use your judgment as to whether or not you trust the information. New people you meet who really turn you on are likely to be short-term associations. They will interest you for a while and you’ll just naturally move on.

SCORPIO (Oct 24- Nov 21)
The ball is in your court for a good part of this month, Scorpio. You can have what you want and you will be plenty magnetic. A word of caution: keep your mouth shut until Mercury says it is ok to share important personal information after October 24th. Do not share secrets pertaining to yours, or other people’s romantic issues. Your judgment might be a bit clouded and your intuition could fool you; you don’t want to look like an untrustworthy partner or friend by month’s end. You could run the danger of misinterpreting what you see and know regarding romance and love until the sun enters your sign around the 23rd. Wait until the last week of the month to decide if a new and attractive associate is really interested, or if he or she is just a very playful flirt. Watch your wallet and don’t spend too much money on a romantic interest or a crush during the last week of the month.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22- Dec 21)
Your closest relationships are very intense during the first week of October. Take it easy, and make sure that you don’t say the wrong things, especially to some one who you consider to be a good friend. Financial issues may be at the forefront of your closest personal relationships until the third week of the month. Somewhere around the 20th, you might find that a relationship or partnership situation changes drastically. If you have patience, you will come out on the other side much better off than you were when the month began. Passionate feelings rise to the surface during the last week of the month much like they did in the first week, except now you have answers to a few problems that were puzzling you early on. Once Venus enters your own sign around the 20th, you will regain control over whatever might have gone haywire in your most important relationships. Step back and pause so that you can think clearly when interruptions and hiccups happen at home.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22- Jan 19)
Saturn, your ruler, enlists the help of friends in places and at times when you least expect it. You could feel like you are standing at the edge of a canyon at the beginning of the month, but the canyon isn’t as deep as you perceive it to be. A loved one or close romantic partner may have news for you in the first half of this month. Someone from your past may reappear unexpectedly, so be ready to entertain them in your home. The air is a bit tense in partnerships until the third week of the month when Mercury and the sun give you a break you have been looking for. You can expect any snags or disagreements with business and work partners to lighten up and get resolved during the last week of the month as well. Emotionally, you might feel like pulling back and hiding your true feelings during the end of the month, but don’t be afraid to express your love to someone when it is necessary.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20- Feb 20)
Even though communications near and far are at a standstill at the beginning of the month, you should not doubt your intuition regarding relationships and partnership matters. Even people with whom you work and do business are very supportive of you in October, so don’t let any snags in paperwork or contracts bother you. You might feel like you are at odds with close partners but you are actually just playing off of each other in a slightly sarcastic manner. It is a wonderful time for you to use your sixth sense to tap into a passionate vibe that exists between you and a lover, or a close friend. The mood lightens during the last week of the month when travel is possible and exciting people from far away appear in your life. This energy will be fun so enjoy it.

PISCES (Feb 21- March 20)
Expect a pleasant surprise regarding a serious personal or partnership matter in the beginning of the month, Pisces. Lingering money matters will be straightened out by the 20th when Mercury lifts the suspense and brings some closure regarding joint financial matters. Your instincts are on target this month. Use your power of persuasion to help a loved one avoid making a romantic mistake. Toward the end of the month the sun will move into Scorpio and Mars will remain in Scorpio as well, making you feel very comfortable and confident about venturing into more intense and risky partnerships. Take a chance on reaching out to some one you admire from afar toward the end of this month. Love can also be found at work, though these types of relationships might work out better if you wait until November to find out if the feelings are mutual. Scope a colleague’s situation out carefully before making a move.