Your October 2008 Romance and Partnership Horoscopes
By Vanessa Calderon, Seventh Sense Astrology
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
You may get a nice surprise pertaining to a partner’s finances and desires this month, Aries. What he or she reveals to you will be generally positive. Remember that the surprises are happy ones and enjoy them even if you aren’t keen on knowing that there has been some action going on behind your back. Genuine warmth will come through from the people closest to you when you least expect it. Listen to the advice of a close friend mid-month because his or her intuition will be right on target, especially concerning your relationships. Come to think of it, your own intuition and dreams could end up providing you with enough information to help you and your loved ones make decisions about your stability and your ambitions.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
Look in the mirror if you are wondering why there seems to be a brick wall in between you and your ability to meet new and attractive people. There might seem as if there is a wedge in communication with some one who is far away, and you would like to fix that right now. Remember that it could be your own stubbornness that is preventing your love life (as well as other areas of your life) from going smoothly. Passion and affection need to be expressed gently now. Toward the end of the month the sun illuminates the marriage and partnership sector of your horoscope so try to hang in there until then, when people are more willing to share their thoughts and emotions with you.
GEMINI (May21-June21)
You will feel the effects of your ruling planet, Mercury, being in “Retrograde” motion during the first few weeks of the month, and then communication snags should end there. You will likely have a difference in opinion with some one over a sum of money that is shared by at least two people. The atmosphere is playful at times, and intense at other times in terms of romance. People are more willing to open up to you and will basically agree with your views after the third weekend of the month. Before then, use your sense of humor and your ability to be impish if you want to get your way. You might have to work a little harder to get partners to get with your program this month, but they will be receptive to an innocent-yet-flirty approach.
CANCER (June 22-July 23)
You will be saying, “I told you so” about fifty times this month, Cancer, especially when you are discussing family-related situations with your loved ones. Your romantic partners and prospects are no exception here. You can bet that you have given some great advice recently and that you will be proven right on more than one count. You are one hot tamale for most of the month, when you are wearing your sensuality on your sleeve. You might not even mean to be doing this, but you seem to have Bedroom-Eyes syndrome and that should get you some attention. And, has anyone ever told you that if you use your voice just the right way, it can be hypnotic? Well, put it to good use during the last week of the month and see the objects of your desire come rolling in.
LEO (July 23- Aug 22)
Your intuition will reveal information about some one you share or once shared a home with, Leo. Go with it. The news may not be all positive, but it is not all that surprising either. Stand your ground on important issues regarding loved ones. Don’t worry about whether or not any arguments you have will bring an end to a relationship, because that is not likely to happen. People you spend a lot of time with, as well as people you would like to approach and get to know better will not be a mystery to you by the third week of the month. They will be much more open and willing to communicate, and to flirt as well. Watch out for your wallet toward the end of the month, especially if you have a sudden urge to buy some one a gift. Beware of extravagance and going over-the-top.
VIRGO (Aug 23- Sept 22)
Could it be that some one is going to bail you out of a minor cash shortage, Virgo? That is not your style but if you just kick back and let it happen you’ll get some stress off your back. Clamming up around people you love, or who should know more about you, is not going to cut it this month. Keeping your mouth shut is not serving you well. Perhaps Mercury will give you the jumpstart you need to start opening your mouth in regards to love and your needs by the third week of the month. It is going to be a good month for you to spend time in or around water. Maybe that is just what you need, a good quality get-away with a good friend (better yet with a romantic interest, or with a friend who has the potential to be more than a friend). If you can’t travel to another locale for some R&R, then make some at home for a few terribly luxurious baths, complete with candles and aromatherapy.
LIBRA (Sept 23- Oct 23)
You’re not getting anywhere till Mercury quits stalling near the third week of the month, so don’t even try. I’m only half kidding here. You are taking a tunnel-vision approach on one or two issues right now so you may come across as if you are all business, or that you are a very serious person. Things will get moving again toward the end of the month and you can breathe a sigh of relief, especially when you realize that you may have been worried about something for no reason. You are also being put on alert: you are attracting some sneaky or secretive people this month. Don’t be alarmed about it, just ride it out until the end of October. You will not get duped if you use common sense. Listen to what people say to you, but use your judgment as to whether or not you trust the information. New people you meet who really turn you on are likely to be short-term associations. They will interest you for a while and you’ll just naturally move on.
SCORPIO (Oct 24- Nov 21)
The ball is in your court for a good part of this month, Scorpio. You can have what you want and you will be plenty magnetic. A word of caution: keep your mouth shut until Mercury says it is ok to share important personal information after October 24th. Do not share secrets pertaining to yours, or other people’s romantic issues. Your judgment might be a bit clouded and your intuition could fool you; you don’t want to look like an untrustworthy partner or friend by month’s end. You could run the danger of misinterpreting what you see and know regarding romance and love until the sun enters your sign around the 23rd. Wait until the last week of the month to decide if a new and attractive associate is really interested, or if he or she is just a very playful flirt. Watch your wallet and don’t spend too much money on a romantic interest or a crush during the last week of the month.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22- Dec 21)
Your closest relationships are very intense during the first week of October. Take it easy, and make sure that you don’t say the wrong things, especially to some one who you consider to be a good friend. Financial issues may be at the forefront of your closest personal relationships until the third week of the month. Somewhere around the 20th, you might find that a relationship or partnership situation changes drastically. If you have patience, you will come out on the other side much better off than you were when the month began. Passionate feelings rise to the surface during the last week of the month much like they did in the first week, except now you have answers to a few problems that were puzzling you early on. Once Venus enters your own sign around the 20th, you will regain control over whatever might have gone haywire in your most important relationships. Step back and pause so that you can think clearly when interruptions and hiccups happen at home.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22- Jan 19)
Saturn, your ruler, enlists the help of friends in places and at times when you least expect it. You could feel like you are standing at the edge of a canyon at the beginning of the month, but the canyon isn’t as deep as you perceive it to be. A loved one or close romantic partner may have news for you in the first half of this month. Someone from your past may reappear unexpectedly, so be ready to entertain them in your home. The air is a bit tense in partnerships until the third week of the month when Mercury and the sun give you a break you have been looking for. You can expect any snags or disagreements with business and work partners to lighten up and get resolved during the last week of the month as well. Emotionally, you might feel like pulling back and hiding your true feelings during the end of the month, but don’t be afraid to express your love to someone when it is necessary.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20- Feb 20)
Even though communications near and far are at a standstill at the beginning of the month, you should not doubt your intuition regarding relationships and partnership matters. Even people with whom you work and do business are very supportive of you in October, so don’t let any snags in paperwork or contracts bother you. You might feel like you are at odds with close partners but you are actually just playing off of each other in a slightly sarcastic manner. It is a wonderful time for you to use your sixth sense to tap into a passionate vibe that exists between you and a lover, or a close friend. The mood lightens during the last week of the month when travel is possible and exciting people from far away appear in your life. This energy will be fun so enjoy it.
PISCES (Feb 21- March 20)
Expect a pleasant surprise regarding a serious personal or partnership matter in the beginning of the month, Pisces. Lingering money matters will be straightened out by the 20th when Mercury lifts the suspense and brings some closure regarding joint financial matters. Your instincts are on target this month. Use your power of persuasion to help a loved one avoid making a romantic mistake. Toward the end of the month the sun will move into Scorpio and Mars will remain in Scorpio as well, making you feel very comfortable and confident about venturing into more intense and risky partnerships. Take a chance on reaching out to some one you admire from afar toward the end of this month. Love can also be found at work, though these types of relationships might work out better if you wait until November to find out if the feelings are mutual. Scope a colleague’s situation out carefully before making a move.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Dating Secret: What Makes Men Fall in Love
Dating Secret: What Makes Men Fall in Love
There's into you, and then there's head-over-heels gaga. These little things tip single men over that edge.
By Cosmopolitan
It's a baffling dating question: Is there some specific moment or event that makes a guy suddenly decide "Yes, I think I love her"? Well, the answer isn't clear-cut, but there are some general dating principles. "Men have certain innate needs that must be met before they truly feel connected to you," says Paul Dobransky, MD, author of "The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love." When a guy realizes, consciously or not, that you're ideal on all these levels, that's when he'll commit."
Boiled down, guys have four primal relationship desires that are sometimes sated by the tiniest of dating moves by you.
Here, experts explain with examples so you can put these dating insights to use when your guy is at the brink.
The Desire: To Protect
Believe it or not, the so-called stoic sex is hardwired to nurture. Sheltering you from harm makes him feel studly, which makes him feel good. "Not that you should act helpless, but letting him see your vulnerable side will bring him closer because it unlocks his instincts to take care of you," says David Givens, PhD, author of "Love Signals." So give him chances to take charge, and thank him after he does. When a guy associates you with feeling like Superman, of course he'll want to couple up. These little things can draw out his hero side.
Give him a job. Ask him to fix or build you something. Performing concrete tasks is a way of bonding that enhances his sense of success.
Ask his opinion. Whether it's about your 401(k) options or the best travel sites, it telegraphs that you value his brain as much as you do his brawn.
Wear soft materials. Delicate textures like rayon, silk, and faux fur trigger an intense response in single men. These fabrics accentuate your softer, feminine nature, which heightens his amorous instincts. Don his clothes. It shows that you've chosen him over other guys.
The Desire: Freedom
Even emotionally healthy single men want assurance that their identities will stay put after they've become half a happy couple. "By making it clear that you don't expect your guy to change, he'll feel like you truly understand him but don't threaten his sense of self," says Dan Neuharth, PhD, author of "Secrets You Keep from Yourself." "That leaves him feeling on sturdy enough ground to commit." The following dating moves let him know you're no ball and chain.
Blow him off. Single men hate the idea of being tied down socially, so turn down occasional plans. He'll not only feel easier -- and open up more -- around you, but he'll also start to wonder what you're doing and pursue you more.
Share your own fears.
Guys often hold back because they think most chicks are baby-hungry ring-hunters
Guys often hold back because they think most chicks are baby-hungry ring-hunters. So if you feel nervous about committing, let him know. He'll be reassured that you're navigating new waters too, not trying to trap him.
Reinvent yourself. Little changes in your appearance now and then -- say, hair up in a ponytail one day, down the next, etc. -- remind him that you've got zillions of facets to your personality too. Read: no rut risks.
Respect his privacy. A physical space that's totally his is a huge symbol of independence to a man. Signal that you respect that by, say, staying out of desk drawers and not peeking at his caller ID when his phone rings.
The Desire: To Shine
Maybe he's cocky, but he's still insecure. Trust us, guys need to know that they're respected and appreciated. "When being around you increases a guy's esteem, both internally and in the eyes of others, he'll naturally want to be attached to you," says Dr. Dobransky. Here, things that show your high value and nudge him toward love.
Make him happier. Laugh when one of you loses balance during an intimate moment. Go to stupid movies. Drag him out when he's crabby. If you can keep things light, even during stressful times, you'll become indispensable.
Be a social butterfly. Guys are good at left-brain stuff, like sales and sports, but can get awkward when it comes to social graces. Take the lead and charm the people you meet and he'll be extra grateful to have you. But he may take credit for making those new friends... whatever.
Play mind games. Activities that require mental prowess -- like Scrabble, puzzles, and chess -- can prod his passion. It sounds nuts, but proof of your problem-solving abilities subconsciously shows him you're a desirable choice for carrying on his genes.
Act like the grand prize. Seeing you through other people's eyes reminds him how special you are. Invite him to an event where you'll excel (whether it's karaoke or a fun run), or have him stand between you and another man you think is getting too close at a bar.
The Desire: Comfort
"Falling in love is a process of developing attachment, which happens when oxytocin floods the brain," says Alan Hirsch, MD, neurological director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. You can unleash those love hormones by making him feel like you two just "fit." When he's so comfortable with you that he stops thinking about your relationship and simply enjoys it, he'll find himself nudged into love territory. Take these dating tips:
Let him see you primp. Grooming in front of him enhances intimacy because it's something other guys don't get to witness. Just keep it goddesslike (applying lipstick or powder), not gross (bleaching your moustache).
Cook together. Being around food spikes oxytocin levels in males. The more often you prep dinner a deux, the more he'll associate you with the good feelings he gets from eating it.
Stock your pad. When buying groceries you don't have a preference on, get a brand he uses. He'll subconsciously feel at home at your place. Catnap near him or let yourself doze off in his arms so he sees you in your most trusting, completely relaxed state.
What Yanks Him Back from the Brink
Some factors can derail a guy who's about to fall.
1) They Get a New Opportunity
A promotion often means spending more hours at work. Instead of balancing that with their love lives, guys tend to prioritize their careers and believe that a solid relationship will endure the delay. So if something big is brewing, he may hold himself back.
2) You Never Fight
Sure, guys hate arguing, but it's worse if you don't react negatively at all when he's screwed up. A guy will worry that (a) you're going to lash out later, (b) you're a doormat, or (c) you're not into him enough to care. Any of these will make him rethink your budding relationship.
3) Pure Panic
Many single men worry that if they commit, they'll have to give something up -- friends, dart night, something. So when a guy realizes he's fallen for you, he may freak out and pull away for a while. If you can weather his big-baby behavior without reacting in a way that confirms those fears, he should snap out of it.
There's into you, and then there's head-over-heels gaga. These little things tip single men over that edge.
By Cosmopolitan
It's a baffling dating question: Is there some specific moment or event that makes a guy suddenly decide "Yes, I think I love her"? Well, the answer isn't clear-cut, but there are some general dating principles. "Men have certain innate needs that must be met before they truly feel connected to you," says Paul Dobransky, MD, author of "The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love." When a guy realizes, consciously or not, that you're ideal on all these levels, that's when he'll commit."
Boiled down, guys have four primal relationship desires that are sometimes sated by the tiniest of dating moves by you.
Here, experts explain with examples so you can put these dating insights to use when your guy is at the brink.
The Desire: To Protect
Believe it or not, the so-called stoic sex is hardwired to nurture. Sheltering you from harm makes him feel studly, which makes him feel good. "Not that you should act helpless, but letting him see your vulnerable side will bring him closer because it unlocks his instincts to take care of you," says David Givens, PhD, author of "Love Signals." So give him chances to take charge, and thank him after he does. When a guy associates you with feeling like Superman, of course he'll want to couple up. These little things can draw out his hero side.
Give him a job. Ask him to fix or build you something. Performing concrete tasks is a way of bonding that enhances his sense of success.
Ask his opinion. Whether it's about your 401(k) options or the best travel sites, it telegraphs that you value his brain as much as you do his brawn.
Wear soft materials. Delicate textures like rayon, silk, and faux fur trigger an intense response in single men. These fabrics accentuate your softer, feminine nature, which heightens his amorous instincts. Don his clothes. It shows that you've chosen him over other guys.
The Desire: Freedom
Even emotionally healthy single men want assurance that their identities will stay put after they've become half a happy couple. "By making it clear that you don't expect your guy to change, he'll feel like you truly understand him but don't threaten his sense of self," says Dan Neuharth, PhD, author of "Secrets You Keep from Yourself." "That leaves him feeling on sturdy enough ground to commit." The following dating moves let him know you're no ball and chain.
Blow him off. Single men hate the idea of being tied down socially, so turn down occasional plans. He'll not only feel easier -- and open up more -- around you, but he'll also start to wonder what you're doing and pursue you more.
Share your own fears.
Guys often hold back because they think most chicks are baby-hungry ring-hunters
Guys often hold back because they think most chicks are baby-hungry ring-hunters. So if you feel nervous about committing, let him know. He'll be reassured that you're navigating new waters too, not trying to trap him.
Reinvent yourself. Little changes in your appearance now and then -- say, hair up in a ponytail one day, down the next, etc. -- remind him that you've got zillions of facets to your personality too. Read: no rut risks.
Respect his privacy. A physical space that's totally his is a huge symbol of independence to a man. Signal that you respect that by, say, staying out of desk drawers and not peeking at his caller ID when his phone rings.
The Desire: To Shine
Maybe he's cocky, but he's still insecure. Trust us, guys need to know that they're respected and appreciated. "When being around you increases a guy's esteem, both internally and in the eyes of others, he'll naturally want to be attached to you," says Dr. Dobransky. Here, things that show your high value and nudge him toward love.
Make him happier. Laugh when one of you loses balance during an intimate moment. Go to stupid movies. Drag him out when he's crabby. If you can keep things light, even during stressful times, you'll become indispensable.
Be a social butterfly. Guys are good at left-brain stuff, like sales and sports, but can get awkward when it comes to social graces. Take the lead and charm the people you meet and he'll be extra grateful to have you. But he may take credit for making those new friends... whatever.
Play mind games. Activities that require mental prowess -- like Scrabble, puzzles, and chess -- can prod his passion. It sounds nuts, but proof of your problem-solving abilities subconsciously shows him you're a desirable choice for carrying on his genes.
Act like the grand prize. Seeing you through other people's eyes reminds him how special you are. Invite him to an event where you'll excel (whether it's karaoke or a fun run), or have him stand between you and another man you think is getting too close at a bar.
The Desire: Comfort
"Falling in love is a process of developing attachment, which happens when oxytocin floods the brain," says Alan Hirsch, MD, neurological director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. You can unleash those love hormones by making him feel like you two just "fit." When he's so comfortable with you that he stops thinking about your relationship and simply enjoys it, he'll find himself nudged into love territory. Take these dating tips:
Let him see you primp. Grooming in front of him enhances intimacy because it's something other guys don't get to witness. Just keep it goddesslike (applying lipstick or powder), not gross (bleaching your moustache).
Cook together. Being around food spikes oxytocin levels in males. The more often you prep dinner a deux, the more he'll associate you with the good feelings he gets from eating it.
Stock your pad. When buying groceries you don't have a preference on, get a brand he uses. He'll subconsciously feel at home at your place. Catnap near him or let yourself doze off in his arms so he sees you in your most trusting, completely relaxed state.
What Yanks Him Back from the Brink
Some factors can derail a guy who's about to fall.
1) They Get a New Opportunity
A promotion often means spending more hours at work. Instead of balancing that with their love lives, guys tend to prioritize their careers and believe that a solid relationship will endure the delay. So if something big is brewing, he may hold himself back.
2) You Never Fight
Sure, guys hate arguing, but it's worse if you don't react negatively at all when he's screwed up. A guy will worry that (a) you're going to lash out later, (b) you're a doormat, or (c) you're not into him enough to care. Any of these will make him rethink your budding relationship.
3) Pure Panic
Many single men worry that if they commit, they'll have to give something up -- friends, dart night, something. So when a guy realizes he's fallen for you, he may freak out and pull away for a while. If you can weather his big-baby behavior without reacting in a way that confirms those fears, he should snap out of it.
Monday, September 15, 2008
How Interested is a man?
How interested is a man?
By Christian Carter
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If you've ever wondered about what draws a man in to connect deeply with a woman early so he can't help but want to see her again (for more than just a fling) then keep reading...
I'm about to share secrets about meeting and attracting great men that some women know but won't tell you, or can't explain.
You're also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly works for men, and what to do about it.
Here we go...
Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or “game”?
And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing?
It's frustrating and annoying, right?
Does it have to be so much work?
Can't we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.?
Well, the truth is, it doesn't have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game... if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man.
I'll repeat that.
It doesn't have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM.
Notice that I didn't say how attraction works for YOU.
Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you?
Well, then let me ask you...
Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some “physical attraction” for you, and a man that becomes almost instantly connected and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level?
I'll give you a minute to think about the question...
Got it yet?
Give up?
The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or “strategy” just hasn't seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.
And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or “strategies” on how they go about finding and creating love, connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren't working.
So what's the answer to the question from above about what makes that difference?
I'll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I'd like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the “casual dating” stage.
Then we'll look at the “deeper” kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific “how-to's” that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.
CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START
Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men?
And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or “issues” that they can't see for themselves, let alone do anything about?
Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you've also had that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him.
And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.
Ouch! Don't go to that negative place.
The truth is that you're not alone, and the good news is that it doesn't take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things really work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.
And it doesn't take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected, loving place that you know is there for you with a man.
Let's talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what's going on underneath the surface here... because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.
Why?
The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them.
Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets “filtered” through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels.
So what impression are you making?
Do you know?
And what impression is the best one to make?
Let's start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number.
When this happens, for a man, it generally means one of several things:
“I think you're interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you...” (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)
“I had a great time talking and I'd like to do it again sometime...” (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn't “feel it” yet, even though there's a “logical” or rational connection or bond with things in common)
“I'm physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven't really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me...” (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)
“I feel attracted to you, and maybe “something more”... so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you're really all about...” (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)
Any of these look familiar in hindsight?
Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it's important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he's already at from the start.
(And not finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that have women investing a ton of their precious time and energy with a guy that has no plans for having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship)
So... it sounds pretty important actually.
Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don't have a clue:
1. Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions
So many times I hear women talk about how they don't ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”, pushy, etc. with guys.
And often times, women will say something like, “I don't want to scare him off...”
Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the “real deal” early on:
A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get “scared off” IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way.
The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.
In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you're dealing with - plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man's real character and mindset by his response.
But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their experience.
I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the “IF” there...
“IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE... way.”
It makes all the difference.
So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don't realize how much it affects our own subtle communication. (Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)
B. Context is EVERYTHING
Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you're in?
It's fascinating to watch men and women communicate, because most of the things we learn and identify about each other happen through silent, indirect communication.
But sometimes you don't get the whole story, right?
Exactly. So it's important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know.
Like whether he's genuinely interested in you, or if he's just a player looking for a quick connection... and then he's “out.”
One great question I've heard women ask men is, “What kind of woman do you respect?”
This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds.
But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key... If you say that, and it's all about an “agenda”, such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar..., then I promise it's not going to go over well.
(But you already knew that... wink wink)
On the flipside, if what you're indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly - CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.
2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM
There are several key “attitudes” and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with.
When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, they become instantly attracted... and often don't even know why.
In fact, many times they can't help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn't consciously want more coming into the relationship.
Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men...
One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE.
I don't mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her.
No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men...
The unpredictability I'm talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.
A great example is when a man asks, “So, what do you do?”
Here's the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but doesn't create attraction - “I'm an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”
Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah...”
But wait... these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?
Yes, but guess what?
Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other - if you want to be great friends.
And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you've got to realize that it doesn't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you.
Just like it's not a man's career that makes him attractive... it's his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does.
Following me here?
Good.
So instead, find a way to keep him guessing... Tell him some made up career that's ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you're having fun with him.
(And in case you don't realize it, men will have much more fun trying to guess and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away)
For example, if you're at a bar, tell him “I'm a social scientist doing research here to uncover how 'beer-goggles' really work on men.”
And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”
Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you're doing and jump into the fun with you... and he'll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch.
And now you've got a fun, engaging connection... instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.
There's plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn't FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him.
Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.
HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN
So I've given you some quick tips on how attraction works, and some basic “how-to's” to think about for first impressions and early on.
But we've just touched the tip of the iceberg about how men really think and feel when it comes to dating.
This is by no means all “the goods.”
Which leads me to the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won't go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?
Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more.
So what is that “something more” than Physical Attraction?
In my ebook, “Catch Him & Keep Him”, I explain in detail what that “something more” is.
It's what I call “Intellectual Attraction” and it's that feeling a man has for a woman that will have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship.
The entire first section of my ebook, “Inside The Mind Of A Man”, will give you a clear understanding of how men really and truly think about women, dating, and relationships.
You'll have a fresh perspective on how to improve your love life just by reading this section and understanding more about what's really going on with men.
I spell out the common places where challenges, resistance, and confusion arises in men when they're in relationships, and show you how to think about it differently and be able to avoid the resistance most other women run into again and again with men.
I've also devoted an entire section to the specific communication and behaviors that naturally create a deeper, more emotional connection with a man.
The last thing to remember is that you shouldn't do all “the work” in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man.
If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he'll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both.
So don't stay stuck in the same old patterns and strategies that haven't completely served you well with men.
Take the next easy step towards your new improved love life where connection and growth won't just come from your “hard work”, but from the man feeling so attached and “into” you that he'll be leading you both forward.
If you're not completely sure if the book is really going to change your love life for the better, then I've got good news for you...
I'll let you try my ebook out for free.
I'm so confident that it can help you, just as it's helped the thousands of other women who email me all the time, that I'm going to let you try it out free for a week.
If you don't like it, just let me know and you won't pay a thing - no questions asked. And you can even keep the ebook.
If you like it, keep it, read it, and watch your love life take off and become more fun and effortless than you might have ever imagined it would be.
So what are you waiting for?
Go get it right now:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
By Christian Carter
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
If you've ever wondered about what draws a man in to connect deeply with a woman early so he can't help but want to see her again (for more than just a fling) then keep reading...
I'm about to share secrets about meeting and attracting great men that some women know but won't tell you, or can't explain.
You're also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly works for men, and what to do about it.
Here we go...
Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or “game”?
And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing?
It's frustrating and annoying, right?
Does it have to be so much work?
Can't we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.?
Well, the truth is, it doesn't have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game... if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man.
I'll repeat that.
It doesn't have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM.
Notice that I didn't say how attraction works for YOU.
Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you?
Well, then let me ask you...
Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some “physical attraction” for you, and a man that becomes almost instantly connected and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level?
I'll give you a minute to think about the question...
Got it yet?
Give up?
The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or “strategy” just hasn't seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.
And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or “strategies” on how they go about finding and creating love, connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren't working.
So what's the answer to the question from above about what makes that difference?
I'll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I'd like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the “casual dating” stage.
Then we'll look at the “deeper” kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific “how-to's” that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.
CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START
Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men?
And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or “issues” that they can't see for themselves, let alone do anything about?
Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you've also had that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him.
And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.
Ouch! Don't go to that negative place.
The truth is that you're not alone, and the good news is that it doesn't take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things really work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.
And it doesn't take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected, loving place that you know is there for you with a man.
Let's talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what's going on underneath the surface here... because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.
Why?
The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them.
Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets “filtered” through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels.
So what impression are you making?
Do you know?
And what impression is the best one to make?
Let's start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number.
When this happens, for a man, it generally means one of several things:
“I think you're interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you...” (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)
“I had a great time talking and I'd like to do it again sometime...” (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn't “feel it” yet, even though there's a “logical” or rational connection or bond with things in common)
“I'm physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven't really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me...” (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)
“I feel attracted to you, and maybe “something more”... so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you're really all about...” (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)
Any of these look familiar in hindsight?
Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it's important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he's already at from the start.
(And not finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that have women investing a ton of their precious time and energy with a guy that has no plans for having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship)
So... it sounds pretty important actually.
Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don't have a clue:
1. Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions
So many times I hear women talk about how they don't ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”, pushy, etc. with guys.
And often times, women will say something like, “I don't want to scare him off...”
Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the “real deal” early on:
A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get “scared off” IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way.
The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.
In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you're dealing with - plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man's real character and mindset by his response.
But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their experience.
I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the “IF” there...
“IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE... way.”
It makes all the difference.
So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don't realize how much it affects our own subtle communication. (Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)
B. Context is EVERYTHING
Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you're in?
It's fascinating to watch men and women communicate, because most of the things we learn and identify about each other happen through silent, indirect communication.
But sometimes you don't get the whole story, right?
Exactly. So it's important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know.
Like whether he's genuinely interested in you, or if he's just a player looking for a quick connection... and then he's “out.”
One great question I've heard women ask men is, “What kind of woman do you respect?”
This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds.
But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key... If you say that, and it's all about an “agenda”, such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar..., then I promise it's not going to go over well.
(But you already knew that... wink wink)
On the flipside, if what you're indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly - CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.
2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM
There are several key “attitudes” and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with.
When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, they become instantly attracted... and often don't even know why.
In fact, many times they can't help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn't consciously want more coming into the relationship.
Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men...
One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE.
I don't mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her.
No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men...
The unpredictability I'm talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.
A great example is when a man asks, “So, what do you do?”
Here's the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but doesn't create attraction - “I'm an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”
Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah...”
But wait... these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?
Yes, but guess what?
Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other - if you want to be great friends.
And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you've got to realize that it doesn't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you.
Just like it's not a man's career that makes him attractive... it's his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does.
Following me here?
Good.
So instead, find a way to keep him guessing... Tell him some made up career that's ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you're having fun with him.
(And in case you don't realize it, men will have much more fun trying to guess and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away)
For example, if you're at a bar, tell him “I'm a social scientist doing research here to uncover how 'beer-goggles' really work on men.”
And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”
Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you're doing and jump into the fun with you... and he'll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch.
And now you've got a fun, engaging connection... instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.
There's plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn't FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him.
Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.
HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN
So I've given you some quick tips on how attraction works, and some basic “how-to's” to think about for first impressions and early on.
But we've just touched the tip of the iceberg about how men really think and feel when it comes to dating.
This is by no means all “the goods.”
Which leads me to the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won't go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?
Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more.
So what is that “something more” than Physical Attraction?
In my ebook, “Catch Him & Keep Him”, I explain in detail what that “something more” is.
It's what I call “Intellectual Attraction” and it's that feeling a man has for a woman that will have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship.
The entire first section of my ebook, “Inside The Mind Of A Man”, will give you a clear understanding of how men really and truly think about women, dating, and relationships.
You'll have a fresh perspective on how to improve your love life just by reading this section and understanding more about what's really going on with men.
I spell out the common places where challenges, resistance, and confusion arises in men when they're in relationships, and show you how to think about it differently and be able to avoid the resistance most other women run into again and again with men.
I've also devoted an entire section to the specific communication and behaviors that naturally create a deeper, more emotional connection with a man.
The last thing to remember is that you shouldn't do all “the work” in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man.
If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he'll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both.
So don't stay stuck in the same old patterns and strategies that haven't completely served you well with men.
Take the next easy step towards your new improved love life where connection and growth won't just come from your “hard work”, but from the man feeling so attached and “into” you that he'll be leading you both forward.
If you're not completely sure if the book is really going to change your love life for the better, then I've got good news for you...
I'll let you try my ebook out for free.
I'm so confident that it can help you, just as it's helped the thousands of other women who email me all the time, that I'm going to let you try it out free for a week.
If you don't like it, just let me know and you won't pay a thing - no questions asked. And you can even keep the ebook.
If you like it, keep it, read it, and watch your love life take off and become more fun and effortless than you might have ever imagined it would be.
So what are you waiting for?
Go get it right now:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
Monday, September 08, 2008
First Impressions That Make Men Want More
Dating Advice:
First Impressions That
Make Men Want More
By Christian Carter
If you've ever wondered about what draws a man in to connect deeply with a woman early so he can't help but want to see her again (for more than just a fling) then keep reading...
I'm about to share secrets about meeting and attracting great men that some women know but won't tell you, or can't explain.
You're also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly works for men, and what to do about it.
Here we go...
Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or “game”?
And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing?
It's frustrating and annoying, right?
Does it have to be so much work?
Can't we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.?
Well, the truth is, it doesn't have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game... if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man.
I'll repeat that.
It doesn't have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM.
Notice that I didn't say how attraction works for YOU.
Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you?
Well, then let me ask you...
Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some “physical attraction” for you, and a man that becomes almost instantly connected and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level?
I'll give you a minute to think about the question...
Got it yet?
Give up?
The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or “strategy” just hasn't seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.
And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or “strategies” on how they go about finding and creating love, connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren't working.
So what's the answer to the question from above about what makes that difference?
I'll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I'd like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the “casual dating” stage.
Then we'll look at the “deeper” kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific “how-to's” that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.
CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START
Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men?
And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or “issues” that they can't see for themselves, let alone do anything about?
Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you've also had that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him.
And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.
Ouch! Don't go to that negative place.
The truth is that you're not alone, and the good news is that it doesn't take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things really work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.
And it doesn't take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected, loving place that you know is there for you with a man.
Let's talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what's going on underneath the surface here... because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.
Why?
The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them.
Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets “filtered” through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels.
So what impression are you making?
Do you know?
And what impression is the best one to make?
Let's start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number.
When this happens, for a man, it generally means one of several things:
“I think you're interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you...” (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)
“I had a great time talking and I'd like to do it again sometime...” (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn't “feel it” yet, even though there's a “logical” or rational connection or bond with things in common)
“I'm physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven't really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me...” (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)
“I feel attracted to you, and maybe “something more”... so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you're really all about...” (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)
Any of these look familiar in hindsight?
Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it's important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he's already at from the start.
(And not finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that have women investing a ton of their precious time and energy with a guy that has no plans for having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship)
So... it sounds pretty important actually.
Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don't have a clue:
1. Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions
So many times I hear women talk about how they don't ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”, pushy, etc. with guys.
And often times, women will say something like, “I don't want to scare him off...”
Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the “real deal” early on:
A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get “scared off” IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way.
The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.
In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you're dealing with - plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man's real character and mindset by his response.
But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their experience.
I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the “IF” there...
“IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE... way.”
It makes all the difference.
So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don't realize how much it affects our own subtle communication. (Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)
B. Context is EVERYTHING
Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you're in?
It's fascinating to watch men and women communicate, because most of the things we learn and identify about each other happen through silent, indirect communication.
But sometimes you don't get the whole story, right?
Exactly. So it's important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know.
Like whether he's genuinely interested in you, or if he's just a player looking for a quick connection... and then he's “out.”
One great question I've heard women ask men is, “What kind of woman do you respect?”
This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds.
But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key... If you say that, and it's all about an “agenda”, such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar..., then I promise it's not going to go over well.
(But you already knew that... wink wink)
On the flipside, if what you're indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly - CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.
2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM
There are several key “attitudes” and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with.
When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, they become instantly attracted... and often don't even know why.
In fact, many times they can't help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn't consciously want more coming into the relationship.
Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men...
One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE.
I don't mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her.
No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men...
The unpredictability I'm talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.
A great example is when a man asks, “So, what do you do?”
Here's the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but doesn't create attraction - “I'm an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”
Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah...”
But wait... these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?
Yes, but guess what?
Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other - if you want to be great friends.
And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you've got to realize that it doesn't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you.
Just like it's not a man's career that makes him attractive... it's his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does.
Following me here?
Good.
So instead, find a way to keep him guessing... Tell him some made up career that's ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you're having fun with him.
(And in case you don't realize it, men will have much more fun trying to guess and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away)
For example, if you're at a bar, tell him “I'm a social scientist doing research here to uncover how 'beer-goggles' really work on men.”
And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”
Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you're doing and jump into the fun with you... and he'll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch.
And now you've got a fun, engaging connection... instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.
There's plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn't FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him.
Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.
HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN
So I've given you some quick tips on how attraction works, and some basic “how-to's” to think about for first impressions and early on.
But we've just touched the tip of the iceberg about how men really think and feel when it comes to dating.
This is by no means all “the goods.”
Which leads me to the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won't go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?
Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more.
So what is that “something more” than Physical Attraction?
In my ebook, “Catch Him & Keep Him”, I explain in detail what that “something more” is.
It's what I call “Intellectual Attraction” and it's that feeling a man has for a woman that will have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship.
The entire first section of my ebook, “Inside The Mind Of A Man”, will give you a clear understanding of how men really and truly think about women, dating, and relationships.
You'll have a fresh perspective on how to improve your love life just by reading this section and understanding more about what's really going on with men.
I spell out the common places where challenges, resistance, and confusion arises in men when they're in relationships, and show you how to think about it differently and be able to avoid the resistance most other women run into again and again with men.
I've also devoted an entire section to the specific communication and behaviors that naturally create a deeper, more emotional connection with a man.
The last thing to remember is that you shouldn't do all “the work” in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man.
If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he'll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both.
So don't stay stuck in the same old patterns and strategies that haven't completely served you well with men.
Take the next easy step towards your new improved love life where connection and growth won't just come from your “hard work”, but from the man feeling so attached and “into” you that he'll be leading you both forward.
If you're not completely sure if the book is really going to change your love life for the better, then I've got good news for you...
I'll let you try my ebook out for free.
I'm so confident that it can help you, just as it's helped the thousands of other women who email me all the time, that I'm going to let you try it out free for a week.
If you don't like it, just let me know and you won't pay a thing - no questions asked. And you can even keep the ebook.
If you like it, keep it, read it, and watch your love life take off and become more fun and effortless than you might have ever imagined it would be.
So what are you waiting for?
Go get it right now:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
First Impressions That
Make Men Want More
By Christian Carter
If you've ever wondered about what draws a man in to connect deeply with a woman early so he can't help but want to see her again (for more than just a fling) then keep reading...
I'm about to share secrets about meeting and attracting great men that some women know but won't tell you, or can't explain.
You're also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly works for men, and what to do about it.
Here we go...
Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or “game”?
And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing?
It's frustrating and annoying, right?
Does it have to be so much work?
Can't we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.?
Well, the truth is, it doesn't have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game... if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man.
I'll repeat that.
It doesn't have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM.
Notice that I didn't say how attraction works for YOU.
Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you?
Well, then let me ask you...
Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some “physical attraction” for you, and a man that becomes almost instantly connected and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level?
I'll give you a minute to think about the question...
Got it yet?
Give up?
The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or “strategy” just hasn't seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.
And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or “strategies” on how they go about finding and creating love, connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren't working.
So what's the answer to the question from above about what makes that difference?
I'll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I'd like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the “casual dating” stage.
Then we'll look at the “deeper” kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific “how-to's” that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.
CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START
Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men?
And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or “issues” that they can't see for themselves, let alone do anything about?
Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you've also had that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him.
And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.
Ouch! Don't go to that negative place.
The truth is that you're not alone, and the good news is that it doesn't take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things really work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.
And it doesn't take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected, loving place that you know is there for you with a man.
Let's talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what's going on underneath the surface here... because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.
Why?
The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them.
Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets “filtered” through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels.
So what impression are you making?
Do you know?
And what impression is the best one to make?
Let's start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number.
When this happens, for a man, it generally means one of several things:
“I think you're interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you...” (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)
“I had a great time talking and I'd like to do it again sometime...” (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn't “feel it” yet, even though there's a “logical” or rational connection or bond with things in common)
“I'm physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven't really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me...” (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)
“I feel attracted to you, and maybe “something more”... so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you're really all about...” (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)
Any of these look familiar in hindsight?
Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it's important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he's already at from the start.
(And not finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that have women investing a ton of their precious time and energy with a guy that has no plans for having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship)
So... it sounds pretty important actually.
Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don't have a clue:
1. Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions
So many times I hear women talk about how they don't ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”, pushy, etc. with guys.
And often times, women will say something like, “I don't want to scare him off...”
Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the “real deal” early on:
A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get “scared off” IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way.
The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.
In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you're dealing with - plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man's real character and mindset by his response.
But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their experience.
I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the “IF” there...
“IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE... way.”
It makes all the difference.
So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don't realize how much it affects our own subtle communication. (Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)
B. Context is EVERYTHING
Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you're in?
It's fascinating to watch men and women communicate, because most of the things we learn and identify about each other happen through silent, indirect communication.
But sometimes you don't get the whole story, right?
Exactly. So it's important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know.
Like whether he's genuinely interested in you, or if he's just a player looking for a quick connection... and then he's “out.”
One great question I've heard women ask men is, “What kind of woman do you respect?”
This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds.
But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key... If you say that, and it's all about an “agenda”, such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar..., then I promise it's not going to go over well.
(But you already knew that... wink wink)
On the flipside, if what you're indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly - CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.
2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM
There are several key “attitudes” and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with.
When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, they become instantly attracted... and often don't even know why.
In fact, many times they can't help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn't consciously want more coming into the relationship.
Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men...
One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE.
I don't mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her.
No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men...
The unpredictability I'm talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.
A great example is when a man asks, “So, what do you do?”
Here's the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but doesn't create attraction - “I'm an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”
Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah...”
But wait... these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?
Yes, but guess what?
Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other - if you want to be great friends.
And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you've got to realize that it doesn't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you.
Just like it's not a man's career that makes him attractive... it's his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does.
Following me here?
Good.
So instead, find a way to keep him guessing... Tell him some made up career that's ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you're having fun with him.
(And in case you don't realize it, men will have much more fun trying to guess and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away)
For example, if you're at a bar, tell him “I'm a social scientist doing research here to uncover how 'beer-goggles' really work on men.”
And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”
Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you're doing and jump into the fun with you... and he'll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch.
And now you've got a fun, engaging connection... instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.
There's plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn't FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him.
Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.
HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN
So I've given you some quick tips on how attraction works, and some basic “how-to's” to think about for first impressions and early on.
But we've just touched the tip of the iceberg about how men really think and feel when it comes to dating.
This is by no means all “the goods.”
Which leads me to the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won't go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?
Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more.
So what is that “something more” than Physical Attraction?
In my ebook, “Catch Him & Keep Him”, I explain in detail what that “something more” is.
It's what I call “Intellectual Attraction” and it's that feeling a man has for a woman that will have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship.
The entire first section of my ebook, “Inside The Mind Of A Man”, will give you a clear understanding of how men really and truly think about women, dating, and relationships.
You'll have a fresh perspective on how to improve your love life just by reading this section and understanding more about what's really going on with men.
I spell out the common places where challenges, resistance, and confusion arises in men when they're in relationships, and show you how to think about it differently and be able to avoid the resistance most other women run into again and again with men.
I've also devoted an entire section to the specific communication and behaviors that naturally create a deeper, more emotional connection with a man.
The last thing to remember is that you shouldn't do all “the work” in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man.
If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he'll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both.
So don't stay stuck in the same old patterns and strategies that haven't completely served you well with men.
Take the next easy step towards your new improved love life where connection and growth won't just come from your “hard work”, but from the man feeling so attached and “into” you that he'll be leading you both forward.
If you're not completely sure if the book is really going to change your love life for the better, then I've got good news for you...
I'll let you try my ebook out for free.
I'm so confident that it can help you, just as it's helped the thousands of other women who email me all the time, that I'm going to let you try it out free for a week.
If you don't like it, just let me know and you won't pay a thing - no questions asked. And you can even keep the ebook.
If you like it, keep it, read it, and watch your love life take off and become more fun and effortless than you might have ever imagined it would be.
So what are you waiting for?
Go get it right now:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Qualities That Women Find Attractive
Qualities That Women Find Attractive
From www.tesh.com
Good news, guys! You don’t need to be as funny as Will Farrell or made of money to impress the ladies! In fact, some of the qualities that attract women may surprise you! Chances are - you possess at least one of them. Here’s the 411, courtesy of the experts at Match.com.
It’s OK if you’re a man of few words. Dr.Emerson Eggerichs, author of the book Love and Respect, says yes, women love to communicate with the men in their lives, but that doesn’t mean long, drawn-out talks about every feeling you’ve ever had. The truth is - she can get the same communication without a single word being uttered. Simply stand face-to-face, look into her eyes and show your affection with a small gesture, like holding her arm or caressing her face. The important part is making eye-contact. As long as you’re really looking at her, which is a powerful form of intimacy, you’ll win her heart. No words needed.
Another quality that women find attractive: Your emotional attachment to your sports team. By their teens, most guys have learned to downplay their obsession with sports in front of women.Well, no need to hide it when your eyes tear up during the last 30 seconds of a game. In reality, women would rather see you get sappy over sports than never see you act mushy at all - it lets them know there’s a sensitive guy underneath. Hugging your friends after your team wins? Bonus points for showing unabashed emotion in public!
One last trait women find attractive: Your artsy side! You don’t need a fat paycheck to impress. Women actually find the frugal “I’m working on a screenplay” lifestyle alluring. Creative people tend to be charismatic, and their artistic pursuits are interesting to others. On the flipside, you don’t have to be a starving artist to appeal to women, either. If you’re an investment analyst, but you play the saxophone on the side, flaunt that hobby! Women like guys with creativity. Mostly, they like men who are passionate about something in their lives – no matter what it is.
From www.tesh.com
Good news, guys! You don’t need to be as funny as Will Farrell or made of money to impress the ladies! In fact, some of the qualities that attract women may surprise you! Chances are - you possess at least one of them. Here’s the 411, courtesy of the experts at Match.com.
It’s OK if you’re a man of few words. Dr.Emerson Eggerichs, author of the book Love and Respect, says yes, women love to communicate with the men in their lives, but that doesn’t mean long, drawn-out talks about every feeling you’ve ever had. The truth is - she can get the same communication without a single word being uttered. Simply stand face-to-face, look into her eyes and show your affection with a small gesture, like holding her arm or caressing her face. The important part is making eye-contact. As long as you’re really looking at her, which is a powerful form of intimacy, you’ll win her heart. No words needed.
Another quality that women find attractive: Your emotional attachment to your sports team. By their teens, most guys have learned to downplay their obsession with sports in front of women.Well, no need to hide it when your eyes tear up during the last 30 seconds of a game. In reality, women would rather see you get sappy over sports than never see you act mushy at all - it lets them know there’s a sensitive guy underneath. Hugging your friends after your team wins? Bonus points for showing unabashed emotion in public!
One last trait women find attractive: Your artsy side! You don’t need a fat paycheck to impress. Women actually find the frugal “I’m working on a screenplay” lifestyle alluring. Creative people tend to be charismatic, and their artistic pursuits are interesting to others. On the flipside, you don’t have to be a starving artist to appeal to women, either. If you’re an investment analyst, but you play the saxophone on the side, flaunt that hobby! Women like guys with creativity. Mostly, they like men who are passionate about something in their lives – no matter what it is.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Why Men Leave After The “Honeymoon” Is Over
Why Men Leave After The “Honeymoon” Is Over
By Christian Carter
Hey there,
I'm about to tell you something about love that tons of men are going to be angry at me for saying...
I'll be “letting the cat out of the bag” with what lots of men REALLY think and feel when it comes to lasting love and relationships.
And why they're so often afraid of it, or just bad at being in one.
But, let me ask you something first:
Have you ever been in love?
I'm not talking about the “obsessive-psycho- can't-stop-calling-him-jealous-of-his-girlfriend- think-you're-getting-married-and-he-barely-knows- your-name“ love.
Sorry, you're on your own there...lol
There's a term for that - a “bunny-boiler”, like in that movie Fatal Attraction.
No, that's NOT the love I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the kind of love where you and a man connect and feel for each other on such a deep level that it's shared in all kinds of generous and intense ways.
And did you know there's a secret to love?
A secret that can help a man get rid of his fears of commitment and turn around his inability to share his affection and deeper feelings with you?
Well, there is.
I'll get to exactly what the secret is later in this email.
But think about this...
The reality is, most people have no real-world idea of how love is encouraged, begins, evolves, and sometimes fades away.
We just know how it makes us feel and that we really want it.
I might sound cynical, but I think that how most people react to the other person in their love life is more like an “emotional stop light” than anything else.
Stop. (red)
Slow down or speed up. (yellow)
Go. (green)
But our feelings, motivations and “inner- psychology” aren't wired this way.
When it comes to love and its complex effect on our mind and body, there's a whole lot more to it.
So using the behavioral and emotional equivalent of a stop light isn't going to cut it when you're looking to create a loving and lasting situation.
Here's where I'm going with this...
If you take the time to learn about what love actually is to our minds and bodies, and more specifically how men perceive and experience love, then your odds of success (happiness and fulfillment) go WAY up.
So let's get started.
THE MAGIC OF THE “HONEYMOON STAGE”
There are a few stages to love.
The first, and by far the favorite, is the honeymoon stage we all know about.
As I see it, the honeymoon stage is basically 50 to 100 times LESS important than any other stage because it's where all relationships start and thrive.
But a majority of relationships start falling apart or end once the honeymoon is over.
For lots of couples, love starts out as an intense “can't-be-apart-stay-up-all-night- talking-and-touching” experience.
When you're in love, you probably think about the guy ALL the time and want to spend every possible moment with him.
And you and your guy share an intense connection.
The chemistry is so thick you could cut it with a knife.
And the world, people, colors, smells... everything seems brighter.
The attraction level is unbelievable.
The honeymoon stage does some crazy things to your body too.
Here are a few of the “Love Symptoms” that come with these chemicals in the honeymoon stage:
- heightened awareness (your senses) - reduced appetite - increased heart rate - increased energy level - an increase in your sex drive - feelings of euphoria (intense happiness) Actually, I'm kinda feeling this way right now after my third cup of coffee here at Starbucks.
Anyway...
So that's the first stage of love we all know about, want to be in, and want to keep going.
It's no wonder that the honeymoon stage is often the easy part.
But there's a simple and unpleasant fact about the honeymoon stage...
If you don't know what's going on with a man in each stage of love, and what you're doing and how he perceives it, all the great parts of the honeymoon stage won't last forever.
WHAT MEN THINK ONCE THE HONEYMOON IS OVER
I get emails everyday from women wanting to know how they can “get back” to where things were when things started with a man.
They remember how things used to be and wonder why they can't be that way now.
So they ask themselves...
“Why is he so distant?”
“Why doesn't he share his feelings anymore?”
“Why don't I feel close to him, and why am I not getting my emotional and other needs met like I used to?”
So why is this so common to so many women?
I've recognized what a big part of it is.
CHANGE.
When things are good, or more to the point, comfortable or predictable in our lives, we DON'T like the idea of change... at all.
In any relationship, after the initial attraction, mystery, intrigue, etc. passes and the honeymoon slows, guess what?
Things start to change inside a relationship.
Whether you like it, or not.
And both the man and the woman are responsible to know how to see it, think about it and deal with it.
And here's where TONS of women run into a whole set of COUNTERPRODUCTIVE thoughts and SELF- DESTRUCTIVE behaviors.
They get caught up in an almost hopeless battle to try and prolong the honeymoon stage and the ease by which they could connect and share with the man.
Especially when they don't see that the man is noticing or making the same efforts that they are.
This usually shows up with things like the following (tell me if any of these sound familiar?):
Noticing that a man isn't as attentive or affectionate anymore, so you pull back to see if he'll notice and close the gap, but he doesn't and so you withdraw, leaving nothing but distance between the two of you
Trying to CONVINCE a man to FEEL some way or act some way he used to or you want him to, which of course doesn't work because you can't “logically” make someone FEEL an EMOTION, and it all ends up backfiring as he sees you as needy or “nagging” and pulls away more
You start “trading” him for the normal caring things any couple should do for each other. You only act open or affectionate if he does something first. You only initiate things physically if he does something first, etc. The list goes on...
Recognize anything here?
Well, unfortunately, these common behaviors actually work as a special high-grade form of “man-repellent” in a relationship.
When men sense the emotionally uneasy feeling these create, they most often do one thing with a woman...
WITHDRAW.
And they start their own weird emotional versions of the same kinds of destructive and distance-creating behaviors.
The truth is, every woman is going to go through situations that are going to make her want to react in these COUNTERPRODUCTIVE ways.
But there is a better way...
THE DANGEROUS SECRET OF MEN IN LOVE
So what comes after the honeymoon stage?
And how can a woman stay close and connected with a man so they both transition into the next stage together and enjoy it?
And why do so many relationships fall flat during this time?
The next stage in our emotional love cycle is what scientists have called the “bonding stage”.
This second set of feelings and experiences are the “settle-down-raise-a-family-spend-time- cuddling-watching-movies-together” ones.
They're all about bonding, attachment, comfort and more long term stuff.
I've been thinking about one big important question that I know tons of women want to know about which relates to this.
We all know that lots of men can have a hard time staying connected and close to a woman after the honeymoon.
When the intense physical attraction changes and things become more “emotionally involved”.
Lots of times they'll become distant, boring, unpassionate, lazy, or ever worse...
Unfaithful.
Yikes.
With all this going on, the question is...
* Once you have love, how do you make it last?
Here's where I'm going tell you the secret that most women don't know about men and love.
And it has to do with keeping things going strong once “the honeymoon stage” is over.
Men have a dark secret they won't tell you about on their views of love.
And for most men, they couldn't even tell you if they wanted to, because they don't even know it about themselves...
It's also something that most women can't understand about men.
I know you've wondered about it in the past and even said it to yourself.
Well, you were right.
Most men know about 1,000 times less than you do about real lasting love.
About communicating about love, experiencing it, sharing it, feeling it intensely, keeping it going... all of it.
And hey, maybe that wasn't such a secret to you... but you're finally hearing it from the horse's mouth. (a man)
Seriously though - we men can be idiots when it comes to being open and close with our partners in long term relationships.
We don't understand some of the things that seem natural, intuitive and obvious to most women.
And we often stop paying attention to the important aspects of a relationship, including consistency in communication, affection, honesty, you name it.
I see it all around me, and sometimes within myself too, as a man.
But the reality is that this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Here's the thing...
Some men weren't brought up with a real clear idea of what else there is to love besides passion, sex, social status and maybe having a family.
Which leads me to another secret about men in love...
Deep down, men expect love to stay in the “honeymoon stage”.
Think about it.
For lots of men, the honeymoon stage IS the only part of love they've ever even thought about or identified as being something they really truly want.
I'm talking about the chemistry, the attention and the ATTRACTION here that so often drives men CRAZY and has them acting in ways they'd be embarrassed for their guy friends to know about.
That's why, for so many men, when the “honeymoon stuff” isn't new anymore, they think love and passion have all but disappeared.
And the truth is, for lots of men, they don't know what else love is about... so they start to think that maybe this really isn't what they thought it was.
Men at this stage often say things like:
“I guess she's NOT the one.”
Or...
“I love her, but I'm not IN LOVE with her anymore...”
Or...
“She's not the person she used to be when we met, and that 'spark' is gone.”
A LOT of this can be chocked up to the fact that the man AND the woman aren't feeling all the intense honeymoon “stuff” anymore.
And less mature, non-committal men plain DON'T KNOW what is “supposed” to happen, and how it works as love moves into the bonding stage.
They often end up making terrible or disappointing boyfriends or companions.
Scary, huh?
WHAT CREATES A LASTING CONNECTION WITH A MAN - BEYOND THE “HONEYMOON STAGE”
There's something FASCINATING that I recognized a few years back as I was studying and observing behaviors inside relationships.
Some women actually had an EASY time in relationships with men, while other women NEVER did, no matter what they tried.
In other words...
Being close, committed, passionate, intimate- these were all relatively simple and almost effortless for some women to have in a relationship.
While other women had to fight, argue and STRUGGLE just to try and share the things they felt, were “the basics” in any relationship.
Here's the thing...
The women I knew who were the most successful at finding and creating what they wanted in their love lives with men all had a few KEY TRAITS or “habits” in common.
In other words, there are several specific actions and behaviors that these women do inside relationships that make a man FEEL close and deeply CONNECTED to them.
After studying these things that some women do, and others don't do with men, I've boiled them down to two basic “relationship skills̶.
And these two things directly relate to wheth1er a woman will have a strong, close and secure connection or “bond” with a man beyond the honeymoon stage...
Or if the man will start to question everything about the woman he's with and their relationship, and close off.
1. THINKING AND COMMUNICATING WITH A MAN IN HIS “EMOTIONAL CONTEXT”
I learned something that works in every area of life by studying love and relationships.
People who are great with people and relationships tend to communicate in a way that is targeted or aimed at the OTHER PERSON'S point of view, experience, and level of understanding.
Translation: if you want to really connect with a man, then HIS LEVEL of "“emotional awareness” becomes YOUR CONTEXT for conversations about love and relationships.
Otherwise, he's not going to “get” or respond to anything you're talking about.
And everything you say and do to try and get him to understand you, and make him feel or act differently, will BACKFIRE.
And he'll become MORE DISTANT and LESS OPEN to communicating and understanding YOU.
And yeah, I get that a man SHOULD get most of this stuff that you probably already do about love and a relationship if he's in one with you-
But if he doesn't... don't make the FATAL MISTAKE tons of women make here by trying to CONVINCE him of what you know and feel, to be what he needs to think and feel also.
Assume a man has no idea of where you're coming from when you talk to him about something you'd like to be different in your relationship.
Let me teach you a trick I learned by watching women who are great at communicating with men in relationships...
An easy way to get in touch with his level of awareness and where he's at, is to ask him what he thinks about the relationships of the couples you both know.
You can learn a TON about how a man thinks about dating and relationships this way...
And learn how to approach him and communicate with him as a result.
2. EMOTIONAL “INVESTING” (NOT SPENDING)
A while back in my life, I started looking at relationships more like investments in people, instead of a way to get a pay-off for myself.
Investing usually means that you give up something big to get a little back consistently over time.
In other words, you don't expect an immediate, greater or equal return for what you're putting in.
It has become the Golden Rule that I've learned about people and relationships that helps keep me happy and sane:
“You'll always give more than you'll get - but it doesn't “cost” you anything to give... so keep giving without any immediate expectation.”
So yeah, I'm saying for you to be the person to make things happen.
Take the fate of your love life into your own hands.
Be generous, take action, surprise him and be spontaneous instead of waiting for him to do it with you.
I know this can be tough and frustrating.
If you're like most people, then you want someone to just “get you” and give you the kind of love and attention you crave.
But if you can separate what you want from what it takes to create it, you'll find that doing these things will get you RESULTS.
And you'll see that doing the things THAT WORK can be like magic with a man...
If you know what they are.
If you learn to trigger the responses and feelings that make a man feel MORE than physical attraction, and instead feel a deeper, more EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION, men can instantly become more open partners and lovers than they ever were before.
And here's the best part...
These effects can LAST - if you know how to keep these interactions going.
There's a way to share with a man, that won't frustrate you, leave you feeling unappreciated and left doing all the work.
It might seem like it sometimes, but you don't have to “carry all the weight” in a relationship with a man just to be close and loving.
In fact, this is a HUGE MISTAKE tons of women can't keep themselves from making.
But, if you want things to be different and easier in the LONG TERM, then you're going to have to learn what to do, and when to do it, when it comes to men and dating.
The BEST way to figure this out is to start understanding and identifying the signals and behaviors men send out.
Reading these signals, and knowing exactly what to expect in each critical situation from first date to a real commitment, can let you grow together from stage to stage smoothly and without conflict or the insecurity of uncertainty.
My eBook, “Catch Him And Keep Him” talks about how men act in each one of the different stages of dating and relationships, and what their behavior means at each critical moment.
It will give you REAL WORLD insights into what men think and feel, and what you can and need to expect, in the following areas:
- First dates - Sharing deeper emotions and feelings - Getting physical or intimate - Having “the talk” - Working out relationship “issues” - Creating a spoken and lasting commitment You can learn to spot the “silent” or indirect signals men send out about what they're thinking and what they're really looking for.
You might not see it now, but a man wants you to understand these signals and “get” him.
Especially if you're going to have a serious relationship that LASTS.
But you can only do this IF you know what to look for.
If you want to learn more about how to keep the powerful and emotionally addictive feelings of the honeymoon stage going after the honeymoon is over, and how to turn that into a lasting connection and relationship - then check out my ebook.
There's an entire section on the “psychology of men” when it comes to attraction, and how and why a man will commit to a long term relationship, or NOT.
After looking through literally thousands of books and research on the subject, I feel confident that my eBook is the world's best “REAL WORLD” reference and guide to understanding men and dating.
It will show you EXACTLY how to meet and attract a great guy, what to do and not do, and teach you step by step how to create a foundation for a relationship with a man that will be fulfilling and LAST.
If you learned just ONE thing that got you on your way to creating a happier and more love filled relationship, wouldn't it be worth looking at?
I'd say so.
In fact, I'm so sure that my ebook will DRAMATICALLY IMPROVE the quality of your love life, here's what I'm going to do...
I'm going to let you check out my eBook FREE for 7 days.
Read it, think about it, use it, try it out, and dig into each and every section and exercise.
Then... once you've been through it to see if it really works for you, decide if you want to keep it.
If not, just let me know and you won't be charged for anything. Period. No questions asked.
You literally have nothing to lose here -
And EVERYTHING in love and connection to gain.
I'm 110% confident that you're going to love my ebook and you'll want to tell your friends all about it - just like the literally thousands of women who have already downloaded and read my book.
Go here now and check out the details and download your free trial:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Best of luck in life and love and I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
©Copyright 2010, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
By Christian Carter
Hey there,
I'm about to tell you something about love that tons of men are going to be angry at me for saying...
I'll be “letting the cat out of the bag” with what lots of men REALLY think and feel when it comes to lasting love and relationships.
And why they're so often afraid of it, or just bad at being in one.
But, let me ask you something first:
Have you ever been in love?
I'm not talking about the “obsessive-psycho- can't-stop-calling-him-jealous-of-his-girlfriend- think-you're-getting-married-and-he-barely-knows- your-name“ love.
Sorry, you're on your own there...lol
There's a term for that - a “bunny-boiler”, like in that movie Fatal Attraction.
No, that's NOT the love I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the kind of love where you and a man connect and feel for each other on such a deep level that it's shared in all kinds of generous and intense ways.
And did you know there's a secret to love?
A secret that can help a man get rid of his fears of commitment and turn around his inability to share his affection and deeper feelings with you?
Well, there is.
I'll get to exactly what the secret is later in this email.
But think about this...
The reality is, most people have no real-world idea of how love is encouraged, begins, evolves, and sometimes fades away.
We just know how it makes us feel and that we really want it.
I might sound cynical, but I think that how most people react to the other person in their love life is more like an “emotional stop light” than anything else.
Stop. (red)
Slow down or speed up. (yellow)
Go. (green)
But our feelings, motivations and “inner- psychology” aren't wired this way.
When it comes to love and its complex effect on our mind and body, there's a whole lot more to it.
So using the behavioral and emotional equivalent of a stop light isn't going to cut it when you're looking to create a loving and lasting situation.
Here's where I'm going with this...
If you take the time to learn about what love actually is to our minds and bodies, and more specifically how men perceive and experience love, then your odds of success (happiness and fulfillment) go WAY up.
So let's get started.
THE MAGIC OF THE “HONEYMOON STAGE”
There are a few stages to love.
The first, and by far the favorite, is the honeymoon stage we all know about.
As I see it, the honeymoon stage is basically 50 to 100 times LESS important than any other stage because it's where all relationships start and thrive.
But a majority of relationships start falling apart or end once the honeymoon is over.
For lots of couples, love starts out as an intense “can't-be-apart-stay-up-all-night- talking-and-touching” experience.
When you're in love, you probably think about the guy ALL the time and want to spend every possible moment with him.
And you and your guy share an intense connection.
The chemistry is so thick you could cut it with a knife.
And the world, people, colors, smells... everything seems brighter.
The attraction level is unbelievable.
The honeymoon stage does some crazy things to your body too.
Here are a few of the “Love Symptoms” that come with these chemicals in the honeymoon stage:
- heightened awareness (your senses) - reduced appetite - increased heart rate - increased energy level - an increase in your sex drive - feelings of euphoria (intense happiness) Actually, I'm kinda feeling this way right now after my third cup of coffee here at Starbucks.
Anyway...
So that's the first stage of love we all know about, want to be in, and want to keep going.
It's no wonder that the honeymoon stage is often the easy part.
But there's a simple and unpleasant fact about the honeymoon stage...
If you don't know what's going on with a man in each stage of love, and what you're doing and how he perceives it, all the great parts of the honeymoon stage won't last forever.
WHAT MEN THINK ONCE THE HONEYMOON IS OVER
I get emails everyday from women wanting to know how they can “get back” to where things were when things started with a man.
They remember how things used to be and wonder why they can't be that way now.
So they ask themselves...
“Why is he so distant?”
“Why doesn't he share his feelings anymore?”
“Why don't I feel close to him, and why am I not getting my emotional and other needs met like I used to?”
So why is this so common to so many women?
I've recognized what a big part of it is.
CHANGE.
When things are good, or more to the point, comfortable or predictable in our lives, we DON'T like the idea of change... at all.
In any relationship, after the initial attraction, mystery, intrigue, etc. passes and the honeymoon slows, guess what?
Things start to change inside a relationship.
Whether you like it, or not.
And both the man and the woman are responsible to know how to see it, think about it and deal with it.
And here's where TONS of women run into a whole set of COUNTERPRODUCTIVE thoughts and SELF- DESTRUCTIVE behaviors.
They get caught up in an almost hopeless battle to try and prolong the honeymoon stage and the ease by which they could connect and share with the man.
Especially when they don't see that the man is noticing or making the same efforts that they are.
This usually shows up with things like the following (tell me if any of these sound familiar?):
Noticing that a man isn't as attentive or affectionate anymore, so you pull back to see if he'll notice and close the gap, but he doesn't and so you withdraw, leaving nothing but distance between the two of you
Trying to CONVINCE a man to FEEL some way or act some way he used to or you want him to, which of course doesn't work because you can't “logically” make someone FEEL an EMOTION, and it all ends up backfiring as he sees you as needy or “nagging” and pulls away more
You start “trading” him for the normal caring things any couple should do for each other. You only act open or affectionate if he does something first. You only initiate things physically if he does something first, etc. The list goes on...
Recognize anything here?
Well, unfortunately, these common behaviors actually work as a special high-grade form of “man-repellent” in a relationship.
When men sense the emotionally uneasy feeling these create, they most often do one thing with a woman...
WITHDRAW.
And they start their own weird emotional versions of the same kinds of destructive and distance-creating behaviors.
The truth is, every woman is going to go through situations that are going to make her want to react in these COUNTERPRODUCTIVE ways.
But there is a better way...
THE DANGEROUS SECRET OF MEN IN LOVE
So what comes after the honeymoon stage?
And how can a woman stay close and connected with a man so they both transition into the next stage together and enjoy it?
And why do so many relationships fall flat during this time?
The next stage in our emotional love cycle is what scientists have called the “bonding stage”.
This second set of feelings and experiences are the “settle-down-raise-a-family-spend-time- cuddling-watching-movies-together” ones.
They're all about bonding, attachment, comfort and more long term stuff.
I've been thinking about one big important question that I know tons of women want to know about which relates to this.
We all know that lots of men can have a hard time staying connected and close to a woman after the honeymoon.
When the intense physical attraction changes and things become more “emotionally involved”.
Lots of times they'll become distant, boring, unpassionate, lazy, or ever worse...
Unfaithful.
Yikes.
With all this going on, the question is...
* Once you have love, how do you make it last?
Here's where I'm going tell you the secret that most women don't know about men and love.
And it has to do with keeping things going strong once “the honeymoon stage” is over.
Men have a dark secret they won't tell you about on their views of love.
And for most men, they couldn't even tell you if they wanted to, because they don't even know it about themselves...
It's also something that most women can't understand about men.
I know you've wondered about it in the past and even said it to yourself.
Well, you were right.
Most men know about 1,000 times less than you do about real lasting love.
About communicating about love, experiencing it, sharing it, feeling it intensely, keeping it going... all of it.
And hey, maybe that wasn't such a secret to you... but you're finally hearing it from the horse's mouth. (a man)
Seriously though - we men can be idiots when it comes to being open and close with our partners in long term relationships.
We don't understand some of the things that seem natural, intuitive and obvious to most women.
And we often stop paying attention to the important aspects of a relationship, including consistency in communication, affection, honesty, you name it.
I see it all around me, and sometimes within myself too, as a man.
But the reality is that this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Here's the thing...
Some men weren't brought up with a real clear idea of what else there is to love besides passion, sex, social status and maybe having a family.
Which leads me to another secret about men in love...
Deep down, men expect love to stay in the “honeymoon stage”.
Think about it.
For lots of men, the honeymoon stage IS the only part of love they've ever even thought about or identified as being something they really truly want.
I'm talking about the chemistry, the attention and the ATTRACTION here that so often drives men CRAZY and has them acting in ways they'd be embarrassed for their guy friends to know about.
That's why, for so many men, when the “honeymoon stuff” isn't new anymore, they think love and passion have all but disappeared.
And the truth is, for lots of men, they don't know what else love is about... so they start to think that maybe this really isn't what they thought it was.
Men at this stage often say things like:
“I guess she's NOT the one.”
Or...
“I love her, but I'm not IN LOVE with her anymore...”
Or...
“She's not the person she used to be when we met, and that 'spark' is gone.”
A LOT of this can be chocked up to the fact that the man AND the woman aren't feeling all the intense honeymoon “stuff” anymore.
And less mature, non-committal men plain DON'T KNOW what is “supposed” to happen, and how it works as love moves into the bonding stage.
They often end up making terrible or disappointing boyfriends or companions.
Scary, huh?
WHAT CREATES A LASTING CONNECTION WITH A MAN - BEYOND THE “HONEYMOON STAGE”
There's something FASCINATING that I recognized a few years back as I was studying and observing behaviors inside relationships.
Some women actually had an EASY time in relationships with men, while other women NEVER did, no matter what they tried.
In other words...
Being close, committed, passionate, intimate- these were all relatively simple and almost effortless for some women to have in a relationship.
While other women had to fight, argue and STRUGGLE just to try and share the things they felt, were “the basics” in any relationship.
Here's the thing...
The women I knew who were the most successful at finding and creating what they wanted in their love lives with men all had a few KEY TRAITS or “habits” in common.
In other words, there are several specific actions and behaviors that these women do inside relationships that make a man FEEL close and deeply CONNECTED to them.
After studying these things that some women do, and others don't do with men, I've boiled them down to two basic “relationship skills̶.
And these two things directly relate to wheth1er a woman will have a strong, close and secure connection or “bond” with a man beyond the honeymoon stage...
Or if the man will start to question everything about the woman he's with and their relationship, and close off.
1. THINKING AND COMMUNICATING WITH A MAN IN HIS “EMOTIONAL CONTEXT”
I learned something that works in every area of life by studying love and relationships.
People who are great with people and relationships tend to communicate in a way that is targeted or aimed at the OTHER PERSON'S point of view, experience, and level of understanding.
Translation: if you want to really connect with a man, then HIS LEVEL of "“emotional awareness” becomes YOUR CONTEXT for conversations about love and relationships.
Otherwise, he's not going to “get” or respond to anything you're talking about.
And everything you say and do to try and get him to understand you, and make him feel or act differently, will BACKFIRE.
And he'll become MORE DISTANT and LESS OPEN to communicating and understanding YOU.
And yeah, I get that a man SHOULD get most of this stuff that you probably already do about love and a relationship if he's in one with you-
But if he doesn't... don't make the FATAL MISTAKE tons of women make here by trying to CONVINCE him of what you know and feel, to be what he needs to think and feel also.
Assume a man has no idea of where you're coming from when you talk to him about something you'd like to be different in your relationship.
Let me teach you a trick I learned by watching women who are great at communicating with men in relationships...
An easy way to get in touch with his level of awareness and where he's at, is to ask him what he thinks about the relationships of the couples you both know.
You can learn a TON about how a man thinks about dating and relationships this way...
And learn how to approach him and communicate with him as a result.
2. EMOTIONAL “INVESTING” (NOT SPENDING)
A while back in my life, I started looking at relationships more like investments in people, instead of a way to get a pay-off for myself.
Investing usually means that you give up something big to get a little back consistently over time.
In other words, you don't expect an immediate, greater or equal return for what you're putting in.
It has become the Golden Rule that I've learned about people and relationships that helps keep me happy and sane:
“You'll always give more than you'll get - but it doesn't “cost” you anything to give... so keep giving without any immediate expectation.”
So yeah, I'm saying for you to be the person to make things happen.
Take the fate of your love life into your own hands.
Be generous, take action, surprise him and be spontaneous instead of waiting for him to do it with you.
I know this can be tough and frustrating.
If you're like most people, then you want someone to just “get you” and give you the kind of love and attention you crave.
But if you can separate what you want from what it takes to create it, you'll find that doing these things will get you RESULTS.
And you'll see that doing the things THAT WORK can be like magic with a man...
If you know what they are.
If you learn to trigger the responses and feelings that make a man feel MORE than physical attraction, and instead feel a deeper, more EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION, men can instantly become more open partners and lovers than they ever were before.
And here's the best part...
These effects can LAST - if you know how to keep these interactions going.
There's a way to share with a man, that won't frustrate you, leave you feeling unappreciated and left doing all the work.
It might seem like it sometimes, but you don't have to “carry all the weight” in a relationship with a man just to be close and loving.
In fact, this is a HUGE MISTAKE tons of women can't keep themselves from making.
But, if you want things to be different and easier in the LONG TERM, then you're going to have to learn what to do, and when to do it, when it comes to men and dating.
The BEST way to figure this out is to start understanding and identifying the signals and behaviors men send out.
Reading these signals, and knowing exactly what to expect in each critical situation from first date to a real commitment, can let you grow together from stage to stage smoothly and without conflict or the insecurity of uncertainty.
My eBook, “Catch Him And Keep Him” talks about how men act in each one of the different stages of dating and relationships, and what their behavior means at each critical moment.
It will give you REAL WORLD insights into what men think and feel, and what you can and need to expect, in the following areas:
- First dates - Sharing deeper emotions and feelings - Getting physical or intimate - Having “the talk” - Working out relationship “issues” - Creating a spoken and lasting commitment You can learn to spot the “silent” or indirect signals men send out about what they're thinking and what they're really looking for.
You might not see it now, but a man wants you to understand these signals and “get” him.
Especially if you're going to have a serious relationship that LASTS.
But you can only do this IF you know what to look for.
If you want to learn more about how to keep the powerful and emotionally addictive feelings of the honeymoon stage going after the honeymoon is over, and how to turn that into a lasting connection and relationship - then check out my ebook.
There's an entire section on the “psychology of men” when it comes to attraction, and how and why a man will commit to a long term relationship, or NOT.
After looking through literally thousands of books and research on the subject, I feel confident that my eBook is the world's best “REAL WORLD” reference and guide to understanding men and dating.
It will show you EXACTLY how to meet and attract a great guy, what to do and not do, and teach you step by step how to create a foundation for a relationship with a man that will be fulfilling and LAST.
If you learned just ONE thing that got you on your way to creating a happier and more love filled relationship, wouldn't it be worth looking at?
I'd say so.
In fact, I'm so sure that my ebook will DRAMATICALLY IMPROVE the quality of your love life, here's what I'm going to do...
I'm going to let you check out my eBook FREE for 7 days.
Read it, think about it, use it, try it out, and dig into each and every section and exercise.
Then... once you've been through it to see if it really works for you, decide if you want to keep it.
If not, just let me know and you won't be charged for anything. Period. No questions asked.
You literally have nothing to lose here -
And EVERYTHING in love and connection to gain.
I'm 110% confident that you're going to love my ebook and you'll want to tell your friends all about it - just like the literally thousands of women who have already downloaded and read my book.
Go here now and check out the details and download your free trial:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Best of luck in life and love and I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
©Copyright 2010, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
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