Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Rejection 101

Rejection 101
Has this ever happened to you? You see someone attractive. You make eye contact, smile, and they look away! If it has, you probably thought, “I’ll never do that again.” Relationship expert David Wygant says that’s a mistake. In fact, he believes the more you get rejected - the better!

Why? Because you’re still trying to connect with people. So, get your pencils out - it’s time for a course Wygant calls ‘Rejection 101’:

The other person’s reaction probably has nothing to do with you. More than likely, they’re preoccupied with something else – like a project at work, or just a bad day in general.

When you try to connect. Don’t expect to bat a thousand. Sitting at home alone because one person turned you down is like quitting your job search when your first interview doesn't pan out. Remember, a baseball player who gets a hit just three out of 10 times ends up in the Hall of Fame.

Improve your odds. Wygant says when you feel like you’re getting more than your fair share of “No thank you” responses - ask yourself if there's a reason why. The solution could be as simple as improving your appearance. That means going out in something other then your baggy sweats and favorite Spiderman T-shirt.

Be nice to everyone, not just the lookers. Wygant believes that we’re less likely to be rejected if we practice our social skills on everyone, even people we aren’t attracted to. In other words, every time you thank your waitress or smile at a passerby, you get better at dealing with people.

That means you’ll be more comfortable when the right person crosses your path.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Men changing lanes on the highway

Jeff Magic suggested that I read the book, Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps
I am only up to chapter 3 but so far it feels a little depressing to be a guy. Most of the information presented seems to give the edge to women as the superior sex and is portraying guys as creatures who can't do more than one thing at a time.

For example, when a guy is watching the television and the phone rings, what does he do? He turns the tv off, or the volume way down so he can answer the phone. What do women do? They answer the phone and can carry on an entire conversation while not missing a beat watching the tv. The book is not saying that women are smarter then men, just that our brains are wired differently.

Hmm, I am saying to myself. This is interesting, but I really don't buy all of these generalities. Then something interesting happened.

I was having a conversation with my friend Vicky while I was driving on the Southern State Parkway. It was a pretty intense topic and we were talking for a while, when all of a sudden, Vicky immediately stopped talking. This happened at the exact moment when I was trying to change lanes on the highway.

I made my lane change and said to her, why did you stop talking. She said "you are a guy, I learned long ago that you won't hear a word I am saying when you are trying to change lanes." I had not realized it, but in my own personal case, she was right. I would get completely frazzled if she was still talking while I was trying to get over.

Ok Ok, I know this is a generality and I am sure that there are plenty of women who wouldn't be able to concentrate if someone was talking while you were changing lanes either?
I will keep reading further along and share any interesting insights or memorable quotes.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Lipstick at the table

Ok ladies, here is a question for you to answer.

Dear Jay

I recently went to dinner with a good female friend. We are just friends, but I k now she knows that I really want more. She is very friendly and feels comfortable around me and can sometimes be touchy feely (for example, my hair was standing up and she played with it to get it looking right).

After dinner, she reapplied her lipstick and puckered up her lips. Was that any type of sign that maybe she wanted me to kiss her at some point?

After dinner, we went for a walk and she grabbed my arm and we walked arm in arm for a while. Again, this was somewhat unusual behavior from the past. We always had a playful friendship, but it was always me who would have to put my arm around her.

Once again, am I reading too much into this?

A clueless guy.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Developing Inner Game for Men

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Developing Inner Game by Cajun

Inner game is probably one of the most popular subjects in the community. It’s a major sticking point for nearly everyone who has trouble talking to women and it’s a problem that can be difficult to fix as well, since it tends to be rooted in a lifetime’s worth of negative beliefs that are based on things like fear and rejection. Inner game is also a topic that I think can only be discussed from a personal level, that is, I can’t convince you how to think or look at life differently, only you can, but I can tell you how I overcame the very same problems, and hope that you can learn from my experiences.

So what is it?

To me, inner game problems boils down to two things: your experience and your mindset. Every problem you run into with not just women, but life itself, can be attributed to one of these two areas. I’m going to get into both of these, and give some personal insights, so hopefully by the end of this article you’ll have a clearer understanding of what exactly it is that you need to work on to fix your own issues.

When people ask me how I developed my “Rock solid confidence”, I always answer the same; “Practice”. When you think about what confidence actually is you realize that its simply doing something that you’ve done enough times to be comfortable with. It’s only when were thrown into situations that are unfamiliar to us that we start to lose confidence in ourselves. The sad and somewhat ironic reality is that most men are not comfortable talking to women simply because they don’t talk to women! It’s a negative feedback loop that’s perpetuated by a fear of “what might go wrong”. This is bullshit! To be scared of the possible negative outcomes is to be scared of the very thing that enables you to get better!

Think about it this way; when you were learning to ride a bike, were you too scared to get on because of a fear that you might fall down? Maybe, but you got on anyway because you saw how much fun all the other kids were having, even then you realized that the reward was worth the risk. Well this is the same thing, I remember when I first started out with this stuff I used to get drinks thrown in my face, told off, or simply ignored. The first few weeks were rough; it took me a while before I got used to rejection enough that I could understand where I went wrong. Getting used to rejection isn’t easy, but the best advice I can give you is to simply accept it, don’t get mad at her or yourself, don’t go home, just accept that it’s a completely normal, and necessary part of the learning process. You can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs. The sooner you realize that rejection is a necessary evil, the sooner you can come to terms with it and move past it.

Mind Set:
Most of us grew up in a society that believed in a 2 concentric circle model of reality. That is, the outer circle being reality, or the world around us, and the inner circle being our consciousness. We experience the outer circle; reality, through our inner circle; our consciousness. This is how we believed reality worked; that our consciousness was independent of it…but recently this all changed.

We are now learning through quantum physics that reality is actually the inner circle, and that our consciousness is the outer circle. That is; reality exists inside our mind, we create our own reality with our thoughts (Or beliefs, if you’d rather).
What does this mean?

As far as any of us know, there may only be 1 reality; your own. Who’s to say I’m not a figment of your imagination, your reality, writing this entire article out to send a message to YOU, from your subconscious mind. It’s possible.

The truth is, whether any of us actually exist or not is irrelevant. Life is a game, and it’s a game that a lot of people are scared to play. Don’t be one of them.

I recently received an email from a student of mine asking about the power of beliefs, and how they work. I replied with the following:

“Think of it this way: what if, let’s say, 15 years from now programmers invent this computer game that is virtually identical to reality. The AI is so smart you can’t tell it’s not a real person. The five senses are so accurately programmed that there is no detectable difference to reality. Now, you get to play this game, but the programmer tells you some hints on how to play, he says this:

“This software is programmed to work intuitively with your brain. So, if you want to be, let’s say, a rich Casanova in the game, then all you have to do is believe that you ARE a rich Casanova, and you will become one. The trick is you have to actually believe it, and then the program takes care of the rest. In fact you can have, and be anything you want in this program as long as you ask for it using these “beliefs”. Think of it as your “console hack”"

I’m sure you saw this coming, but this “game” already exists and it’s called reality. You become who you believe you are.”
Sound a little like the matrix? Well that’s ok, like I said; I can only give advice on inner game from my own personal perspective and this is simply how I believe reality works.

I’ll end this article with something that I’ve never written about before:
I remember the very night that I became good at attracting women, I remember because I had an epiphany that night and it was so mind-blowing that I had to write it down as soon as I came home. It has since become my mantra, and I know that if down the road I ever forget everything that I’ve learned in the past few years, all I will have to do is read this piece of paper and it will all come back. What does the paper say?
“The secret to becoming amazing at attracting women is…to remember that you already are.”
- Cajun

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Sunday, January 11, 2009

Why men get close and then pull away after sleeping with a woman

By Christian Carter

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

This time I'm responding to an email I got from a woman who recently bought my ebook.

I think you'll “feel her pain” and see why I wanted to respond to her.

She's going through that dreaded situation I've seen lots of women deal with where she was dating a guy and became “physical” with him, but then he quickly pulled away.

Want to know what's going on with a man in this situation and what he's thinking?

And what to do about it?

Keep reading...

>>>> Question From A Reader

Hi Christian

I've just bought your book.... I'm from Thailand and I appreciated your book so much. Unfortunately, I read the lesson about Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex... but I've already made that mistake and had sex with him. I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwards, but as you told me he would, he became impatient when we talked and it made me so frustrated and upset.

Now he's acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship and make him see my worth?

I feel so disappointed about my actions.

Christian, please help me...

Best regards,

J from Thailand

>>>> My Response

I want to give you a big hug... and then a good SLAP.

Ok, listen closely.

I'm about to share something with you that I want you to NEVER, EVER forget.

It's the reality about how most men work when dating.


A man will NEVER see your “worth” just because he's having sex with you.

It sucks, but that's the way men act sometimes.

And guess what?

You're dating a man.

So let me be very clear here:

Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn't mean that he's spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her in the future.

Got it?

Ok, good.

Because even though you've already moved on to how you're going to settle down together, he hasn't even decided if he wants to try anything “serious” out with you.

Sure, it would be great if a man let you know this before he slept with you, but that's not reality most of the time.

And I'm willing to bet you played a part in this.

You're not entirely innocent.

Were you up-front and honest about what you were looking for?

Or did your true feelings sneak up on you, freak you out, and then freak him out too?


I've got an important question for you...

Who made this guy the final judge of your “worth” as a woman?

The answer...

You did.

Cut it out.

And I'll bet I know WHY you did it.

I'm going to get a bit “deep” and “spiritual” here with you, all in the name of tough love.

You're seeking his APPROVAL in the worst kind of way.

You're waiting and wanting HIM to show YOU that you deserve the experience of open and unrestrained love.

You're counting on him to be the strong and masculine lover you've always wanted, who will break through the barriers in both of your hearts.

That way you can SURRENDER to the deep kind of love that you truly desire from a man.

Unfortunately, that's not what's happening or how he FEELS with you right now.

But deep down, you believe that if you can come up with enough “proof” that he should love and value you, and if you can make things “perfect” between you two, then he'll become the open and loving man you imagine him to be.

It's time.

It's time for the little girl who's seeking a man's approval in order to experience love to grow up.

It's time for you to stop hoping that a man will become the man you want him to be, when he shows you that he doesn't even have a clue about what love is or how to be with a woman.

But you're so wrapped up in his perspective, what he's doing, his feelings, his emotions and his desires (or lack thereof) that you've all but forgotten about something WAY MORE IMPORTANT.

What YOU really want.

I'll take a wild guess here and bet that the kind of guy that you truly want isn't the kind of guy who would act how this guy is acting.

As in, the kind of guy who would sleep with a woman and then act distant and irritated with her just because she wants to talk about how she's feeling.

So, sorry for asking but...

What the h#ll are you doing!?

You're wasting your energy trying to get the love and approval of someone who acts like a person you don't even want to be with!?

Ok, now that we've verbally smacked you around a little bit, we can move on from what NOT to do, to learning what to do.


You need a lesson on who a man really is.

There are FASCINATING biological reasons for why men act the way they do.

But the reasons that are the most important for you to understand right now aren't the “scientific” ones.

I'm going to get a tiny bit “out there” right now, but stick with me...

There's a big difference between what I'll call the “masculine” energy and the “feminine” love or energy.

Pay careful attention here.

The feminine energy grows with fullness, praise, connection and love, to allow a kind of “surrender” in all kinds of joyful experiences.

With sex, women surrender to the experience with a man through love and connection, which can make the man and woman as one.

But the masculine energy doesn't work this way. At least not in the “darker” part of a man.

The masculine energy is VERY different.

The masculine energy seeks to break through challenges all alone and arrive at its desire - “emptiness” and “freedom”.

Have you ever heard a man talk about how he wanted his “freedom”... and you wondered what the hell he was talking about?

And you could tell that he didn't even really know what he meant by his “freedom”.

This “freedom” or emptiness is actually the masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.

Just as the feminine means is connection and loving.

Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to sleep or act like they're off somewhere else after sex?

There are tons of pop-culture references to men doing this in TV, movies, books, etc.

People know that men often behave this way.

It's “conventional wisdom”.

But most people don't really know WHY men act this way.

Here's my favorite way of explaining it...

Have you ever thought about why so many men have a strong addiction to watching sports events.

Well, each game is setup in a specific way that draws a man's emotions into the experience.

At the center of each game is a person or a team that rises up to overcome.

It's a kind of trial where a man will break through hardship, competition and challenge.

And when a team or player scores a goal or a touchdown and celebrates, something fascinating takes place.

The man “breaks through” the challenge into “freedom” and the final emptiness of victory.

Then the men will celebrate as though their greatest desires have been fulfilled and cry out as they never have before.

Bizarre and fascinating...

Ok, back to Earth.

How does this relate to dating, sex and love?

With sex, a man doesn't “surrender” to love and connection the way a woman does... unless he learns to.

** And yes, a man can and should learn how to surrender himself with his woman to love **

But instead, men often seek the physical challenge of sex as a goal unto itself, where they can break through to a temporary “freedom” and emptiness.

Whoa... Heavy stuff.

Here's the point, in case you don't like talking in myths and metaphors.

But first, don't go telling this story to the man you're dating or with out of the blue.

He will think you're CRAZY - unless he's the kind of guy that's already on a more spiritual kind of “path”.

This is for YOU to know and to work with.

So back to you....

Notice that in physical experiences with women, or in life for that matter, most men don't have the same strong drive to be deeply and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people around them like most healthy women do.

Often times, they're driven by something that has nothing to do with love, intimacy and connection.

Yeah, I know. Men are CRAZY and messed up and different.

But men don't have to be bizarre and strange this way if they LEARN and become AWARE.


If they have a woman who gets it, she can lead and challenge him into finding freedom through love and connected experience, not through empty physical experience and isolation.


Here's the thing...

A man will NEVER see you exactly the way you want him to see you, or value you exactly the way you know you should be valued, if... you're doing things just to seek and win his love and APPROVAL.

Yes, you might have “goofed” by being physical with him too early.

But stop being so hard on yourself. It's the past, and it's not the problem now.

The real problem now is something entirely different.

Sleeping or being physical with a man is NOT a bad thing.

Trust me. wink, wink.

But you've got to create the right feelings within him before and during the experience of being together for it to truly bring you closer in love.

Sorry, but just being there isn't going to do it and reach a man's heart.

Wow, I just realized... men are actually so high-maintenance.


So you want to know how to “re-wire” things?

Here's what to do first:

Stop wanting the fact that you've had sex to magically win him over into being an open and loving partner like you are.

Then go back and read the section in my book inside Chapter 8 called “Triggering A Deeper Level Of Attraction In A Man”.

What you need to know is there.

(and read, re-read and put it to use this time!)

But let's keep going and I'll touch on a few of the same points that are in there.

Ever thought about what a man really wants in a woman to date or fall in love with?

I'm talking about mature, healthy men here.

** They want someone that they WANT **

They want to WANT a woman, to worship her, to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her off her feet with their physical and emotional presence.

And for the woman to be utterly and completely taken with them and what they do.

I'm sure you've seen or heard this kind of male fairy tale before.

So why don't men just act this way with women if this is what they want?

Ahhh... welcome to dating.

Because most women don't create the experience that will make a man FEEL this way.

So here's a “center-piece” of the puzzle...

I call it the “Pursuit Gene”.

There's a drive in men that makes them want to be CHALLENGED... and to overcome that challenge.

I know it sounds cliché, but it's true.

Remember the “spiritual” story from earlier?

Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman.

And then they want to win the woman over and feel stronger as a man for having done it.

Men deal with this in one of two ways:

1. They find more “freedom” and emptiness by physically being with a woman in the short term

2. They find connection and love by physically AND emotionally being with the woman in a deeper and “longer-term” way

Here's the AMAZING part...

A woman helps him choose which it will be with her.


The point is, men LOVE the chase.

Some men might tell you that they don't.

They do.

Men love the chase and the challenge not in their “logical” minds, but down where it counts.

They love it in their FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.

It's part of their genetic make-up.

But if a woman loses control emotionally, seeks HIS APPROVAL or thinks she can trade sex to receive love before a man's experiencing an intense desire to WIN HER OVER and to be with her, then something bad happens.

The man loses that feeling of excitement and challenge with her.

He recognizes that the woman has already given over physical and emotional CONTROL to him.

Which destroys the strongest “lead-in” to creating lasting love with a man.

It's just one simple word.


Men want to feel ATTRACTION.

And I don't mean that they want to talk about it or analyze it so that it makes “sense”.

They don't want to listen to what a woman tells them is going on and then come to accept and understand how and why they should be in love.

No. That's not how men work.

Instead, they want to FEEL their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.

Get where I'm going here?

If you don't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you and trigger the emotional desire deep inside him to win you over and be with you for the long term, then there's no amount of talking, sharing, or SEX that can change his mind.

In my ebook “Catch Him & Keep Him” I talk about the VERY BEST ways to create great experiences and situations with men.

Experiences and situations that will make a man respond to a woman with INTENSE DESIRE and ATTRACTION.

And not just in the “empty” physical sense, but instead with more deeply connected feelings.

Chapter 9 of the book is titled “From Casual To Committed - Communication Secrets with Men & New Relationships”.

In it are some of my very best ideas on how to build the right “emotional environment” for a man to feel addicted to the love, connection and attraction you share.

He'll wonder why he didn't find you and figure out how to be in love sooner.

Check out the details here:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Thanks and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Monday, January 05, 2009

The Truth about how to approach women

By Carlos Xuma

The TRUTH About How to Approach Women...


Hello Carlos,

My understandings on women have changed a lot since I read your books and I have read them several times. I am trying to be the Alpha Man which you insisted we (men) all have to be. I am working on it and to tell you the truth I do feel about better about myself.

But, despite reading all your articles, I still get scared to death when I approach women, my thoughts just turn from Alpha to Beta within seconds and I just can't do anything although I already at least have a plan of how I'll get them engaged into the conversation. There are these thoughts and strange stomach feelings which start building up when I start approaching them to talk.

Now I am at home, just got back from a New Years party, sad, depressed and ashamed of myself. I cannot express in words how bad I am feeling now after having seen all those beautiful women in the party but could still not do anything...

I realise this is affecting my life because I feel lonely and this is not a problem I can talk to anyone to feel better, what's even worse is my close ones do not even try to understand what my problem is.

I can change to become or at least pretend that I am an Alpha Man but the moment I see an attractive woman this all disappears and I come back to being a beta.

I am writing this e-mail to you probably because no one understands this awful problem of mine better than you.

Did you ever find yourself in this situation? If yes then what did you do to overcome this?

- Ranjiv
Reading, United Kingdom



Well, first of all, let me tell you that the experience you are having is a common one for many guys.

When I say "many," I really mean MOST every single guy out there.

So when you try to explain to other guys what you're experiencing, many of them simply DENY that it is even happening. It's crazy, but most guys don't want other guys knowing that they feel fear approaching and talking to women.

It seems un-manly. And it can really be completely humiliating.

I know - I had a TOUGH time admitting it when I had this problem. (Yes, I have had this experience hundreds of times in the past.)

It's funny, but most guys have this epiphany over the New Years holiday that they are not getting the success they feel they should with women.

It's emphasized by the fact that they don't have a date for the party they went to, and then it's really punched into their gut when they don't come home with a number from any of the women they met.

When midnight comes on New Years and everyone else is hugging and kissing their sweetheart, you feel like the loneliest guy on the planet for being ... well, the only one without a girl.

I hated that feeling, and it really pissed me off that I could be in a room full of pretty women and not be able to talk to ANY of them.

I'd stand with my drink in my hand and PRAY that one of them would come over and talk to me, but that never happened. Some other guy would always approach her while I was trying to think up some clever opening line.

"Let me tell you what Approach Anxiety really is..."

Approach anxiety is that sensation you have when you're about to approach a woman, but there's this little voice in your head that stops you dead in your tracks and keeps you from walking over to her.

It's just like the feeling you had when you were a kid and you knew you were in trouble and had to go to the principle's office, or go home to your angry parents.

(Isn't it weird how your senses are all on alert when you're in an approach situation? It's almost like being in a different dimension...)

This feeling is simply known as DREAD.

You're almost completely paralyzed by your own brain, but the worst part is that you don't even really THINK anything when you're trying to just say something - anything - to her.

(I'm getting freaked out as I type this, because I'm remembering the sensation - and just how much it really SUCKS.)

Approach anxiety is something I call a "Compound Emotion." This is an emotion that is so complex and complicated that you can't figure out where it's coming from or how to deal with it.

They get all mixed up in your head, and you have no idea how to overcome it to do what your mind wants to do, but some other part of you is short-circuiting.

In fact it's so complex that I can't possibly overcome this for you in a simple newsletter, but I can give you some tips...

First, start to really monitor that feeling in your body when you get ready to approach a woman. I'll bet that you feel the same things every time, and if you can start to recognize the sensation in your body first, you'll have your first alarm that you can sense when it's about to go off.

If you can sense the feeling before it comes on, you can stop it before it paralyzes you. Just like taking some Vitamin C tablets or echinacea extract to prevent a cold that you feel coming on.

"Everything begins with AWARENESS..."

Next, start to plan how you'll get started in interactions with women. You're probably blowing yourself out because you're trying to run before you can even walk.

Your goal is just to talk with her at first, for just a minute or two. Keep it LOW anxiety.

You need a couple good openers to get you started.

One that I use quite a bit is this:

"Hey... You know, you have a really nice energy about you. I just had to come over and let you know."

Now that is fantastic for getting a woman to open up, because you're giving value to HER instead of just "pickup" lines that don't do anything but scream out "pickup artist."

I personally use that one all the time, and it has never failed to start a conversation.

(By the way, if you'd like more openers like this, please read on for the link below to my bonus article...)

Do you ever feel like you're at a loss when it comes to approaching women and getting them interested in you - romantically?

Read the next couple paragraphs carefully, because what I'm about to tell you has a DIRECT IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE...

"Women are attracted to several KEY behaviors in men..."

These are things that many guys don't know are attractive to women because it goes against what they think of as "nice."

The ideas I've just discussed in the letter above are what I consider to be essential behaviors to incorporate in your identity. These are a critical part of dating success with women.

Most guys spend no time improving their approach skills with women, and they end up chickening out when the time is right to approach a woman they're interested in. They'd rather sit back and talk about what they WOULD do, but not actually muster up the courage to go and really DO IT.

I'm going to tell you a little secret:

I used to be the same way. I remember fondly going to a bar in Kansas City (where I was living at the time) and being so desperate to meet someone that I pulled out a business card, found a woman that looked attractive, and I handed it to her saying, "Excuse me, I think you dropped this."

What chance did that have of working?

About zero. Because even if she did find it cute and endearing that I tried, it was a pitifully indirect method of expressing my interest.

And it didn't work. (If you'd like to read the whole story of my fateful and horrible approach skills back then, you can go read about it at the link I'm going to give you...)

"That failure was the last straw for me..."

I was fed up, and I'd had ENOUGH.

If you're like me, you know that approach anxiety doesn't get better without learning some new skills and techniques to overcome my fears. It simply will NOT get better on its own...

In fact - it usually gets MUCH WORSE over time. It's a lot like social cancer to a man's life. That sounds brutal, but it's true.

I made a decision right then that lasted me a lifetime. I decided that - do or die - I was going to learn how to approach women, how to talk to women, and how to get her interested in me.

No matter WHAT it took.

I started watching other guys, trying out my own stuff, seeing what worked and what didn't, and I everything I learned down.

Now, a couple years ago, I took all that information and I put it all together into something that was designed to get guys past all these hurdles.

I know what it's like to sit there feeling like you can't talk to that hot woman in the bar, or the attractive store clerk you'd like to ask for her number.

I know how it feels in your stomach to go through this every time you see a woman you want to approach.

Now you can finally fix this...


Get the answer you have been looking for here