Monday, May 29, 2006

Understanding Women- Part 2

In Part 1, I introduced you to Karen, Allie, and Erica. Here is more of what they had to say when asked these questions:
#7 If a man asked for your contact information, would you be more comfortable giving out your email instead of your phone number?

#8 Would you approach a man that you were interested in?

#9 Best place to go on a first date?

#10 Do you look at a man's shoes and make judgments from them?

Karen: "I would go right up to a guy I was interested in and start talking to him. This is 2006, why not?" Best first date for me would be a restaurant like Don Juan, where we can get to know each other, but still have a lot of entertainment in case he is boring. Yes, I look at the shoes. If he is wearing Kenneth Cole or something similar, then he scores points. If he has on JC Penny loafers, then it is pretty much goodbye. I really do not use email, so phone number contact is best for me."

Allie: "I will not approach a man. Although sometimes I would like too, I am afraid it will send the wrong message. A great first date for me would be a carnival or some place where we can walk around. As far as the shoes go, Allie does notice, but said it is not so important. She also likes the idea of giving out her email instead of phone number.

Erica & Friends: Unfortunately Erica and friends lost interest chatting when it got time for these questions. I had taken them away from being the center of attention and it was time for them to go back to the dance floor and dance by themselves.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Understanding women- part 1

Ladies: These comments are being written from the male perspective. If you agree and or disagree with my comments, please let me know. My goal here is to educate the guys with some real life experiences. If you would like to volunteer to write from the female perspective, please email me at

When I told some friends about what I was planning on doing, they said to just give up now. I had a better chance at winning the lottery than understanding women. Well I have made it a mission to get to the bottom of this mystery. Currently being a single guy, I can relate to some of the comments made by the guys about how frustrating it can be to understand women. Last week I posted the ten most dangerous mistakes men probably make with women (written by David DeAngelo). I downloaded and read his book and also started reading a book called The Nice Guys Guide to getting women (not finished yet). They take two very different approaches on how men should act in order to be successful with women.

It was time for me to do my own primary research so this past weekend I went out to a few bars (Luckys of Bayside, and the Crazy Donkey in Farmingdale), did some observations, and interviewed several women. This will be an ongoing process so I will share with you some of my experiences each week. OH PS, most of the research indicates that meeting women in bars/clubs is not your best option.)

# 1) When you go to the bars "with the girls", are you going to just hang out, or are you open to the possibility of meeting guys.I have heard time and time again that women go to "hang out" and guys go to "pick up".

#2) How should a guy approach you?

#3) How should a guy never approach you?

#4) What is the first thing you notice about a guy physically?

#5) What personality qualities does a man have that attracts you?

#6) How do you let a man know you are interested?#7) If a guy acts uninterested, does it make you want him more? Does it make you say, "Why isn't he interested in me?"(More questions and answers next week)

Karen: A gorgeous brunette, late 20's or early 30's, dressed pretty sexy, showing some skin: Yes, I go out with the girls, but am always open to the possibility of meeting a guy. If a guy wants to talk to me, he should just come over and say something like, I noticed you and think you are very good looking. I wont give a guy time of day if he tries to use a cheesy pick up line. The first thing I notice about a guy is his shoulders, then I look up up and check out his smile. I like a guy who has a bit of an edge, a cocky side. If I am interested in a man, it is all about the eye contact. She didn't comment on #7.Note: Some of the things I have read say the approach Karen described is the worst thing to do. They get that constantly, especially if they are attractive and you are feeding their ego. Other women such as Karen apparently appreciates this simple approach.

Allie: Mid twenties, pretty cute. Said she is open to meeting guys when they are out. As far as the approach, said a guy should buy me and my friends a drink and come over and say hello. "It is very shady if a guy hovers around, and seems to be following me around in the location without approaching. I notice the way a man is dressed, starting from his shoes and looking up to his shirt. He should be well groomed. #5 did not answer. The guy will get major eye contact if I am interested. #7 did not answer.Note: I have read mixed reviews on this whole buying the girl a drink as the first approach. For some women, it is a total turnoff because it sends the signal you are trying to buy them.

Erica & Friends: Probably the most attractive women in the bar. We have all seen this before where they are the only ones on the dance floor and are dancing very sexy together. They threw their purses on the floor and were dancing together around them. I eventually approached Erica who said "this is a girls night out" and I won't give any guy the time of day, even though I am single. Buy me a drink? Nope, a total turnoff! When I mentioned to her that I also run singles events, her eyes got wide and said "Me and my friend will go", but we are not paying. You want to have us there, it will make you look good. I responded jokingly that if they wanted to attend, they would have to pay double, just for the guys having to put up with them. She smiled and walked away. About ten minutes she stopped me as I was walking by and said that I could be pretty sure that she would be coming to an event soon. While we were talking the second time, she had somehow leaned over and brushed her boob against my arm for about 5 or 10 seconds.

Note on body language: Ok, the boob thing seemed pretty innocent and not intentional. However the material I read last week said that women know specifically what they are doing with respect to any body contact and a woman "accidentally" brushing a body part against yours is no accident. Ladies, what is the answer here?

Monday, May 08, 2006

Mistakes made by men

“The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes YOU ProbablyMake With Women—And What To Do About It...”
Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Men Fail With Women—And How To Make Sure YOU Avoid Every One Of These Deadly Common Mistakes...
-By David DeAngelo, Author Of “Double Your Dating”

MISTAKE #1: BeingToo Much Of A “Nice Guy”
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted "nice" guys?
Of course you have.
Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.
What's going on here?
It's actually very simple...
Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.
And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.
I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT.
Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want.

MISTAKE #2: Trying To“Convince Her To Like You"
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like... but she's just not interested?
Right! They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently.
Never, ever, EVER.
You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning".
Think about it.
If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?
But we all do it.
When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.
Bad idea. One that will never work.

MISTAKE #3: Looking To HerFor Approval Or Permission
In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission".
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... EVER.
Don't get me wrong here.
You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.
But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again.
You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.
Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her...

MISTAKE #4: Trying To “Buy” Her Affection With Food And Gifts
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did?
If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT.
Well guess what?
It's only NATURAL when this happens...
That's right, I said NATURAL.
When you do these things, you send a clear message:
"I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection". Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.

MISTAKE #5: Sharing“How You Feel” Too Early InThe Relationship With Her
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early on.
Attractive women are rare.
And they get a LOT of attention from men.
Most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE
An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.
And guess what?
Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.
That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.
This signals to the woman that you're just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast... and can't control themselves.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.
There's a much better way...

MISTAKE #6: Not “Getting” How Attraction Works For Women
Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.
But does the same apply for women?
Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?
Think about it.
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men... and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.
If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY guy can learn how...

MISTAKE #7: Thinking That ItTakes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age.
And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.
But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks.
There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet...
And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.
YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.
Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.

MISTAKE #8: Giving AwayAll Of Your Power To Women
Earlier I mentioned that it's a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.
Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.
Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.
Another bad idea...
Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over... Women aren't attracted to Wussies!

MISTAKE #9: Not KnowingEXACTLY What To Do In EachType Of Situation With Women
Now I'm going to blow your mind...
A woman ALWAYS knows what you're thinking.
Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That's ten TIMES.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you're out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.
And if you don't know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won't help!
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating...
Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical... everything.
If you don't know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.
And you KNOW it.
It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman... from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.

MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.
I know, guys don't like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.
Hey, I've been there myself.
Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to be successful with women...
About five years ago I became fed up with the fact that I didn't know how to approach, meet, and get dates with women that I was attracted to.
It frustrated the hell out of me.
One night I was out with a friend, and I saw a woman I wanted to ask out, but I just couldn't get up the nerve to do it. I can still remember that night... right on the spot I made the decision to do whatever it took to learn how to be successful with women and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of crazy things, I finally figured it all out.
I can now approach just about any woman and get her number almost instantly. I've dated models, I've dated actresses, and I've dated nice, normal, regular girls as well.
It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling... like I don't know how to meet women... and I might wind up alone.
I know that anytime, anywhere, I can go out and meet attractive women.
I've written a book on the topic, and I've done seminars on both coasts of the United States... and taught tens of thousands of men all around the world.