Monday, May 10, 2010

From Noob to 'Natural'

Hi Jay,  please consider passing this article along to your readers.  I found it on AOL a few days ago.  For the male readers who do not want to spend $1,500-$2,000 I offer more affordable services in the Long Island area and offer a free consultation.

Jeff Magic
Looking for Singles Events Long Island ?

Appeared on

From Noob to 'Natural' -- The New Rules for Picking Up Women

A confession: I'm 38, single, and until recently I had never, ever approached an attractive stranger.

I've been lucky enough to date some of the most amazing women, via work or But when I see that Jessica Alba lookalike at the bar, I ... can't ... move ... my ... legs. It's called approach anxiety, and it's taken a toll.

If you figure a guy notices at least five beautiful girls per day, then I have failed to approach 37,000 women in my adult life. I repeat: I'm 0 for 37,000.

I had to act. Not for my sex life, but my self-esteem.

I found Real Social Dynamics, a company that conducts approach boot camps in 250 cities worldwide as well as offering online dating advice.

Many dating gurus mirror the quasi-manipulative, push-button formula described in Neil Strauss's 2005 book "The Game": flashy clothes + scripted material = serious nookie. But Real Social Dynamics purported to teach something a little less militaristic.

Call it Natural Game. Co-founded by Owen Cook (better known as Tyler Durden in "The Game"), RSD is supposed to help guys find their own free-wheeling, authentic dating style, without crutches like fur coats or palm-reading.

It sounded good, so I decided to spend three exhilarating days chatting up New York City women with my guide, a charismatic 25-year-old RSD instructor named Ryan. Keep reading to find out why the $1,500–$2,000 fee was a bargain.

Here are four of the golden rules of Natural Game.

1. Learn to Love Rejection

If you approach, you will be rejected. A lot. The trick, Ryan said in a pre-game session, is detachment from outcome, which is straight out of Eastern philosophy. "If you approach, you've succeeded," Ryan said. "You only fail when you want to approach and don't. So approach. Everything after is icing."

2. Approach With Bracing Honesty

As I anxiously entered a rooftop bar in the shadow of the Empire State Building, Ryan, who has literally approached thousands of women, laid down the law. "No pickup lines allowed," he said. "Walk up to women and say what you feel in the moment. Speak your deepest truth. Women respond to authenticity, not rehearsed lines."

Speak your deepest truth. Cheesy, but I liked the Zen vibe. He said, "Your true self is always coming through, so if you're nervous, don't hide it, or she'll sense something is off. You'll seem incongruent. If you're nervous, be Nervous Guy. That's your approach!" It made trippy sense. Overcoming fear conveys courage, an attractive trait.

Two gorgeous brunettes in black boots sipped Cosmos on a couch. I felt like Richard Dreyfuss entering the shark cage in "Jaws." ("I got no spit") I slid in. "Hi," I said. "I'm kind of shy, but I told myself I would talk to the first beautiful women I saw tonight. I'm Connell." Dorky, but sincere. I braced for a "Buzz off, pal."

"Suuure, you're real shy," one of them purred. Whoa. By being open with my nervousness -- by owning it -- I somehow seemed together, congruent. Could it be that simple?

3. Show Romantic Intent

"The Game" revealed the pickup artist's secret weapon: the neg, a poison-dart remark designed to puncture a beautiful woman's ego while disguising your attraction. Then, with her shields down, you sneak in and game her. Full disclosure: I used to neg Match dates, telling one girl, "I prefer 10s, but I like your personality." What a jerk.

Instead of feigning lack of interest, Natural Game says to approach with honest, ballsy intent. Be love-struck. Be amazed. Be John Cusack in "Yet Another Soul-Crushingly Bad Rom-Com," directed by Garry Marshall.

In Barnes & Noble, a willowy Indian girl exerted a gravitational pull on the retinas of every man in the DVD section. My heart slam-danced against my ribs. I went in. "Excuse me," I said. "I never hit on random girls, but I just had to tell you how stunning you are ..."

"Wow, thanks!" She was beaming. She didn't run or blow a rape whistle. The trick? I wanted nothing from her. Instead, I offered value in the form of a sincere compliment.

4. Assert Your Ideal Reality

On the rooftop bar, I saw Katie, an Ali Larter lookalike with pouty lips and shiny blond hair that tickled her bare shoulders. I was smitten. I approached with a simple "Hi," and we started talking.

I hit the bar to get us more drinks. To my horror, I returned to find Katie encircled by three well-muscled "Jersey Shore" wannabes-and she was loving the attention. I froze. Like a servant, I wordlessly delivered her drink, which she took without acknowledging me. She twirled her hair and giggled for The Situation. I slunk off.

I found Ryan. Should I flirt with other girls to make her jealous, like in "The Game"? Or vaporize the guys with my dazzling wit, showing her my higher value? "What do you want to do?" he asked. "Is Katie your girl tonight?"


"Then go get her. Take her away from them."

I charged into the group, grabbed Katie's hand, and yanked her away, commanding, "Come with me! We have to talk." She didn't resist. The Jersey Boys said nothing.

Leading her to a dark corner on the rooftop bar, I felt ... primitive, like a low-skulled Cro-Magnon dragging a mate to his cave. And I liked it. I sat Katie down. Her energy had changed. She looked at me with big, wet eyes. All along, she'd been testing my alpha-male qualities. I'd passed. But she had one more test.

"Wow, you just grabbed me away from those guys," she said. "Are you always this possessive?"

"Possessive?" I stroked her hair. "I just took what belonged to me." I kissed her. It was easy now.

The next day, Ryan distilled Natural Game to its basics. "It's about asserting your ideal reality," he said. In life, we tend to exert our will passively: the trip we don't take, the raise we don't seek, the girl we don't approach.

"Last night, you weren't passive. You took right action to create your ideal reality. Actively asserting your reality -- with women, with life -- that is the game."

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Read a man's body language

Ladies, it turns out that you can read a guy’s mind by deciphering his body language. These tips are from the new book, You Say More Than You Think by Janine Driver:
  • The first body language tip: He looks at you more than twice. A lot of guys don’t have the nerve to approach women they find attractive, but if you catch a man glancing at you over and over, you can feel confident that you’ll get a warm greeting if you approach him

  • Next:His voice gets soft and he speaks more slowly. Greg Hartley is a graduate of the U.S. Army Interrogation School and author of Date Decoder: Military Intelligence Techniques to Expose What He’s Really Thinking. He says that when a guy is smitten, he talks 25% slower and softer than normal because he wants you to hang on his every word.   

  •  The 3rd bit of body language that shows a guy’s attracted: His pupils are dilated. When you’re into someone, your pupils dilate - or expand - so you can take in more information.    

  • The last way to tell if a man’s interested: He points his feet at you. Our body language expert says that if a guy is with a group of women, he faces the one he finds attractive – even if he’s not talking to her.

Monday, May 03, 2010

Make a good impression in 5 minutes

You Can Make a Good Impression in Five Minutes

It’s not exactly love at first sight – but within five minutes of meeting someone you can size up their dating potential. So how do you make the most of those five minutes? Psychologists studied speed-dating events, where people only have five minutes with each person to make a connection. Here’s what they found:

First, Dr. Paul Eastwick from Texas A&M says speed-dating does have real world parallels. Everyone goes to bars or parties and has brief conversations with people they’ve never met before. So the lessons learned from speed-dating apply to all romantic encounters.

Like that you can forget your list of requirements. You may have things on your dating list like: Must be tall, must like science fiction, or whatever you think is an important characteristic. However, in a study of over 10,000 speed-daters, researchers found that a list of preferred characteristics didn’t correlate with the people they liked and ended up picking. So go in with an open mind; throw away the list.

Don’t try to be who you think they want you to be. It’s true that being agreeable and having similarities promotes feelings of closeness – because people are attracted to others who feel familiar to them. However, being too agreeable and trying to force a connection makes you come off as weak and submissive. Instead, be yourself. People are attracted to those they find unique and interesting.

Also, know that there’s a difference between being agreeable and being friendly. Women want friendly. According to speed-dating research from Texas State University, the three things women say makes a good first impression are: The man communicates well, has a great smile, and acts friendly. Being agreeable means you say, “Yes, I love modern art too!” when you couldn’t care less. Being friendly is saying, “I don’t know much about modern art – but maybe it’s time to start. Would you like to go sometime?”

Finally, people are attracted to those who are attracted to them. So make it clear how you feel about someone. Singling someone out by saying something as simple as, “I really liked meeting you; you’re great” makes them remember you and feel more attracted to you.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Mind your Manners


Mind Your Manners on Your Next Date

When you go out on a date, what’s the most important thing to consider? No, it’s not what you wear, what you talk about, or where you go. It’s your dating manners that matter most. We’re not talking about knowing which fork is for the salad. It’s bad manners in general: Like barking at the waiter, coughing without covering your mouth, wiping your mouth with the tablecloth, and showing no interest in the person you’re with. Bottom line: Rude and disrespectful behavior is always a relationship-killer. So, here’s how to behave on a date, courtesy of Sue Fox, author of Etiquette for Dummies.

First: Be on time! There’s nothing that says, “I don’t think you’re important” quite like showing up late for a date.

Also, go out of your way to put your date at ease, and be thoughtful of their feelings, space and property. In other words, don’t dig through their handbag looking for a piece of gum.

Don’t talk about how much things cost, the price of the date especially - or make insulting comments about the people around you.

Always use your best table manners, treat everyone with respect – that includes waiters and counter clerks – and be sure to say “please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome.” How you treat the people serving you is an indication of how you’ll treat your partner down the line.

Don’t use your cell phone or start texting. According to a recent survey, that’s the #1 dating faux pas. The message it sends is that someone else – who’s not with you – is more important. If you’re expecting a legitimate call from work – or the babysitter – warn your date ahead of time. When your phone buzzes, excuse yourself and take the call elsewhere, so it doesn’t look like you’re snubbing your date right at the table.

Finally: keep your word. If you don’t plan to call once the date is over, don’t say that you will.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Bad Breathe, Dating and Kissing

Article by Jeff Magic Dating Coach

Bad breath can be a deal breaker for sure when trying to find a mate. It is so unattractive. I've been on dates myself with very extremely attractive women with amazing personalities, and they had all the wonderful qualities I look for in a woman, except for one……. HORRIBLE Breath.

If you can't kiss a person, you can't date them. If you think bad breath might be slowing down your love life, you may suffer from Halitosis, a condition that causes chronic bad breath.

Some other possible causes are as follows:

• stomach problems

• not flossing regularly

• not brushing your tongue till it's pink(or almost)

Eating garlic, fetta cheese or onions before a first, second or third date can definitely contribute to not getting a return phone call. As it is, both parties are on thin Ice when first dating. You want to seek and destroy, as many first date deal breakers as you possibly can.

If you must indulge in any of these bad breath makers, make sure you have a mint in your mouth the at all times. They also sell pills at any pharmacy that help your stomach and will keep your breath fresh. Take one of those little guys 1 hour before your date.

If you're not sure if it's your breath that is the problem with your love life, ask a friend, and tell he or she to be totally honest with you. Look your friend right in the eyes, and say you honestly won't be offended. You need to know the truth! Let them know, that they will actually be helping you.

If your bad breath persist after some of these remedies, you could have a cavity that is harboring nasty bacteria or some other tooth or gum problem. Time to see the dentist. Don't be scared, it's really not that bad.

If you've done your homework and you are sure your breath is in check, it could be your behavior, dressing for your dates, or a myriad of other reasons. Best bet is to learn to develop self-awareness, and you'll be on your way to getting your love life together and finding that special guy or gal.

Jeff Magic *wink*

Monday, April 19, 2010

Is it ok for women to approach men?

I was wondering what people thought about a woman approaching a man. This gal walked up to my friend John at a bar this weekend and said "excuse me, can I have your email address."  I turned to the gal I was talking to and said, "wow, that is great!!  But how about I do this the traditional way, can I have your email address?"  She looked at me and said "uuh, I'm a lesbian".  Story of my friggin life, since she was cute too.  Actually, I am pretty sure she was a lesbian, based on some interesting characters that came in shortly after but...

Ladies.. Have you ever told a guy that you were not interested in that you were a lesbian?

So again, this is a two part question...

A) What do you think about the woman approaching the man?
B) Have you ever told a guy you were a lesbian to get rid of him?

I included a bunch of comments from Facebook where I also posted this.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

New Rules of Attraction

When it comes to finding love, it’s no longer about love at first sight, or fireworks with your first kiss. That only happens in the movies. I’ve got the NEW rules of attraction, courtesy of MSN:
  • The first old rule: You’ll know within three seconds if they’re “the one.” The new rule: You may know within three dates. The reason: People are nervous on date one, begin to unwind on date two, and by date three, can relax and work on building a little rapport. Early sparks also say nothing about long-term potential. It takes time, talking and listening to see whether your values, dreams and desires are compatible. So don’t write someone off – or fall head over heels – until you’ve had three dates.

  • Another old rule: Opposites attract. The new rule: Opposites distract! It may be fun to hang out with someone very different, but once the initial attraction wears off, if you don’t enjoy the same things, you’ll have nothing to do together. So, if they love spending money and traveling, and you’d rather garden and save up for a house, you might want to reconsider the relationship.

  • Another old dating rule: Your first kiss should mean fireworks. The new rule: Your first kiss means nothing. In fairy tales, an amazing kiss always leads to happily ever after, but there are a lot of reasons why a first kiss can go wrong. Like nerves, a public farewell at a bus stop, or her dad hovering on the other side of the front door while you say goodnight. Instead, wait for at least kiss #2 before you say “yea” or “nay.”

  • One final old dating rule: When it’s true love, you think about them constantly. The new rule: it’s true love if thinking about them makes you feel good. Having warm, comfortable feelings indicates a relationship built on stability, trust and a strong ‘friendship’ factor. In other words, a relationship that’ll wear well over time. On the flip side, if you’re up all night analyzing their emails for hidden messages and clues to their true feelings, you may be chasing someone who’s just not that into you. 

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Getting over a break up.

This is an article I found on the internet.  didnt write it myself.

Breaking up is not easy - especially if you have to stop seeing someone who you really like and care about. Losing someone special inevitably breaks one's heart and learning how to heal that broken heart is very important to our emotional health and to our ability to return to enjoying dating life promptly.

Indeed, we often have no choice but never see each other again, and therefore it's worth knowing how to get over those break ups and continue moving forward with our lives with the right mindset.

Here are the steps you can and you should take in order to get over any break-up quicker and in a more healthy manner:

1. Avoid harboring hope that you and your ex-partner will get back together. This is a crucial time when you must demonstrate strength and reluctance in letting those thoughts get into your head. Being strong now will most certainly pay off in the future.

2. Stop reminiscing on the wonderful times that you and your ex had while you were together. Such memories do nothing good to you but only aggravate your pain and prolong your recovery.

3. Stop thinking that your ex was one of a kind person. No matter how special he/she was, your next love will be also special in its own, unique way - this is just the reality of how love works.

4. Realize and truly believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason and for your own best. This includes break-ups. Think about it - most people who lose jobs eventually find a better one. The same applies to relationships. If you were taken out of your recent relationship by some great force, perhaps that force is trying to take you out of that relationship and put you back into the market, so that you start looking for and find a better partner.

5. Perceive your recent break-up as a great opportunity to learn how to deal with such experiences and become a stronger and a more mature individual.

6. Do not perceive your lost relationship as a waste of time. Be greatful! Be greatful for having been granted the joy of love and affection with your former partner as long as it lasted and don't forget that some things are probably just not meant to last. There is no insurance against breaking up whether you have been together for a month or for 20 years.

7. If you believe that you made certain mistakes in your recent relationship, whether they were the ones that caused the break-up or not, make sure you learn from those mistakes and move forward as a person who possesses a better understanding of himself and his interactions with romantic partners, and make sure that you don't make the same mistakes in the future.

8. Lastly, continue living! Pursue your professional and social goals and don't leave much space for boredom in your life. This is not the right time to "relax." You will have plenty of time to relax once you are over your ex and perhaps once you met someone new.

Breaking up is hard, but it can be a positive experience if you allow it to be. It can make you grow and become a stronger and a more attractive person. Make sure you take advantage of those valuable life lessons!

Further, it is important that you remember that the pain of breaking up is an emotion, and as such, it will not go away overnight. It will take time for it to go away. But with conscious effort of keeping in mind the above points, you can make the process of overcoming and recovering from the break-up much faster and easier.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Are you sabotaging your love life?


You Could Be Sabotaging Your Own Love Life

Are you destroying your own love life? It’s natural to blame your single status on the “lack” of good men or women out there, but the truth is - YOU might be doing a few key things that can sabotage your chances at romance. Here they are, courtesy of Condé Nast Publications.

Drinking too much on a date. A study from Loyola Marymount University found that 71% of people drink more on dates than they normally would. So think about these questions: Do you feel more attractive when you drink? Do you start drinking before a date? Does drinking make you feel attracted to people you wouldn’t otherwise be drawn to? If you answer yes to any of these, experts say you should think about stopping after one drink. Otherwise you could be giving your dates the wrong impression, or making decisions that aren’t in your best interest.

Next bad move: You over-rely on technology, like Facebook, matchmaking sites, or texting. According to relationship psychologist Logan Levkoff, there are so many ways to meet and communicate with people electronically that we can forget how to express ourselves when face-to-face. So, rather than relying on gadgets to send a perfectly crafted message, she says you need to get out and interact with people. Meeting online is fine, but don’t rely on your electronic presence. All of that technology will absorb your time and emotional energy, and you won’t be as engaging in real-life situations.

One last thing that may be sabotaging your love life: You pick unavailable partners. Dr. Lissa Coffee is a sociologist and relationship coach. She says that people who lack confidence are often drawn to distant men or women, because they feel that if someone shows real interest in them - there must be something wrong with them. Like the famous line, “I don’t want to be part of any club that would have me as a member.” Or maybe you think an unavailable person won’t ever get close enough to hurt you. Coffee says the key to picking the right partner is keeping the qualities you want in mind at all times. If you think “loyal” or “sensitive” when you set out to meet someone, your instincts will guide you to that type of mate.
Long Island Singles Events    Speed Dating Long Island

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Just Be Yourself


If You Want to Be Successful at Dating, Just Be Yourself

How many times have you asked someone for dating advice, and been told: “Just be yourself?” According to new research we found on, that truly is the best way to have more dating success, and find a happier romance in general. Yes, just be yourself! This new study was conducted by researchers at Ohio State University. They tracked more than 60 couples, and asked each one to complete a questionnaire every few weeks.

The first one asked participants to rate themselves on how authentic they considered themselves to be as individuals.

In the second questionnaire, students were asked about their relationship. For example: One question asked about their willingness to discuss emotions with their partner, while another asked if they ever kept secrets from their partner.

In the third questionnaire, participants were asked to measure their overall satisfaction with their relationship.

When researchers crunched the results, they found a consistent pattern: Students who had reported being true to themselves from day one were generally more satisfied with their relationships! Why? Amy Brunell is a psychologist who led this study. She says if you’re always true to yourself, it’s easier for you to act in ways that build intimacy in your relationship, and keep you both feeling fulfilled. However, if you’re always trying to live up to someone else’s expectations – or being something you’re not - then you’re going to be too focused on playing a role, and you won’t be able to improve the relationship!

 Brunell adds this one caution: Staying true to yourself doesn’t mean you should accept all your flaws, and celebrate your shortcomings, because for yourself, you should always be looking for ways to make positive changes in your life. The message here is to be authentic from day one, and come to the table showing a willingness to have an open, honest relationship. If you can do that, this study suggests it’ll be easier to develop a stronger, long-term romance.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Text Flirting

The "Dos" and "Don'ts" of Text-Flirting

Let’s face it: Dating was complicated enough before cell phones. Now, many new couples express their affection for each other in text messages more than in person! Unless you know what you’re doing, so-called “text flirting” can either improve your relationship or send your date packing! So, let’s break down some “dos” and “don’ts” of text flirting, with relationship intel we found on CNN:

DON’T plan your first date with a text message. Most women agree that guys should make an effort to actually dial a phone and call them at the start of a relationship. Otherwise, a text invitation to spend time together will feel too informal, and your date won’t feel like you respect her. One woman interviewed by CNN put it this way: If a guy she barely knew started sending her flirty text messages, it’d feel like a total stranger using pick-up lines! Creepy.

However, after your first date: DO let the text flirting begin. The women interviewed by CNN agreed that text-flirting can be fun after you’ve established chemistry with someone. The texts don’t have to be long and poetic. Something as simple as “thinking of you” is enough. The key is to send your flirty texts at random, unexpected times. They’ll feel more genuine that way.

DON’T use emoticons in your flirty texts! Again, this was something the women interviewed by CNN were unanimous about. They said sideways smiley faces, and lovey-dovey heart symbols, are annoying enough when they come from other women. So just don’t do it.

If the relationship doesn’t work out, DON’T break up with a text. Most women agree that’s tacky! Even if you can’t muster the willpower to break up in person, you should at least extend the courtesy of a phone call.

By the way: It should go without saying that “sexting” your new date is a definite DON’T, because the women interviewed by CNN said they’d do one of two things if they received half-naked photos from a guy on their phone: They’d either show all their friends for a good laugh or they’d call the police.

Long Island Singles Events

Monday, March 22, 2010

Should he shave/trim it?

Hi Jay,

Can you please post the following on your blog, but please do not use my name.  I am a little embaressed about this.


TS (a guy)

Hi Jay,
I recently saw a movie where the guy shaves his personal area and was wondering if this was normal for men.  I mean, do guys really do this?  And do women find this a turn on?  After seeing the movie, I tried to shave a little, but it hurt like heck.  Is it worth that much pain? 

If women really do like it, then I guess it is worth it, but would like to know what your female readers think about a guy who does this?



Monday, March 15, 2010

Truths About Love That Can Improve Your Relationship


Truths About Love That Can Improve Your Relationship

Ladies – here are a few truths about love that can help your relationship grow and improve over time. This comes from dating coach Dr. Jennifer Oikle, and MSN:

First, absence DOES make the heart grow fonder. Oikle says when you’re with your significant other, you’re not thinking about them, you’re in the moment. However, when you’re apart, you miss each other and look forward to seeing each other, which helps rekindle the flames.

If a man says he’s not ready for a relationship, take his word for it. Our dating coach says that men don’t like to disappoint women. So, when a man says he doesn’t want to get involved, that means he doesn’t want to get involved. She also points out that a man who’s not interested in a relationship isn’t going to change his mind once he gets to know you a little better. In fact, if you stick around, he’ll assume you’re okay with a casual, nonexclusive relationship, and it’ll never go any farther than that.

If a man’s “too busy” to be with you, he’s getting ready to break up. These days, with emailing, texting, cell phones, and Facebook, if you don’t hear from a man for a day or two, it’s a sign he’s not fully invested in your relationship. In fact, experts say that when a man gets ready to say goodbye, he creates distance – hoping to cushion the blow. If he’s into you, he’ll never be too busy to hang out.

One final truth about relationships: He wants to feel like he’s taking care of you. Family and couples therapist Dr. Allen Berger says that a lot of men don’t feel masculine or worthwhile unless they’re “of value” to the person they love. They feel most valuable when they’re doing things for that person. So, even if you’re an independent woman who can take care of yourself and support yourself, you can improve your relationship by letting the man in your life take the lead once in awhile, even if it’s something as simple as paying for dinner.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Rethink your dating strategy?


Rethink Your Dating Strategy

You may be the smartest person in the room, but one relationship expert says, sometimes, the smartest people have the toughest time dating. If that’s you, it’s time to re-think your dating strategy! That’s according to Dr. Alex Benzer who wrote The Tao of Dating. Dr. Benzer says in order to find the right partner, you should take a close look at yourself. Here are a few things to think about:

First, remember love isn’t a contest! Dr. Benzer says smart people like to date other smart people. However, resist the urge to compete! Instead of trying to one-up each other when it comes to intelligence or ambition, celebrate the way you compliment each other. Don’t let competition ruin a good match! If someone always has be right, or win, that means the other has to be wrong, or lose. That doesn’t create romance.

You also want to leave the person you are at work, at work! No matter if you’re a CEO or a teacher, Dr. Benzer says people respect a partner who takes charge at the office, but who doesn’t have to be in control on a date.

If you want a meaningful relationship, make finding one as big a priority as the other things in your life. A lot of ambitious people end up alone – because they put all their focus into their job, but if you like someone, give them the same energy you give to your work.

As hokey as it sounds, Dr. Benzer suggests you BE the love you want to attract! If you’re full of joy and compassion, and make your date feel like a billion bucks, you’ll get that back. It’s like the tennis ball analogy we mention on this show – the way you hit a tennis ball against a wall is exactly how it’ll come back to you.

You have to go with your heart – not just your brain. Someone might have all the qualities you want in a partner: a great job, a good sense of humor, a good family - but Dr. Benzer says: if being with them doesn’t make you feel good, you’re probably with the wrong person.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Things to talk about on a first date


Here Are The Best Things to Talk About on a First Date

Here’s some first date advice you can really use: The best things to talk about when you’re out with someone new! We got these from the researchers at Psychologies magazine.

Topic #1: Humor. Kathy Lette is the author of Men: A User’s Guide. She says studies show that humor is the quality we most want in a partner, and if you can fire off a few one-liners to bring up different topics, you’ll score points. For example, she says you could bring up family with the line, “Distant relatives are the best - the further away they live, the better.” Of course you don’t want your date to think you despise your family – it’s simply an ice-breaker to get you into a friendly discussion about them.

Topic #2: Food. Giles Coren is a British food critic and novelist. He says that food provokes powerful memories, which spark conversation. For example, you might say, “Mashed potatoes remind me of Meatloaf Day at school when I was a kid. What was school like for you?” Also, Coren says that trying new foods with someone will give you a lot to talk about.

One last first date topic: Nostalgia. If your food story doesn’t take you back to your childhood, find something that does. Reminiscing about TV shows you watched after school, or music your parents played on 8-track transports you both back to happy, care-free times. In those moments, you become gentler and less cynical, which makes you more attractive - and helps you connect to the other person.

Remember to read up on the day’s news. Chloe Medanes, author of Relationship Breakthrough, says that even the most confident person can clam up when hanging out with someone they’re attracted to. However, keeping up on current events will help you avoid awkward silences, so you don’t come off as self-conscious and disinterested.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Why doesn't she respond after the speed dating event?

Joe:  Jay, I just don't understand.  We matched at the speed dating event and I sent her an email the next day, but get no response.  What the heck?  This happened more than once!

Jay:  Joe, I hear you loud and clear.  Sometimes it does happen that you match, email the gal and then do not hear back.  It has happened to me too!!  So I understand your frustration, but there are a number of reasons why this could happen:

  1. After an event, it is not uncommon to get several matches.  It could just be that the gal matched with several guys, and is prioritizing who she is trying to get to know.  It may have nothing to do with you.  Again, it could be that she already started corresponding with someone else and wants to see where that goes first.
  2. Maybe she did not get your email?  If someone does not respond initially, I think it is ok to give it a few days and resend the email.  You never know if it went to spam, got erroneously deleted etc.  After sending a second email with no response, it is probably time to back off.
  3. Something else is going on in her life.  Outside factors influence us on a daily basis and some type of crisis or situation came up that has shifted her focus elsewhere.
  4. Something in your follow up email turned her off.  Joe, I have heard this many times before that something that seems like no big deal to you, can make a huge difference in determining if the gal will respond to you.  Remember, you may not be the only person she matched with.
Joe:   Nope, it can not be my follow up email.  It is very plain and simple and their is nothing offending or problem with it.

Jay:   Joe, can you give me an example of your follow up email so I can see if I can help.

Joe:  Sure, but it's not the email.  There is nothing wrong with it.  Here it is:
  • Hi Mary.  It was very nice meeting you at the event.  I would like to get together with you for dinner or a cup of coffee with you, at your convenience.  Joe.
See!  It is plain and simple.  Nothing wrong with it.

Jay:  Yes Joe, it is plain and simple.  However I see at least two blaring issues that could have contributed to why Mary did not respond.  Let's try to break this down further and get to the bottom of this.


Instead of me letting you know what I said to Joe at the end, I would like to open this up to discussion.  You may totally disagree with me and think that there is nothing wrong with Joe's email.  If that is the case, just say that.  Otherwise, please give your honest constructive feedback on Joe's email and what he could have done better.



Friday, February 26, 2010

Romance-Killing Habits You Should Stop


Romance-Killing Habits You Should Stop

Ladies, does your romance feel like it’s gotten OFF track? Even if you THINK you’ve been giving it your all, some behaviors you may not be aware of can trip up even the strongest relationships. Here are a few romance-killing habits you need to stop, from the researchers at Rodale Publishing.

Incessant teasing. You’re always ribbing your guy about his grubby Red Sox jersey - but is he really taking it all in good fun? Not always. Psychologist Noelle Nelson, the author of The Power of Appreciation in Every Day Life, says when teasing or criticism comes from the woman he loves, a man often interprets it as rejection. It’s like saying, “I want to change THIS about you.” Nelson says this is when a man tends to withdraw, and can become more attracted to people who he feels accept him as is. Not necessarily other women, although that can happen, but he might start spending more time with his buddies. So, lay off the harsh teasing.

Showing up fashionably late – ALL THE TIME. Nelson says flexible arrival times may be cool with your girlfriends, but not with your guy. Tardiness is disrespectful – period. You’re sending the message that he’s not as important as your work, or your yoga class – and it’s another form of rejection. Nelson says when you have a date, assume that it’ll take you 50% MORE time to get to wherever you’re going. That’ll give you enough of a buffer so you won’t be late.

Thinking, “What’s yours is ours.” Grabbing a drink out of his fridge is fine, but when you assume that being in a relationship gives you the right to borrow his stuff without asking, or go poking through his mail - you’ve crossed the line. Dr. Jackie Black, a relationship coach and author of Meet Your Match, says there are NO assumptions in an emotionally healthy relationship. If your man hasn’t clearly stated that it’s OK for you to open his credit card bill or use his laptop, DON’T. Every couple should have a discussion about the things each of you prefer to keep private. It’s not about being secretive, it’s about maintaining a sense of independence in a committed relationship - which is essential to long-term love.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Emailing Dates- Tips


Tips for Emailing a Potential Online Date

Let’s set the scene: You’ve filled out your online dating profile, picked out a potential date or two, and you’re ready to introduce yourself via email. Stop right there! If you say the wrong thing, you may wreck your chances of making a real connection. So, here are the dos and don’ts to remember before you press “send.” This comes from CNN, and relationship expert, Wendy Atterberry:

The first online dating email tip: Keep it short. Think of dating emails as appetizers. You want to keep your date hungry for more, not ruin their appetite by providing entrée-size portions.

Then: Don’t double-email. In other words, send only one email for each email you receive. Atterberry says writing several emails before you’ve gotten a reply to the first one makes you look obsessed and desperate.

Ask at least one question in each email. Some people have a hard time figuring out what to write to someone they don’t know. So make it easy by giving them at least one question to respond to.

Also, don’t rant. It’s okay to make a quick joke about the neighbor who waits for the elevator instead of walking up one flight of stairs. However, Atterberry says it’s obnoxious to write a five-paragraph essay about how lazy and self-absorbed everybody is.

Wait at least 12 hours to reply. If you respond immediately, you look like you’ve got nothing better to do, and replying too soon can make them feel pressed to try to keep up with you.

Don’t confess your secrets, insecurities, or job frustrations. If you have to confess something, admit that you skipped your weekend workout to hit a jazz festival in your neighborhood. It’s not a deep, dark secret, and it’ll give them an idea about your hobbies and interests.

Finally: Be cautious about sharing personal information. Remember: This person is a stranger. So, don’t share your last name, home address, work location, or personal email address. You don’t want a stranger to know where you live and work before you know a lot more about them.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Settle for Mr. Ok?


Should You Settle for "Mr. OK" Instead of Waiting for "Mr. Right"?

Are too many women looking for fairy tale romances? According to Lori Gottleib, the answer is yes. She’s the author of the new book “Marry Him: The Case for Mr. Good Enough.” In the book, she says women get their ideas of what “Mr. Right” is supposed to be like from movies and television. They spend their twenties and early thirties dissing men who might be pretty good, and holding out for a fantasy guy who doesn’t exist. According to Gottleib, these women end up over 40 and alone while their friends are getting married and having kids. She says women need to get over the “Mr. Right” fantasy and realize that men can have faults and still be marriage material. The sooner they do that, the sooner they can find a guy they can spend the rest of their lives with.

Gottleib says passion and romance should come second to finding a guy who’s just a plain ‘ol good guy. However, a lot of women aren’t too pleased with Gottleib’s assessment that they should “settle” for a man. Take Newsweek Columnist, Julia Baird. She says there’s no reason for women to settle for a humdrum marriage to a boring guy, just so they can buy a white dress or have kids. She says, sure, some women are too picky and they think Mr. Right has to ride in on a white horse and sweep them off their feet, but the majority of women who stay single into their forties didn’t do it because they couldn’t find a man. They stayed single because they were concentrating on their education or their careers. There’s nothing wrong with waiting for what you want, as long as you’re prepared to never find it.

Settle for Mr. Ok?

Should You Settle for "Mr. OK" Instead of Waiting for "Mr. Right"?

Are too many women looking for fairy tale romances? According to Lori Gottleib, the answer is yes. She’s the author of the new book “Marry Him: The Case for Mr. Good Enough.” In the book, she says women get their ideas of what “Mr. Right” is supposed to be like from movies and television. They spend their twenties and early thirties dissing men who might be pretty good, and holding out for a fantasy guy who doesn’t exist. According to Gottleib, these women end up over 40 and alone while their friends are getting married and having kids. She says women need to get over the “Mr. Right” fantasy and realize that men can have faults and still be marriage material. The sooner they do that, the sooner they can find a guy they can spend the rest of their lives with.

Gottleib says passion and romance should come second to finding a guy who’s just a plain ‘ol good guy. However, a lot of women aren’t too pleased with Gottleib’s assessment that they should “settle” for a man. Take Newsweek Columnist, Julia Baird. She says there’s no reason for women to settle for a humdrum marriage to a boring guy, just so they can buy a white dress or have kids. She says, sure, some women are too picky and they think Mr. Right has to ride in on a white horse and sweep them off their feet, but the majority of women who stay single into their forties didn’t do it because they couldn’t find a man. They stayed single because they were concentrating on their education or their careers. There’s nothing wrong with waiting for what you want, as long as you’re prepared to never find it.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

First Date Conversation Topics


What Should You Talk About on a First Date?

You’d think the hardest part of a first date is getting up the courage to ask someone out, but experts say it’s actually figuring out what to talk about on your date! So, here’s how to have a first date conversation that could lead to that all-important date #2, courtesy of the researchers at News Corp.

When asking personal questions, tread carefully around past romances. Their last relationship could have ended badly, and you don’t want to start your potential relationship out on the wrong foot. Also, avoid asking about their parents. They could have unresolved issues that are too serious for a first-date conversation. Instead, ask about their siblings. Brothers and sisters usually trigger good feelings, and your questions show that you’re interested in their family life.

Ask about their likes and dislikes on things like food, sports, hobbies, and travel. Finding common ground can lead to other topics, like where your date would like to go on their next vacation or what movie they’d like to see tomorrow night.

Another good topic of conversation: Work. For the most part, people like to talk up their job, no matter how mundane it is. Listening to their spiel will also give you an idea whether they’re a workaholic, a slacker, or a dreamer.

You should also ask about their friends. Hearing what someone’s friends are like, how they met, and what they do for fun can give you great insight into your date’s personality, and how they interact with other people.

Finally – if your date is leaning in and fully engaged in the conversation, go ahead and broach the subject of future plans. If they’re looking around the room, giving you one-word answers, or picking up their cellphone to check for text messages – date number one may be the first and last.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

She will fall in love with you

By Chris Tyler

So, you've met or know a woman that you just cannot seem to get out of your mind. Everywhere you go and everything that you do, you find yourself drifting back to thoughts of her. You want to be able to make her fall in love. You want her to say that she feels the same way about you. Feeling like this and NOT knowing what to do to make her feel the same is not a fun spot to be in.

You have to be able to make her feel the same way for you.

How should you go about it?

1. Never start off with a woman trying to be everything to her. You are only going to set yourself up for failure and a big letdown if you try to be everything to a woman. Trying to be everything for a woman does nothing but too much pressure on you also make her see you as a friend or a buddy and nothing more. To get to the point where she feels real attraction for you, you want it to be for something more than just doing favors for a woman.

2. You've got to get her dancing. What I mean by this, is that you have to lead, but she has to follow you. If you flirt with her, if you do anything at all to build attraction with her, then you have to make sure that she responds. If she doesn't, then you either have to try something else or move on. Most guys will keep pushing forward even when they are not getting anything back from a woman and then they wonder why they never get to be more to her.

3. Create sexual tension with a woman. This is a necessary part of making a woman fall in love with you. The difference between a platonic love that a woman feels for her friend and one that she's in love with in a romantic way is the sexual attraction. If you don't do a thing to make her feel sexual attraction when she is with you, then you are going to have to get used to just a platonic love with her.

It might seem to be a challenge or almost improbable to make a woman fall in love, but you can learn how. Your focus has to be more on making her feel a certain way than it is on doing things for her.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Signs That You're In The Wrong Relationship


Signs That You're In The Wrong Relationship

Don’t you wish there was a guidebook that could tell you – early on - whether or not your relationship is doomed? Well, according to CNN’s romance expert Amelia McDonell-Parry,there are tell-tale signs that the person you’re dating isn’t the right match for you. For example.

  • Telling half-truths to your friends: You’ll know a relationship is doomed when you start telling your friends only part of the story about an argument with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You want to vent, but leaving out the part that would make your friends scream “They’re not right for you!” is a red flag. Chances are, you’ve already judged your mate’s actions yourself and are afraid your friends will validate what you already know - that you deserve better.

  •   Warning sign #2: Residual immaturity. No guy completely grows up, but a fanatical interest in something completely juvenile will wear on you eventually. If he’s spending all your combined savings on comic books – or staying up late playing NCAA Football on his PS3. Pretty soon you’ll stop feeling attracted to him. A woman wants a man, not a child.

  • Another sign that your relationship is probably doomed: If he’s a Momma's boy or she’s Daddy's little girl. If either one of you respects the opinion of a parent more than the opinion of your significant other, you're headed for trouble.

  • One last thing that’ll kill a relationship: a King-size bed. Even if you go to bed mad, something about a forced snuggle in a small bed is like an unspoken “you’re forgiven.” It allows everything bad between you to dissolve away. However, a king-size mattress lets the tension rest comfortably between you - and a fight can go on for days.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Dating Rules


Struggling to meet someone new? Following these simple yet insightful dating rules might be just be exactly what you need.

Love Yourself First

Have you ever noticed that happy people get more attention? And if you are happy with yourself, it shows. So in order to attract more people into your life for dating purposes, focus on the things that make you happy. Try writing a large piece of paper full of ideas that you can use in a pinch, such as taking a hot bath, going for a bike ride or filling your home with plants. Then, pick three items from this list every day with conscious effort, knowing that the time you take tending to increasing your own personal joy will increase the pull others feel to learn more about who you are.

If you shake your head within seconds of meeting someone, rank them against a checklist in your head, or have stringent guidelines about who you will and won't meet, it is time to revamp your relationship expectations. When trying to meet someone new, it is imperative that you let go of your preconceived notions about who the perfect partner is.Cut Ties To Your Ex

Although this dating rule may be contentious for some readers, it is still an important step in the dating process. Just like a spring cleaning clears your space of clutter and cobwebs, removing an ex still present in your life after a breakup can free you to meet someone new. Of course there are circumstances where this may not be possible - such as if you have children together or work in the same office. But whenever possible, you need to remove your ex from your personal life, even if it is only temporary.Let Go of Dating Myths

Dating is exhausting and not worth my time. I'll never meet The One. All the good ones are taken.

These three statements are myths about dating that seriously require thought if they are going through your head. Dating isn't about negative thoughts; its about meeting as many interesting people as you can while having faith that you'll meet someone special.

Following this dating rule means you need to stop focusing on the person you are trying to meet, and focus on the spotlight instead on yourself.

Face Your Dating Fears

Feeling anxious or upset about the prospects of meeting someone new usually translates into fear. If the thoughts of never meeting someone special, being upset that your last partner refused to commit, or convincing yourself you aren't worth dating are taking over your thought processes, it is time to face your dating fears. By not following this dating rule and ignoring the issues, your inability to risk losing your heart will stop you from meeting someone special.Learn How To Flirt

Too attract new people, you'll need to show them you are interested - which means learning how to flirt. Virtually every single first encounter that leads to more starts with a smile, so this dating rule suggests smiling at everyone you encounter, without qualification. As well, understanding body language is a crucial part of meeting someone new and cannot be overlooked.Accept All Dates

If you want to follow the rules of dating to meet someone new, its time to stop making snap decisions about the people who ask you out for a date. If someone asks you for coffee, it is your responsibility to accept it, barring any issues with safety of course. A date is just a date - not a marriage proposal. It'll only take an hour or two, and by accepting all dates you'll move closer to meeting someone special while perfecting your notions of what kind of person you'd like to have in your life.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

How to flirt


You see someone from across the room and think: Wow. I want to meet them. But how can you be sure that your body language conveys your true intentions - to flirt?

These body language cues are excellent ways to show the object of your interest that you'd like to get to know them better. And if someone uses these cues on you? Flirt right back -- because flirting is harmless, and practice makes perfect.

How To Flirt With Your Eyes

Holding eye contact with someone you find appealing for approximately five seconds is well-used flirt tactic, mostly because it is highly effective, although its ease and simplicity of use doesn't hurt. According to the book, "The Definitive Guide of Body Language," by Alan and Barbara Pease, the person initiating the flirt will - on average - need to lock eyes three times before the flirt recipient catches on.

How To Flirt By Preening

There are many, many ways one groom themselves in public in a flattering yet flirty way, depending on your gender. Ladies can try some hair stroking, posture enhancing, neck exposing, hip tilting (if standing), clothes straightening or lip licking - all with the intention of calling attention to her attractiveness. Men can also straighten their clothing, lick their lips or fix their hair, but they should also include things like hooking their fingers into their pants (if standing), suck in their stomach, or take deep breaths to increase the size of their chest. For both men and women, try to use preening body language that shows off your best features while enhancing what makes you, you.

How To Flirt With A Smile

There are few things better than receiving a genuine, radiant smile from a stranger, yet many people don't respond to them as a flirt tactic. Therefore, use your smile in conjunction with the other body language ideas listed in this article to ensure whomever you've got your eye on realizes a flirt is your intention.

How To Flirt By Pointing

No, not by using your finger silly. Instead, try to 'point' at the person you want to flirt with by moving your body towards them. Take your feet and make sure they are facing your flirt target, and use your shoulders to lean into them - even if you aren't speaking with them. Other ideas include facing your shoulders towards them or 'closing off' a space just for the two of you (such as crossing your legs towards each other).

How To Flirt Using Touch

Look for opportunities where you can touch the person you want to flirt with, either 'accidentally' or otherwise. Shaking hands is an excellent flirt tactic, because not only does it place your hands together (which conveys a "higher level of intimacy" according to Alan and Barbara Pease), but it is easy way to combine flirting with an introduction. You could also try carefully and casually placing your hands on the person's arms to very gently 'move' them so you can pass by on your way to the bathroom, or lightly tap their arm while sharing a laugh. And if you aren't quite comfortable touching the person you want to flirt with quite yet, you can try mimicking their movements for a short period of time (i.e. a couple of seconds), instead.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Love Laws


"Love Laws" for The Dating World

Ladies, are you jumping back into the dating pool? Then I’ve got a few “Love Laws” for you: Rock-solid truths about men and becoming a couple that’ll help you avoid a lot of drama and mental anguish. This comes from the experts at Condé Nast Publications.

Law #1: If a guy you meet doesn’t call you in a week, he’s not interested. You may think he’s just busy, or lost your number, but don’t kid yourself. Clinical psychologist Judith Shervan says it doesn’t matter how busy he is. If he’s interested, he’ll find five minutes to call. Bottom line: If he leaves you hanging for more than three days, take that as a definite sign he’s not interested, and move on.

The next law of love: By date number three, you may start to notice his flaws, but that’s not a bad thing! Dr. James Aniechowski is the coauthor of Be Loved for Who You Really Are. He says noticing flaws – like the fact that he wears the same jeans every day - means you’re subconsciously evaluating him as a long-term partner, and working through your nerves about your future together. So, instead of thinking, “Can I live with someone who’s a football freak?” Think, “Am I ready for a long-term commitment?”

The third law of love: No man wants to be your best friend. Michael Gurian, the author of How a Man’s Mind Really Works, says men like a little mystery. They tend to get overwhelmed if you share too much information. In other words, he doesn’t want to hear the play-by-play of your average workday. Or listen to an analysis of the fight you just had with your mother. Instead, stick with topics that relate to your life together, like, “What are we doing for dinner?” Or, “What do you want to save money for, a house or a vacation?”

The final law of love: You’ll discover something that proves Mr. Right isn’t perfect. Like, he was briefly married at 18. Or he earned a GED instead of graduating from high school. Dr. Kate Wachs is the author of Relationships for Dummies. She says not to make a big deal out of something that isn’t an issue anymore. Bottom line: Do you love him because he’s sweet, hilarious, and talented – or because you thought he’d never been married before?