What If He's Afraid
Of A Relationship?
Hey,
This time I'm sharing a question from a reader that I know you'll be interested in...
>>Question From A Reader:
I purchased your e-book last night and have been reading it. Wow! But I admit I skipped to some parts to get to others that I thought I needed to read first...and now I'm going back to read the entire thing. I wanted to share something with you first that struck me.
I have made the mistake of admitting to a friend that I have feelings for him - more than a friendship. We have been intimate with each other about 3 times. Everything was fine until I mentioned my feelings to him. I wasn't asking him for a relationship...but he took it that way. I have since then been pouring my heart out to him and pretty much looking insane.
Is there any way to save it? I know he has feelings for me.
Please help...and tell me how to reverse the damage I have done.
Thanks so much
T.
>>My Thoughts:
WAKE UP GIRL!
I've got to slap some sense into you for your own good.
I'm going to skip some critical stuff here because you've got my book.
But go back to Chapter 6 and read each section again.
Your fears are taking over your emotions... which in turn is driving the behavior that your guy is responding negatively to.
You've stopped steering your life emotionally and you've let go of the wheel.
Go to Chapter 7 also, about the Emotional Gap, and read about “How To Set Yourself Apart From Other Women.”
But I've got some new ideas for you too...
There's an important scientific word I want you to learn and remember:
“Duh”
You OBVIOUSLY have real feelings for him - you're sleeping with him!
And I'm willing to bet you had these feelings all along, but you just weren't completely up front about them.
You're situation is possibly the WORST kind of uphill battle a woman can have with a man early on.
It's a BIG NO-NO.
Actually, it's THE big NO-NO in the early dating stage.
Using purely “physical attraction” to start a potential relationship.
So rarely do I give rules, but here's an absolute RULE when it comes to men -
You can go from a committed and deep relationship to something “casual” or physical with a man.
For a man, that's relatively easy.
But it almost impossible to go from the “friends - with-benefits” situation to a deep, fulfilling, intimate and lasting situation.
If you know what I'm talking about here say “Amen!”
I know this first hand.
From my own love-life and from TONS of men and women I've known in my life.
So here's the “RULE”:
DON'T EVER try and start things with a man at a casual and purely physical level if you EVER want the option for something more meaningful or long- term.
Men don't work this way, like it or not.
And don't try to get a man BACK with physical attraction and sex either.
It's a dead-end street.
So here's the first thing you need to do...
Go read my book again - and this time finish it.
Then read it 2 more times.
Just buying it won't help you.
The worst part of this is that you're smart and you know better - I can tell, but I guess you're just a glutton for punishment.
And I can't see why you're surprised with how frustrating your situation is.
Because you helped create it with your own choices.
But you're still not getting it, so I'm going to give you the crash-course in the kind of dating that leads to love and happiness that you need.
Here goes...
1. KNOW YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU'RE AFTER
You said you “made the mistake” of admitting you had feelings for him
It's NOT a mistake to share your feelings with a man.
It IS a mistake to share your feelings with a man too early and in a negative context.
And you made both of these mistakes because you set yourself up for failure here.
How?
By choosing and “tolerating” a situation that just doesn't work for you.
So INSTANTLY you become the nay-sayer and antagonist for the story you chose to live out and the role you signed up for.
At least that's the way your guy probably sees it.
One minute you're blissfully happy in his embrace, and then a day or two later your feelings of content have turned to fear and desperation...
All because of a “talk” you wanted to have with him.
Ok, I'm riding you a bit hard here, but it's for your own benefit.
Instead of being open with yourself about what YOU are truly after, you pursued some kind of “friends with benefits” strategy to get things moving.
I don't believe that this kind of relationship came about because of any part of who you really are.
That's why you're freaking out.
You thought you could handle it.
You thought you'd get something out of it.
And for a minute it was fun.
But then your feelings snuck up on you.
And eventually you were reminded of what you're really after with a man and what you value.
Right now you have two pictures in your mind:
One picture is of this “casual” thing going on.
And the other one is what you actually want.
The two pictures are so radically different and far apart from each other, that it's no wonder you're acting “insane”.
Your expectations are COMPLETELY out of line for what you're ACTUALLY doing with this guy.
It's time to stop creating situations in your life that you KNOW won't make you happy or comfortable - even if they feel good in the moment.
2. FIND YOU’RE PERSONAL STANDARDS & REQUIREMENTS... AND THEN STICK TO THEM
Starting things with a man in this “casual sex” way, is a SURE-FIRE way to ruin your odds of creating something more meaningful in the future.
I'm a guy.
I know.
But more importantly, getting into a “casual” situation with a man you might want to date, has a VERY HIGH potential to make you FEEL AWFUL.
So...
Unless you're one out of a hundred thousand women that gets “swept off her feet” by an open, caring, great communicator, who makes moving into a committed relationship effortless... then you're going to have to start asking yourself some questions about what you really want from your love-life.
And find some answers...
And then... oh my god... actually be honest about them from the start.
Here's an important question to ask:
WHAT ARE YOUR NEEDS?
And I mean YOUR needs.
Not what you're accepting, or tolerating, or hoping to get from a man just because there's nothing better around right now.
Be clear here and think it through.
I'll give you a minute...
Most women I know who are casually dating, have a set of unconscious requirements that have to be met for them to be able to enjoy the process of dating.
But they rarely recognize these requirements, or communicate them in an appealing way to a man, that also speaks to his needs.
So they end up in a situation that is anything but what they were looking for.
Here's a few of these “must haves” that women often aren't honest about at the start:
That any man they're involved with, in any way, isn't dating or still involved with another woman
That he's open and ready to explore a serious relationship once they get to know each other
That he shares some the same values and priorities in his life that she does - or can at least appreciate and support her values
Here's an example of “stereotypical” female values in order of priority:
Love -> Trust -> Intimacy -> Connection
And here's one example of “stereotypical” male values in order of priority:
Financial Success-> Adventure-> Freedom
See any area for conflict and confusion about what's important if these two people got together?
Interesting...
So how in touch are you with your REQUIREMENTS to feel good when it comes to men and dating?
And how do you communicate these to a man?
Do you do it indirectly through frustration and anger when your requirements aren't being met, and do it AFTER THE FACT?
Or do you do it directly and in a positive context as things are getting started, so you're in sync from the get-go?
Think about it for a second...
I'll give you more time, because this one's important...
Remember, 99% of the time, a man is NOT going to make the right decisions for you.
He won't be able to magically recognize and meet all of your needs or values.
Sticking to your standards helps you show a man how happiness works for you.
3. RADICALLY REJECT BEHAVIOR THAT DOESN'T MEET YOUR STANDARDS
After observing and studying how our minds work, I recognized something FASCINATING a few years back.
When we're in a negative situation with someone in our life, we're there because we're getting something out of it behind the scenes.
Here's what you're getting out of the “casual” thing...
You get a safe and risk free path to get close to this guy.
Even though you're not too close at all.
Also known as “working it from the 'friend zone'”.
So for you, you get your needs met by getting close and intimate in a way that seems, at first, to be REJECTION or ABANDONMENT FREE for you.
After all, how vulnerable would you be if you shared what you REALLY were looking for up front?
Then you might end up feeling disappointment or loss.
Or be unable to continue the “friendship” that you have right now.
And maybe having to start over alone might actually be worse in your mind than having something crappy that you're “tolerating” and fighting with a man about.
If you look deeper, you'll probably see that your desire for something more was there all along underneath the surface.
But you didn't want to share it for fear of scaring him off or getting hurt.
This may sound harsh, but you've got to be clear and direct with a man if what he's doing is not up to par with where you need your partner to be.
You have to show a man what a woman wants and needs, because he probably wasn't born knowing it like you were.
And do it in a way that rejects the BEHAVIOR, not him personally.
My favorite way of thinking about how to do this, is to be like a “velvet hammer”.
Strong and assertive, but warm and gentle at the same time.
The funny thing is, that as tough and as “bitchy” or self-centered doing this might sound right now, most men respond MAGICALLY to a woman who does this in the right way.
Why?
Because it sends a strong UNCONSCIOUS signal to a man that the woman is in CONTROL of her life and her world.
There's nothing that triggers more intense “long- term” attraction in a healthy and mature man, than a woman who he CAN'T control and doesn't get thrown off center when her needs aren't met.
Using the “velvet hammer” also has another AMAZING benefit that women don't often recognize... or they don't even see as a benefit at first.
It WEEDS OUT the guys who DO need to go away, because they're never going to get their act together in the first place, or just don't want to.
A large percentage of the time, the man will stop communicating or go away for a short while.
But here's the best part...
With the “good guys”, that you probably WANT to be with long-term, something FASCINATING happens...
They come back around.
And even better, they've done all the leg-work themselves to be a better partner... in a way the woman could have never fixed or convinced him to do, no matter how hard she tried.
4. WHAT CREATES DEEPER ATTRACTION AND “LOVE” WITH MEN
Ever heard of “approval seeking” behavior?
It's when we try and do and say things simply to get a positive reaction or judgment about ourselves from someone else.
Well, it's a HUGE MISTAKE to make with a man early on.
Your need for your guy's APPROVAL is your worst enemy right now.
To him, what your doing is actually the complete OPPOSITE OF ATTRACTIVE.
I'll give you an example to explain...
Have you ever seen what it looks like when a man is shamelessly seeking the approval of a woman?
As he's just getting to know her and he sees that she hasn't completely made up her mind to want to be with him, what does he do?
He buys her gifts.
He calls her all the time.
He offers to do favors and errands for her.
All these are attempts to prove to her that he's good enough to be with her or to get her attention.
This is also known as the “really nice guy” approach.
Women just never seem to quite “feel it” for the super nice guy.
Of course, some women disagree and like to tell me that they really like nice guys.
Here's my take...
A guy can already be attractive AND do nice things.
Agreed - you CAN be attractive AND do nice things.
But doing nice things DOES NOT make a man more attractive.
If a woman wasn't really “feeling it” before, no amount of nice guy behavior will win her heart over.
It just doesn't work that way.
With me here?
Instead of making her feel attracted to him, what actually happens inside a lot of women when a man is taking the “nice guy” strategy?
Somewhere deep down she starts to lose RESPECT for him, because she knows she can CONTROL him.
The woman doesn't consciously choose to experience this, but it's how she FEELS.
And feelings are the most powerful things we have to drive our beliefs and desires.
Ever stopped to think that the same thing might work in reverse between a woman's behavior and a man?
Interesting...
I've got a FASCINATING question for you.
Guess what one of the most common, central, human experiences is that we all feel when it comes to LOVE?
Give up?
It's a LOSS OF CONTROL.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, think about a love you've had in the past, or friends you know who have been head over heels in love.
Or pick up a book on the physiological and psychological effects of love on our minds and bodies.
There have been lots of great studies.
Crazy stuff.
Anyway, our minds work obsessively on thoughts about the other person when we're in love.
We think and plan to do all kinds of things for our lover.
Part of why we do this is to try and find the best way to get or share love back from the other person.
Some of this is beautiful and positive, but not all of it.
Some of what we do is to think up ways to try and CONTROL the other person, so they won't ever leave or take the love we're feeling away.
The classic adolescent example of this is when a girl wants to break up with a guy, and the boy falsely threatens to kill himself if she leaves.
I'm not making light of that horrible situation, but it's a good example.
Nod your head if you know what I'm talking about and you get where I'm going with this.
What I'm doing here is showing you the subtle connection between LOVE, and the LOSS OF CONTROL experience.
Now let's tie it back to approval seeking behavior...
How does approval seeking effect LOVE?
And what does it have to do with CONTROL?
For men, approval seeking behavior KILLS the spark that comes from the uncertainty of not knowing exactly how the women he's with is going to think and act.
What does a man have to think and wonder about if he's got complete certainty about everything a woman's going to do?
Do you think a man feels intense desire, love and respect for a woman he can completely control?
Or when her behavior is totally predictable?
And what if she starts acting predictably NEGATIVE?
Think about it...
It's this “natural tension” and challenge of not having CONTROL and uncertainty that creates strong ATTRACTION in men.
“SO WHAT DO I DO ABOUT IT?”
What most women ask in situations when a man isn't responding the way they want him to is...
𔄢WHY is he acting this way and how do I make sense of it and “fix” it?”
Well, you can't “fix” a man.
And I really feel for you if you're one of those women who are trying.
But you CAN change a situation and the FEELINGS that a man is having for you.
You can change his EXPERIENCE with you.
The toughest and most important thing to understand is that men's behavior and thinking in these situations aren’t at all LOGICAL.
In other words, how a man reacts doesn't make ANY “sense” and doesn't follow any rhyme or reason.
So of course it baffles and frustrates women when they run it through their own “sense-making filters”.
Let me ask you a question...
If you were an attractive man, would you want to find a woman that you had to TEACH how to make you attracted and feel good... or would you want a woman who just “got it” on her own... “naturally” and it flowed?
Duh. (there's that scientific word again)
You'd want the woman who already “got it”.
So more likely than a conspiracy against women, men just naturally respond to women who GET IT, and DON'T respond to women who DON'T.
So let's talk about these concepts a little bit more.
Attraction and wanting to be with a woman, is about a man perceiving that he and a woman are “naturally compatible” because his emotional and physical sparks fly when he's around her.
NOTE: I did NOT use the word “logical” here.
Attraction and wanting to be with a woman long term is NOT the result of a man meeting a woman and then thinking to himself:
“Let's see...she's got a good job, works hard, and is a really good person... Hmmm, I think that we have some natural attraction going on here.”
WRONG.
For a man, attraction and the desire to be with a woman, and stay with her, is either THERE, or it ISN'T.
There's no two ways about it.
If it isn't, he's not FEELING it.
Unfortunately, most women think:
“Well, if things aren't going great, it must be because he doesn't know something that I know, or feel something I feel. I think I'll explain to him logically from my point of view how he needs to feel like I do... and then he'll get it and know how and why we should love each other.”
If you're doing this, you need a major refresher on how ATTRACTION is created and how it drives the feelings of love and long-term desire.
My ebook “Catch Him & Keep Him” is chock full of great examples of how to trigger what I call “Intellectual Attraction” in a man.
In other words, the kind of attraction that gets a man to “naturally” open up, share himself and think about the future with a woman.
You can learn to avoid the mistakes most women make with a man that keep him from experiencing intense feelings of Intellectual Attraction.
And get specific ideas on how to begin to change a situation by creating this attraction.
Here are a few specific sections in the book:
Chapter 3, Section 1: Be Honest About What You Want
This will get you on track with how to stop being fearful about dating, scaring a man off, and how to share your feelings at the beginning in a way that will build Physical and Intellectual Attraction instead of having him withdraw.
Chapter 3, Section 5: The “Convincer”
Here you'll learn the common behavior and communication style lots of women take on, that is sure to have a man acting “unavailable” and becoming less connected.
I describe how and why this happens in this section and in the following section about the critical “Relationship Balance” that exists between every man and woman... and what to do about it.
Chapter 5, Section 4: Emotions Are Contagious
A woman's emotional power can be her greatest strength or her biggest weakness. I talk about the deeper “psychology” behind your emotions, how men perceive the most common emotions women go through, and how you can channel your emotions to have a man see you as someone he HAS to be around.
Go to the link below to check out more.
And by the way, here's one more piece of good news...
I've made it so that you can download my ebook completely free of charge and try it out for 7 full days.
No tricks.
No schemes.
Try it for free.
I'm so sure that you'll love it and that it will truly help you and make you feel great about where you are, that I'll let you decide whether or not you want to pay for it.
All you have to do is download the book, read it, and keep it if you love it.
I know you will.
If for any reason you don't want the book, just let me know and you won't have to pay ANYTHING at all.
AND you can still keep the book.
Sounds like a good deal to me.
Get all the details and download your copy of the book here:
• Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download •
Thanks and best of luck in life and love!
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
©Copyright 2010, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Money and Dating
Jay:
Hey Melissa, how are you
Melissa:
'not bad
Melissa:
single and loving it
Melissa:
just dating
Melissa:
met a guy last night at the nautical mile
Melissa:
so who knows
Melissa:
thinking about moving to manhattan in sept
Jay:
cool. yeah, im not even dating, just working on
improving myself. going to a tony robbins seminar in a few weeks
Jay:
when its meant to happen, dating, it will happen
Melissa:
i know dating sucks but fun for the girl
Jay:
fun for the girl b/c the guy has to do the
approach work
Melissa:
no cause the girl doesnt pay i meant lol
Jay:
well, in many cases the girl doesnt pay, but not
always
Melissa:
oh i never pay
Melissa:
im so bad
Melissa:
most times i don't even bring money with me
Jay:
thats terrible. I dont mind paying for a woman
at the beginning, but if she expects it, its f'd up
Jay:
nice if a woman at least offers to pay, even
though I wouldn’t take the money
Melissa:
really im so old fashioned i guess
Melissa:
i like tro be wined and dined
Hey Melissa, how are you
Melissa:
'not bad
Melissa:
single and loving it
Melissa:
just dating
Melissa:
met a guy last night at the nautical mile
Melissa:
so who knows
Melissa:
thinking about moving to manhattan in sept
Jay:
cool. yeah, im not even dating, just working on
improving myself. going to a tony robbins seminar in a few weeks
Jay:
when its meant to happen, dating, it will happen
Melissa:
i know dating sucks but fun for the girl
Jay:
fun for the girl b/c the guy has to do the
approach work
Melissa:
no cause the girl doesnt pay i meant lol
Jay:
well, in many cases the girl doesnt pay, but not
always
Melissa:
oh i never pay
Melissa:
im so bad
Melissa:
most times i don't even bring money with me
Jay:
thats terrible. I dont mind paying for a woman
at the beginning, but if she expects it, its f'd up
Jay:
nice if a woman at least offers to pay, even
though I wouldn’t take the money
Melissa:
really im so old fashioned i guess
Melissa:
i like tro be wined and dined
Melissa:
Men make more money then women, so they should pay
Sunday, July 20, 2008
How to Find Your Soulmate
How to Find Your Soulmate from http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Your-Soulmate
Many people feel that there's one person out there who can enrich your life in a way that no one else can. If this is true, how can you increase your chances of finding this person? And when you meet him or her, how will you know it's your soulmate?
Steps
Be the person you would love to love. Instead of waiting for your soulmate to appear, make yourself the person you would like to find. Work on becoming the unique individual you're looking for. Just as you would want your soulmate to be comfortable in their own skin, work on just being yourself. You'll stand a better chance of getting noticed if you are comfortable, confident, and happy to be you. Expressing your individuality is the closest you can come to advertising your soulmate potential. Not only will you stand out, but you'll also be doing things that are more likely to bring you closer to your soulmate, who probably has similar interests and goals.
Remember that your soulmate might not be what you expect. If there's only one person in the world who can be your soulmate, what are the chances that they'll live in your town, look like the people you grew up with, or even speak the same language? Your soulmate does not have to live in the same country or even the same hemisphere as you. Be willing to span the globe for your true love. Also, if you're expecting your soulmate to be love at first sight, you might never find what you're looking for. So keep an open mind. Part of the romance of having a soulmate is being pleasantly surprised.
Be patient. Fate doesn't work on a schedule. Your soulmate might cross your path when you're 8 or 80 years old. Don't be surprised either if there is a considerable age difference between the two of you. Yes, you might look forward to spending the majority of your life with your soulmate - perhaps buying a house, getting married, starting a family - but things do not always go as you plan. Your soulmate will color your world no matter how old you are, so don't rush into things, or else you might end up forcing the wrong person into the soulmate box, which will cause pain for everyone involved.
Accept people for who they are, not who you want them to be. When you've got all these fantasies flying around in your head about how wonderful and special your soulmate will be, it can be easy to look for those specific characteristics and features in anyone you get involved with. Unfortunately, unrealistic expectations can ruin a relationship, and might even chase your soulmate away. Whoever it is that you think might be your soulmate, appreciate their individuality and trust that if this person is your soulmate, they'll never need to change who they are for you, just like you'll never need to change who you are for them. That doesn't mean that you can't encourage them to try something new or help them to grow as people, just don't force things on them that they are not comfortable with.
Weather the storms. Contrary to what popular media would have you believe, meeting your soulmate doesn't guarantee "happily ever after." Things won't get easier when you find that special someone and in fact, they might get even harder. Ultimately, a soulmate is someone you can grow with, and the only way to grow together is to face challenges together. So if you put your heart and soul into a relationship, stick with it through the ups and downs, even when you question whether it's meant to be, and you might look back decades later and realize that you were with your soulmate all along. True love with your soulmate does not grow on its own: it must be cultivated and continually nurtured. So be lovable, and be willing to love like there is no tomorrow.
Many people feel that there's one person out there who can enrich your life in a way that no one else can. If this is true, how can you increase your chances of finding this person? And when you meet him or her, how will you know it's your soulmate?
Steps
Be the person you would love to love. Instead of waiting for your soulmate to appear, make yourself the person you would like to find. Work on becoming the unique individual you're looking for. Just as you would want your soulmate to be comfortable in their own skin, work on just being yourself. You'll stand a better chance of getting noticed if you are comfortable, confident, and happy to be you. Expressing your individuality is the closest you can come to advertising your soulmate potential. Not only will you stand out, but you'll also be doing things that are more likely to bring you closer to your soulmate, who probably has similar interests and goals.
Remember that your soulmate might not be what you expect. If there's only one person in the world who can be your soulmate, what are the chances that they'll live in your town, look like the people you grew up with, or even speak the same language? Your soulmate does not have to live in the same country or even the same hemisphere as you. Be willing to span the globe for your true love. Also, if you're expecting your soulmate to be love at first sight, you might never find what you're looking for. So keep an open mind. Part of the romance of having a soulmate is being pleasantly surprised.
Be patient. Fate doesn't work on a schedule. Your soulmate might cross your path when you're 8 or 80 years old. Don't be surprised either if there is a considerable age difference between the two of you. Yes, you might look forward to spending the majority of your life with your soulmate - perhaps buying a house, getting married, starting a family - but things do not always go as you plan. Your soulmate will color your world no matter how old you are, so don't rush into things, or else you might end up forcing the wrong person into the soulmate box, which will cause pain for everyone involved.
Accept people for who they are, not who you want them to be. When you've got all these fantasies flying around in your head about how wonderful and special your soulmate will be, it can be easy to look for those specific characteristics and features in anyone you get involved with. Unfortunately, unrealistic expectations can ruin a relationship, and might even chase your soulmate away. Whoever it is that you think might be your soulmate, appreciate their individuality and trust that if this person is your soulmate, they'll never need to change who they are for you, just like you'll never need to change who you are for them. That doesn't mean that you can't encourage them to try something new or help them to grow as people, just don't force things on them that they are not comfortable with.
Weather the storms. Contrary to what popular media would have you believe, meeting your soulmate doesn't guarantee "happily ever after." Things won't get easier when you find that special someone and in fact, they might get even harder. Ultimately, a soulmate is someone you can grow with, and the only way to grow together is to face challenges together. So if you put your heart and soul into a relationship, stick with it through the ups and downs, even when you question whether it's meant to be, and you might look back decades later and realize that you were with your soulmate all along. True love with your soulmate does not grow on its own: it must be cultivated and continually nurtured. So be lovable, and be willing to love like there is no tomorrow.
Monday, July 14, 2008
How to act at Speed Dating
By Art Malov from NewYorkDatingCoach.com
How to act at a Speed Dating Event
Speed dating always seemed an interesting phenomenon to me. The advertising I saw made it seem like when I sign up, I am getting a free date and that things couldn't go wrong. Women are already there and ready to be picked BY ME.
"WoW" I though to myself that's soooo good, almost too good to be true. So I signed up for my first speed dating event to see what this whole experience was about. On my first event, I went with guns blazing: charming, loud, funny, completely in my frame. Girls loved me…. Right? Well nope, I didn't get a single match. Apparently being charming, funny, and confident to EVERYONE wasn't the right message to send since I couldn't POSSIBLY connect with every single girl. Somehow, I was painting myself straight into the player category.
Let me tell you, it stings when you speed date and you feel as if you have connected with a number of women but then you find out a few days later that there are no matches waiting in your mailbox. It would have been easy for me to blame every woman that I met for not liking me or simply rationalize that I didn't like anyone at the event. I could also go into despair wondering if something is wrong with me. However, that's simply not true. Speed dating is a great way to meet new people. Everyone is single and women are actually paying to meet me! I just had to learn which pitfalls to avoid. Less blunders equal more matches which translates into more dates for me.
Since that event, I have made some changes to my entrance: lower key, not opening to everyone, kept confidence in check (over confident = arrogant) and matches started rolling in, in mass. So after attending too many speed dating events to figure out what works and what doesn't, I want to share with you what I found out, especially if you want to not only meet more women but also meet the women you want.
Before I get into details, I suggest arriving at the speed dating event a few minutes early. This way you'll have enough time to grab a drink and feel more comfortable, instead of arriving a few minutes late and having to scramble to get to the event.
#1 Mindset is what matters
We tend to spend a lot more time focusing on our clothing when going on a date, but much less time devoted to focusing on our own mindset. This is probably the biggest mistake we make because we are putting too much emphasis on dressing up and not enough emphasis on thinking positive and seeing ourselves as fun and attractive. However, women feel we are most attractive when we are confident.
So… you should be well groomed because, let's face it, in this day and age, it's practically mandatory but the next time you are getting ready for a speed date, take five minutes away from your grooming time and remind yourself that women are at the event for a reason. And that reason is to meet you: a fun, relaxed and confident man. To do this, think of some success that you have had in the past.
Remind yourself of how you have faced some challenges and how you have dealt with them. Get in a state of confidence by listening to music that puts you in a confident mood, give yourself a pep talk or do anything that you normally do to gain your assured personality. Remind yourself that you are a cool guy who values himself and the women will find you attractive and will want to know more about you.
#2 Don't be too serious
When we don't know somebody, it's our tendency to find out all of the facts about the other person first. Where do they live? Where do they work? Who are their second cousins? These questions are all good but don't begin a conversation with them. In fact, if they don't come up, it's even better. Have some fun while you are on a speed date. Talk about a recent travel or something curious that you've heard on the news.
One of the most underused conversational pieces are current events but for some odd reason, there is a stigma to talk about these boring events with friends and people you don't know. Reverse it. Before the event, pick up the newspaper, leaf through it, get some ideas and spot a few things that you find unusual or amusing. Here are some actual headlines: 'Woman Finds Unicorn Under Her Bed' or 'Wedding Ring Deflects A Gun Shot, Saves A Life'. Stay away from serious or political issues. Now you are ready for a speed date.
Speed dating is not synonymous with bore dating. So don't take the speed dating activity too seriously because this is not a job interview. Start with a joke and then you can touch up on other elements that interest you. Remember, you only have a few minutes to have a conversation. Being boring by asking tedious questions is not memorable… so have fun in the conversation instead.
#3 Don't try to impress
Most men are trying too hard to impress a woman. What they don't know is that when you try too hard to impress, you come off as needy. When you come off as needy, you are not going to find a match. Remember, she is there for a reason and that reason is you: a fun and interesting guy. Don't do all the talking in the conversation. Let your date ask you some questions in return. Don't brag about your great car or your well-paid job, unless it naturally comes up.
Removing the need to impress will do amazing things for your social and dating life. Arrive at each speed dating event with the attitude that you are there to have fun rather than anticipating the dread of the first date. It will make a world of difference. It's great when a conversation is going so well and you feel that you have a lot to say, and then you hear a signal to move on to meet the next woman. It's great because if you had so much fun and interesting things to talk about, you will want to see each other again. That's a match right there. There is no need to impress.
No matter what your experience is with meeting women, speed dating is an exciting way of meeting new people when you come to an event with a positive attitude. Look at the event as a fun experience rather than a serious activity. You may be surprised with how many more matches you get.
Art Malov
NewYorkDatingCoach.com
Get a Free Event from WeekendDating by visiting our sponsor www.NewYorkDatingCoach.com
Get a complimentary skills evaluation with New York Dating Coach Art Malov, NewYorkDatingCoach.com, 646-239-6037 within 30 days of any WeekendDating.com event you registered for and your credit card will be refunded in full (up to $40). You must tell Art about this promotion and he will call me to set up your refund. You are under no obligation to buy anything, just check out if coaching would be right for you. New York Dating Coach can help you overcome your difficulties with women and guide you to start meeting and dating women that you want. They also have a different program that caters to women which Art can explain.
How to act at a Speed Dating Event
Speed dating always seemed an interesting phenomenon to me. The advertising I saw made it seem like when I sign up, I am getting a free date and that things couldn't go wrong. Women are already there and ready to be picked BY ME.
"WoW" I though to myself that's soooo good, almost too good to be true. So I signed up for my first speed dating event to see what this whole experience was about. On my first event, I went with guns blazing: charming, loud, funny, completely in my frame. Girls loved me…. Right? Well nope, I didn't get a single match. Apparently being charming, funny, and confident to EVERYONE wasn't the right message to send since I couldn't POSSIBLY connect with every single girl. Somehow, I was painting myself straight into the player category.
Let me tell you, it stings when you speed date and you feel as if you have connected with a number of women but then you find out a few days later that there are no matches waiting in your mailbox. It would have been easy for me to blame every woman that I met for not liking me or simply rationalize that I didn't like anyone at the event. I could also go into despair wondering if something is wrong with me. However, that's simply not true. Speed dating is a great way to meet new people. Everyone is single and women are actually paying to meet me! I just had to learn which pitfalls to avoid. Less blunders equal more matches which translates into more dates for me.
Since that event, I have made some changes to my entrance: lower key, not opening to everyone, kept confidence in check (over confident = arrogant) and matches started rolling in, in mass. So after attending too many speed dating events to figure out what works and what doesn't, I want to share with you what I found out, especially if you want to not only meet more women but also meet the women you want.
Before I get into details, I suggest arriving at the speed dating event a few minutes early. This way you'll have enough time to grab a drink and feel more comfortable, instead of arriving a few minutes late and having to scramble to get to the event.
#1 Mindset is what matters
We tend to spend a lot more time focusing on our clothing when going on a date, but much less time devoted to focusing on our own mindset. This is probably the biggest mistake we make because we are putting too much emphasis on dressing up and not enough emphasis on thinking positive and seeing ourselves as fun and attractive. However, women feel we are most attractive when we are confident.
So… you should be well groomed because, let's face it, in this day and age, it's practically mandatory but the next time you are getting ready for a speed date, take five minutes away from your grooming time and remind yourself that women are at the event for a reason. And that reason is to meet you: a fun, relaxed and confident man. To do this, think of some success that you have had in the past.
Remind yourself of how you have faced some challenges and how you have dealt with them. Get in a state of confidence by listening to music that puts you in a confident mood, give yourself a pep talk or do anything that you normally do to gain your assured personality. Remind yourself that you are a cool guy who values himself and the women will find you attractive and will want to know more about you.
#2 Don't be too serious
When we don't know somebody, it's our tendency to find out all of the facts about the other person first. Where do they live? Where do they work? Who are their second cousins? These questions are all good but don't begin a conversation with them. In fact, if they don't come up, it's even better. Have some fun while you are on a speed date. Talk about a recent travel or something curious that you've heard on the news.
One of the most underused conversational pieces are current events but for some odd reason, there is a stigma to talk about these boring events with friends and people you don't know. Reverse it. Before the event, pick up the newspaper, leaf through it, get some ideas and spot a few things that you find unusual or amusing. Here are some actual headlines: 'Woman Finds Unicorn Under Her Bed' or 'Wedding Ring Deflects A Gun Shot, Saves A Life'. Stay away from serious or political issues. Now you are ready for a speed date.
Speed dating is not synonymous with bore dating. So don't take the speed dating activity too seriously because this is not a job interview. Start with a joke and then you can touch up on other elements that interest you. Remember, you only have a few minutes to have a conversation. Being boring by asking tedious questions is not memorable… so have fun in the conversation instead.
#3 Don't try to impress
Most men are trying too hard to impress a woman. What they don't know is that when you try too hard to impress, you come off as needy. When you come off as needy, you are not going to find a match. Remember, she is there for a reason and that reason is you: a fun and interesting guy. Don't do all the talking in the conversation. Let your date ask you some questions in return. Don't brag about your great car or your well-paid job, unless it naturally comes up.
Removing the need to impress will do amazing things for your social and dating life. Arrive at each speed dating event with the attitude that you are there to have fun rather than anticipating the dread of the first date. It will make a world of difference. It's great when a conversation is going so well and you feel that you have a lot to say, and then you hear a signal to move on to meet the next woman. It's great because if you had so much fun and interesting things to talk about, you will want to see each other again. That's a match right there. There is no need to impress.
No matter what your experience is with meeting women, speed dating is an exciting way of meeting new people when you come to an event with a positive attitude. Look at the event as a fun experience rather than a serious activity. You may be surprised with how many more matches you get.
Art Malov
NewYorkDatingCoach.com
Get a Free Event from WeekendDating by visiting our sponsor www.NewYorkDatingCoach.com
Get a complimentary skills evaluation with New York Dating Coach Art Malov, NewYorkDatingCoach.com, 646-239-6037 within 30 days of any WeekendDating.com event you registered for and your credit card will be refunded in full (up to $40). You must tell Art about this promotion and he will call me to set up your refund. You are under no obligation to buy anything, just check out if coaching would be right for you. New York Dating Coach can help you overcome your difficulties with women and guide you to start meeting and dating women that you want. They also have a different program that caters to women which Art can explain.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Nice Guys vs. Bad Boys -Who do you love
Nice Guys vs. Bad Boys -
Who Do You Love?
By Christian Carter
You're about to spend the most useful 5 minutes you've ever spent on improving your future love life.
Read this...
There's something I want you to do that I KNOW will improve your natural ability to read into a man's behavior and his mind.
And learning to do this homework could mean the difference between being
HAPPY & IN-LOVE or LONELY & SINGLE.
Whoa... that's pretty intense - I'll tone it down for a sec and give you something to take your mind to off some of the potential negative stuff that you might be thinking about here...
Did you see the final Sex and the City episode where Carrie went to Paris with her lover?
Carrie's in Paris with her boyfriend and begins to wonder if she made the right decision to move away with this man who, deep down inside, she know's doesn't want the same type of life and relationship she does.
As she makes this realization, her ex, “Big”, has flown to Paris from New York looking to reconcile with his lost love after realizing his undying love for Carrie.
And of course, as with all good TV, the two find each other by luck and fate, and Big finally professes his love.
Talk about romantic, intense, suspenseful and full of great drama!
Ok, I thought that might do the trick to warm you back up.
So what does the story of Carrie's love life have to do with YOUR love life?
More than you might think - but we'll get to that.
That's why this week I'm giving you a short homework assignment - and this is what could be the most valuable 5 minutes you'll ever spend on your love life:
I need you to think about one of the first things I recognized about women way back in junior high - it's something I still see it today in our “grown-up” dating world.
Why don't women pick the right guys?
Or even more to the point - why do women pick all the wrong guys?
If you've had your heart broken, been cheated on, or find yourself giving everything you've got inside, to get little or nothing in return, then you know what I'm talking about.
****Right Now****
Take 5 minutes of time to yourself.
Tune the rest of the world out for just these 5 minutes.
Now, think about each of these questions for a minute or two each:
1. What is it about “bad boys” or men that aren't “available” that is attractive to women? And to you?
2. Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew he was a “bad boy” - or found out soon into things?
3. Is there a “nice guy” in your life who would make a great companion but you're not attracted to or share a “connection” with?
Don't cheat yourself...
Stop, go back, make sure you take at least 5 minutes of time and think about just these questions...
(Trust me - it's AMAZING what you can actually learn about the world and yourself if you take a few minutes of silence to think just about ONE THING at a time. It's maybe the BEST thing I ever started doing for myself!)
I'll give you some more time...
Ok, so you've thought about it. Let's share our thoughts and compare notes.
*As a quick inside reminder:
This exercise is all about actively improving your ability to know what a good man looks like for YOU and to help you pick ONLY the right men now and in the future.
Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds of painful trouble it's hard to get free of.
But for some reason, women don't want the guys who are probably better relationship and love companions.
I'm not going to give you ALL the answers right now, but I'm going to lead you to finding the answers for yourself - as it's a much more effective way of learning.
So.... I'm gonna address the last question first about “nice guys”.
A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOL entitled “What's Wrong With Nice Guys?”. Here's a little quote from the article:
“...Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones?”
This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense. Since women truly are conditioned to be “good girls,” sometimes we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure burning “I must have him!” feeling. That's why we sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object of these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys series of guided imagery tapes. “In order for the deliciousness of pure lust to be 'okay,' it has to be for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your animal impulses, worry-free,” she says...
Interesting, huh?
My friend who sent it to me disagrees with the idea that women seek out “bad boys” because they need somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree.
I disagree that there's something “wrong” with the fact that women are attracted to “bad boys”...
My friend also made the point that the “mainstream” psychology and behavior world is starting to accept the idea that women are attracted to “bad boys”.
There's something to the idea that woman don't feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for “nice guys” who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them.
A woman might LIKE the experience of the “nice guy” doing nice things, but it doesn't CREATE attraction or a connection with the woman.
Ever.
Trust me, I know men who are the “nice guy” all the time and they get so frustrated trying so hard to please a woman and get her interested.
But it's like trying to chew bubble gum to solve calculus problems... It's hopeless.
And wouldn't you know it - it works the same way for “nice women”. Being a “nice girl” can't “convince” a guy to like you just because you do sweet things...
It just doesn't work like that.
I've had women be the “nice girl” with me in the past. There's two women I can remember from acting overly nice and sweet to try and attract me.
Any attraction that was there started falling away.
THE TRUTH of the matter is - kissing up, convincing and being too “sweet” can kill attraction.
Why?
Our subconscious reacts in ways you often can't control and aren't very aware of.
Being too “nice” sends a signal to the “deep” part of the mind that tells you “this person isn't desirable and is lower status”.
I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungry or weird to you, but it's what happens with us humans.
People don't value what they can have too easily, whether they admit it or not.
Ultimately, when women are around “nice guys”, they end up unconsciously thinking, “This man isn't desirable, I shouldn't date or pursue this guy”.
(Ok, there can be another reason, but I won't disuss it here but it has to do with people who develop the “nice” persona due to what they feel they personally lack, and thus “nice” people are self-selecting and are actually and less confident and less attractive.)
In the nice guys defense - they might actually have something better to offer a woman in terms of what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship, passion), but the women aren't able to see it - or see it as something they want.
Why?
Women don't develop a connection to the nice guy and the “connection” is the MAGIC ingredient for attraction with most women.
Which leads us to the “bad boy”!
You might not agree with me, but women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for “bad boys”.
Of course, I don't believe that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them.
But women have a deep attraction mechanism that's triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky, the list goes of “bad” behavior. You've seen it.
“Bad boys” often create inviting and intoxicating forms of drama - often perceived as playfulness, sexuality and fun.
When I first talk to women about the bad boy subject, they jump ALL OVER me and completely disagree.
Then I ask them about some of the relationships they've had in the past.
And guess what?
Most women realize in the course of the conversation that they've dated men they knew fit the “bad boy” profile.
What makes me laugh is that the realization makes them argue with me even more!
So why do women date and continue on with “bad boys”?
The answer to this question when I ask it to women is almost UNIVERSAL.
“We had a great connection”.
Some women call it “chemistry”.
The magic of a connection with a man can be extremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undo all sorts of reasoning abilities and ways of perceiving things.
Women picking and staying with the wrong men is the single biggest mistake I see women make. It's the most common reason why the thousands of women I hear from can't find the love and fulfillment they're looking for.
But there's help...
I talk about these and other concepts in detail in my eBook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”. You can get your hands on a copy of Catch Him And Keep Him at my website and be reading it in just a few minutes from now.
Plus, you can get it at what is at my risk-
Why don't you try the book for a week so you can decide if you want to keep it?
If you don't like it, just let me know and I'll refund all your money immediately.
Honestly, I think you could learn more in a few hours reading the book than most women might learn in their whole LIVES about how to meet and attract men the right men AND what the specific steps are to develop an amazing relationship he won't ever want to come to an end.
Go check it out:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
Who Do You Love?
By Christian Carter
You're about to spend the most useful 5 minutes you've ever spent on improving your future love life.
Read this...
There's something I want you to do that I KNOW will improve your natural ability to read into a man's behavior and his mind.
And learning to do this homework could mean the difference between being
HAPPY & IN-LOVE or LONELY & SINGLE.
Whoa... that's pretty intense - I'll tone it down for a sec and give you something to take your mind to off some of the potential negative stuff that you might be thinking about here...
Did you see the final Sex and the City episode where Carrie went to Paris with her lover?
Carrie's in Paris with her boyfriend and begins to wonder if she made the right decision to move away with this man who, deep down inside, she know's doesn't want the same type of life and relationship she does.
As she makes this realization, her ex, “Big”, has flown to Paris from New York looking to reconcile with his lost love after realizing his undying love for Carrie.
And of course, as with all good TV, the two find each other by luck and fate, and Big finally professes his love.
Talk about romantic, intense, suspenseful and full of great drama!
Ok, I thought that might do the trick to warm you back up.
So what does the story of Carrie's love life have to do with YOUR love life?
More than you might think - but we'll get to that.
That's why this week I'm giving you a short homework assignment - and this is what could be the most valuable 5 minutes you'll ever spend on your love life:
I need you to think about one of the first things I recognized about women way back in junior high - it's something I still see it today in our “grown-up” dating world.
Why don't women pick the right guys?
Or even more to the point - why do women pick all the wrong guys?
If you've had your heart broken, been cheated on, or find yourself giving everything you've got inside, to get little or nothing in return, then you know what I'm talking about.
****Right Now****
Take 5 minutes of time to yourself.
Tune the rest of the world out for just these 5 minutes.
Now, think about each of these questions for a minute or two each:
1. What is it about “bad boys” or men that aren't “available” that is attractive to women? And to you?
2. Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew he was a “bad boy” - or found out soon into things?
3. Is there a “nice guy” in your life who would make a great companion but you're not attracted to or share a “connection” with?
Don't cheat yourself...
Stop, go back, make sure you take at least 5 minutes of time and think about just these questions...
(Trust me - it's AMAZING what you can actually learn about the world and yourself if you take a few minutes of silence to think just about ONE THING at a time. It's maybe the BEST thing I ever started doing for myself!)
I'll give you some more time...
Ok, so you've thought about it. Let's share our thoughts and compare notes.
*As a quick inside reminder:
This exercise is all about actively improving your ability to know what a good man looks like for YOU and to help you pick ONLY the right men now and in the future.
Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds of painful trouble it's hard to get free of.
But for some reason, women don't want the guys who are probably better relationship and love companions.
I'm not going to give you ALL the answers right now, but I'm going to lead you to finding the answers for yourself - as it's a much more effective way of learning.
So.... I'm gonna address the last question first about “nice guys”.
A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOL entitled “What's Wrong With Nice Guys?”. Here's a little quote from the article:
“...Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones?”
This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense. Since women truly are conditioned to be “good girls,” sometimes we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure burning “I must have him!” feeling. That's why we sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object of these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys series of guided imagery tapes. “In order for the deliciousness of pure lust to be 'okay,' it has to be for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your animal impulses, worry-free,” she says...
Interesting, huh?
My friend who sent it to me disagrees with the idea that women seek out “bad boys” because they need somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree.
I disagree that there's something “wrong” with the fact that women are attracted to “bad boys”...
My friend also made the point that the “mainstream” psychology and behavior world is starting to accept the idea that women are attracted to “bad boys”.
There's something to the idea that woman don't feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for “nice guys” who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them.
A woman might LIKE the experience of the “nice guy” doing nice things, but it doesn't CREATE attraction or a connection with the woman.
Ever.
Trust me, I know men who are the “nice guy” all the time and they get so frustrated trying so hard to please a woman and get her interested.
But it's like trying to chew bubble gum to solve calculus problems... It's hopeless.
And wouldn't you know it - it works the same way for “nice women”. Being a “nice girl” can't “convince” a guy to like you just because you do sweet things...
It just doesn't work like that.
I've had women be the “nice girl” with me in the past. There's two women I can remember from acting overly nice and sweet to try and attract me.
Any attraction that was there started falling away.
THE TRUTH of the matter is - kissing up, convincing and being too “sweet” can kill attraction.
Why?
Our subconscious reacts in ways you often can't control and aren't very aware of.
Being too “nice” sends a signal to the “deep” part of the mind that tells you “this person isn't desirable and is lower status”.
I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungry or weird to you, but it's what happens with us humans.
People don't value what they can have too easily, whether they admit it or not.
Ultimately, when women are around “nice guys”, they end up unconsciously thinking, “This man isn't desirable, I shouldn't date or pursue this guy”.
(Ok, there can be another reason, but I won't disuss it here but it has to do with people who develop the “nice” persona due to what they feel they personally lack, and thus “nice” people are self-selecting and are actually and less confident and less attractive.)
In the nice guys defense - they might actually have something better to offer a woman in terms of what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship, passion), but the women aren't able to see it - or see it as something they want.
Why?
Women don't develop a connection to the nice guy and the “connection” is the MAGIC ingredient for attraction with most women.
Which leads us to the “bad boy”!
You might not agree with me, but women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for “bad boys”.
Of course, I don't believe that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them.
But women have a deep attraction mechanism that's triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky, the list goes of “bad” behavior. You've seen it.
“Bad boys” often create inviting and intoxicating forms of drama - often perceived as playfulness, sexuality and fun.
When I first talk to women about the bad boy subject, they jump ALL OVER me and completely disagree.
Then I ask them about some of the relationships they've had in the past.
And guess what?
Most women realize in the course of the conversation that they've dated men they knew fit the “bad boy” profile.
What makes me laugh is that the realization makes them argue with me even more!
So why do women date and continue on with “bad boys”?
The answer to this question when I ask it to women is almost UNIVERSAL.
“We had a great connection”.
Some women call it “chemistry”.
The magic of a connection with a man can be extremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undo all sorts of reasoning abilities and ways of perceiving things.
Women picking and staying with the wrong men is the single biggest mistake I see women make. It's the most common reason why the thousands of women I hear from can't find the love and fulfillment they're looking for.
But there's help...
I talk about these and other concepts in detail in my eBook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”. You can get your hands on a copy of Catch Him And Keep Him at my website and be reading it in just a few minutes from now.
Plus, you can get it at what is at my risk-
Why don't you try the book for a week so you can decide if you want to keep it?
If you don't like it, just let me know and I'll refund all your money immediately.
Honestly, I think you could learn more in a few hours reading the book than most women might learn in their whole LIVES about how to meet and attract men the right men AND what the specific steps are to develop an amazing relationship he won't ever want to come to an end.
Go check it out:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Best Pickup Lines For Approaching Women
Best Pickup Lines For Approaching Women
The Top 8 Ways To Approach Women Using Pickup Lines
by April Masini
Q: Dear April,
I am absolutely terrible at approaching women. Would you PLEASE give me some tips? A few pickup lines would be great too!
Dude Desperately Seeking Pickup Lines
A:
Dear Dude Desperate for Pickup Lines:
First, Dude, here’s a little insight into the minds of women: Women are attracted to confidence, class, style, and intelligence. Men, on the other hand, will marry a girl who works at McDonalds if she’s beautiful, hot, and sexy enough. If you keep these differences in mind, you’ll increase your dating averages immediately.
Confidence Is The Key To Success
If you dress well, speak with assurance and carry yourself with confidence, you’ll convey positive things about yourself. In essence, you’re saying, "I can be looked up to, admired, and trusted: I respect myself." That is a message women will hear loud and clear, and it’s probably better than any pickup line that I can give you.
With that said, here are a few approaches and pick-up lines:
1) THE ADVICE SEEKER: Solicit her opinion on something like what you should get your mother for her birthday (You're demonstrating that you like her great taste!).
2) THE INNOCENT: "I'm really not trying to pick you up; I just wanted to know if you've ever been to such-and-such, because I know I've seen you there before, and I didn't want you to think I was rude by not acknowledging you."
3) THE COMEDIAN: Tell your best joke...If you get a laugh, introduce yourself. If you just get a blank stare -- run!
4) THE REVERSE PSYCHOLOGIST: Walk over, smile, and ask, "Would you like to meet me?"
5) THE CHARMER: If your "target hottie" is standing alone, try the playful approach with: "If he doesn't show, I'll be right over here" or "There you are! I've been looking all over for you."
6) THE BOLD APPROACH: Come right out with it with: "You know, I've never been a shy violet - I'm really attracted to you and would really like to get to know you."
7) THE WINK & RUN: Walk by, wink, smile, and keep going... If she's interested, she'll follow and introduce herself, or figure out a way to make some intense eye contact.
8) THE OLD STAND-BY: With hand extended say, "Hi, my name is ...."
Remember: the first time you meet someone, you have an opportunity that will never come again—the chance to make a fantastic first impression! How you look—and what you say and do, along with how you say and do it—will either make or break you.
Need more advice on approaching women? Pick up my book Date Out Of Your League and learn my 5 dating success tenets. It will save you lots of time and heartache if you are willing to accept, grasp, and follow the numbers game tenets.
Good Luck!
April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, 50 First Dates and The Next 50 Dates, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine
The Top 8 Ways To Approach Women Using Pickup Lines
by April Masini
Q: Dear April,
I am absolutely terrible at approaching women. Would you PLEASE give me some tips? A few pickup lines would be great too!
Dude Desperately Seeking Pickup Lines
A:
Dear Dude Desperate for Pickup Lines:
First, Dude, here’s a little insight into the minds of women: Women are attracted to confidence, class, style, and intelligence. Men, on the other hand, will marry a girl who works at McDonalds if she’s beautiful, hot, and sexy enough. If you keep these differences in mind, you’ll increase your dating averages immediately.
Confidence Is The Key To Success
If you dress well, speak with assurance and carry yourself with confidence, you’ll convey positive things about yourself. In essence, you’re saying, "I can be looked up to, admired, and trusted: I respect myself." That is a message women will hear loud and clear, and it’s probably better than any pickup line that I can give you.
With that said, here are a few approaches and pick-up lines:
1) THE ADVICE SEEKER: Solicit her opinion on something like what you should get your mother for her birthday (You're demonstrating that you like her great taste!).
2) THE INNOCENT: "I'm really not trying to pick you up; I just wanted to know if you've ever been to such-and-such, because I know I've seen you there before, and I didn't want you to think I was rude by not acknowledging you."
3) THE COMEDIAN: Tell your best joke...If you get a laugh, introduce yourself. If you just get a blank stare -- run!
4) THE REVERSE PSYCHOLOGIST: Walk over, smile, and ask, "Would you like to meet me?"
5) THE CHARMER: If your "target hottie" is standing alone, try the playful approach with: "If he doesn't show, I'll be right over here" or "There you are! I've been looking all over for you."
6) THE BOLD APPROACH: Come right out with it with: "You know, I've never been a shy violet - I'm really attracted to you and would really like to get to know you."
7) THE WINK & RUN: Walk by, wink, smile, and keep going... If she's interested, she'll follow and introduce herself, or figure out a way to make some intense eye contact.
8) THE OLD STAND-BY: With hand extended say, "Hi, my name is ...."
Remember: the first time you meet someone, you have an opportunity that will never come again—the chance to make a fantastic first impression! How you look—and what you say and do, along with how you say and do it—will either make or break you.
Need more advice on approaching women? Pick up my book Date Out Of Your League and learn my 5 dating success tenets. It will save you lots of time and heartache if you are willing to accept, grasp, and follow the numbers game tenets.
Good Luck!
April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, 50 First Dates and The Next 50 Dates, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Getting him to Commit
by April Masini
Getting Him to Commit
What Do You Do When You Think He's Just Stringing You Along?
by April Masini
Q:
I think the man I'm with is stringing me along. We've dated on and off for eleven months and have slept together, etc. Yet we are not what I'd call a real boyfriend and girlfriend kind of couple. Although he says he's not seeing anyone else, and I'm not either, we only get together once or twice a week. Do you think he's just waiting for Miss Right to come along? How can I get him to become more serious?
Sincerely,
Ready to Get Real
A:
Dear Ready to Get Real,
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but even more than that, I hate to keep the truth a secret. And in this case, honey, the truth will hurt!
When A Man Wants To Become Your Husband, He Starts Acting Like Your Husband
When a man is ready to commit — as a boyfriend or husband — you will know it because he will simply start acting in that role. He will talk about your future together and he will make plans accordingly. He will introduce you to his family and friends. He will not only call you daily, but he'll want to tell you the details of his day, and have a desire to hear about yours. A man that wants to be in a committed relationship acts like he wants to be in one.
On the other hand, a man who is not ready to be committed behaves, well… a lot like your guy, Ready to Get Real, and I think you know it. I think, what you're really wondering is what you can do about it. Can you somehow get him to change his mind, or get him to want you more? Can you give him an ultimatum or make him see the error of his ways?
Men and THEIR Biological Clocks
I say… probably not. If your guy's own version of the biological clock isn't telling him it's time to commit, there's absolutely no point in pushing him. You can make the mistake of giving him an ultimatum (as many women do), make promises about how great you'll be to him, and even ultimately snag him, but I guarantee he'll only end up resenting you for it, or worse — cheating or leaving. As soon as there's the first bump in the road, he'll point to the pressure you applied, with a “See, I knew I wasn't ready” retort.
Men Need To Feel Like Men - Men Like To Win
Men are, by their very nature, the pursuers, the aggressors, the hunters. You would not expect a fish to jump out of the water and start walking on land, so don't expect a man to stop being a man. If a man is in love with you he will want to be with you, he will want to spend time with you, and he definitely will not want to lose you to another man. Threats and will not work — neither does reversing the male and female roles, with you asking him to commit or marry you, even if he does agree. I wholeheartedly believe a man must believe he has won the prize (i.e. — you) in every sense of the word. If you ask a man to marry you, he doesn't have to win you — he has not won anything. You, in fact, have made him the prize! And you, more likely than not, will pay for it in the long run.
It could be as simple as the insecurity you'll feel, always wondering if he really loves you or if he would really rather be with someone else. Or it could an even more painful scenario — he leaves you for another woman, perhaps not even one as attractive or successful as you, but one he picks out, one he pursues, and on he “wins” on his own.
Time Is Our Most Valuable Commodity, Never Waste Your Time
So, what can you do, Ready to Get Real? There's only one answer: Start dating other men… immediately! (That and pisk up a copy of my book Think & Date Like A Man, immediately.) It may have the side effect of making the guy you're currently “seeing” realize that he really does love you, was taking you for granted, etc., but that's not why you'll be doing it. You'll be dating because your current guy is not worth wasting your time on. You'll be doing it because you deserve a man who is willing to put it all on the line for you. Someone who knows how great you are without your having to tell them. Someone who will want to see you every night of the week — and will never make you wonder whether they're waiting for Ms. Right, because they know you're it!
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© 2004-2007 AskApril.com, LLC, All rights reserved. AskApril®, AskApril.com®, and Ask April® are registered trademarks owned by Masini Enterprises, Inc. This material can not be published, republished, rewritten, reprinted, reproduced, or redistributed without expressed written permission from AskApril.com and Masini Enterprises, Inc.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Googling your date?
Google A Date
The Pluses and Minuses of Googling Your Date
by April Masini
Q: Dear April,
I’ve been online dating for a couple of months and I think I’ve met someone I’m interested in going out with, but I’d like to know more. Should I google him?
Signed,
Google Safety
A:
Dear Google Safety:
So you're about to go out with someone new. You know their first name and their last, so you get to work. The Googling begins. Googling prospective dates is pretty common. But, what if it turns out he or she murdered someone? Or was arrested for drinking and driving? While Google is grand, things aren't always what they seem. What's to say what you read is right? Also, there is more than one John D. Smith out there after all, right?
Google Safety
I bet David Letterman wished he "Googled" his ranch painter, who later turned out to have a criminal record he didn't know about, until after the kidnap attempt on his son. In fact, it's always a good idea to run a little background check on people in your life -- without going overboard or getting paranoid.
Below are five Google tips you can use for your date -- or anyone else in your life.
1. Oogly Googly! Just because it's written doesn't mean it's true. There can be more than one person with the same name, and you may read things about the person who you think is your date, but it turns out it's really someone else with the same name. On the other hand, just because it's true doesn't mean it's written about. Google is a wonder, but it doesn't catch everything.
2. The good news is the bad news. If you "dodge a bullet," and find out something horrific about your Saturday night date, cancel, by all means. Never put yourself in any danger.
3. Google-dropping. If you do find out something interesting -- like he's a multi-gazilliionaire, or he's been married four times already and he's only 30, by all means bring it up on your date, but gently. There are ways of easing into a subject so that you give him the opportunity to say it first. If you find out he has kids -- or grandkids -- by Googling him, you can say on your date, "I love kids. I have the cutest niece. Do you want kids someday?" It gives him the opportunity to bring it up himself.
4. Mutual Googling. One way to bring up Googling is to say, "I assume you've Googled me. Find out anything juicy?" And then he gets to ask you what you found out about him.
5. A Google A Day. If you want to keep tabs on him, set up a Google Alert that will yield daily information about your date, as it's posted on the search engine.
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini: Nicknamed "The New Millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, April Masini writes what "Dear Abby" will never print, and what your shrink doesn't have the guts to tell you.
That's why she is America's foremost online dating and relationship advice expert, as well as the best-selling author of four books: "Date Out Of Your League", (dating tips for men), "Think and Date Like a Man" (relationship advice for women), "50 First Dates" (ideas for a fun date) and "The Next 50 Dates"(romantic date ideas).
The Pluses and Minuses of Googling Your Date
by April Masini
Q: Dear April,
I’ve been online dating for a couple of months and I think I’ve met someone I’m interested in going out with, but I’d like to know more. Should I google him?
Signed,
Google Safety
A:
Dear Google Safety:
So you're about to go out with someone new. You know their first name and their last, so you get to work. The Googling begins. Googling prospective dates is pretty common. But, what if it turns out he or she murdered someone? Or was arrested for drinking and driving? While Google is grand, things aren't always what they seem. What's to say what you read is right? Also, there is more than one John D. Smith out there after all, right?
Google Safety
I bet David Letterman wished he "Googled" his ranch painter, who later turned out to have a criminal record he didn't know about, until after the kidnap attempt on his son. In fact, it's always a good idea to run a little background check on people in your life -- without going overboard or getting paranoid.
Below are five Google tips you can use for your date -- or anyone else in your life.
1. Oogly Googly! Just because it's written doesn't mean it's true. There can be more than one person with the same name, and you may read things about the person who you think is your date, but it turns out it's really someone else with the same name. On the other hand, just because it's true doesn't mean it's written about. Google is a wonder, but it doesn't catch everything.
2. The good news is the bad news. If you "dodge a bullet," and find out something horrific about your Saturday night date, cancel, by all means. Never put yourself in any danger.
3. Google-dropping. If you do find out something interesting -- like he's a multi-gazilliionaire, or he's been married four times already and he's only 30, by all means bring it up on your date, but gently. There are ways of easing into a subject so that you give him the opportunity to say it first. If you find out he has kids -- or grandkids -- by Googling him, you can say on your date, "I love kids. I have the cutest niece. Do you want kids someday?" It gives him the opportunity to bring it up himself.
4. Mutual Googling. One way to bring up Googling is to say, "I assume you've Googled me. Find out anything juicy?" And then he gets to ask you what you found out about him.
5. A Google A Day. If you want to keep tabs on him, set up a Google Alert that will yield daily information about your date, as it's posted on the search engine.
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini: Nicknamed "The New Millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, April Masini writes what "Dear Abby" will never print, and what your shrink doesn't have the guts to tell you.
That's why she is America's foremost online dating and relationship advice expert, as well as the best-selling author of four books: "Date Out Of Your League", (dating tips for men), "Think and Date Like a Man" (relationship advice for women), "50 First Dates" (ideas for a fun date) and "The Next 50 Dates"(romantic date ideas).
Monday, June 23, 2008
Dating Secret Exposed: Why Nice Guys Finish Last
Dating Secret Exposed: Why Nice Guys Finish Last
By April Mason
Are you a nice guy who has always wondered why the cocky guy -- the one who barely appears interested in the girl -- is usually the one who gets the girl?
Have you suffered from hearing the words, "You're a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend," from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for -- only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she's nothing special?
And are you stumped wondering why she would date a guy who treats her like that when she could have you who would treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants? Well, you better brace yourself because I'm going to tell you a couple of secrets that you might not want to hear.
First, "nice" equates with boring and predictable. Look up "nice" in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average -- not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy.I'll bet you've never heard a woman say she didn't want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting -- have you? But, I'll bet you have heard women say things like, "He's such a nice guy. He's so sweet and he's always there for me, but I only like him as a friend." Or, "He's such a good guy -- kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal -- but there's no chemistry. He just doesn't turn me on."
Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won't work.
Please understand that I am not suggesting that you mistreat women or disrespect them in any way.
What I suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more.
To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, "Why does the guy who doesn't appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?" is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much -- all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman's attention, affection, and approval -- and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes.
After all, if he's already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything - why would she value him? She won't. She is not going to value him any more than he values himself. What she is going to do is look for someone else, someone who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident, and more valuable.
It works like this:
Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it's outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value.
Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's human nature.
The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything -- his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman's response or reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't always available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I'd like to go out with you, but if I can't, that's OK -- I'm a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options.
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini: Nicknamed "The New Millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, April Masini writes what "Dear Abby" will never print, and what your shrink doesn't have the guts to tell you.
That's why she is America's foremost online dating and relationship advice expert, as well as the best-selling author of four books: "Date Out Of Your League", (dating tips for men), "Think and Date Like a Man" (relationship advice for women), "50 First Dates" (ideas for a fun date) and "The Next 50 Dates"(romantic date ideas).
By April Mason
Are you a nice guy who has always wondered why the cocky guy -- the one who barely appears interested in the girl -- is usually the one who gets the girl?
Have you suffered from hearing the words, "You're a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend," from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for -- only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she's nothing special?
And are you stumped wondering why she would date a guy who treats her like that when she could have you who would treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants? Well, you better brace yourself because I'm going to tell you a couple of secrets that you might not want to hear.
First, "nice" equates with boring and predictable. Look up "nice" in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average -- not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy.I'll bet you've never heard a woman say she didn't want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting -- have you? But, I'll bet you have heard women say things like, "He's such a nice guy. He's so sweet and he's always there for me, but I only like him as a friend." Or, "He's such a good guy -- kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal -- but there's no chemistry. He just doesn't turn me on."
Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won't work.
Please understand that I am not suggesting that you mistreat women or disrespect them in any way.
What I suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more.
To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, "Why does the guy who doesn't appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?" is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much -- all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman's attention, affection, and approval -- and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes.
After all, if he's already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything - why would she value him? She won't. She is not going to value him any more than he values himself. What she is going to do is look for someone else, someone who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident, and more valuable.
It works like this:
Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it's outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value.
Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's human nature.
The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything -- his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman's response or reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't always available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I'd like to go out with you, but if I can't, that's OK -- I'm a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options.
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini: Nicknamed "The New Millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, April Masini writes what "Dear Abby" will never print, and what your shrink doesn't have the guts to tell you.
That's why she is America's foremost online dating and relationship advice expert, as well as the best-selling author of four books: "Date Out Of Your League", (dating tips for men), "Think and Date Like a Man" (relationship advice for women), "50 First Dates" (ideas for a fun date) and "The Next 50 Dates"(romantic date ideas).
Sunday, June 15, 2008
How Do I Get Him Back?
By Christian Carter
This time I'm sharing a great question from a reader.
It's a question I get all the time from women that points out a common misunderstanding women have about men.
Reader:
Dear Christian,
I'm sorry but I need to ask you a question. I need advice and help. Me and my ex have been together off and on many times, recently we just broke up and now he's dating someone else. (he doesn't know what he wants) But I know he still has very big feelings for me and I want advice and help on getting him back. Even though he's dating someone right now, he still has feelings for me, and I need help on getting him back with me and not with her.
Please help!
Sincerely,
Needy and Hopeless
My Answer:
Thanks for writing, your email has about 147 great things here.
Let's look at a few of them...
The first important issue is that you're ignoring all the important signs your ex is giving you.
Men send a ton of silent “signals” that are out there waiting for women to tune into and pick up on.
And to learn from.
Some of these signals that men send are indirect and unintentional - but others men know they're sending out.
Please don't be naive.
Wake up!
Realize what's going on here.
If he's dating someone else, you've got to start moving on.
That's a direct and intentional signal.
He doesn't share your feelings of wanting to get back together in a committed relationship with you.
If you challenge this idea, you need to recognize something important...
That he's not in the right place in his life to share what you want with him.
What you really need for yourself is to find a healthy way to take some of the focus off of him and put it back on you and your life.
This doesn't mean you have to go out and date right now, but you need to take your mind off him.
I know it's hard to do this when you still have intense feelings for him.
But the simple truth is that you're setting yourself up for ALL KINDS of pain and disappointment...
Yeah, I've seen couples get back together like this - but the odds are things don't look good for this old relationship.
The more you can distance yourself from your ex whose dating another woman, the happier you'll be.
Trust me.
And I know doing this is tough, but you've got to do it if you're going to find your way to a new and improved situation - with or without him.
Here's something else critical going on for you...
You're making a lot of assumptions about HIS feelings when you say “he has very strong feelings for me.”
Do the math.
You know he's dating someone else.
By thinking about how you believe he FEELS inside is only keeping you stuck on him and your beliefs about the good person he can be and how great things COULD be together.
Let me put it another way-
What are his actions and behaviors saying?
If you listen to the signals your ex is sending you, you'll see that his “feelings” he shares are just his way of holding onto you for his own comfort and benefit.
Why wouldn't he want to keep you around if he's “unavailable” to really commit - because being with the other woman and still being connected to you keeps him from being fully involved in any real situation with either of you.
He's already dating another woman.
That should give you a clear idea of where his mind is at (not focused on getting back with you) and what his “feelings” TRULY are.
Here's what I want you to do first and foremost...
Think about making some decisions for YOURSELF.
Right now it sounds like your waiting for him to make all the decisions.
Think about what YOU WANT to be happy, and remember all the things your ex has done and said to let you know he's not committed to sharing his love with you.
If you give him and yourself some space, a funny thing might happen you won't expect...
Your ex-boyfriend won't have the comfort of two women who both want his affection.
He won't know that you're still there waiting for him - and this will trigger thoughts and actions in him that will ultimately help resolve your situation.
Until then...
For your own well-being, it's important you let him know he can't keep sharing his intimate feelings with you while he's dating another woman.
HERE'S A RULE YOU NEED TO REMEMEBER:
****
Never allow men who have “someone else” in their life to keep sharing and expressing their feelings for you.
****
It's wrong on several levels... for you most of all.
When a man can have the affection of two women, and he's in a place where he's emotionally non-committed to either, odds are he will try to keep this situation going for as long as possible!
Not all men would do this, but men who are “unavailable”, as it sounds your ex is, can continue multiple initimate situations at once.
You don't want to date a man that's in this place in his life... and I know because I've been this guy in my past!
NO AMOUNT of talking, experience or reasoning with him can get him to feel the way you want him to feel.
You can't change a man's emotional depth and where he's at in his life.
“Getting him back” is a bad idea.
Rarely does this give you what you think you want.
It's a losing battle, and you're going to end up being hurt or upset again as you undoubtedly keep moving farther and farther away from what YOU ideally want and closer and closer to whatever strange and unhealthy situation he's creating.
If you feel like you HAVE to see this through, then be careful. You're going against the odds.
Don't be “that girl”.
And I promise that you'll ruin your chances if you think you can “convince” him to come back to you through shows of affection, appeals to his desires or other “gifts” to bribe him.
I've watched this EXACT thing unfold so many times.
IT DOESN'T WORK!
Instead, you should think about the times you've broken up and the times you've seen that he wasn't personally ready for a relationship.
Those things are as real as the strong feelings and emotions you feel that keeps you coming back.
Use the issues and challenges you had together as a guide or a reminder of what's keeping you two apart now.
And once you start doing this, I think you're going to be strangely surprised at what starts to happen for you...
Once your guy notices that he doesn't have you waiting around for him like a puppy dog to figure it out, while he's off doing god knows what with other women, there's going to be a big change in his attitude and behavior.
It doesn't make “sense”, but that's how it WORKS.
****
THE CRITICAL SKILLS OF UNDERSTANDING MEN'S SIGNALS AND IDENTIFYING GOOD MEN FROM “UNAVAILABLE TOADS”...
****
You've got to learn to understand and identify “EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE” men.
If a man doesn't know what he wants, he generally doesn't want what he's got.
This may sound harsh, but it's the truth of the situation. And even when it isn't completely true, it's a good rule to go by.
A good man who is the right person and wants to be with you will find his own way to his “Emotional Truth”.
If his truth is that he wants to be with you, or not be with you, you have to respect that.
But I see women do it all the time.
The guy will be sending all kinds of subtle (or even direct) signs that he's not “available” or interested in something “serious”, but the woman ignores them and just pays attention to the fact that he likes being with her when they're together.
In other words, she substitutes the physical connection, or even the occasional emotional connection, for the real relationship she wants to be in.
WRONG!
Men have a different “love equation” from women:
A strong connection does NOT necessarily equal any interest in a relationship.
That's why it's CRITICAL that women learn to read the signals that a man sends about where he's at.
Because he's surely not going to just lay it all out there for you.
I promise.
If he does, write me an email, tell me all about it, and give me his mailing address so I can send him his prize.
When a guy isn't interested in a relationship, and he's hdoing something like seeing other women, here's what most women start doing that makes things go from bad to worse...
They start trying to “fix” things, and “fix” the guy.
And then comes the “convincing” behavior, trying to convince the man that they are the right one for him, and that because they have such a great connection, a loving “relationship” is the only right way to go.
I know, it sounds bizarre.
Why would a man have a great woman and a great connection with her that felt amazing when they were together, and not want a relationship?
I'll get to that later...
The thing I'm worried about here for you is that in trying to get your guy back, you're making these mistakes that are like “man-repellent”.
So I'll say it again.
You can't convince a man to want to be with you.
I don't know the specifics surrounding your off-and-on with the ex, but it speaks volumes.
Especially when it's combined with him not “knowing what he wants”.
This is CLASSIC man-speak for “I'm not emotionally available and I'm not ready for a real relationship”.
When he can't get in touch with his feelings and isn't open to exploring them, it's a text-book case of unavailability.
I don't mean that he can't share feelings or some level of intimacy with you...
In fact, I'm sure he still likes to connect with you when things are easy-going and he's not feeling “pressure” around you.
But your ex sharing his feelings with you can easily confuse you into thinking that he is potentially the right guy and ready for a long term relationship.
I'm sure you've seen this since you've been back and forth with him. But when a guy is unavailable, he has a fear of getting deeper into a relationship that he knows he's not ready for.
In his own way he's tried to tell you this several times.
Here's what he's saying:
Yes, I have “feelings” for you.
And no... that doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with you and be faithful.
Take some time to think about the past with your ex, and then compare that to what will honestly make YOU happy, and what kind of relationship you want in your future.
If you're honest about it with yourself, I don't think he'll fit well into that based on his actions and behavior.
Put more value on his actions, not his words.
Get back to the things that you enjoy, the places you like to go and avoid places or things you used to do or see with your ex.
Spend some time with your friends and give yourself the space you deserve.
The less you talk about your ex and this situation for now, the better off you'll be.
And I think you'll be amazed at the results.
First, I think you'll just plain old feel better.
But even better than that, you'll be breaking the old connection that you had with your “x”.
And as counterintuitive as it sounds, breaking out of your old connection is actually the thing that's going to change the situation for you the most and help get you the results you want.
Right now, your convincing him and your wanting him back, even when he's with another woman, is making you come off in all kinds of ways that men just don't respond well to.
I know it seems like the best idea to keep trying to stay in touch with him and keep the connection alive.
But the truth is that you're just keeping this same old situation alive by pumping your time and attention into it.
If instead, you step back and stop chasing him or trying to convince him you're the right woman, you'll have an opportunity to do something that can honestly be ATTRACTIVE to him-
You first leave a space that he'll not recognize and not understand, which will first get him thinking about you and then wondering why you aren't acting the way you used to.
Men love “new” things and curiosities.
Plus, you'll also be able to give him the space he's tried asking you for in his retarded emotioanally unavailable “man-speak”.
Something funny happens when a man gets the space he asked for- If you do it in the right way, he's forced to deal with himself and his own feelings to figure out that all the things he is worried about, afraid of, fearful of “committing to”, etc.
And being by himself, he'll see that these things are really just in his own mind - and not bad things about YOU.
In other words - he won't keep taking all the old “stuff” from the past that wasn't working and keep identifying it with YOU.
But you've to go know the way to “re-wire” the connection once you've broken the old one.
And if you can do this, I guarantee he'll come calling wondering about you.
In my ebook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”, I spell out specific ways to communicate with men that will help you build that new connection.
There are several psychological and behavioral “keys” that will help to open a man up.
And just as important, they will make him feel that electric spark of ATTRACTION with you again.
I'm talking about the kind of attraction that gets a guy feeling, at a deep level, that he wants to be with you right now AND far into the future.
This goes for the “unavailable” guys too that seem to keep withdrawing and don't communicate much about their feelings or what they want.
These guys are the toughest ones.
If there's just ONE PIECE OF ADVICE that holds more power for women than any other when it comes to men, it's this concept of only dating emotionally available men.
In my ebook, I also talk about how to identify good men from the “unavailable” ones.
If you're dating, wouldn't it be great to know what kind of guy you're dealing with FROM THE START?
And if think you're already got an unavailable guy on your hands, and you're wondering what you can do after all the frustrating disappointments that have gone on...
There's AN ENTIRE SECTION of the book dedicated to helping you both understand the emotional world of a man (yikes, right!) and how to lead him to a better way of being with and understanding you.
So make the choice to do something about your love- life and create the situation you want in your life.
Go check out my ebook now.
You can download it and be reading it in just a couple of minutes.
Check it out here:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Thanks for reading and best of luck in life and love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
This time I'm sharing a great question from a reader.
It's a question I get all the time from women that points out a common misunderstanding women have about men.
Reader:
Dear Christian,
I'm sorry but I need to ask you a question. I need advice and help. Me and my ex have been together off and on many times, recently we just broke up and now he's dating someone else. (he doesn't know what he wants) But I know he still has very big feelings for me and I want advice and help on getting him back. Even though he's dating someone right now, he still has feelings for me, and I need help on getting him back with me and not with her.
Please help!
Sincerely,
Needy and Hopeless
My Answer:
Thanks for writing, your email has about 147 great things here.
Let's look at a few of them...
The first important issue is that you're ignoring all the important signs your ex is giving you.
Men send a ton of silent “signals” that are out there waiting for women to tune into and pick up on.
And to learn from.
Some of these signals that men send are indirect and unintentional - but others men know they're sending out.
Please don't be naive.
Wake up!
Realize what's going on here.
If he's dating someone else, you've got to start moving on.
That's a direct and intentional signal.
He doesn't share your feelings of wanting to get back together in a committed relationship with you.
If you challenge this idea, you need to recognize something important...
That he's not in the right place in his life to share what you want with him.
What you really need for yourself is to find a healthy way to take some of the focus off of him and put it back on you and your life.
This doesn't mean you have to go out and date right now, but you need to take your mind off him.
I know it's hard to do this when you still have intense feelings for him.
But the simple truth is that you're setting yourself up for ALL KINDS of pain and disappointment...
Yeah, I've seen couples get back together like this - but the odds are things don't look good for this old relationship.
The more you can distance yourself from your ex whose dating another woman, the happier you'll be.
Trust me.
And I know doing this is tough, but you've got to do it if you're going to find your way to a new and improved situation - with or without him.
Here's something else critical going on for you...
You're making a lot of assumptions about HIS feelings when you say “he has very strong feelings for me.”
Do the math.
You know he's dating someone else.
By thinking about how you believe he FEELS inside is only keeping you stuck on him and your beliefs about the good person he can be and how great things COULD be together.
Let me put it another way-
What are his actions and behaviors saying?
If you listen to the signals your ex is sending you, you'll see that his “feelings” he shares are just his way of holding onto you for his own comfort and benefit.
Why wouldn't he want to keep you around if he's “unavailable” to really commit - because being with the other woman and still being connected to you keeps him from being fully involved in any real situation with either of you.
He's already dating another woman.
That should give you a clear idea of where his mind is at (not focused on getting back with you) and what his “feelings” TRULY are.
Here's what I want you to do first and foremost...
Think about making some decisions for YOURSELF.
Right now it sounds like your waiting for him to make all the decisions.
Think about what YOU WANT to be happy, and remember all the things your ex has done and said to let you know he's not committed to sharing his love with you.
If you give him and yourself some space, a funny thing might happen you won't expect...
Your ex-boyfriend won't have the comfort of two women who both want his affection.
He won't know that you're still there waiting for him - and this will trigger thoughts and actions in him that will ultimately help resolve your situation.
Until then...
For your own well-being, it's important you let him know he can't keep sharing his intimate feelings with you while he's dating another woman.
HERE'S A RULE YOU NEED TO REMEMEBER:
****
Never allow men who have “someone else” in their life to keep sharing and expressing their feelings for you.
****
It's wrong on several levels... for you most of all.
When a man can have the affection of two women, and he's in a place where he's emotionally non-committed to either, odds are he will try to keep this situation going for as long as possible!
Not all men would do this, but men who are “unavailable”, as it sounds your ex is, can continue multiple initimate situations at once.
You don't want to date a man that's in this place in his life... and I know because I've been this guy in my past!
NO AMOUNT of talking, experience or reasoning with him can get him to feel the way you want him to feel.
You can't change a man's emotional depth and where he's at in his life.
“Getting him back” is a bad idea.
Rarely does this give you what you think you want.
It's a losing battle, and you're going to end up being hurt or upset again as you undoubtedly keep moving farther and farther away from what YOU ideally want and closer and closer to whatever strange and unhealthy situation he's creating.
If you feel like you HAVE to see this through, then be careful. You're going against the odds.
Don't be “that girl”.
And I promise that you'll ruin your chances if you think you can “convince” him to come back to you through shows of affection, appeals to his desires or other “gifts” to bribe him.
I've watched this EXACT thing unfold so many times.
IT DOESN'T WORK!
Instead, you should think about the times you've broken up and the times you've seen that he wasn't personally ready for a relationship.
Those things are as real as the strong feelings and emotions you feel that keeps you coming back.
Use the issues and challenges you had together as a guide or a reminder of what's keeping you two apart now.
And once you start doing this, I think you're going to be strangely surprised at what starts to happen for you...
Once your guy notices that he doesn't have you waiting around for him like a puppy dog to figure it out, while he's off doing god knows what with other women, there's going to be a big change in his attitude and behavior.
It doesn't make “sense”, but that's how it WORKS.
****
THE CRITICAL SKILLS OF UNDERSTANDING MEN'S SIGNALS AND IDENTIFYING GOOD MEN FROM “UNAVAILABLE TOADS”...
****
You've got to learn to understand and identify “EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE” men.
If a man doesn't know what he wants, he generally doesn't want what he's got.
This may sound harsh, but it's the truth of the situation. And even when it isn't completely true, it's a good rule to go by.
A good man who is the right person and wants to be with you will find his own way to his “Emotional Truth”.
If his truth is that he wants to be with you, or not be with you, you have to respect that.
But I see women do it all the time.
The guy will be sending all kinds of subtle (or even direct) signs that he's not “available” or interested in something “serious”, but the woman ignores them and just pays attention to the fact that he likes being with her when they're together.
In other words, she substitutes the physical connection, or even the occasional emotional connection, for the real relationship she wants to be in.
WRONG!
Men have a different “love equation” from women:
A strong connection does NOT necessarily equal any interest in a relationship.
That's why it's CRITICAL that women learn to read the signals that a man sends about where he's at.
Because he's surely not going to just lay it all out there for you.
I promise.
If he does, write me an email, tell me all about it, and give me his mailing address so I can send him his prize.
When a guy isn't interested in a relationship, and he's hdoing something like seeing other women, here's what most women start doing that makes things go from bad to worse...
They start trying to “fix” things, and “fix” the guy.
And then comes the “convincing” behavior, trying to convince the man that they are the right one for him, and that because they have such a great connection, a loving “relationship” is the only right way to go.
I know, it sounds bizarre.
Why would a man have a great woman and a great connection with her that felt amazing when they were together, and not want a relationship?
I'll get to that later...
The thing I'm worried about here for you is that in trying to get your guy back, you're making these mistakes that are like “man-repellent”.
So I'll say it again.
You can't convince a man to want to be with you.
I don't know the specifics surrounding your off-and-on with the ex, but it speaks volumes.
Especially when it's combined with him not “knowing what he wants”.
This is CLASSIC man-speak for “I'm not emotionally available and I'm not ready for a real relationship”.
When he can't get in touch with his feelings and isn't open to exploring them, it's a text-book case of unavailability.
I don't mean that he can't share feelings or some level of intimacy with you...
In fact, I'm sure he still likes to connect with you when things are easy-going and he's not feeling “pressure” around you.
But your ex sharing his feelings with you can easily confuse you into thinking that he is potentially the right guy and ready for a long term relationship.
I'm sure you've seen this since you've been back and forth with him. But when a guy is unavailable, he has a fear of getting deeper into a relationship that he knows he's not ready for.
In his own way he's tried to tell you this several times.
Here's what he's saying:
Yes, I have “feelings” for you.
And no... that doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with you and be faithful.
Take some time to think about the past with your ex, and then compare that to what will honestly make YOU happy, and what kind of relationship you want in your future.
If you're honest about it with yourself, I don't think he'll fit well into that based on his actions and behavior.
Put more value on his actions, not his words.
Get back to the things that you enjoy, the places you like to go and avoid places or things you used to do or see with your ex.
Spend some time with your friends and give yourself the space you deserve.
The less you talk about your ex and this situation for now, the better off you'll be.
And I think you'll be amazed at the results.
First, I think you'll just plain old feel better.
But even better than that, you'll be breaking the old connection that you had with your “x”.
And as counterintuitive as it sounds, breaking out of your old connection is actually the thing that's going to change the situation for you the most and help get you the results you want.
Right now, your convincing him and your wanting him back, even when he's with another woman, is making you come off in all kinds of ways that men just don't respond well to.
I know it seems like the best idea to keep trying to stay in touch with him and keep the connection alive.
But the truth is that you're just keeping this same old situation alive by pumping your time and attention into it.
If instead, you step back and stop chasing him or trying to convince him you're the right woman, you'll have an opportunity to do something that can honestly be ATTRACTIVE to him-
You first leave a space that he'll not recognize and not understand, which will first get him thinking about you and then wondering why you aren't acting the way you used to.
Men love “new” things and curiosities.
Plus, you'll also be able to give him the space he's tried asking you for in his retarded emotioanally unavailable “man-speak”.
Something funny happens when a man gets the space he asked for- If you do it in the right way, he's forced to deal with himself and his own feelings to figure out that all the things he is worried about, afraid of, fearful of “committing to”, etc.
And being by himself, he'll see that these things are really just in his own mind - and not bad things about YOU.
In other words - he won't keep taking all the old “stuff” from the past that wasn't working and keep identifying it with YOU.
But you've to go know the way to “re-wire” the connection once you've broken the old one.
And if you can do this, I guarantee he'll come calling wondering about you.
In my ebook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”, I spell out specific ways to communicate with men that will help you build that new connection.
There are several psychological and behavioral “keys” that will help to open a man up.
And just as important, they will make him feel that electric spark of ATTRACTION with you again.
I'm talking about the kind of attraction that gets a guy feeling, at a deep level, that he wants to be with you right now AND far into the future.
This goes for the “unavailable” guys too that seem to keep withdrawing and don't communicate much about their feelings or what they want.
These guys are the toughest ones.
If there's just ONE PIECE OF ADVICE that holds more power for women than any other when it comes to men, it's this concept of only dating emotionally available men.
In my ebook, I also talk about how to identify good men from the “unavailable” ones.
If you're dating, wouldn't it be great to know what kind of guy you're dealing with FROM THE START?
And if think you're already got an unavailable guy on your hands, and you're wondering what you can do after all the frustrating disappointments that have gone on...
There's AN ENTIRE SECTION of the book dedicated to helping you both understand the emotional world of a man (yikes, right!) and how to lead him to a better way of being with and understanding you.
So make the choice to do something about your love- life and create the situation you want in your life.
Go check out my ebook now.
You can download it and be reading it in just a couple of minutes.
Check it out here:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Thanks for reading and best of luck in life and love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
Monday, June 09, 2008
June Love Horoscopes
By Vanessa Calderon- Seventh Sense Astrology
Your June 2008 Romance and Partnership Horoscopes
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
The pace of your life is faster during the first three weeks of the month than it will be during the end of the month, Aries. Social events are plentiful while the sun is in Gemini and then you will need to buckle down and take care of everything that has to do with home and family when the sun and Venus cross into Cancer during the week of June 20th. Passionate connections with other fire signs (Leo and Sagittarius) are possible this month. Be aware that you may also meet a person, or people, who have very strong personalities. Back up and reevaluate the motives of people who seem bossy or overbearing. Your home is your place of respite, so use it to recharge and renew yourself after the 20th.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
The world seems to move so much faster in June because the sun is in Gemini, but you get off easy this month with Mercury retrograde. Details are not flying by you as fast as they do when Mercury is direct. Mercury will go direct again in the third week of the month, but by that time, you will have a nice blanket of Cancerean energy to wrap yourself in. Until then, you might find that partners and potential partners are indecisive, and that the people you have been meeting seem to have two personalities. Stay or go? Here or there? Don’t watch the tennis match that is going on in front of you. Wait until next month for people to become more certain of the respective paths they want to take before you decide which people you want to travel along with.
GEMINI (May21-June21)
Tongue tied? I thought so. But this only lasts until the last week of the month when your ruling planet, Mercury, starts moving forward in your sign. The first two-thirds of June move a bit more slowly than you would like and you should be methodical about laying your plans for the future. You might have many instances of deja-vu this month when people from your past start showing up again in the strangest places. They are appearing for a reason, so finish old business and you’ll be glad you got closure. About passion: there is a possibility of an intense exchange with a partner, potential partner, or an interesting member of whichever sex it is that you prefer to couple with. Ideological differences do not need to come between you, but people seem to be quite opinionated this month. When in doubt, your best bet is to keep quiet.
CANCER (June 22-July 23)
There are some pieces of information that you are privy to regarding people who are close to you, and it is much wiser to keep them to yourself than to spread them around this month. Importantly, this is a very interesting time for you in terms of relationships. Many partnerships that you have been involved in that have had financial implications will begin to dissolve. You will find though, that the newer relationships in your life will also have connections to finances, so let’s use this energy wisely: Take control of where your partnership roads are leading by seeking out cohorts who have business and accounting experience, experience with valuables like jewelry and antiques, and hang out with people who understand tax codes. The energies that are permeating your relationship angles now will be solidifying for a long period of time and the best way to conquer the wave is to ride it! Work with the energy instead of letting it work you, and your new relationships will be more give and take instead of just give.
LEO (July 23- Aug 22)
There’s nothing more entertaining than a Leo who puts himself/herself on display, but there’s nothing more sad than looking at a Leo who has run himself/herself ragged. You’ll be pulled in different directions this month. You’ll likely have the stamina to handle it, as you often do. Just be aware not to push yourself too hard or you might feel like a turtle going up stream by the time June 20th rolls around. Regarding your closest partnerships, you are not likely to get anywhere unless you make your needs and intentions known in advance. Things that you wish you had said in the past can be said now, so that there are no regrets. Be clear about everything you want people to understand about you even if you feel cloudy-headed. Your partners and potential partners will appreciate your ability to reach out on an objective and friendly level.
VIRGO (Aug 23- Sept 22)
Partners and people who are close to have the potential to make decisions that you don’t know about in advance, or that you don’t see coming, Virgo. That frustrates you to no end. You value communication highly and nothing burns you more than a loved one who doesn’t let you in on important details. Did he or she forget, or was it intentional? Given the intense energies you are experiencing right now, it is probably intentional, but it is doubtful that people are seriously out to hurt you; they aren’t giving you the whole story for your own protection. Also, don’t go so out on a limb for someone this month that you end up standing alone, holding the ball. Pay close attention to detail, and accept what is obvious, and you’ll be happy to see that everything is getting back to normal for you by the third week of the month. Positive people to spend time with: professionals, teachers and people in health and healing fields.
LIBRA (Sept 23- Oct 23)
Hey, Libra, you have the potential to do great things this month, when a new social network opens up for you and you achieve something rather lofty at work or in your field of endeavor. That’s great news in partnership matters because you will likely run into lots of people who are of like mind and whose goals are similar to yours. Before June 20th, you might feel like you are spinning your wheels a little bit in regards to long-term goals, but you can expect to make important decisions regarding your future toward the end of the month. If things don’t move quickly enough for you in business and partnerships this month, then be content to watch from afar and use your time wisely, because you will be on a new path with new people in at least one area of your life before June ends.
SCORPIO (Oct 24- Nov 21)
Nothing suits you better than a partner with whom you can partake in mental gymnastics, and nothing frustrates you more than attractive people who play mind games. Could it be that someone has figured you out? Wow, that would be a feat, but you could certainly have met your match by the end of the month. People in authority are likely to demand more of you right now and so you have to be sure to pay attention to the little details in their plans. Look out for the needs of others while you wait for Mercury to shift gears and start moving forward in the third week of the month. After that happens, you will see that the attractive person (or people) who had been puzzling you isn’t really a complicated person at all. It was just your own fear of not being in control of every situation, and your innate desire to hold all of the marbles, that was making you think that treachery was afoot.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22- Dec 21)
June highlights your partnership and marriage sectors every year so you will see that your closest partnerships are at the forefront of your mind. If you are not married, then you will be spending more time with people who are, and with people who would like to be. Certain important people in your life are holding back a little bit, for good reason. They might be trying to sort out some serious disputes or are working out some personal issues. People you look to for support are generally trying to find themselves, and their own places in the grand scheme, all through the month of June. Their attention, and maybe yours as well, will wander toward foreign ideas, but everyone will find his or her way home again by the third week of the month. Until then, expect people to need space, and to need your wise and philosophical council. Be prepared to let loved ones go off on a long leash until the sun moves into Cancer around the 23rd when emotional attachments begin to deepen again.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22- Jan 19)
Attachments to people in service professions are likely this month, Capricorn. You are in a service-to-others kind of mood, or you are for once being asked to kick back and be served. The urge to move forward on some very intense and exciting projects you are involved in must be tamed and put aside until the third week of the month. During the middle of the month, there may be surprise revelations about people you always assumed you knew very well. Emotional issues will take center stage after the sun moves into Cancer on the 23rd, so until then, don’t expect answers to any deep and probing questions in regards to relationships. People are going to start opening up to you emotionally more toward the end of the month. You could even fall in love.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20- Feb 20)
This is the time to give your partners their kudos, and to give in a little if an object of your affection needs complements and coddling. You are not the most emotional sign in the zodiac and at this time of year you tend to charm the pants off of everyone with your intelligence and wit. However, the energy is only social and detached until the third week of the month when people will need you to open up emotionally, and they will ask you to do so. If their forwardness makes you uncomfortable, that is no surprise. Just remember that there are times when even Aquarians have to prove their friendship, love and loyalty. Now is not the time to assume that everyone already knows how you feel. Caring for people takes a lot more than giving advice; it also requires giving from the soul. People might even resurface from the past to ask you how you feel, or to tell you how they feel about you.
PISCES (Feb 21- March 20)
This is a mechanical month for you Pisces, when exterior and interior improvements around your home simply must be taken care of. Much of the action in general takes place close to home this month so you probably won’t be traveling much. Little bursts of ego competition will likely take place between people you love and you can rest assured it won’t last very long, so stay out of it. Pieces of material wealth or wisdom that you received from your parents are important this month as well. What would they say about your romantic/partnership situation right now? Don’t discount the wisdom in their advice, or ignore the wisdom contained in what you know they would say to you about partnerships at this time. If you are looking for more seriously compatable people with whom you can spend quality time then seek out people who love animals, people who are in the fields of home improvements and health care, people who are a little shy and are not likely to talk your ear off, and people who have very strong intuition. You will appreciate being with people who are most like you in these ways all month.
Your June 2008 Romance and Partnership Horoscopes
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
The pace of your life is faster during the first three weeks of the month than it will be during the end of the month, Aries. Social events are plentiful while the sun is in Gemini and then you will need to buckle down and take care of everything that has to do with home and family when the sun and Venus cross into Cancer during the week of June 20th. Passionate connections with other fire signs (Leo and Sagittarius) are possible this month. Be aware that you may also meet a person, or people, who have very strong personalities. Back up and reevaluate the motives of people who seem bossy or overbearing. Your home is your place of respite, so use it to recharge and renew yourself after the 20th.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
The world seems to move so much faster in June because the sun is in Gemini, but you get off easy this month with Mercury retrograde. Details are not flying by you as fast as they do when Mercury is direct. Mercury will go direct again in the third week of the month, but by that time, you will have a nice blanket of Cancerean energy to wrap yourself in. Until then, you might find that partners and potential partners are indecisive, and that the people you have been meeting seem to have two personalities. Stay or go? Here or there? Don’t watch the tennis match that is going on in front of you. Wait until next month for people to become more certain of the respective paths they want to take before you decide which people you want to travel along with.
GEMINI (May21-June21)
Tongue tied? I thought so. But this only lasts until the last week of the month when your ruling planet, Mercury, starts moving forward in your sign. The first two-thirds of June move a bit more slowly than you would like and you should be methodical about laying your plans for the future. You might have many instances of deja-vu this month when people from your past start showing up again in the strangest places. They are appearing for a reason, so finish old business and you’ll be glad you got closure. About passion: there is a possibility of an intense exchange with a partner, potential partner, or an interesting member of whichever sex it is that you prefer to couple with. Ideological differences do not need to come between you, but people seem to be quite opinionated this month. When in doubt, your best bet is to keep quiet.
CANCER (June 22-July 23)
There are some pieces of information that you are privy to regarding people who are close to you, and it is much wiser to keep them to yourself than to spread them around this month. Importantly, this is a very interesting time for you in terms of relationships. Many partnerships that you have been involved in that have had financial implications will begin to dissolve. You will find though, that the newer relationships in your life will also have connections to finances, so let’s use this energy wisely: Take control of where your partnership roads are leading by seeking out cohorts who have business and accounting experience, experience with valuables like jewelry and antiques, and hang out with people who understand tax codes. The energies that are permeating your relationship angles now will be solidifying for a long period of time and the best way to conquer the wave is to ride it! Work with the energy instead of letting it work you, and your new relationships will be more give and take instead of just give.
LEO (July 23- Aug 22)
There’s nothing more entertaining than a Leo who puts himself/herself on display, but there’s nothing more sad than looking at a Leo who has run himself/herself ragged. You’ll be pulled in different directions this month. You’ll likely have the stamina to handle it, as you often do. Just be aware not to push yourself too hard or you might feel like a turtle going up stream by the time June 20th rolls around. Regarding your closest partnerships, you are not likely to get anywhere unless you make your needs and intentions known in advance. Things that you wish you had said in the past can be said now, so that there are no regrets. Be clear about everything you want people to understand about you even if you feel cloudy-headed. Your partners and potential partners will appreciate your ability to reach out on an objective and friendly level.
VIRGO (Aug 23- Sept 22)
Partners and people who are close to have the potential to make decisions that you don’t know about in advance, or that you don’t see coming, Virgo. That frustrates you to no end. You value communication highly and nothing burns you more than a loved one who doesn’t let you in on important details. Did he or she forget, or was it intentional? Given the intense energies you are experiencing right now, it is probably intentional, but it is doubtful that people are seriously out to hurt you; they aren’t giving you the whole story for your own protection. Also, don’t go so out on a limb for someone this month that you end up standing alone, holding the ball. Pay close attention to detail, and accept what is obvious, and you’ll be happy to see that everything is getting back to normal for you by the third week of the month. Positive people to spend time with: professionals, teachers and people in health and healing fields.
LIBRA (Sept 23- Oct 23)
Hey, Libra, you have the potential to do great things this month, when a new social network opens up for you and you achieve something rather lofty at work or in your field of endeavor. That’s great news in partnership matters because you will likely run into lots of people who are of like mind and whose goals are similar to yours. Before June 20th, you might feel like you are spinning your wheels a little bit in regards to long-term goals, but you can expect to make important decisions regarding your future toward the end of the month. If things don’t move quickly enough for you in business and partnerships this month, then be content to watch from afar and use your time wisely, because you will be on a new path with new people in at least one area of your life before June ends.
SCORPIO (Oct 24- Nov 21)
Nothing suits you better than a partner with whom you can partake in mental gymnastics, and nothing frustrates you more than attractive people who play mind games. Could it be that someone has figured you out? Wow, that would be a feat, but you could certainly have met your match by the end of the month. People in authority are likely to demand more of you right now and so you have to be sure to pay attention to the little details in their plans. Look out for the needs of others while you wait for Mercury to shift gears and start moving forward in the third week of the month. After that happens, you will see that the attractive person (or people) who had been puzzling you isn’t really a complicated person at all. It was just your own fear of not being in control of every situation, and your innate desire to hold all of the marbles, that was making you think that treachery was afoot.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22- Dec 21)
June highlights your partnership and marriage sectors every year so you will see that your closest partnerships are at the forefront of your mind. If you are not married, then you will be spending more time with people who are, and with people who would like to be. Certain important people in your life are holding back a little bit, for good reason. They might be trying to sort out some serious disputes or are working out some personal issues. People you look to for support are generally trying to find themselves, and their own places in the grand scheme, all through the month of June. Their attention, and maybe yours as well, will wander toward foreign ideas, but everyone will find his or her way home again by the third week of the month. Until then, expect people to need space, and to need your wise and philosophical council. Be prepared to let loved ones go off on a long leash until the sun moves into Cancer around the 23rd when emotional attachments begin to deepen again.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22- Jan 19)
Attachments to people in service professions are likely this month, Capricorn. You are in a service-to-others kind of mood, or you are for once being asked to kick back and be served. The urge to move forward on some very intense and exciting projects you are involved in must be tamed and put aside until the third week of the month. During the middle of the month, there may be surprise revelations about people you always assumed you knew very well. Emotional issues will take center stage after the sun moves into Cancer on the 23rd, so until then, don’t expect answers to any deep and probing questions in regards to relationships. People are going to start opening up to you emotionally more toward the end of the month. You could even fall in love.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20- Feb 20)
This is the time to give your partners their kudos, and to give in a little if an object of your affection needs complements and coddling. You are not the most emotional sign in the zodiac and at this time of year you tend to charm the pants off of everyone with your intelligence and wit. However, the energy is only social and detached until the third week of the month when people will need you to open up emotionally, and they will ask you to do so. If their forwardness makes you uncomfortable, that is no surprise. Just remember that there are times when even Aquarians have to prove their friendship, love and loyalty. Now is not the time to assume that everyone already knows how you feel. Caring for people takes a lot more than giving advice; it also requires giving from the soul. People might even resurface from the past to ask you how you feel, or to tell you how they feel about you.
PISCES (Feb 21- March 20)
This is a mechanical month for you Pisces, when exterior and interior improvements around your home simply must be taken care of. Much of the action in general takes place close to home this month so you probably won’t be traveling much. Little bursts of ego competition will likely take place between people you love and you can rest assured it won’t last very long, so stay out of it. Pieces of material wealth or wisdom that you received from your parents are important this month as well. What would they say about your romantic/partnership situation right now? Don’t discount the wisdom in their advice, or ignore the wisdom contained in what you know they would say to you about partnerships at this time. If you are looking for more seriously compatable people with whom you can spend quality time then seek out people who love animals, people who are in the fields of home improvements and health care, people who are a little shy and are not likely to talk your ear off, and people who have very strong intuition. You will appreciate being with people who are most like you in these ways all month.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Creating “Intense Attraction”
Creating “Intense Attraction”
With A Man by Christian Carter
I'd like to tell you a story...
It's a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don't be alarmed.
Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man.
At first, he was just another attractive man... but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him... and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.
But there was one problem.
As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.
Why?
Because she couldn't tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.
Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.
There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him... and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.
But something was wrong with the picture.
He just wasn't acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.
And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.
The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn't ask her out.
Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her.
After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the same way.
So she made a bold move.
She TOLD HIM how she felt.
She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.
He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.
But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn't call her and wasn't really “available” to her.
This only confused the woman more.
She didn't know how to take it...
Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?
Did it mean that he wasn't ready for a long-term relationship?
Did it mean that he didn't love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint?
Did it mean that she hadn't tried hard enough?
Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?
She finally decided that she couldn't go on like this anymore... she had to be with him.
She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him... so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter... again confessing her feelings.
And then, something unthinkable happened.
Either he didn't reply at all... (Ouch!)
Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.
Then she called him a couple of times, the following week before reaching him.
He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”... and hung up... but she never got a call back.
Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened.
THE END...
OK, I'm back.
Now, wasn't that a sweet story?
Heartwarming, huh?
I know; I should keep my day job, and not take-up writing romance novels...
Now, let's talk about that story.
That story is basically a MYTH.
But I'm not talking about FICTION here.
I'm talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY with it.
And why does this particular story resonate for some women?
Because lots of women have been there in one way or another... at one time or another... and many have been there OFTEN in their lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power, is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it brings back...
Stories and situations like this one, really FASCINATE me.
They fascinate me, because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.
In this particular situation, I think there is a solution.
It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots of WOMEN DON'T GET.
That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn't ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts to confess her love, convince him to like her and court her, BACKFIRE.
In other words, they not only DON'T WORK; they actually make things WORSE.
In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man LIKE HER, make him NOT like her.
They make him run.
All of those great intentions and emotional dedication actually cause the woman feeling them, to do things that make the man go away.
It sucks!
But it's a strangely common dynamic, that also takes place inside dating situations and new relationships without women (or men) really being aware of it, and understanding what's going on.
And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you, that I'll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future...
And maybe you can start to understand what's going on a little better, if you think about what it's like when a man you're NOT attracted to, desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.
Have you ever had a guy pursue you?
As he's trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and effort just seems to bug you more and make you want to get away.
Even if all he's doing, is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you?
Strange and interesting...
Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction
I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans don't always understand the message that we're communicating to others...
So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message, that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we're trying to say.
Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over-the-top sexy and wears way to much make-up?
Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don't think that her appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is”...?
Yeah, I have too.
Well, here's the deal:
If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” ... but he isn't open to the situation at that time, or he isn't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to backfire.
It's going to trigger a feeling for the man, that I like to call the “Instant Ewww”.
The “Instant Ewww” is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.
Once a man feels it, YOU'RE DONE.
It's over.
It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.
Once a man feels the “Instant Ewww”, he'll start behaving differently.
In short, he'll back off or even disappear.
So where did I get the concept of the “Instant Ewww”?
I got it from watching WOMEN.
I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word “Ewww”, when describing how they felt about a guy that was “confessing his love”... and of course, these were guys that weren't loved in return by the woman.
Men do the same kind of thing with a woman they're not attracted to.
Often they try to be “nice” about it. They let the attention pump up their ego a bit, and then they create what is often an unconscious barrier in their mind, that closes off communication or contact with her.
And the resulting vacuum sound you hear, is what's happening as any ATTRACTION and interest he might have felt, evaporates.
So what causes the “Instant Ewww”?
And why would a man feel it, towards a woman who was trying to be nice... a woman who was giving him attention, a gift or telling him how she feels?
Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you'll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you've created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.
Up until that point, you were harmless.
I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman.
And they usually know it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION that can be VERY uncomfortable.
You've triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.
Here's the thing...
You can't “make a man like you” or “change how he feels about you”, by doing nice things for him.
Doing “nice” things for a man who isn't attracted to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the “Instant Ewww” feeling, that makes it so he'll perhaps NEVER like you.
Men are the worst at this, by the way.
They make this mistake over and over again in life, because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They're doing it, because they don't have an understanding of ATTRACTION.
I mean, if you have a friend and you like them, and you want to make them like you more... and you do some nice things for them, they will probably like you more.
On the other hand...
If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn't “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him, because you want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.
Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man... as if that's part of the necessary process of getting a guy.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes you
Well, remember... if you follow this pattern, yourself, with men who aren't already ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to BACKFIRE.
If he's not into you, then it goes like THIS:
He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you like him>He gets the “Instant Ewwws” and withdraws...
THE ANSWER
There are really TWO answers to this problem.
The first answer, is what to do if you're in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don't know if he likes you back.
DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.
Don't buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him or write him a love letter...
Don't send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.
Don't call him several times, without hearing from him.
And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.
If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.
As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels... and if you don't know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.
Asking a man if he's interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow.
Really.
The SECOND answer, is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.
And how does one do that?
One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.
One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why men have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.
One does that by knowing what you're doing FROM THE BEGINNING.
And what's the best way to learn THAT skill?
I thought you'd never ask...
Well, I've written about attraction before and I'll write about it again.
In my eBook, I talk about some of the very best ways to learn how to make man feel ATTRACTION for you.
But above and beyond the meeting and attracting men “stuff”, I also talk about how attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play into the longer term “stuff” around dating, and creating a solid foundation for a future relationship.
In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of a man to tell you the secrets and truths that lots of women will never know about.
The eBook is called “Catch Him And Keep Him”.
I've spent several years now, studying the ways that women (and men) who are “naturals”, communicate using their words, voice tone and body language.
The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC to be around. And you probably know what I'm talking about, if you know any women who seem “lucky in love”. Where everything involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.
And I'll tell you... it's not magic.
You don't have to be gorgeous or young.
And you don't have to be LUCKY.
What you DO have to do is LEARN.
It's a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn it if she wants.
But you're not likely to figure it out by “trial and error”. Many of the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-term aren't “obvious”, at all.
In fact, many of them make no sense... and they're the LAST thing you'd do in a particular situation, if you didn't know the SECRETS.
For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook.
It's jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets.
Go here to check it out:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Thanks and best of luck in life and love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
With A Man by Christian Carter
I'd like to tell you a story...
It's a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don't be alarmed.
Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man.
At first, he was just another attractive man... but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him... and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.
But there was one problem.
As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.
Why?
Because she couldn't tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.
Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.
There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him... and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.
But something was wrong with the picture.
He just wasn't acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.
And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.
The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn't ask her out.
Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her.
After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the same way.
So she made a bold move.
She TOLD HIM how she felt.
She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.
He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.
But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn't call her and wasn't really “available” to her.
This only confused the woman more.
She didn't know how to take it...
Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?
Did it mean that he wasn't ready for a long-term relationship?
Did it mean that he didn't love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint?
Did it mean that she hadn't tried hard enough?
Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?
She finally decided that she couldn't go on like this anymore... she had to be with him.
She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him... so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter... again confessing her feelings.
And then, something unthinkable happened.
Either he didn't reply at all... (Ouch!)
Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.
Then she called him a couple of times, the following week before reaching him.
He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”... and hung up... but she never got a call back.
Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened.
THE END...
OK, I'm back.
Now, wasn't that a sweet story?
Heartwarming, huh?
I know; I should keep my day job, and not take-up writing romance novels...
Now, let's talk about that story.
That story is basically a MYTH.
But I'm not talking about FICTION here.
I'm talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY with it.
And why does this particular story resonate for some women?
Because lots of women have been there in one way or another... at one time or another... and many have been there OFTEN in their lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power, is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it brings back...
Stories and situations like this one, really FASCINATE me.
They fascinate me, because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.
In this particular situation, I think there is a solution.
It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots of WOMEN DON'T GET.
That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn't ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts to confess her love, convince him to like her and court her, BACKFIRE.
In other words, they not only DON'T WORK; they actually make things WORSE.
In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man LIKE HER, make him NOT like her.
They make him run.
All of those great intentions and emotional dedication actually cause the woman feeling them, to do things that make the man go away.
It sucks!
But it's a strangely common dynamic, that also takes place inside dating situations and new relationships without women (or men) really being aware of it, and understanding what's going on.
And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you, that I'll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future...
And maybe you can start to understand what's going on a little better, if you think about what it's like when a man you're NOT attracted to, desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.
Have you ever had a guy pursue you?
As he's trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and effort just seems to bug you more and make you want to get away.
Even if all he's doing, is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you?
Strange and interesting...
Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction
I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans don't always understand the message that we're communicating to others...
So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message, that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we're trying to say.
Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over-the-top sexy and wears way to much make-up?
Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don't think that her appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is”...?
Yeah, I have too.
Well, here's the deal:
If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” ... but he isn't open to the situation at that time, or he isn't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to backfire.
It's going to trigger a feeling for the man, that I like to call the “Instant Ewww”.
The “Instant Ewww” is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.
Once a man feels it, YOU'RE DONE.
It's over.
It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.
Once a man feels the “Instant Ewww”, he'll start behaving differently.
In short, he'll back off or even disappear.
So where did I get the concept of the “Instant Ewww”?
I got it from watching WOMEN.
I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word “Ewww”, when describing how they felt about a guy that was “confessing his love”... and of course, these were guys that weren't loved in return by the woman.
Men do the same kind of thing with a woman they're not attracted to.
Often they try to be “nice” about it. They let the attention pump up their ego a bit, and then they create what is often an unconscious barrier in their mind, that closes off communication or contact with her.
And the resulting vacuum sound you hear, is what's happening as any ATTRACTION and interest he might have felt, evaporates.
So what causes the “Instant Ewww”?
And why would a man feel it, towards a woman who was trying to be nice... a woman who was giving him attention, a gift or telling him how she feels?
Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you'll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you've created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.
Up until that point, you were harmless.
I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman.
And they usually know it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION that can be VERY uncomfortable.
You've triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.
Here's the thing...
You can't “make a man like you” or “change how he feels about you”, by doing nice things for him.
Doing “nice” things for a man who isn't attracted to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the “Instant Ewww” feeling, that makes it so he'll perhaps NEVER like you.
Men are the worst at this, by the way.
They make this mistake over and over again in life, because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They're doing it, because they don't have an understanding of ATTRACTION.
I mean, if you have a friend and you like them, and you want to make them like you more... and you do some nice things for them, they will probably like you more.
On the other hand...
If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn't “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him, because you want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.
Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man... as if that's part of the necessary process of getting a guy.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes you
Well, remember... if you follow this pattern, yourself, with men who aren't already ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to BACKFIRE.
If he's not into you, then it goes like THIS:
He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you like him>He gets the “Instant Ewwws” and withdraws...
THE ANSWER
There are really TWO answers to this problem.
The first answer, is what to do if you're in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don't know if he likes you back.
DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.
Don't buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him or write him a love letter...
Don't send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.
Don't call him several times, without hearing from him.
And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.
If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.
As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels... and if you don't know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.
Asking a man if he's interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow.
Really.
The SECOND answer, is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.
And how does one do that?
One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.
One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why men have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.
One does that by knowing what you're doing FROM THE BEGINNING.
And what's the best way to learn THAT skill?
I thought you'd never ask...
Well, I've written about attraction before and I'll write about it again.
In my eBook, I talk about some of the very best ways to learn how to make man feel ATTRACTION for you.
But above and beyond the meeting and attracting men “stuff”, I also talk about how attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play into the longer term “stuff” around dating, and creating a solid foundation for a future relationship.
In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of a man to tell you the secrets and truths that lots of women will never know about.
The eBook is called “Catch Him And Keep Him”.
I've spent several years now, studying the ways that women (and men) who are “naturals”, communicate using their words, voice tone and body language.
The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC to be around. And you probably know what I'm talking about, if you know any women who seem “lucky in love”. Where everything involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.
And I'll tell you... it's not magic.
You don't have to be gorgeous or young.
And you don't have to be LUCKY.
What you DO have to do is LEARN.
It's a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn it if she wants.
But you're not likely to figure it out by “trial and error”. Many of the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-term aren't “obvious”, at all.
In fact, many of them make no sense... and they're the LAST thing you'd do in a particular situation, if you didn't know the SECRETS.
For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook.
It's jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets.
Go here to check it out:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Thanks and best of luck in life and love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
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