From Tesh.com
If You Want to Be Successful at Dating, Just Be Yourself
How many times have you asked someone for dating advice, and been told: “Just be yourself?” According to new research we found on LiveScience.com, that truly is the best way to have more dating success, and find a happier romance in general. Yes, just be yourself! This new study was conducted by researchers at Ohio State University. They tracked more than 60 couples, and asked each one to complete a questionnaire every few weeks.
The first one asked participants to rate themselves on how authentic they considered themselves to be as individuals.
In the second questionnaire, students were asked about their relationship. For example: One question asked about their willingness to discuss emotions with their partner, while another asked if they ever kept secrets from their partner.
In the third questionnaire, participants were asked to measure their overall satisfaction with their relationship.
When researchers crunched the results, they found a consistent pattern: Students who had reported being true to themselves from day one were generally more satisfied with their relationships! Why? Amy Brunell is a psychologist who led this study. She says if you’re always true to yourself, it’s easier for you to act in ways that build intimacy in your relationship, and keep you both feeling fulfilled. However, if you’re always trying to live up to someone else’s expectations – or being something you’re not - then you’re going to be too focused on playing a role, and you won’t be able to improve the relationship!
Brunell adds this one caution: Staying true to yourself doesn’t mean you should accept all your flaws, and celebrate your shortcomings, because for yourself, you should always be looking for ways to make positive changes in your life. The message here is to be authentic from day one, and come to the table showing a willingness to have an open, honest relationship. If you can do that, this study suggests it’ll be easier to develop a stronger, long-term romance.
2 comments:
"Just be yourself" is common advice and doesn't really help men at all. It's a blanket statement that is vague and basically not helpful to a man who is shy (insecure)and has underdeveloped socially skills etc.
For woman this can be ok advice, because men are so much more visually based gentically. That is that if a gal looks good, all she has to do is mumble and the guy is happy.
Women on the other hand, are attracted to and look for character traits ...confidence, humor, social intuition. So if you are insecure or get tongue tied when speaking to a woman you find attractive, "just being yourself" isn't going to cut it.
If you have low self-esteem issues, blank out mentally when meeting new potential mates etc, you have to work on slowly building your confidence, by reading books. If you do not, you'll stay single :)
For example, "Joey" never bothered to take the time to socialize and become a relaxed, laid back talkative guy..he was too busy working on his cars on weekends. Well Joey just being his underdeveloped self socially isn't going to fly with the ladies at all. Joey is going to have to learn how to expand the range of his personality beyond where it is now, and that takes time and practice.
My advice is to go down to the book store and buy "Always talk to strangers" by David Wygant..and you'll be on your way.
Jeff Magic *wink*
I tend to agree with the article. I would rather someone be themselves from day one otherwise you start off playing games. I in turn want to be open and be myself and let someone know who I really am.
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