Sunday, October 26, 2008

Fashion Mistakes for men

AOL just did a story on fashion mistakes for men and I will bring them to
you a few at a time.


#1 is something I have been preaching for years already. Guys,
please cut out the white tube socks with black shoes. It does not go
over well with many of the ladies. You only get one chance to make a
first impression, so please invest in some colored socks.

AOL Shopping Men's Fashion

Excessive jewelry


Less is more when it comes to accessories. Other than a wedding ring and a
watch it is best to try and tone the jewelry down. Here are simple pieces of
jewelry that would be an addition to any wardrobe:

fine watches
casual watches
wedding bands
link bracelets
cuff links

Football Jersey
3 of 9
Unless it is game-day it is not ok to wear your football jersey as the casual shirt option in your wardrobe. It is totally fine to show support for your favorite team while you are watching the game, but putting on a jersey to go out to dinner or to go to work says that you are immature. Here are some more mature casual shirt options:polo shirts long sleeved tees fleeces sweaters turtleneck sweaters

Worn down shoes
4 of 9
Shoes can say a lot about someone. They add a lot to an overall first impression. Worn down, scuffed shoes, or shoes with the heel worn down are unacceptable and can ruin the look of a whole entire outfit. Make sure that your shoes are in good condition with these following things:shoe shine kits rain boots shoe racks revolving shoe trees

The wrong socks
6 of 9
Socks leave many well dressed men walking down the wrong path. Socks are an insignificant part of your wardrobe, right? Wrong. Socks can turned a well suited man into a walking fashion faux pas. Specific socks should be worn with specific outfits. Sports socks should be worn with casual attire and casual shoes, like sneakers. Casual crew socks can be worn with khaki pants, polo shirts, and cotton sweaters. Dress socks should be worn with suits, business attire and dress shoes.
Note from Jay: Guilty as charged on this one. I know enough to NOT WEAR WHITE SOCKS WITH BLACK SHOES (yes guys, I am yelling on this one, to never do this again), but tend to wear the same black style sock with everything. So ladies, do you really notice if a guy is not wearing the right sock style (not color) with the right outfit?

Dirty Undershirts
7 of 9
Similar to socks, undershirts may not seem important, but they are. Make sure that you wear an undershirt if you have issues with prespiring or if you are wearing a shirt that does not have a lot of coverage. Selecting the right undershirt is a personal matter, make sure it works best for your body type. And, please, make sure to replace your undershirts when you see that they are stained or torn. undershirts tank tops crew neck undershirts v neck undershirts

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Why is it so difficult to get the guys ages 48-62?

So last week I posted the following in the newsletter
For the past 5.5 years, one specific age bracket has given me fits! Women 44-56 and Guys 48-62.

Why?? There are so many attractive great ladies for this event who want to do this event, but they outnumber the guys on my mailing list at about a ratio of 3 or 4 to one. That is why this age bracket always gets sold out so fast for women. So where do these good guys go? For whatever reason, many guys in this bracket are reluctant to try speed dating. So here is a special promotion for you.

Know a single guy (first time customer only) who would be a great candidate to go to this event, but needs a little coaxing? If you help convince him to go, you keep 100% of his admission fee. Tell your guy friend about the event and when he is ready to register, YOU call me at 718-757-6933 to let me know the referral will come from you. I will take your vital information, and if your guy friend registers you will receive a check for the full amount he paid. Note: You must call me prior to your friend making a reservation, not afterwards.

I received two noteworthy responses provided below

Response #1 from a woman

suggestion: why not lower the age of the men? What's wrong with younger men and older women? It's pretty sexist that you have the "corresponding" age groups at different ages in the first place. Any woman in her late 40's or early 50's gets approached by younger men all the time.....

What Jay wrote back
Hi, I hear you loud and clear and agree with you. The problem is that the number one question I get from the guys and the women for that matter is "how old are the people attending". 80% of the guys are looking for a younger woman, or at least so they say, where 50% of the women I speak with are looking for a younger woman.

Once people arrive at the event, it makes no difference how old people are, just whether there is any chemistry. However, in order to get the guys to register in the first place, the majority of the men want to hear that the women will be younger. We will not mislead people on the age groups and continue to require proof of age.

I have tried events in the past where the ages were the same for that bracket, and I had to cancel because I had almost no men.

So I hear you and agree with you, just that without skewing the ages, I have been unsuccessful in having any successful events.

Thanks again for your comments.

Response #2 from a Guy (Ladies you will not like this)


The reason why men in this age bracket do not want to go to speed dating is very simple. These men are older and wiser and do not want to take the bullshit of having a "girlfriend" any just isn't worth the headache. These older women are heavier, more wrinkles, want less sex and still think that men are out there to kiss their ass (which aint happening). At a speed dating event, these woman are sitting there thinking that all 12 men are dying to be with them (which isn't so). Men are tired of the three C's of woman ("controlling", "conniving" and always trying to "change" men). Men don't want these old xxxx anymore. You should have speed dating for "older men and "younger women"!


Jay's two cents and another guys comments

The above comment is quite harsh in my opinion and stereotypical. That being said, I thought it was best to leave the comment in it's original format and after getting permission from the author, open this up for debate.

I will be honest and say that I have met some women in their 50's at my my events who are in better shape and more attractive than some women in their 30's.

I reached out to a gentleman named "Bob" who has been coming to my events for a while and recently met a woman who he has really hit it off with. Bob is 49 and only came to the events where he could meet a woman a little younger (women 37-47; guys 40-52). Well about 4 months ago, Bob came to an event where the women could be a little older (women 44-56; guys 47-62)

I will tell you that Bob has not been back to one of my events since. He met a great woman that he is getting to know and is very happy. I called Bob for a comment on how he is doing and what he thought of the comment from the other guy.

Bob said " I have very happy I decided to go the event. I met "Sally. She is 5 or 6 years older than I am, and you wouldn't even think it. She goes to the gym, watches her figure, and is in better shape than some women in their 30's. Sally has a good heart, is down to earth, goes out of her way for me left and right. She cooks for me and treats me like a king. I have to laugh about what I did to deserve this.

It sounds to me that the guy who made those comments is frustrated because he has not met the right person. It is not fair to stereotype. There are many men in their late 40's, 50's and above that whole heartedly really want to meet someone for companionship. "

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Does Your New Romance Have a Future?


Does Your New Romance Have a Future?
So, you’re dating someone you’re totally crazy about! Is this intense attraction you feel for them love - or temporary infatuation? Here’s how to tell whether your budding romance has a potential future, or is more likely to crash and burn as the passion fades. Ask yourself these questions from eHarmony online.
How much do you know about the other person’s life? Sure, you may know what they do for a living and where they live, but have you met this person’s friends, spent entire weekends together, or been included in each other’s daily lives? The best way to know if it’s love or infatuation is take an honest look at how unified the two of you are. This doesn’t mean just the level at which you’re opening up, but how much your partner is letting you in, too.

Do you share common life goals, dreams and ambitions? When the newness wears off, you probably won’t want to invest your time, energy and intimacy with someone who doesn’t share a similar vision of your future. So, before you get too involved, discuss things such as your long term-relationship goals and how you feel about kids. Also, find out where each of your careers rank on your lists of priorities, and how similar your ethics and morals are. While broaching this conversation might feel uncomfortable, it’s an important discussion to have a couple of months into a budding relationship. Why? Because it forces you both to communicate in an honest and open manner, in hopes of cutting down on wasted time and hurt feelings.

Is the feeling mutual? Although YOU may feel that things are sailing along smoothly, your partner may have other ideas. If only one of you is interested in a future together, it’s better to know that before you get in too deep. So – ask. This is another conversation for the two-month mark or so. If you discover that your relationship has potential, congratulations! You may be well on your way to happily ever after. Either way, it’s important to know where you stand as soon as possible so that you can proceed with caution, care, or commitment.

Read the Rest of this article and Comment in the Blog

Thursday, October 09, 2008

How to save a few $$$ on online purchases

How to save a few $$$ on online purchases

Have you ever gone to make an online purchase and it asked you for a promotional code but didn't have one?

The next time this happens, minimize your browser, open up Google and do a search for the company name with the terms discount code promotional code and you may pleasantly surprised. With all that is going on in the news, a few dollars saved, is a few dollars I keep in my pocket. Sometimes the savings can be substantial.
I needed a new banner to hang outside the venues, and the retail cost was $99. I did a search for the banner company name promotional code and found a code that saved me 50%. So for an extra few minutes of googling, I saved $50.
Try it for yourself the next time you buy something online.

Another way to save money on events: REGISTER EARLY. You will start to notice a few more promotional discounts for people who register early.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Why Successful Women Fail with Men

Dating Advice:Why Successful Women Fail With Men
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
By Christian Carter


Have you ever thought that some men just don't like strong smart women like you?

What's up with that!?

Are men that weak and immature?

Well, let me ask you an important question about the men and love in your life.

By the way, how you answer this question could tell the difference between finding a fun, loving and almost effortless relationship that works out in the long term.


Being single and lonely because every man you get close to ends up resisting and withdrawing from the love and connection you know could be there.

So here's the important question I have for you:

Does not having the love and relationship you truly want in your life change how you act as a woman?

Think about it for a second.

I'm asking, because I recently got an amazing email.

In the email, a woman shares her realization about herself and men that has changed her attitude and perspective about love for the better.

Check out her FASCINATING email....

>>>> Email From A Reader


I found your book to be incredibly interesting and quite insightful. Lots of moments of clarity on a subject that is, at least for me, fairly foggy. While I'm not exactly new to the dating game, each experience I have had with dating, boyfriends and even a fiancée has turned up new and exciting horror stories. And then all of a sudden, I think I see the light. In reading your notes about women who subconsciously send signals of essentially being too interested and men's responses to them, I totally saw myself.

While I am more than a little reserved about an outright appearance of "needy" (I'm a very attractive, well educated, highly successful woman and I don't NEED anyone...right??) I suddenly realize, after reading your book, that my inner emotional state is actually very high-pressure, even if I try (probably unsuccessfully) to hide it. It's my inner control freak taking over. I find myself dressing a little nicer when I think I might run into the boy-du-jour. Positioning myself in places where I might "run into" him (I swear I'm not a stalker, but I think most women actually engage in this kind of ridiculousness). Fantasizing about my life with him in it. And all of a sudden, there I am, trying to take control and ensure the proper development of this "relationship". (of course- I'm always in control, right? That's how i've gotten so far in my career and other areas of life...) And then, inexplicably, the more I try to control the situation by impatiently interfering with the natural flow of things, the more I lose my patience and emotional cool. My long-winded point is, that prior to reading your book, I had not been able to step back from my own issues enough to realize that my "control" was actually making me lose control.

Amazingly, this explains not only my own relationship breakdowns, but those of most of my gorgeous, successful girlfriends who also seem to have no luck with men. We have successfully built careers (and great figures) with hard work, persistence, and ultimately achieving control of our situations. It's a pattern that has worked in careers where competition and winning is key. However, sometimes I think we view romantic interactions with men, not as an interpersonal communication in which we must evaluate the other person's point of view, but as just another part of the life scheme that has been set forth for every good superwoman- the significant other that we are expected and expect to have. The problem is that. you never "have" another person. Nor should you. Your book made me step back and reevaluate how I have been going about dating- as though it was a means to an end. And I firmly believe that this was the point of breakdown for me (and probably for lots of other women). Dating must be viewed as a means to a relationship with another person, not as a means to HAVE that other person. Thus, that person's needs must be objectively evaluated as very much separate from my own. If men can be happy and even have a need to pursue and compete, then why be readily available? It just doesn't make sense when you put it that way. And you did.

As a result of your book, I truly believe I will be able to reevaluate the way I look at the men I date- as PEOPLE. With individual interests, needs, wants, beliefs and expectations. Not as extensions of myself (like MY career and MY home) that I build based on my expectations, interests, etc. Thank you so much for sharing your gift of a fresh perspective, no doubt based upon plenty of extensive research. I really think this will change dating for me.

Sincerely, A.W. in Missouri

>>>> My Response


I love hearing from smart, analytical and thoughtful women like you.

Thanks for being so open and sharing your personal experiences... and for the feedback about my book.

There's something that's really FASCINATING about what you've brought up.

Over the last several 20 or 30 years, as women have started to enjoy a more “equal” place in society with careers, opportunity, etc., something strange has happened.

Have you noticed that women are often no longer considered “womanly” or “feminine” once they've become independent and successful in their own right?

I have.

And not coincidentally, everywhere I go I hear women talk about how much it sucks that men are intimidated by successful women and don't want to be with women who are on an “equal” or higher standing.

Well, with so many women talking about this phenomenon, I've thought a lot about how and why this is happening to women.

And why men are responding the way they are.

How can being smarter, more independent, talented, etc. than other women and other men actually become something negative?

After lots of research, observation, and personal experience, here's what I realized about the “plight” of the successful and independent woman...

I'm about to tell you the reasons why successful women often have a HARDER TIME than other women finding love.


Have you ever noticed that other smart and successful women around you are often the ones alone or in the least fulfilling relationships?

And have you ever noticed that no matter how intellectually educated a woman is, it doesn't make her immune to the problems of love that a broke or uneducated woman might face?

How can that be?

Does that mean an education and success is worthless?

No. But it does mean that one doesn't have ANYTHING to do with the other.

Lots of women assume that since they're intelligent they can FIGURE OUT or solve any dumb little dating or relationship dilemma.

They think that all it takes is enough focus and determination and they'll work everything out.

This couldn't be farther from the truth.

You can't “think” a man into feeling something for you.

Just like you can't get a man to treat you differently just because you logically figured out what's wrong with him and let him know.

In fact, doing the latter is more likely to have you standing alone in the cold than being held tightly in his arms.

Being “right” doesn't mean you'll be loved.


I can't tell you how many women I talk to that tell me how men are scared and turned off by, or intimidated by, successful or independent women.

I get where they're coming from, but they've confused one thing for another.

The truth is, men DON'T DISLIKE successful women. But they DON'T LIKE them either.

Let me explain...

It's obvious in this day in age that being successful and independent aren't “male” qualities that exclude women from being attractive if they have them.

But here's the thing...

Most men DON'T CARE how successful a woman is.

I literally mean it. They don't care.

Here's why:

No matter what a woman does for a living, and no matter how much money she makes, none of that is going to make a man FEEL anything for a woman.

Following me here?

Are you attracted to a man JUST because he's rich or successful or can buy whatever he wants?

Obviously not. A man's success can add to his appeal, but it doesn't create it.

Men aren't any different in how they feel about women.

But lots of women who are successful, secretly believe that their success should change how men act around them.

And some women, just like men often do, start to rely on their success to try and attract men.

The truth is, success isn't going to turn a man on or create a great situation.

If a woman doesn't UNDERSTAND how to attract a man and create a great relationship, becoming successful isn't going to change that.

But being a woman who LEARNS to ATTRACT men and create the right situation for love AND also happens to be successful will.


Being successful can be a nice quality or a “bonus” about a woman, but inside a man's mind, success has nothing to do with whether or not he feels ATTRACTION or LOVE.

But lots of successful women seem to be disappointed by this.

Understandably, they're frustrated that the respect and status that they've earned at the office or in life hasn't translated over to their love-life.

Even though in the back of their minds they keep thinking that becoming successful has worked for men all these years.


This isn't how it works for men either, so let me use that as an example.

Just because a man is successful or rich, a genuine and open woman doesn't care anything about that.

She only cares about how he makes her FEEL.

Most women just want to know that a man makes her FEEL ATTRACTED to him, and that he's open and loving and he'll always be the strong and solid person that he is today.

So even if a man is rich and handsome, if he doesn't LEARN to become a good partner who makes a woman EXPERIENCE LOVE and FEEL ATTRACTION, then the woman isn’t going to respond.

Like it or not, it works the same way for successful women.

Success won't buy you love, affection or get you shortcuts to a great situation with a man.

It just might help get you in the door.


Successful women have obviously found and used smart “strategies” to get where they are with the people around them.

They try and test all kinds of new ideas, approaches, attitudes, etc. until they find what works and then they stick with what's best.

And things go great. It's like they've got the world and everyone around them all figured out.

That is, until they run into a “guy-problem” and somehow everything seems to instantly go whacko and stop working.

So they just take their best strategy and try harder and harder at it, sure that it will work since they've seen the world open up to them with it.

But there's no results this time and it's a total shock to the system.

Men are the WORST at doing this by the way.

Tons of husbands come home each night and try to run their family and marriage with the logic and efficiency that they use to make things work in business.

How do you think that works out?


Have you ever thought about how a man falls in love with a woman?

One of the most important and central elements of love that takes a man from just “interested” to “in love” with a woman is experiencing a LOSS of CONTROL and the absence of PREDICTABILITY with the woman.

And no, this doesn't mean that he gives control over to the woman and she has it.

I'll explain...

When a man is experiencing ATTRACTION and CHEMISTRY with a woman and he DOESN'T know exactly what's going to happen next, then everything becomes terribly exciting.

And if the woman isn't acting controlling or manipulative, then there's a “space” or “void” that's created between the man and woman.

It's this natural “psychological space” that moves the man closer and closer to the woman as he's trying close the “emotional gap” between them.

Then the man begins to wonder what he can do to win over more of the woman's affections and attention.

And it's this out of control feeling and the desire to fill in the gap between himself and the woman that starts the classic patterns of love.

Unfortunately, lots of successful women get in THEIR OWN WAY and prevent the natural patterns that lead to love from taking place.

The most common way that successful women get in their own way is when they starting doing things to control each and every aspect of what's going on between her and the man.

*Cue the semi-obsessive behaviors like those that the reader mentioned in her email.

Like plotting to be where a man will be and then pretending to have “run into him”.

I think a lot of us can identify with that kind of behavior in one way or another.

The problem with these kinds of behaviors is that they do something damaging to us when we use them.

These are self-manipulations that stir up all kinds of anxiety and distance in your own mind.

AVOID THESE kinds of things, because they only lead to more obsessive worrying and more plotting.

It's part of what's called a negative feedback loop.

What's most important here is that these behaviors do an almost perfect job of destroying the “tension” a man and a woman both feel when there's a “natural” flow of energy between them.


Most mature women want to have a great relationship and continually experience deep love and intimacy once they've found a worthwhile and attractive guy.

But often times their desire to have their ideal situation is so strong that it can actually drive them to try and CONTROL the situations they're in and the man they're with.

Successful women have an uncanny ability to pull together every aspect of their life and make it work.

But what happens when successful women who have been gracefully in control of their lives get into a situation where they can't CONTROL the outcome and the other people involved?

What happens when there is NO LOGICAL SOLUTION or straight-forward answer that will make things work out the way they're used to?

What happens when they get involved with a man and things are no longer within their ability to control?

In these situations, successful women often end up feeling completely OUT OF CONTROL and begin to panic.

And then FEAR kicks in because they're not used to not having total control of their environment.

So they start doing whatever they can think of or what works for them in other situations in order to try and get CONTROL back in their lives.

Of course, what they often do to try and regain control is negative, fear-driven, and doesn't take into account the feelings and desires of the man... and so it backfires.

The man freaks out, he sees her as “crazy” and then he withdraws.

You might unfortunately already know that story.

What's fascinating here is that the woman's attempts to CONTROL are often more DESTRUCTIVE than they are productive.

Trying to CONTROL how a man feels, what he thinks and how he acts around them, not only doesn't usually work for women - it often works AGAINST them and repels the man.


The energy, drive, focus and discipline that can push women to success in their work can be a potent force to create the outcomes they want.

Unfortunately, this same attitude and approach DOESN'T translate over to getting outcomes women might want with men, love and relationships.

In fact, this attitude often becomes an obstacle to creating an intimate and loving situation with a man.

Successful women often make the mistake of approaching men and relationships with the same kind of intensity and energy that they seek to influence or control things at work.

They start to lead their interactions, conversations and decisions with men with what I call “masculine energy”.

This energy is very direct and purposeful and it has an amazing ability to motivate and push us to overcome and break through barriers.

But it isn't the energy that creates an intense and LASTING CONNECTION with a man.

The “feminine energy” is the energy that attracts a man and can lead and TEACH him how and why to stay open to a woman.

This feminine energy is what shows even the most clueless and reckless of men how to become great and loyal partners - just like it's the masculine energy that ATTRACTS women and shows them a man's strength, love and character.

Now, I'm not saying that women don't and shouldn't have masculine energy. Lots of attractive and interesting women are full of masculine energy.

But I've learned that women can be VERY SUCCESSFUL and have AMAZING LOVE LIVES by knowing when to use masculine and feminine energy.

The key is awareness.

So let me ask you....

When a woman uses or leads her interactions with a man with their more “masculine” energy, what happens?

Most men aren't able to open up or attach and connect with a woman who's meeting them with their “masculine energy”.

It doesn't make a man FEEL close, comfortable, trusting and it doesn't draw him in to connect with her.

In fact, lots of men react NEGATIVELY to women who present them with a lot of masculine energy.

When some women talk about men not liking successful women, this is what they're talking about.

Men don't like the masculine energy that a woman is putting in place of something WAY MORE IMPORTANT to a man:

How ATTRACTED he is to her and how she makes him FEEL.

So let's wrap this up for now...

One of the most critical things that I see successful women “missing” in their interactions with men, dating and relationships, is the idea of creating “Intellectual Attraction” - and using their natural “feminine energy” to do so.

A man might enjoy the idea of a woman being successful, but it isn't going to make him think about her like he might a woman who pushes all his male buttons.

A man doesn't think, “Gee, she's got a great job, makes good money and doesn't depend on anyone else to support her, I think I'll be into her.”

Actually, it's the exact opposite.

A man sees or meets a woman and Wham!

He instantly falls for her, and he can't exactly explain why.

And that's because there is no reason or logic to why it happens - it happens inside a man's mind.

When a man becomes attracted and interested in a woman, it's because his FEELINGS and EMOTIONS were TRIGGERED by something about the woman.

And no amount of logic, analyzing, convincing or “success” in a woman's life can control this.

If a man doesn't FEEL IT for a woman, nothing else will do the trick.

But if a woman CAN make a man feel attraction for her, then it doesn't matter how successful, gorgeous or shapely she is.

After years or research and observations, I've finally “cracked the code” on what actually works to trigger ATTRACTION in men.

And you'd be surprised to learn that ANY WOMAN can learn what these triggers are and how to start learning to use them in her own life and relationships.

Of course, I'm not just talking about that “one-night stand” male kind of attraction.

That's easy. Seduce a man.

I'm talking about the “long-term-he-stays-up- all-night-thinks-about-her-all-the-time-and-does- crazy-romantic-boyish-things-just-because-he-has- to” attraction.

That deeper and more intimate “relationship material” attraction.

I call this “Intellectual Attraction”.

In my ebook I talk about how any woman, including an analytical, successful and driven woman, can learn how to avoid all the common obstacles to love that they put up in their lives that men respond negatively to.

I discuss specific steps and theories about how to find and identify that great guy, build intense passion and attraction and turn all that into a great long term situation with a man.

So what do you have to lose?

I'll even let you try my ebook free just to see if you like it.

If you don't, all you have to do is email and I'll give you a full 100% refund... AND you can still keep the book.

That means all YOU have to do is be willing to open your mind to the idea that your love life can be better than it is right now.

And believe that you can have the chemistry, lasting attraction and love that you deserve.

So go check out my ebook for free and be on your way to the next great phase of your love-life.

Go here now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

And best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

©Copyright 2010, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.