Thursday, August 28, 2008

Age Groups

Age groups of Singles Events

I just sent out an email confirmation to attendees of this Saturdays event reconfirming the date, time and specifics. The email included the following:

Event: SLY FOX INN- Women 39-50 and Men 41-53 (one year grace period): Proof of age required. Anyone misrepresenting their age will not be allowed to participate and is not eligible for a refund.

I immediately received a phone call with the following conversation:


Hi, just got the email about this Saturday. It said that the women go up to age 50, but I am 53. Is that a problem?

I am sorry Mandy, but it is a problem. We really do stick to the ages we advertise, with a one year grace period and require proof of age at the event.

I didn't know, or must have misread the ages when signing up.

I will be right back, I need to look at your reservation

Mandy, when you made your reservation, you submitted your year of birth as 1963 indicating you were 45 years old.

Oh, Uh, Oh, I made a mistake when making the reservation

I am sorry Mandy, but we can not have you participate in this event. I do have another event next month for your age bracket and can put you in for that.

This is not fair! The men go up to age 53 and it should be the same age bracket for both the men and the women!

Mandy, I agree, the way we do age brackets may not work for everyone and I am sorry if they do not work for you. There are two issues here, one being that you do not like our policy, and the second being that you misrepresented yourself when making the reservation.
It is not fair for us to advertise one age group to someone and then deliver something else. People pay good money to come to these events and will receive what is advertised.

Ok, I still do not like your policy, but put me in for next months event at the Sly Fox

Age Group Policy

Is it fair that the men's ages skew slightly higher than the women? No, it is not. However about 75% of men we speak with are interested in meeting a woman a little younger. About 60% of the women we speak with are interested in meeting a man that is a little older. Previous speed dating test events where the age ranges of the men and women were the same, had very poor attendance.

Five years ago about 90% of men we spoke with, were only interested in meeting a younger women, so values are starting to change. We will plan on having a mature woman/younger man event in the future.

The bottom line is that this is not a perfect system and it will does not work for everyone. None of my competitors (to my knowledge) checks proof of age at the event, so although they may advertise the same age groups for men and women, nothing is done to ensure this.

Your feedback really does make a difference. This weeks age bracket of Women 39-50 and men 42-53 is a direct result of feedback from a lot of women ages 49 and 50 who felt excluded from a different age bracket we do that has women 37-47 and Men 40-51.

So please email me with your suggestions and ideas at
And to the guys who are reading this, if you are open to dating a woman a little bit older, please email me at so I can set age groups for the Mature Women/ Younger Man event.


Monday, August 25, 2008

Approaching Women and Starting Conversations

Approaching Women
And Starting Conversations

By David DeAngelo


Hi, Dave.

I've recently separated after 13 years of marriage and was pretty nervous about the dating scene. I was immediately thinking of all the wussy stuff you're "supposed" to do on a first date and to attract a woman. By chance, I got on your mailing list, and you answered the questions I had at the perfect time. I realized that I need to do the same thing I've been doing with women for the past 13 years--tease them and be funny. I was never interested in dating my female friends, and I treated them as buddies, and they always chatted and danced with me at parties and told my wife she was lucky to have a guy like me. Thanks to you, I know that I can keep being my cocky and funny self and I have a better chance of meeting women than by fawning over them. The preliminary flirting and meeting I've done so far has been good practice for me--I've gotten a few numbers, but more important, have been learning from my mistakes when I don't get one, and I'm going to get your ebook to learn even more so the mistakes become less frequent.

I do have a question though. I have been skimming the online dating sites, and I find that over 90% of the women's profiles say they're looking for a nice guy who will spend romantic evenings with them and be caring and attentive and all the "wussy" stuff you decry. What gives? Does it make a difference that the online women are looking for long-term relationships and want something more stable, or are they fooling themselves and asking for something they're really not attracted to but think they should be?

Thanks again for you help! You saved me from the Sahara Desert of Dating.

Chicago, IL



You've asked one of my favorite questions of all time...

You're basically asking “Why is it that women all say that they want a guy who acts like a WUSSY?”.

And more importantly, why is it that women actually RESPOND to something totally different?

Here it is in a nutshell:

We humans have NO IDEA what we REALLY want.

We THINK that we know what we want, but we don't.

We come into this world pre-programmed with all kinds of bizarre drives and desires... but many of them are so strange that our cultures and religions have made these natural drives “wrong”.

Now, when you have a desire for something that is “wrong”, what are you going to do?

You can't exactly run around saying “I want the thing that everyone thinks is wrong”.

Of course not.

You'd be put in a looney bin and forced to take all kinds of medication.

Either that or you'd be a rock star.


Look... I spent MANY YEARS of my life trying to get women to like me by kissing up to them, being “nice”, buying them thoughtful gifts, taking them nice places, and generally being a complete WUSSBAG.

Did it work?

Not so well.

Or course, I just figured that the reason that it wasn't working so well was because I wasn't good-looking or rich enough.

Only after spending a lot of time learning from guys who were “naturally” good with women did I begin to see what was REALLY going on.

The fact is that if you ask most women what they want in a man, they'll tell you that they want a “nice guy”. They want someone who is “A good communicator”. They want someone who is kind, thoughtful, and generous.

I have a theory about this.

It's a dangerous idea, though.

I think that most women say that they want a nice, ass-kissing, Wussy guy because...

...sit down for this...


So stop paying attention to all this stuff that women SAY that they want, and start doing the things I'm teaching you and getting RESULTS.

Thanks for your email. Good stuff.


hey my girl lives in wisconsin i aint see in her a while shes comin bac tommow and possibly movin in wit her cousin 2 blocks from my house im nervous what do i do


Well, if I read your email right, I gather:

1) You are not so sharp with words.

2) Your “girl” is also from Wisconsin.

3) She's moving in with her cousin, which tells me that they're probably getting married.

4) That doesn't surprise me, based on your email.

If I were you, I'd go back to high school...

Until then, use the spell-check feature on your email or word processor.



Dear David,

David DeAngelo, you are truly a GENIUS! No, seriously, I love your work! I'm writing to you from South Africa for two reasons. Firstly, I have to thank you!

I have always been a jock. I was able to get almost any girl I wanted! There were, however, those elusive few, the cream of the crop, that would never fall for my charms. For heaven's sake, no matter what I tried, I just did not make the breakthrough! I was sure that I would forever have to do with less than I really wanted.

For anyone listening out there: NEVER settle for less! Rather read THE BOOK! I've been teasing, joking, telling girls what to do, what I want, prefer and absolutely need, what is wrong with them (Jokingly of course), what they're doing that irritates me, basically saying and doing just what I want in a C & F way. Suddenly the elusive few are like putty in my hands, telling me how DIFFERENT (!!!) I am and how GOOD(???) I treat them! They even tell me that I am "THE SWEETEST GUY EVER"! (This after doing everything possible to bust their balls!?). IT'S UNBELIEVABLE! They ask ME for MY number (When I obviously tell them please not to call me too much or ask whether they're always this eager or to please take it a bit slower) and what's more, they call ME, almost every time! Even their unknown friends call me. I am having the TIME OF MY LIFE, and I'm ENJOYING IT EXTREMELY! My utmost thanks again, David, you changed me from good to masterful.

Now for the second reason: Everyone that's reading this letter, BUY THE BOOK! I also have a lot of experience in chatting up girls, I have tried a lot of approaches, and David DeAngelo's stuff is so far THE MOST SUCCESSFUL! I love you, man. Keep it up.

PS. Read the book, "GET IT", use it, become amazing!!!

W.A. , Pretoria, South Africa.


Ah yes... it's amazing how these concepts will help you take your success with women to the next level, no matter where you're at now.

I get a lot of email from guys who are handsome, successful, etc. who are finally enjoying success with women... now that they're learning the most important part of the equation.

Thanks for your email.


Hey David D,

I got your Advanced CD series and it opened my eyes to a TOTALLY different way of thinking. It's not just about pick up lines or techniques, you really get into the psychology and evolution of why things happen and why we think the way we's really deep, I enjoyed it...I listened to the whole thing in 3 days...really and I'm listening to it more and more. What I like about it is that I can hear you and your voice tone when delivering some of the techniques and answering questions from guys who have common problems...I love it. I got it off of the free trial offer and no way am I sending it back. It's deeper than anything I've ever heard and talks about ATTRACTION, which is a subject no one ever talks about when it comes to women yet its the most important part. If she's attracted to you, you're in, if she's not, you're out...simple! Thats part of my success, feeling better that I finally "get it" and starting to see the light. Something you said made a LOT of sense...either you get it or you dont. If you get it, you'll see success, if you dont, you wont. With that said, I want to share some cocky+funny lines I've come up with on my own that work well for me:

"Hey, those are nice shoes. Too bad some homeless kid is running around barefoot right now!"

"Those are some pretty earrings. I didnt know the toy store sold earrings like that!"

"What a cute ring (or watch or whatever)! Did you get that with the kids meal at (fill in your local restaurant here)?

(I cant believe this one works...) Like if a woman says something that SHOULD be obvious to everyone else you say: "Duh!...You're acting more blonde by the minute". And if the girl really is blonde, you can say: "Hey, I thought everyone knew that! You dont have to ACT blonde you know!" This is really pushing it but it works on most women.

Anyhow, I'll be out with some friends using your stuff like on the waitresses when we go out. For instance, once the waitress asked to put my left over hot wings in a to-go box. I said "Ok, but you better not put any of my bones in there!" She said: "Ok, I'll put your bones in there then". (obviously playing along) She comes back and I check the box right in front of her and say: "Let's see if there's bones in here...hmm" But she knew I was playing. So, it comes time for me to pay the bill and she hands me my bill but as I reach for it, she holds onto it and wont give it to me, then she finally does. She says: "Are you ready to pay?" And I said: "Be patient! Geez, all you women want is my money...where are the normal women at?" My friend next to me says: "What are you doing? Dont say that! Thats mean!" (he and people that say that obviously dont "get it"...he tried to get her attention by being nice ad offering her gifts earlier and it didnt work) I knew it worked because on my way out she stopped to say "bye". I didnt get her digits because I wasn't interested but I said to myself..."Boy, this stuff works!" I was happy too because at first I was blind, but now I can see, halleluah and amen!

I felt so good, I just wanted to share that with you, hopefully help some of our other guys out there.

Thanks Dave!

GT from TN


Yeahhhh baby.

Now you're starting to understand what's going on.

Here's a quick story for you...

I was in Phoenix this weekend visiting some good friends of mine.

We went out to a restaurant together.

There were seven of us total.

We were all sitting in a huge booth, and I was all the way on the inside. In other words, I was as far as I could have been from the waitress, and I had to yell over everyone else at the table to talk to her.

She walked up to the table to take our drink order. She was wearing this dark outfit... I think her shirt was dark green, and her skirt was black.

With it, she had on a PINK BELT.

So just as she walks up, before anyone had a chance to say ANYTHING to her, I yelled out:

“I really like the way your belt ties the whole outfit together.”

Of course, I said it in a sarcastic tone.

Now, most of the people at the table (all guys) didn't even get it. They just kind of smiled and looked at me with the “What was that?” look.

As the evening went on, I continued to make fun of her whenever I could (keep in mind, I had to yell over everyone to do it, and when I was making fun of her, everyone at the table had to hear it).

By the way, this girl was 20 years old, and pretty cute.

Now, as the evening went on, most of the guys at the table started to get a little bit nervous about what I was doing.

I mean, this girl was actually starting to act like she was upset a few times at what I said to her.

I was really pushing the envelope.

Toward the end of the meal, the guy sitting across from me began to ask me questions about what I do.

Another friend of mine had told him that I write about women and dating, and he wanted to hear about some of my theories.

This particular gentleman is a very successful businessman. He's been a millionaire for over 20 years, as it turns out.

I began by explaining to him that most guys tend to “kiss up” to women, chase them around, and do things to demonstrate that they're “nice”... but that most men never consider the fact that women feel a powerful emotional and physical ATTRACTION to something totally different.

I told him that the thing that made women feel ATTRACTION was often teasing, busting on, and being difficult with women...

...and I went on to share some of my other theories with him.

At one point, I even told him that if you have the guts to ANTAGONIZE a women in a playful way, you can sometimes make her feel such a powerful attraction to you that she doesn't even know what to do.

This guy was looking at me as if I was CRAZY.

He was watching me tease this waitress, and seeing her act upset and offended at the things I was saying.

He was totally convinced that what I was doing was making this girl HATE me.

All the other guys at the table were convinced of the same thing.

Even my friends who KNEW me didn't think that this girl liked me.

So what happened?

At the end of the meal, after she brought over the check, she walked around the end of the booth so she could talk to me alone...

Then she reached over, pulled my hair...


No, I didn't ask for it.

No, I wasn't even interested in her.

Of course, all the guys at the table were stunned... ESPECIALLY the older successful guy sitting across from me that thought I was crazy.

It was a good time.

Thought you'd enjoy the story...


I have been reading your mailbags for quite sometime now and after reading your book, I'm a little confused. You always said not to be a wuss, but you mentioned in your ebook about opening doors and pulling out chairs and doing other nice things when you go for coffee or something. Isn't that being a wuss? Please break it down for me.

Chicago, IL


Great question.

Let me explain.

There is a concept known as “Chivalry”.

Now, there is much debate about what chivalry actually MEANS...

But most people describe chivalry loosely as “Being a perfect gentleman, demonstrating perfect manners, and acting courteous towards women”.

Incidentally, the word was originally a French word that meant “horseman”, and it has a lot of associations with knighthood.

The image of a dark, handsome knight coming to rescue a princess who is in distress will give you an idea of how it all fits together.

Now, the PROBLEM comes when men begin to CONFUSE “chivalry” with “ass kissing”.

You've probably heard me say that most women know EXACTLY what “sexual tension” is, and most men have no idea.

Same thing is true when it comes to chivalry.

Most women know EXACTLY what it is, and most men are so confused that they would actually be better off if they knew NOTHING AT ALL.

If you could build a miracle device that could magically go inside the minds of a thousand women and create a picture of what they all thought “chivalry” was, here's what I think you'd find...

An image of a strong, masculine, adventurous man... one who needs nothing... one who is very driven towards his own personal goals in life... one who RADIATES sexual confidence...

...and then you'd see him doing certain things like opening a door for a lady, pulling out her chair, walking on the outside of the curb to protect her, etc.

What you WOULD NOT EVER see is a weak, ass- kissing, apologetic, unmotivated, approval- seeking man who is opening doors and pulling out chairs to IMPRESS a woman.

Chivalry is ALL ABOUT the MAN doing the chivalrous things, not about the things he's doing.

In these newsletters you see a lot of letters from guys who write in to say “I don't like the idea of teasing women, being Cocky & Funny, and all the other things you say. I'm a NICE guy. What happened to being a GOOD GUY? What happened to BEING YOURSELF and having a woman like you for who you are?”.

I'll tell you what happened to it.


It's a fantasy, just like the Easter Bunny, dude.

Here's a riddle for you.

Why is it that when you always put your own needs aside, put a woman on a pedestal, and do whatever she wants, a woman is annoyed?

And why is it that when you put your own needs first, play “hard to get”, and give women a major CHALLENGE she says things like “You're so nice”?



The fact is that this is the reality we all live in. And it's time to get with the program, and do what works, rather than sitting around telling yourself that you're right and everyone else is wrong.

This was a great email... it probably deserves a newsletter dedicated to this topic alone.

I'll see what the feedback is on this particular comment, and maybe we'll do it sometime.


Your stories just seem 'too' tuned (made-up) to tell 'men' what they want to hear. As you said 'men' are too nice therefore naive! I have my own techniques and one things for sure - BEING TOO NICE IS NOT THE WAY! (Only on ugly or desperate women, right?) Yes!

At least give a few examples instead of telling guys what they wanna hear then I MAY consider buying a DVD.


Bite me.

I don't tell guys “what they want to hear”.

I tell guys what they NEED to hear.

I'm a pain in the ass, man.

And I don't really care whether or not you buy my DVD program. In fact, please don't.

One thing that we both agree on...

Being “too nice” isn't the way with women.



I used the most simple technique to test your methods and was absolutely AMAZED at the results. Simply put, I am in a bar and see a beautiful blonde and say to her "I love the dress, but your hair looks like s@#$". She immediately starts playing with her hair and runs into the bathroom. She comes out 20 minutes later and and asks me how it looks now, which I say "better". She walks away and talks to her friends, only to come back to me 10 minutes later to sit down and flirt with me. After a while she goes back to talk to her friends, and then comes back to me again and says "you are adorable" and keeps staring at me. She was absolutely 100% attracted to me. She kept looking at me in a crazed sort of way that I NEVER experienced after all of those years being a "nice guy". A beautiful woman was practically stalking me and all I ever said was that her hair looked bad. That's all it took. THAT was incredible!

St. Petersburg, FL



You know, I'm afraid that this newsletter is going to have guys running out all over the world to insult women.

If you're reading this right now, make sure you are VERY FAMILIAR with the principles of being Cocky & Funny, the voice tone and body language involved, etc. before you attempt to use it.

If you choose to avoid this advice, you're very likely to get yourself slapped.

...which is probably what you need anyway.

Where do you learn this stuff? Try my eBook and my Advanced Series.

By the way, great story. It's CRAZY how women will start telling you how “sweet” and “cute” and “nice” you are when you tease them.


David, I downloaded your book a few weeks ago and like a dumbass I put off reading it until yesterday. I read it straight through and tried some of your methods later that night... I was talking to a little hottie and she was giving mad attitude which I immediately called her out on and then pulled out the "I know something no one else who's known you for 5 min" thing and she ate it up like it was her last meal. Throughout the night with plenty of C/F, she was like my siamese twin. Truly incredible since I had just read your book a few hours before and I have braces! What are some other "profound comments" that I can throw into my game? I can't wait to get the advanced series, and I've got a new outlook on life. Can't thank you enough.



Yes, I have a profound comment for you:


This is one of my favorites... so let me tell you about it.

Women LOVE to say things just to see what you'll do or say in response.

Have you ever had a woman mention sex early on in a conversation?

Or maybe a woman will ask a shocking question like “When was the last time you slept with a woman?” or “How many women have you slept with?” or “I have been with a few women... what do you think of that?”.

Or maybe a woman will DO something crazy, like push her boobs together and ask if you think she should get implants.

I'm sure you've been there.

These are all things that women do to TEST you and see what you're all about.

This is yet another topic that deserves an entire newsletter... so I'll give you the short version.

One of my favorite responses is to just look back at her with a blank look, and say NOTHING AT ALL.

No response.

No facial expression.

No nervous ticks.

No excited looks.


I'll let the tension build for about 5 or 10 seconds.

They I'll usually fire back some kind of Cocky & Funny comment like “Does that usually work?”.

Of course, this totally short-circuits whatever she did, and usually gets a deer-in-the- headlights look with an “I'm so innocent” question of “What do you mean by that?”.

Of course, I usually respond with “You know EXACTLY what I mean”.

Remember, when you're in one of these situations, the most PROFOUND comment you can make is often NO comment.

Great question.

You're going to FREAK when you watch my Advanced Series...

***Success Story***

I got your e-book and additional materials and I want to say thank you. I already did many of the things you teach (unintentionally) because that's what comes naturally, but now I have a much better understanding as to why it works and what I can do better, because let's face it, if I was satisfied with my success I wouldn't be here. I've always been good at approaching women, getting their numbers and keeping them interested, but I've always messed up 'closing escrow'. Your 'pull them to you', 'Push them away' technique is working, the hardest part is being patient and not rushing in.

I took a girl out last weekend to the park for a picnic (inexpensive experience) with the key ingredient (sexy food as you advised): cherries (1lb). I was looking for the cherries to do their magic and by the time we got to dessert, we were feeding each other increasing the level of sensual activity leaped exponentially. Then using your 'pull-push' technique, I would stop and say "Now you cannot rub me there in a public park" and would move her hand away from my crotch. Then I would start again and stop. I made some comments suggesting that I would be willing to 'allow' her to touch me more in private, but she didn't take the bait and wanted to continue a 'public display'. As you recommend, I cut the picnic short and said I had to do some work - I run my own business, so it was plausible even on a weekend. She emailed the next day and wants to see me again.

The trouble is how to get her from A to B (public place to bedroom) without giving the game away? I know you suggest making an excuse - before I read your materials, I have used grocery shopping i.e., taking the bags back to my place- but anyone can figure what the hidden motive is. If a girl asks you to her place for 'coffee', you never end up boiling a kettle. So should I be more direct or should I wait for her to suggest it?

Thanks in advance.

-H (London)


This is an interesting question.

I don't really think that you need to make any “excuses”.

I think that your mistake was that you got too frisky with her in public, then actually told her that you'd be willing to “allow” her to do more with you in private.

Both might have been bad, in your case.

If I were you, I would have:

1) Not let things get so heavy in the park.

2) Not mentioned being with her in private.

3) Ended the picnic, then casually led her to your car, and took her to your place.

Remember, if you give a woman something to resist, she usually will.

So don't.

In fact, it's often better to put things out there as a playful CHALLENGE instead.

If a woman wants to see my house, I often say “I'm not sure about this... I don't know if I trust you. I'll tell you what. You can only come in for a minute, and no funny business”.

If I were you, I'd:

1) Wait a day to email her back.

2) Wait at least a couple of days to see her

3) Keep yourself busy, and date other women.

4) Invite her over, and cook dinner.

You take things from there...

And pay careful attention to the comments I made above. You're almost there...


Hey David,

I just bought a copy of your ebook and I think its absolutely fantastic and to put it plainly 'right-on'. (This is coming from a guy who used to think that any kind of book on dating would be a load of crap). Your ideas have changed my beliefs. Now I think I'm getting the C&F down pretty well... but I recently went out on a date with a 7.5 and we had a blast but there were one or two moments during the date when both of us ran out of things to say and so all I could think of was C&F so I ended up blurting out ... "So why don't you tell me an exciting story? If it's really good then I might consider taking you out again and you can even pay if you want!" This cracked her up and I even ended up setting another date with her but I was just wondering what I should do for future occasions if such a situation ever arises!



The thing that determines whether or not a silence is “uncomfortable” is what happens RIGHT AFTER IT.

In other words, most men get all kinds of nervous if there is a silence... and by the time they think of something to say, they SOUND nervous.

If you just realize that silences are normal, and allow them to happen, you'll solve about 80% of the problems that go along with them.

Don't let silences bother you.

When they happen (and they always do), just pick the conversation back up later.

Again, most men let silences freak them out.

When you do this, then start acting nervous, it INSTANTLY lets a woman know that you're trying to impress her, and that you care too much about what she thinks of you...

Which, of course, makes your concern backfire on you.

Stay cool.

Don't let a silence bother you.



I have been receiving your e-mails for almost a month now and I am learning more about women than I ever thought possible. Anyways, I used to always have problems understanding when and what women wanted from me. I've always seemed to make the wrong move at the wrong time, and I've paid dearly for it in many instances. BUT I now know the error of my ways. Last week a very hot girl (thanks to some of your suggestions) and I were sitting at my place watching her favorite movie, the Princess Bride, (all in all not a bad movie) when the power suddenly went out. I had nothing to do with it, I swear (wink, wink :) ). So after the initial shock wore off for her we began talking and I used your how-to-know-when-a-woman-wants-to-be-kissed concept. And you know what? It worked! Not that I was very surprised but I was a little. Thank you so much for your thoughts and I'll soon be ordering your advanced series.

JS, Vegas


Yea, “The Kiss Test” is a great one.

One of my favorites.

I love ideas that rejection-proof the process.


Dear David,

A friend of mine (male) just forwarded your newsletters to me to take a look at. He wanted my candid (female) opinion on what you were saying. After reading them over and checking out your site (yea, you hooked me, I signed up for the newsletter too) I love this stuff you're telling these guys, keep it up!

Cocky & funny is totally the way to go. More often than not, I see a guy in a club or coffee shop, laundry mat (where ever) and they're sexxy, hot, attractive or whatever and THEN they speak... Its all over. No wit, no intelligence, no spark... nothing. Sure they're great to look at, but thats 'bout it. And the guys that are witty and intelligent are too scared to approach me. Now, I just want to print out everything on your site and hand it out like candy on Halloween to random guys.

A little about me...I'm 30, short? 5'2" bout 120ish lbs asian/irish combo and I consider myself to be somewhere in the range of a 7-8, though most guys I know throw me somewhere up over 10. I have an awesome personality, am attractive, intelligent and I know exactly what I want, when I want it and am not afraid to say it.

And this thing you say about females being competitive, lol! Its soooo true. My girl friends hate me but come to me with every question imaginable about how to deal with men, they call me the heart breaker and of course they all tell me I should write a book.

I have a large number of male friends and from them I've learned this one valuable thing...Men are incredibly easy to read, its a shame. They truely get trapped in this cycle of behavior patterns and have no way out, which makes them semi-unattractive to the opposite sex. I'm not in a successful relationship because it ALWAYS ends with this confident and intelligent guy turning into a blob of lime jello in my presence.

It starts like this, I meet guy, date guy (or whatever use your imagination) he falls head over heels WAY too fast then transforms from this attractive appealing person to...yea jello. Most of the girls I know want to know the secret to turning a guy into mush and having them right where they want them, but fail to understand that its BORING! Women are somewhat like men and want to be stimulated, though it does take different things to stimulate women than men, but its a basic common sense concept.

You keep telling these guys that chicks may think they want the same old blah blah blah, but they really don't, they want the...omfg RaR~!! Give them that and they're totally yours...

Unless of course its me, then they'll always need to change up to keep me interested, cuz i'm one in a million (lol) I'd send you my picture and open a correspondence with you because you seem hella interesting and get "it", but then you'd fall madly in love with me and abandon your technique... then i'd have to break your heart ;)

D in MA


All men should be forced to read this email every day for 30 days in a row before they're allowed to have their 18th birthday party.

AMEN sister!

By the way, if there's one thing you can bet money on, it's that I'm not falling in love with you because you send me a picture.

But it was a nice thought.

For you, I mean.


Seriously, dude, where were you 16 years ago when I could have really used this stuff?

Not that I'm not having fun using it right now. Your advice is pure gold. If there's a guy out there on the fence right now about trying out the C+F routine, hop off that fence and start using it.

I recently divorced and started a new job, and there's a hottie there that I'm not interested in dating but has been a great test subject. I bust her balls all the time, and she eats it up! I've been getting free lunches out of the deal and get to be seen with a beautiful woman, so there's no downside.

Here's where your stuff really helped out, though. One day she comes to my cubicle and I'm doing the C+F thang -- when she suddenly gets pouty and calls me mean. She says, with a frowny face, "I don't like the way you keep making fun of me." Well, this is certainly new behavior on her part, because up until now she's been loving it. Then the light bulb goes off in my head -- this is a test! "If you don't like it," I respond very matter-of-factly, "then don't smile so much when I do it." Her frown melted into a smile and she invited me out to another free lunch!

David, I swear, a few years back I would have failed this test. I would have apologized for making fun of her, immediately complimented her in some way and made a total wimp out of myself. But not now -- thanks to you!

P.S. -- You should have heard the guys in my department after this little exchange. They couldn't believe how smooth and calm I was. I immediately sent them all a copy of your newsletter.

-- P in Minneapolis


Your response is CLASSIC Cocky & Funny.

“...then don't smile so much when I do it...”

LOVE IT... love it.

This is the way to communicate with women.

This is it.

Thanks... great story.



Kudos on the Advanced Series CD set and the's absolutely phenomenal material! I'm really feeling my confidence skyrocket with every listen and application of this stuff. WOW!!!!

The other day, I was out at Borders Bookstore and saw this very attractive girl reading a book, and she looked deep in thought. Knowing that girls who look like her are often treated like they are only all beauty and no brains, I walk up to her and ask, "Is this seat taken?" and sit down with her and say, "I saw you sitting here and you looked like you were very deep in thought and wanted to know... <> ...what is on your mind?" David, she MELTED!!! I hardly had to talk for the rest of 10-15 minutes I was with her, because she was so excited that someone saw her for her brains and not her boobs (reallllly nice ones, at I told her I had to go and gave her MY NUMBER...and my phone has been ringing off the hook!!!! This is a really important concept you've harped on before: noticing the typically unnoticed aspects of a woman - if she's brainy and only modestly pretty, emphasize her beauty and if a woman is very attractive, make sure to stroke her intellect because these girls never have attention paid to their mind, only to their body. Woman LOVE IT that you notice these unnoticed things about makes them feel like there is some sort of "cosmic connection" between you and Her.

Now to the questions......In your CD Series, you talk about setting the "ground rules" with women in the very beginning of the relationship. One was about telling a woman that your house is a place with a calm, positive vibe and that no drama is tolerated and the other was telling a woman that you have zero intentions of starting a relationship anytime soon. Now, these are awesome ideas that I want to come across but do I tell the girls directly or do I 'convey' them somehow? If so, how do I convey these ideas??

Thanks A Lot!!!
D, Indiana


In short, BOTH.

When it comes to my house, and telling a woman the “rules” of being in my house, I like to tell her DIRECTLY.

I lay it all out.


Why not imply it somehow?

Because in this case, telling her IS implying something. But it's something ELSE.

When I lay down the rules for being in my house, I'm communicating something FAR more important to her.

I'm communicating that I'm in CONTROL of the situation... and that this is MY territory.

Get it?

Remember in the Advanced Series when I explain that women are ALWAYS interpreting the things you say? And that you have to learn how to STOP saying things directly, and start saying everything by IMPLYING?

Well, this is a case of implying by saying something ELSE directly.

I know, deep, man.

Great question...

And by the way, if you're reading this right now, and you're ready to take your success with women to an entirely different level, then I have a few things to tell you...

First, I want to ask you something.

What is it that's holding you back?

What's stopping you from having success with women?

Think about it for a minute.

Now I have something REALLY interesting to share with you...


See, I know that most guys have a “secret reason” why they fail with women.

Maybe it's that they're too short.

Or maybe it's because they're too old.

Or maybe it's because they're bald.

Whatever it is, it's THE big reason.

Unfortunately, most guys walk around with their “secret reason”, and use it to explain to themselves why NOTHING can EVER work for them.

As they read these newsletters, in their minds they're constantly saying “That's a great story, but that would never work for ME because of my secret reason...”.

Are you with me here?

Well guess what...


But the fact is that you're WRONG.

Your secret reason IS ABSOLUTELY NOT the reason why you don't have the kind of success with women that you'd like to have.

The REAL reason why you don't have the level of success you want is because you're not DOING ANYTHING about it.

I have spent a lot of time getting to know a lot of guys who are successful with women.

And guess what?

MOST of them are NOT what you would expect.

Sure, I know a few guys that are tall, rich, and handsome.

But the MAJORITY of guys that I know who are successful with women are AVERAGE OR BELOW in MOST areas of their lives.

I know at least 4 or 5 SHORT guys who date so many hot women it would make your head spin.

Most of the guys I know who are really good with women make average incomes.

...and on and on.

I now believe 100% that you can overcome any little “disadvantage” that you have, and go on to become VERY successful with women.

One more thing...

I've spent a LOT of time putting my eBook and other products together.

Think about this for a moment...

What if I asked you to spend a few YEARS of your life, thousands of dollars of your own money, and all kind of hard work and effort to learn something?

What if I told you that at the end of that time, I wanted to have you create a program that taught me everything you learned, but I was only going to pay you a couple of hundred bucks to do it?

What would you say?

You'd probably laugh at me.

Well, that's what I'VE done myself.

I've spent YEARS figuring out this area of my life for MYSELF. I took the time to try all kinds of crazy ideas, and test everything I learned.

Most of it didn't work.

Most of it sucked.

I wasted more time trying stupid things than anyone I know.

But the good news is that I figured it out.

I took myself from not being able to even walk over and talk to a woman to being able to date the most beautiful and intelligent women alive.

And now I've created the programs that I WISH I had when I started.

I'm serious about this.

I always ask myself “What do I wish I had when I started”... and I go from there.

Finally, I've been doing something lately that is UNHEARD OF...

In the past, I got a lot of emails that said things like “If your stuff is so great, why don't you send me a free copy, and if it works for me, I'll pay you...”.

I just laughed and said “Yea, right, whatever”.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this was the way I PERSONALLY would like things to be when I buy things.

So guess what?

I tried it.

And it seems to be working pretty well.

Here's the deal:

If you want to download my eBook, I'll let you do it on a FREE TRIAL.

That's right, you don't have to pay up front for it.

If you like it, keep it. If not, you don't pay.

I'd also like to invite you to sign up for my FREE Dating Tips Newsletter... where you'll get more great tips like these.

You can do both here:

• Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook •

This offer is the real deal. No tricks.

Check it out.

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

David DeAngelo is the author of “Double Your Dating - What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women”, and has taught thousands of men how to be more successful with women and dating.

Copyright 2010 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved. "David DeAngelo" and "Double Your Dating" are trademarks used by David DeAngelo Communications Inc.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Secret Cause Of “Distance” In Relationships

The Secret Cause Of “Distance” In Relationships

Hey there,

I'm about to share a secret with you about men that most women will go their entire love lives never seeing or understanding.

Here's why it's critical that you find out about this secret RIGHT NOW...

This one simple but powerful insight could mean the difference between you becoming truly close, connected and committed with a man, in the kind of way where you TRULY know him.


Experiencing the disconnection and withdrawal that often comes from a man's fear of “losing his freedom” or being overwhelmed by intimacy in a relationship with a woman, who DOESN'T know about this secret.

The truth is, it doesn't have to be so difficult when it comes to a lasting relationship with a man.

Keep reading to learn a powerful insight most women will never come across to turn the common “resistance” in relationships with men from an obstacle to a point of growth and connection.

Oh, and here's something else you're going to get from this insight that will DRAMATICALLY change things in your love life for the better...

What you're about to learn will not only help you understand what's REALLY going on in a man's mind... since, as you know, men can often not share much or make it feel very easy to share...

But... it can also have the rare and desirable quality of actually helping a man to understand YOU more.

Wouldn't that be a breath of fresh air?

If you haven't read between the lines yet, I'm talking about a RELATIONSHIP SKILL that's CRITICAL for you to learn if you want a lasting relationship with a man.

Stop repeating the same old patterns, that you know from experience, have only lead to heartbreak, disappointment or wasted energy.

It's time for change.

It's time to do things differently.

It's time to have what you want in love.

It's time to find and use WHAT ACTUALLY WORKS in relationships with men.


There's something FASCINATING that I've realized is a common source of pain and frustration for lots of women in relationships with men... and I want to share it with you.

Something that can create a subtle but powerful and lasting DISTANCE between a woman and a man.

Something that even happens for women who would consider themselves “good communicators.”

Something that brings about the very situations that most women are looking to avoid in a relationship - such as disconnection, withdrawal and a lack of intimacy.

What I'm talking about here are our BELIEFS.

But how are BELIEFS important when it comes to dating and relationships with men?

Well, beliefs have a VERY POWERFUL EFFECT on everything we think and do.

You're not always conscious of it, but your beliefs color your entire perception of what's happening around you.

You just don't see it happening because your mind does it so quick and perfectly.

Everything you see and experience is run through your own set of beliefs, and these help shape a set of meanings, feelings and emotions.

So, in a sense, what you think and feel is largely driven by your beliefs.

Here's where all this gets FASCINATING...

What if you have an overly “negative” belief?

And what if you have a belief based on fear or loss?

And what if you have a belief that's just plain WRONG?

The PAINFUL TRUTH is that, if you're like lots of women who've been hurt in relationships, then you probably have your own set of beliefs about men, relationships and about yourself in relationships.

And, like it or not, some of these beliefs are most likely shaping negative, limiting or even SELF-DESTRUCTIVE experiences in your life.

Of course, men have these kind of beliefs too, and these beliefs subtly drive parts of their thinking and behavior.

Here's a great example...

Tell me... would a healthy, loving, committed relationship with a woman really take away a man's “freedom”?

Of course not.

Believe it or not, men are smart enough to know this when they have a great woman in their life.

But then, why do so many men still believe this to be true anyway, and act it out in their relationships through non-committal or withdrawing behavior?

Here's the strange part about WHY...

It's not a man's “logical” or “rational” mind that's completely in control here.

It's the man's SUBCONSCIOUS BELIEF that a woman and a relationship will take away his freedom.

Note that I said “SUBCONSCIOUS” BELIEF here...

Which means that even if you “called a man out” about this belief in his mind, it doesn't mean that he'd be able to see what you're talking about, let alone understand it for himself.

Follow me here?

In fact, a man would probably say you were making up “psycho-babble” and not hear you at all.

But here's the point...

Men and women both have important and powerful beliefs about the other sex and relationships, rooted deep in their minds.


Do you know YOUR beliefs?

And do you know how to find out what a man's beliefs are?

Knowing this you won't fall into common deadly relationship traps other women come up against again and again with men and can NEVER get the clarity that they're after.


After years of research, study and observation, I've found several of the common false or “limiting beliefs” that keep women from loving and having lasting relationships with men.

Of course, I've also found common “limiting beliefs” that men have - ones that seem to, in situation after situation, make it difficult for them to be in committed relationships.

But let's start by talking about the most important person here...


Let me ask you an important question...

Have you ever wondered if there's something you're just plain missing about men in general?

That when it comes to how men think, feel and behave in relationships, they're really all messed up and strange?

Here's something I've learned from women about what's really puzzling about a man...

How can a man be so open, generous, loving and caring early on and at various times in a relationship, but then act like you aren't the same two people who share so much when things go wrong?

I've seen this myself, and I've heard it from TONS of women who've I've met, spoken to, worked with and received emails from online.

In fact, to be honest, I've even been that guy myself in the past.

The reality is that a man can go from caring, protective, complimentary, and emotionally engaged with a woman, and then suddenly become distant, cold or uninterested.

All as though he was never even emotionally involved in the first place.

Know what I'm talking about here?

Give me a silent nod if you've experienced this kind of thing with a man before.

Sucks, right?

When it happened, you probably felt, on some level, like you'd NEVER understand what in the world is going on with men.


You probably felt like you'd NEVER MEET A MAN who was different and who would UNDERSTAND YOU.

Let alone get how love and relationships work in YOUR WORLD.

Sound or feel familiar?

Ok, now guess what these thoughts and feelings are?

That's right.. these are the BELIEFS that you've picked up from your past experiences with men.

And guess what else?

They're not very helpful to you.

In fact, they're actually COUNTERPRODUCTIVE when you're wanting to have an open, connected, loving relationship with a man.

They also create distance between you and a man - distance that most women never know they're creating themselves.

But don't worry... you're not strange, messed up or weird.

We've all been there.

You most likely took on these self-defeating beliefs to try and deal with the pain you felt, and to help make sense of it all.

There's a direct link between pain and awareness.

And when you experience pain, it's a natural reaction of the mind and body to lessen your awareness, in an effort to help numb the pain.

But here's what you need to know RIGHT NOW...

If you don't start to look for and become aware of your own Limiting Beliefs, then they'll just keep holding you back from ever finding what you want. The strange thing is, for some reason, lots of people like to hold on to their false and Limiting Beliefs - regardless of how damaging they are.

I like to think of these kind of beliefs as a “SECRET EXCUSE”.

We each have one, or more, Secret Excuses that we make up to comfort and protect ourselves from the things that hurt or disappoint us about our lives or ourselves.

But here's the reality...

Your Secret Excuse is getting in your way.

Your Secret Excuse is keeping you at a distance from men, or that one special man, in your life.

Your Secret Excuse is actually taking the new things that are coming into your life and painting them over with a dark negative “tint”.

Let me give you a few of my favorite “Secret Excuses” that I hear from women all the time when it comes to men...

“Men can't have real relationships.”

“There are no good guys out there.”

“All men cheat.”

Or, how about some of the hopeless ones...

“Even if I find a great guy, he won't end up truly loving me... and it won't last.”

“I never get back what I put in when it comes to relationships. I give up.”

Or, there are the martyr beliefs...

“I'm just not meant to have true love in my life - and all these past heartbreaks and failed situations are PROOF.”

“There's something wrong with me as a woman, and I won't be able to fix it, so I'll give up on finding real love in my life.”

And then there's the single most popular and common limiting and self-defeating belief out there...

It's so subtle and pervasive that some women pass it around to each other daily, without even noticing how negatively it effects them -

“Men are jerks.”

If you don't understand how destructive this can be, imagine this...

What do you think would be going on for a man if he had repeatedly said that he thought women were all “hysterical?”

Or how about, “Women are all bitchy?”

Not a very healthy outlook on women and relationships here, right?

Not the kind of guy you want to make a “go of it” with... right?

Lots of “baggage” to overcome.

Or maybe worse...

Lots of deeply rooted personal BELIEFS to break down before a man would ever actually SEE YOU for who YOU are and be “present” with you.

Translation - lots of emotional distance and a severe lack of understanding and intimacy.


So, now that you've got this new “education” about BELIEFS, how they work, and their power, what can you do to improve your situation RIGHT NOW?

What can actually create positive change and growth in the real-world you live in?

In other words...

Ideas are good.

But RESULTS are better.

The very first step is to take the time to pay attention to your own “voice.”

You know... that one that's in your head that goes off and screams loudly inside when bad things happen with a man.

And yeah, I bet this voice isn't the thing you want to try and get close to in your life right now.

But the sooner you figure out why it's there and what's behind it, the sooner you can make a positive change for the better.

Here's something simple but profound.

(My favorite kind of concept!)

The more aware you become about something, the more power you have to change it.

But you can't work with something that you haven't put your finger on and identified for yourself.

So start by working to pay more attention to the things you DON'T LIKE, or that BOTHER YOU about men or relationships.

Maybe it's that thing that has somehow happened to you again and again with men, even though you promised yourself you'd never let that kind of thing into your life again.

Yeah, I know... Yikes!

I'm asking you to look at that “crap?“

You're probably thinking that you finally got away from it.

Well, I'm not asking you to go there because I'm sick and twisted. (not much

I don't want things to be tougher than they have to be for you to find and create the love and fulfillment you deserve.

No... it's because I want you to be able to move past the things that are holding you back by pushing them out from the place where they subtly undermine you.

I call this “lighting the dark spots”.

These “dark spots” are where we don't often like to look and are the places that we hide things from ourselves that we don't like when we see them.

But these places, as scary as they might seem, are the source of our Limiting Beliefs.

So, when we can bring these things into our consciousness and awareness, we gain positive power over them.

Of course, it also really helps to have experience and guidance when you start off in new areas.

Finding the right information can save you literally years or decades of time and wasted energy.

And that's where you're really in luck...

I've literally spent years helping women avoid the pain and frustration of destructive and limiting beliefs.

In fact, I've been able to save thousands of women from the wasted time and energy of trying HARDER and HARDER in their relationships and getting LESS and LESS back.

Partly by just clearing up some of the critical misunderstandings and frustrations that come from limiting beliefs.

But also, by explaining the importance of knowing EXACTLY what to do in each of the critical situations that come up with men while dating and in relationships.

There are crucial “resistance points” with men and dating... and if a woman doesn't know about these, it's HIGHLY likely that she'll trip over them and end up with the common and dreaded emotionally distant and non-committal man.

Don't end up there, with no idea of how to change things - without the drama and resistance - on how "talks" can go for lots of women with men.

Here's the good news...

A few years ago, I finally decided to take all my very best ideas, concepts and strategies that I'd used to help women in the REAL WORLD, and put it all together in one single COMPLETE REFERENCE GUIDE.

What came together was an in-depth guide to what's really going on inside the mind of a man.

A guide that any woman could quickly and easily use to transform her love life - as a single woman OR inside her existing relationship.

My ebook, “Catch Him And Keep Him” is quite possibly the world's best single “guide book” for women when it comes to the male mind, dating, attraction and LASTING RELATIONSHIPS.

But don't take my word for it...

I've included a few recent emails I got in my inbox from women who have read my book.

See what they have to say for yourself.

You can find their emails a little further below.

Or, if you want, you can download my ebook right now and be reading it in literally a minute or two.

I'm SO ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT that you're going to get TONS and TONS of real and lasting change, growth, and benefits in your love life from my book that I'm going to make you a special promise.

I'll let you try my ebook FREE to see if you like it.

That's right...

I'm 110% sure it will bring amazing change into your life with men, dating and relationships.

Although, I won't lie - it's not going to download itself and jump into your brain all on it's own...

You actually do have to read it and work with the material - and I can't do that for you.

But what better “investment” could you make that promises to bring you more connection, love and fulfillment in your relationship?

What would that be worth?

Do yourself a “free favor” right now and download my ebook for a free trial.

There's NOTHING to lose, and everything to gain.

If you don't like the book for ANY reason, all you have to do is email me to let me know and you'll pay nothing.


No questions asked. Period.

You don't even have to try and come up with a good excuse.

Don't waste any more time waiting for the love life you want to “find you” or for him to be the one to make it happen for you.

It's time to take the love that you know is possible in your life... into your own hands...

Go here now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Best of luck in life and love and I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter



I first want to start off by thanking you. I read your book front to cover in three days and it may just be the most powerful and inspirational tool i have ever encountered! You truly opened up my eyes to a completely new way of dealing with men and helped me see what it was that I was doing wrong.

I also read, "He's Just Not That Into You" before i read "Catch Him and Keep Him." I must say, although it was a good book, i strongly believe that yours was much more informative on an objective level. You explain it in a way that doesn't criticize or put women down. Instead you literally show us how we can make some changes in the way we perceive situations with men. Your book was a much more constructive learning tool for me.

Thank you!




I hope this e-mail will get to you. I bought and paid for your book this week. I also read the entire book because it is a fast read.

I just wanted to tell you that you are utterly amazing - you have your head on straight, and I totally agree with your viewpoint on the male/female dynamics. I am recently divorced after being previously widowed, so I know what a good marriage and relationship consists of based on the first marriage. At this juncture, I needed some reassurance, and your book really reconfirmed the viewpoint that I already had-- that being an independent, self-assured woman is a win for the woman, and a win for a relationship.

I've recently gone on 3 dates with someone I like. On the last date, I was kind of disappointed that he didn't make sexual advances. Based on reading your book, I am honored. Thanks for that enlightenment.

Alice C.


Hi Christian!

I have to tell you, this book, along with several other key events, has changed my life!!! In the past week, I've been contacting old boyfriends and forgiving them, apologizing, sending love to them and really meaning it! I am able to stop being a victim of circumstance and start taking responsibility for creating everything I want and deserve. It's all about loving and forgiving myself. I was seeking approval and a whole slew of other disgusting behaviors. I just didn't get it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! I'm going to tell all of my single friends about this web site and book~!

Julie :)


Subject: Success story

Hi Christian!

This email is about a success story, but not mine - yours! :)

Your story (ebook) is a true success! I am glad I had the guts to write my Visa-card no and order your book, I hope U won't sell it to criminals in the future.... I had some money left on the account today so I might just trust U after all. :)

I have just started to study at University (after working 17 years): Social psychology and communication, I have also gone to a course in Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg) and what can I say: YOUR BOOK HAS IT ALL! You have great skills in several areas and combine them in a very intelligent way. I read somewhere that you said that you're not an author. You are! I can tell. It was the perfect language for this subject. You even put in data about scientific research in a very interesting and humorous way.

Actually, you have inspired me to become a "non- author" in topics about personal development and understanding vision is to become a personal coach and I think this writing thing can be something for me too. I have never had that idea before but I will continue nurturing it!

Finally: THANK YOU for explaining why I have failed in earlier relationships! And also why I succeeded in some! It all seems clear now. I can't wait to test my new skills and see where it takes me :) I have come so far that I know that the only person that can make me happy is me, myself and I, that is the first step right? That means I will no longer be needy and clingy, halleluja. I have a good life without a man.

I hope you have come so far that you are able to feel how grateful I truly am for the opportunity to read your "instruction book", and that I really think that you have made a great job. Put this knowledge in your heart and keep it. I don't want to waist your time in vain, see. :)

Best wishes,

Annki from Sweden

ps: Sorry for the "false" subject line....I couldn't resist it :)

ps2: I don't know how many grey hairs the studies have given you, but trust me, it was worth it :) You will save loads of women from unnecessary pain. Hopefully loads of men as well. That gives a lot of plus points in heaven! :)


Go here to get your free trial copy:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Monday, August 18, 2008

Your Date, Your Image, Their First Impression

Your Date, Your Image, Their First Impression
What Do They Think Of You? Check Your Image for Cause and Effect
by April Masini

Q: Dear April,
My sister is always giving me a hard time about my clothes, and about the "bad impression" they give. Do women really care that much about the way men dress, or is she just being a bitch?

Is Image Everything
Dear Is Image Everything,
You’ve likely heard the expression, "You can’t judge a book by its cover." But if you believe it’s true - I would strongly suggest you not to go into publishing!
Book and magazine publishers have long since proven that although a cover may not tell you what’s on the inside, it is the reason that we’re initially drawn to a book, and it is the reason we choose to take one magazine off the shelf as opposed to another. Here’s the thing—until a book is picked up, guess what? No sale. And no sale means that the great story inside never gets told.

How does this relate to you? Simple. You, like a book, may be fabulous on the inside, but if you haven’t interested people enough with "your cover" to pick you up and see what you’re all about - there is no way they are ever going to find out!

Clearly, my objective is not to defend the value of the book cover, but rather to illustrate a point. That being that your image—from the clothes and accessories you wear, to the car you drive, to your hairstyle and hygiene—is your book cover. It may not fully or accurately represent the whole story that lies inside your proverbial pages, but it will determine your ability to make a sale, in both the literal and figurative sense.

You Only Get One Shot (At Making A Good First Impression)
Remember the adage, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression,” and heed its warning. Those impressions are formed in a matter of seconds. Being both immediate and long lasting (if not permanent), they will largely determine your success or failure – with women, with career, with life.

The Old Double Standard

Many men—though maybe not you—might be reading this and thinking that the lesson doesn’t apply to them because, well…they’re men, and men don’t have to be concerned with their appearances (their “covers”) in the way that women do.

If you’re one of these guys, you’d better wake up…and fast! This type of misconception—and let there be no mistake about it, it most definitely is a misconception—may not only be holding you back from reaching your goals—it might downright prevent your success! But don’t just take my word for it. Studies have shown that white-collar job interviews involving strangers succeed or fail, much more due to appearance-derived judgments than underlying abilities. Is it unfair? Yes. But is it true? You absolutely, categorically, better believe it is!
GUYS, get Date Out Of Your League! Chapter 8, called ZZ Topless, has rules, tips, and advice and outlines a complete (and I do mean complete) wardrobe for you, This chapter that will take the guess work out of how to dress, and will give you confidence in knowing that you look good.
LADIES, I went all out for you revealing wardrobe, hair, make-up, and diet secrets , tips, and tricks in Think & Date Like A Man. Chapter 9: Get A Good Hair-Fare, Chapter 10: Oh, Make Me Over, Chapter 11: There's No Body Like A Hot Body, and Chapter 12: Clothes That Will Get You Close to Him -- are all written with one goal in mind, so that you can learn how to find the man of your dreams, get him, and keep him.
Check Your Image for "Cause & Effect"

It’s been over 2,000 years since Socrates explained “The Law of Cause and Effect," and you know what? After all this time, nothing has changed. When you pick the action, you pick the result. You choose your image – you choose how people will react to you and how they will treat you. That is a proven fact!

Everyone -- from the sexy woman you see every morning at Starbucks who you’ve been working up the courage to ask out, to your boss who may (or may not) give you a promotion, to the maitre d' who determines which table you get -- will make judgments about you that modify their behavior, and determine their treatment of you, based upon your appearance and their perception of you.

In other words, that sexy woman might think twice about saying yes if she’s not crazy about your dirty, scuffed up shoes or the way you were slurping your coffee as you neglected to hold the door open for that elderly older woman. And your boss might not consider you for that promotion if you’re coming in every day looking disheveled and unkempt; or if you did not allow a female client to walk ahead of you to the table, and pull out her chair, at that important dinner he invited you to. And the maitre d’? You know where you’ll be sitting if you’ve missed getting your monthly hair cut – for a third week – or show up wearing a wrinkled shirt and "too loose in the seat" pants! That’s right. The back…next to the kitchen…on the way to the bathroom.

Look The Part

Now that you grasp the importance of your image, it’s time to actually do something about it. Because while it may seem unjust that people make judgments based on “covers”, or that your success depends upon an initial impression of only a few seconds, the great part is that your image—and the judgments others make about you based upon it—is that most of it is totally within your control!
Be The Part

The real question is whether you’re going to positively—or negatively—affect and influence that judging. The real question is whether it will be you getting the promotion, or the well-dressed guy with impeccable manners next to you (you know the one who’s got half the qualifications as you but somehow comes across as more together). The real question is when you’re going to accept the fact that looking the part is one giant leap toward actually being the part.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, 50 First Dates and The Next 50 Dates, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine

Thursday, August 14, 2008

What if he is afraid of a relationship?

What If He's Afraid
Of A Relationship?


This time I'm sharing a question from a reader that I know you'll be interested in...

>>Question From A Reader:

I purchased your e-book last night and have been reading it. Wow! But I admit I skipped to some parts to get to others that I thought I needed to read first...and now I'm going back to read the entire thing. I wanted to share something with you first that struck me.

I have made the mistake of admitting to a friend that I have feelings for him - more than a friendship. We have been intimate with each other about 3 times. Everything was fine until I mentioned my feelings to him. I wasn't asking him for a relationship...but he took it that way. I have since then been pouring my heart out to him and pretty much looking insane.

Is there any way to save it? I know he has feelings for me.

Please help...and tell me how to reverse the damage I have done.

Thanks so much


>>My Thoughts:


I've got to slap some sense into you for your own good.

I'm going to skip some critical stuff here because you've got my book.

But go back to Chapter 6 and read each section again.

Your fears are taking over your emotions... which in turn is driving the behavior that your guy is responding negatively to.

You've stopped steering your life emotionally and you've let go of the wheel.

Go to Chapter 7 also, about the Emotional Gap, and read about “How To Set Yourself Apart From Other Women.”

But I've got some new ideas for you too...

There's an important scientific word I want you to learn and remember:


You OBVIOUSLY have real feelings for him - you're sleeping with him!

And I'm willing to bet you had these feelings all along, but you just weren't completely up front about them.

You're situation is possibly the WORST kind of uphill battle a woman can have with a man early on.

It's a BIG NO-NO.

Actually, it's THE big NO-NO in the early dating stage.

Using purely “physical attraction” to start a potential relationship.

So rarely do I give rules, but here's an absolute RULE when it comes to men -

You can go from a committed and deep relationship to something “casual” or physical with a man.

For a man, that's relatively easy.

But it almost impossible to go from the “friends - with-benefits” situation to a deep, fulfilling, intimate and lasting situation.

If you know what I'm talking about here say “Amen!”

I know this first hand.

From my own love-life and from TONS of men and women I've known in my life.

So here's the “RULE”:

DON'T EVER try and start things with a man at a casual and purely physical level if you EVER want the option for something more meaningful or long- term.

Men don't work this way, like it or not.

And don't try to get a man BACK with physical attraction and sex either.

It's a dead-end street.

So here's the first thing you need to do...

Go read my book again - and this time finish it.

Then read it 2 more times.

Just buying it won't help you.

The worst part of this is that you're smart and you know better - I can tell, but I guess you're just a glutton for punishment.

And I can't see why you're surprised with how frustrating your situation is.

Because you helped create it with your own choices.

But you're still not getting it, so I'm going to give you the crash-course in the kind of dating that leads to love and happiness that you need.

Here goes...


You said you “made the mistake” of admitting you had feelings for him

It's NOT a mistake to share your feelings with a man.

It IS a mistake to share your feelings with a man too early and in a negative context.

And you made both of these mistakes because you set yourself up for failure here.


By choosing and “tolerating” a situation that just doesn't work for you.

So INSTANTLY you become the nay-sayer and antagonist for the story you chose to live out and the role you signed up for.

At least that's the way your guy probably sees it.

One minute you're blissfully happy in his embrace, and then a day or two later your feelings of content have turned to fear and desperation...

All because of a “talk” you wanted to have with him.

Ok, I'm riding you a bit hard here, but it's for your own benefit.

Instead of being open with yourself about what YOU are truly after, you pursued some kind of “friends with benefits” strategy to get things moving.

I don't believe that this kind of relationship came about because of any part of who you really are.

That's why you're freaking out.

You thought you could handle it.

You thought you'd get something out of it.

And for a minute it was fun.

But then your feelings snuck up on you.

And eventually you were reminded of what you're really after with a man and what you value.

Right now you have two pictures in your mind:

One picture is of this “casual” thing going on.

And the other one is what you actually want.

The two pictures are so radically different and far apart from each other, that it's no wonder you're acting “insane”.

Your expectations are COMPLETELY out of line for what you're ACTUALLY doing with this guy.

It's time to stop creating situations in your life that you KNOW won't make you happy or comfortable - even if they feel good in the moment.


Starting things with a man in this “casual sex” way, is a SURE-FIRE way to ruin your odds of creating something more meaningful in the future.

I'm a guy.

I know.

But more importantly, getting into a “casual” situation with a man you might want to date, has a VERY HIGH potential to make you FEEL AWFUL.


Unless you're one out of a hundred thousand women that gets “swept off her feet” by an open, caring, great communicator, who makes moving into a committed relationship effortless... then you're going to have to start asking yourself some questions about what you really want from your love-life.

And find some answers...

And then... oh my god... actually be honest about them from the start.

Here's an important question to ask:


And I mean YOUR needs.

Not what you're accepting, or tolerating, or hoping to get from a man just because there's nothing better around right now.

Be clear here and think it through.

I'll give you a minute...

Most women I know who are casually dating, have a set of unconscious requirements that have to be met for them to be able to enjoy the process of dating.

But they rarely recognize these requirements, or communicate them in an appealing way to a man, that also speaks to his needs.

So they end up in a situation that is anything but what they were looking for.

Here's a few of these “must haves” that women often aren't honest about at the start:

That any man they're involved with, in any way, isn't dating or still involved with another woman

That he's open and ready to explore a serious relationship once they get to know each other

That he shares some the same values and priorities in his life that she does - or can at least appreciate and support her values

Here's an example of “stereotypical” female values in order of priority:

Love -> Trust -> Intimacy -> Connection

And here's one example of “stereotypical” male values in order of priority:

Financial Success-> Adventure-> Freedom

See any area for conflict and confusion about what's important if these two people got together?


So how in touch are you with your REQUIREMENTS to feel good when it comes to men and dating?

And how do you communicate these to a man?

Do you do it indirectly through frustration and anger when your requirements aren't being met, and do it AFTER THE FACT?

Or do you do it directly and in a positive context as things are getting started, so you're in sync from the get-go?

Think about it for a second...

I'll give you more time, because this one's important...

Remember, 99% of the time, a man is NOT going to make the right decisions for you.

He won't be able to magically recognize and meet all of your needs or values.

Sticking to your standards helps you show a man how happiness works for you.


After observing and studying how our minds work, I recognized something FASCINATING a few years back.

When we're in a negative situation with someone in our life, we're there because we're getting something out of it behind the scenes.

Here's what you're getting out of the “casual” thing...

You get a safe and risk free path to get close to this guy.

Even though you're not too close at all.

Also known as “working it from the 'friend zone'”.

So for you, you get your needs met by getting close and intimate in a way that seems, at first, to be REJECTION or ABANDONMENT FREE for you.

After all, how vulnerable would you be if you shared what you REALLY were looking for up front?

Then you might end up feeling disappointment or loss.

Or be unable to continue the “friendship” that you have right now.

And maybe having to start over alone might actually be worse in your mind than having something crappy that you're “tolerating” and fighting with a man about.

If you look deeper, you'll probably see that your desire for something more was there all along underneath the surface.

But you didn't want to share it for fear of scaring him off or getting hurt.

This may sound harsh, but you've got to be clear and direct with a man if what he's doing is not up to par with where you need your partner to be.

You have to show a man what a woman wants and needs, because he probably wasn't born knowing it like you were.

And do it in a way that rejects the BEHAVIOR, not him personally.

My favorite way of thinking about how to do this, is to be like a “velvet hammer”.

Strong and assertive, but warm and gentle at the same time.

The funny thing is, that as tough and as “bitchy” or self-centered doing this might sound right now, most men respond MAGICALLY to a woman who does this in the right way.


Because it sends a strong UNCONSCIOUS signal to a man that the woman is in CONTROL of her life and her world.

There's nothing that triggers more intense “long- term” attraction in a healthy and mature man, than a woman who he CAN'T control and doesn't get thrown off center when her needs aren't met.

Using the “velvet hammer” also has another AMAZING benefit that women don't often recognize... or they don't even see as a benefit at first.

It WEEDS OUT the guys who DO need to go away, because they're never going to get their act together in the first place, or just don't want to.

A large percentage of the time, the man will stop communicating or go away for a short while.

But here's the best part...

With the “good guys”, that you probably WANT to be with long-term, something FASCINATING happens...

They come back around.

And even better, they've done all the leg-work themselves to be a better partner... in a way the woman could have never fixed or convinced him to do, no matter how hard she tried.


Ever heard of “approval seeking” behavior?

It's when we try and do and say things simply to get a positive reaction or judgment about ourselves from someone else.

Well, it's a HUGE MISTAKE to make with a man early on.

Your need for your guy's APPROVAL is your worst enemy right now.

To him, what your doing is actually the complete OPPOSITE OF ATTRACTIVE.

I'll give you an example to explain...

Have you ever seen what it looks like when a man is shamelessly seeking the approval of a woman?

As he's just getting to know her and he sees that she hasn't completely made up her mind to want to be with him, what does he do?

He buys her gifts.

He calls her all the time.

He offers to do favors and errands for her.

All these are attempts to prove to her that he's good enough to be with her or to get her attention.

This is also known as the “really nice guy” approach.

Women just never seem to quite “feel it” for the super nice guy.

Of course, some women disagree and like to tell me that they really like nice guys.

Here's my take...

A guy can already be attractive AND do nice things.

Agreed - you CAN be attractive AND do nice things.

But doing nice things DOES NOT make a man more attractive.

If a woman wasn't really “feeling it” before, no amount of nice guy behavior will win her heart over.

It just doesn't work that way.

With me here?

Instead of making her feel attracted to him, what actually happens inside a lot of women when a man is taking the “nice guy” strategy?

Somewhere deep down she starts to lose RESPECT for him, because she knows she can CONTROL him.

The woman doesn't consciously choose to experience this, but it's how she FEELS.

And feelings are the most powerful things we have to drive our beliefs and desires.

Ever stopped to think that the same thing might work in reverse between a woman's behavior and a man?


I've got a FASCINATING question for you.

Guess what one of the most common, central, human experiences is that we all feel when it comes to LOVE?

Give up?


If you don't know what I'm talking about, think about a love you've had in the past, or friends you know who have been head over heels in love.

Or pick up a book on the physiological and psychological effects of love on our minds and bodies.

There have been lots of great studies.

Crazy stuff.

Anyway, our minds work obsessively on thoughts about the other person when we're in love.

We think and plan to do all kinds of things for our lover.

Part of why we do this is to try and find the best way to get or share love back from the other person.

Some of this is beautiful and positive, but not all of it.

Some of what we do is to think up ways to try and CONTROL the other person, so they won't ever leave or take the love we're feeling away.

The classic adolescent example of this is when a girl wants to break up with a guy, and the boy falsely threatens to kill himself if she leaves.

I'm not making light of that horrible situation, but it's a good example.

Nod your head if you know what I'm talking about and you get where I'm going with this.

What I'm doing here is showing you the subtle connection between LOVE, and the LOSS OF CONTROL experience.

Now let's tie it back to approval seeking behavior...

How does approval seeking effect LOVE?

And what does it have to do with CONTROL?

For men, approval seeking behavior KILLS the spark that comes from the uncertainty of not knowing exactly how the women he's with is going to think and act.

What does a man have to think and wonder about if he's got complete certainty about everything a woman's going to do?

Do you think a man feels intense desire, love and respect for a woman he can completely control?

Or when her behavior is totally predictable?

And what if she starts acting predictably NEGATIVE?

Think about it...

It's this “natural tension” and challenge of not having CONTROL and uncertainty that creates strong ATTRACTION in men.


What most women ask in situations when a man isn't responding the way they want him to is...

𔄢WHY is he acting this way and how do I make sense of it and “fix” it?”

Well, you can't “fix” a man.

And I really feel for you if you're one of those women who are trying.

But you CAN change a situation and the FEELINGS that a man is having for you.

You can change his EXPERIENCE with you.

The toughest and most important thing to understand is that men's behavior and thinking in these situations aren’t at all LOGICAL.

In other words, how a man reacts doesn't make ANY “sense” and doesn't follow any rhyme or reason.

So of course it baffles and frustrates women when they run it through their own “sense-making filters”.

Let me ask you a question...

If you were an attractive man, would you want to find a woman that you had to TEACH how to make you attracted and feel good... or would you want a woman who just “got it” on her own... “naturally” and it flowed?

Duh. (there's that scientific word again)

You'd want the woman who already “got it”.

So more likely than a conspiracy against women, men just naturally respond to women who GET IT, and DON'T respond to women who DON'T.

So let's talk about these concepts a little bit more.

Attraction and wanting to be with a woman, is about a man perceiving that he and a woman are “naturally compatible” because his emotional and physical sparks fly when he's around her.

NOTE: I did NOT use the word “logical” here.

Attraction and wanting to be with a woman long term is NOT the result of a man meeting a woman and then thinking to himself:

“Let's see...she's got a good job, works hard, and is a really good person... Hmmm, I think that we have some natural attraction going on here.”


For a man, attraction and the desire to be with a woman, and stay with her, is either THERE, or it ISN'T.

There's no two ways about it.

If it isn't, he's not FEELING it.

Unfortunately, most women think:

“Well, if things aren't going great, it must be because he doesn't know something that I know, or feel something I feel. I think I'll explain to him logically from my point of view how he needs to feel like I do... and then he'll get it and know how and why we should love each other.”

If you're doing this, you need a major refresher on how ATTRACTION is created and how it drives the feelings of love and long-term desire.

My ebook “Catch Him & Keep Him” is chock full of great examples of how to trigger what I call “Intellectual Attraction” in a man.

In other words, the kind of attraction that gets a man to “naturally” open up, share himself and think about the future with a woman.

You can learn to avoid the mistakes most women make with a man that keep him from experiencing intense feelings of Intellectual Attraction.

And get specific ideas on how to begin to change a situation by creating this attraction.

Here are a few specific sections in the book:

Chapter 3, Section 1: Be Honest About What You Want

This will get you on track with how to stop being fearful about dating, scaring a man off, and how to share your feelings at the beginning in a way that will build Physical and Intellectual Attraction instead of having him withdraw.

Chapter 3, Section 5: The “Convincer”

Here you'll learn the common behavior and communication style lots of women take on, that is sure to have a man acting “unavailable” and becoming less connected.

I describe how and why this happens in this section and in the following section about the critical “Relationship Balance” that exists between every man and woman... and what to do about it.

Chapter 5, Section 4: Emotions Are Contagious

A woman's emotional power can be her greatest strength or her biggest weakness. I talk about the deeper “psychology” behind your emotions, how men perceive the most common emotions women go through, and how you can channel your emotions to have a man see you as someone he HAS to be around.

Go to the link below to check out more.

And by the way, here's one more piece of good news...

I've made it so that you can download my ebook completely free of charge and try it out for 7 full days.

No tricks.

No schemes.

Try it for free.

I'm so sure that you'll love it and that it will truly help you and make you feel great about where you are, that I'll let you decide whether or not you want to pay for it.

All you have to do is download the book, read it, and keep it if you love it.

I know you will.

If for any reason you don't want the book, just let me know and you won't have to pay ANYTHING at all.

AND you can still keep the book.

Sounds like a good deal to me.

Get all the details and download your copy of the book here:

• Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download •

Thanks and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

©Copyright 2010, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.