Monday, May 10, 2010

From Noob to 'Natural'

Hi Jay,  please consider passing this article along to your readers.  I found it on AOL a few days ago.  For the male readers who do not want to spend $1,500-$2,000 I offer more affordable services in the Long Island area and offer a free consultation.

Jeff Magic
Looking for Singles Events Long Island ?

Appeared on

From Noob to 'Natural' -- The New Rules for Picking Up Women

A confession: I'm 38, single, and until recently I had never, ever approached an attractive stranger.

I've been lucky enough to date some of the most amazing women, via work or But when I see that Jessica Alba lookalike at the bar, I ... can't ... move ... my ... legs. It's called approach anxiety, and it's taken a toll.

If you figure a guy notices at least five beautiful girls per day, then I have failed to approach 37,000 women in my adult life. I repeat: I'm 0 for 37,000.

I had to act. Not for my sex life, but my self-esteem.

I found Real Social Dynamics, a company that conducts approach boot camps in 250 cities worldwide as well as offering online dating advice.

Many dating gurus mirror the quasi-manipulative, push-button formula described in Neil Strauss's 2005 book "The Game": flashy clothes + scripted material = serious nookie. But Real Social Dynamics purported to teach something a little less militaristic.

Call it Natural Game. Co-founded by Owen Cook (better known as Tyler Durden in "The Game"), RSD is supposed to help guys find their own free-wheeling, authentic dating style, without crutches like fur coats or palm-reading.

It sounded good, so I decided to spend three exhilarating days chatting up New York City women with my guide, a charismatic 25-year-old RSD instructor named Ryan. Keep reading to find out why the $1,500–$2,000 fee was a bargain.

Here are four of the golden rules of Natural Game.

1. Learn to Love Rejection

If you approach, you will be rejected. A lot. The trick, Ryan said in a pre-game session, is detachment from outcome, which is straight out of Eastern philosophy. "If you approach, you've succeeded," Ryan said. "You only fail when you want to approach and don't. So approach. Everything after is icing."

2. Approach With Bracing Honesty

As I anxiously entered a rooftop bar in the shadow of the Empire State Building, Ryan, who has literally approached thousands of women, laid down the law. "No pickup lines allowed," he said. "Walk up to women and say what you feel in the moment. Speak your deepest truth. Women respond to authenticity, not rehearsed lines."

Speak your deepest truth. Cheesy, but I liked the Zen vibe. He said, "Your true self is always coming through, so if you're nervous, don't hide it, or she'll sense something is off. You'll seem incongruent. If you're nervous, be Nervous Guy. That's your approach!" It made trippy sense. Overcoming fear conveys courage, an attractive trait.

Two gorgeous brunettes in black boots sipped Cosmos on a couch. I felt like Richard Dreyfuss entering the shark cage in "Jaws." ("I got no spit") I slid in. "Hi," I said. "I'm kind of shy, but I told myself I would talk to the first beautiful women I saw tonight. I'm Connell." Dorky, but sincere. I braced for a "Buzz off, pal."

"Suuure, you're real shy," one of them purred. Whoa. By being open with my nervousness -- by owning it -- I somehow seemed together, congruent. Could it be that simple?

3. Show Romantic Intent

"The Game" revealed the pickup artist's secret weapon: the neg, a poison-dart remark designed to puncture a beautiful woman's ego while disguising your attraction. Then, with her shields down, you sneak in and game her. Full disclosure: I used to neg Match dates, telling one girl, "I prefer 10s, but I like your personality." What a jerk.

Instead of feigning lack of interest, Natural Game says to approach with honest, ballsy intent. Be love-struck. Be amazed. Be John Cusack in "Yet Another Soul-Crushingly Bad Rom-Com," directed by Garry Marshall.

In Barnes & Noble, a willowy Indian girl exerted a gravitational pull on the retinas of every man in the DVD section. My heart slam-danced against my ribs. I went in. "Excuse me," I said. "I never hit on random girls, but I just had to tell you how stunning you are ..."

"Wow, thanks!" She was beaming. She didn't run or blow a rape whistle. The trick? I wanted nothing from her. Instead, I offered value in the form of a sincere compliment.

4. Assert Your Ideal Reality

On the rooftop bar, I saw Katie, an Ali Larter lookalike with pouty lips and shiny blond hair that tickled her bare shoulders. I was smitten. I approached with a simple "Hi," and we started talking.

I hit the bar to get us more drinks. To my horror, I returned to find Katie encircled by three well-muscled "Jersey Shore" wannabes-and she was loving the attention. I froze. Like a servant, I wordlessly delivered her drink, which she took without acknowledging me. She twirled her hair and giggled for The Situation. I slunk off.

I found Ryan. Should I flirt with other girls to make her jealous, like in "The Game"? Or vaporize the guys with my dazzling wit, showing her my higher value? "What do you want to do?" he asked. "Is Katie your girl tonight?"


"Then go get her. Take her away from them."

I charged into the group, grabbed Katie's hand, and yanked her away, commanding, "Come with me! We have to talk." She didn't resist. The Jersey Boys said nothing.

Leading her to a dark corner on the rooftop bar, I felt ... primitive, like a low-skulled Cro-Magnon dragging a mate to his cave. And I liked it. I sat Katie down. Her energy had changed. She looked at me with big, wet eyes. All along, she'd been testing my alpha-male qualities. I'd passed. But she had one more test.

"Wow, you just grabbed me away from those guys," she said. "Are you always this possessive?"

"Possessive?" I stroked her hair. "I just took what belonged to me." I kissed her. It was easy now.

The next day, Ryan distilled Natural Game to its basics. "It's about asserting your ideal reality," he said. In life, we tend to exert our will passively: the trip we don't take, the raise we don't seek, the girl we don't approach.

"Last night, you weren't passive. You took right action to create your ideal reality. Actively asserting your reality -- with women, with life -- that is the game."

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Read a man's body language

Ladies, it turns out that you can read a guy’s mind by deciphering his body language. These tips are from the new book, You Say More Than You Think by Janine Driver:
  • The first body language tip: He looks at you more than twice. A lot of guys don’t have the nerve to approach women they find attractive, but if you catch a man glancing at you over and over, you can feel confident that you’ll get a warm greeting if you approach him

  • Next:His voice gets soft and he speaks more slowly. Greg Hartley is a graduate of the U.S. Army Interrogation School and author of Date Decoder: Military Intelligence Techniques to Expose What He’s Really Thinking. He says that when a guy is smitten, he talks 25% slower and softer than normal because he wants you to hang on his every word.   

  •  The 3rd bit of body language that shows a guy’s attracted: His pupils are dilated. When you’re into someone, your pupils dilate - or expand - so you can take in more information.    

  • The last way to tell if a man’s interested: He points his feet at you. Our body language expert says that if a guy is with a group of women, he faces the one he finds attractive – even if he’s not talking to her.

Monday, May 03, 2010

Make a good impression in 5 minutes

You Can Make a Good Impression in Five Minutes

It’s not exactly love at first sight – but within five minutes of meeting someone you can size up their dating potential. So how do you make the most of those five minutes? Psychologists studied speed-dating events, where people only have five minutes with each person to make a connection. Here’s what they found:

First, Dr. Paul Eastwick from Texas A&M says speed-dating does have real world parallels. Everyone goes to bars or parties and has brief conversations with people they’ve never met before. So the lessons learned from speed-dating apply to all romantic encounters.

Like that you can forget your list of requirements. You may have things on your dating list like: Must be tall, must like science fiction, or whatever you think is an important characteristic. However, in a study of over 10,000 speed-daters, researchers found that a list of preferred characteristics didn’t correlate with the people they liked and ended up picking. So go in with an open mind; throw away the list.

Don’t try to be who you think they want you to be. It’s true that being agreeable and having similarities promotes feelings of closeness – because people are attracted to others who feel familiar to them. However, being too agreeable and trying to force a connection makes you come off as weak and submissive. Instead, be yourself. People are attracted to those they find unique and interesting.

Also, know that there’s a difference between being agreeable and being friendly. Women want friendly. According to speed-dating research from Texas State University, the three things women say makes a good first impression are: The man communicates well, has a great smile, and acts friendly. Being agreeable means you say, “Yes, I love modern art too!” when you couldn’t care less. Being friendly is saying, “I don’t know much about modern art – but maybe it’s time to start. Would you like to go sometime?”

Finally, people are attracted to those who are attracted to them. So make it clear how you feel about someone. Singling someone out by saying something as simple as, “I really liked meeting you; you’re great” makes them remember you and feel more attracted to you.