Creating “Intense Attraction”

Creating “Intense Attraction”
With A Man by Christian Carter


I'd like to tell you a story...

It's a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don't be alarmed.

Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man.

At first, he was just another attractive man... but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him... and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.

But there was one problem.

As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.

Why?

Because she couldn't tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.

Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.

There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him... and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.

But something was wrong with the picture.

He just wasn't acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.

And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.

The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn't ask her out.

Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her.

After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the same way.

So she made a bold move.

She TOLD HIM how she felt.

She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.

He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.

But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn't call her and wasn't really “available” to her.

This only confused the woman more.

She didn't know how to take it...

Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?

Did it mean that he wasn't ready for a long-term relationship?

Did it mean that he didn't love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint?

Did it mean that she hadn't tried hard enough?

Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?

She finally decided that she couldn't go on like this anymore... she had to be with him.

She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him... so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter... again confessing her feelings.

And then, something unthinkable happened.

Either he didn't reply at all... (Ouch!)

Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.

Then she called him a couple of times, the following week before reaching him.

He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”... and hung up... but she never got a call back.

Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened.

THE END...

OK, I'm back.

Now, wasn't that a sweet story?

Heartwarming, huh?

I know; I should keep my day job, and not take-up writing romance novels...

Now, let's talk about that story.

That story is basically a MYTH.

But I'm not talking about FICTION here.

I'm talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY with it.

And why does this particular story resonate for some women?

Because lots of women have been there in one way or another... at one time or another... and many have been there OFTEN in their lives.

Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power, is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it brings back...

Stories and situations like this one, really FASCINATE me.

They fascinate me, because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.

In this particular situation, I think there is a solution.

It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots of WOMEN DON'T GET.

That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn't ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts to confess her love, convince him to like her and court her, BACKFIRE.

In other words, they not only DON'T WORK; they actually make things WORSE.

In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man LIKE HER, make him NOT like her.

They make him run.

All of those great intentions and emotional dedication actually cause the woman feeling them, to do things that make the man go away.

It sucks!

But it's a strangely common dynamic, that also takes place inside dating situations and new relationships without women (or men) really being aware of it, and understanding what's going on.

And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you, that I'll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future...

And maybe you can start to understand what's going on a little better, if you think about what it's like when a man you're NOT attracted to, desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.

Have you ever had a guy pursue you?

As he's trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and effort just seems to bug you more and make you want to get away.

Even if all he's doing, is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you?

Strange and interesting...


Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction

I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans don't always understand the message that we're communicating to others...

So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message, that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we're trying to say.

Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over-the-top sexy and wears way to much make-up?

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don't think that her appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is”...?

Yeah, I have too.

Well, here's the deal:

If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” ... but he isn't open to the situation at that time, or he isn't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to backfire.

It's going to trigger a feeling for the man, that I like to call the “Instant Ewww”.

The “Instant Ewww” is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

Once a man feels it, YOU'RE DONE.

It's over.

It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.

Once a man feels the “Instant Ewww”, he'll start behaving differently.

In short, he'll back off or even disappear.

So where did I get the concept of the “Instant Ewww”?

I got it from watching WOMEN.

I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word “Ewww”, when describing how they felt about a guy that was “confessing his love”... and of course, these were guys that weren't loved in return by the woman.

Men do the same kind of thing with a woman they're not attracted to.

Often they try to be “nice” about it. They let the attention pump up their ego a bit, and then they create what is often an unconscious barrier in their mind, that closes off communication or contact with her.

And the resulting vacuum sound you hear, is what's happening as any ATTRACTION and interest he might have felt, evaporates.

So what causes the “Instant Ewww”?

And why would a man feel it, towards a woman who was trying to be nice... a woman who was giving him attention, a gift or telling him how she feels?

Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you'll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you've created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.

Up until that point, you were harmless.

I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman.

And they usually know it from the beginning.

But now that you've started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION that can be VERY uncomfortable.

You've triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.

Here's the thing...

You can't “make a man like you” or “change how he feels about you”, by doing nice things for him.

Doing “nice” things for a man who isn't attracted to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the “Instant Ewww” feeling, that makes it so he'll perhaps NEVER like you.

Men are the worst at this, by the way.

They make this mistake over and over again in life, because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They're doing it, because they don't have an understanding of ATTRACTION.

I mean, if you have a friend and you like them, and you want to make them like you more... and you do some nice things for them, they will probably like you more.

On the other hand...

If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn't “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him, because you want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.

Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man... as if that's part of the necessary process of getting a guy.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes you

Well, remember... if you follow this pattern, yourself, with men who aren't already ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to BACKFIRE.

If he's not into you, then it goes like THIS:

He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you like him>He gets the “Instant Ewwws” and withdraws...


THE ANSWER

There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer, is what to do if you're in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don't know if he likes you back.

DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.

Don't buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him or write him a love letter...

Don't send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.

Don't call him several times, without hearing from him.

And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.

If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.

As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels... and if you don't know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.

Asking a man if he's interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow.

Really.

The SECOND answer, is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.

And how does one do that?

One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.

One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why men have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.

One does that by knowing what you're doing FROM THE BEGINNING.

And what's the best way to learn THAT skill?

I thought you'd never ask...

Well, I've written about attraction before and I'll write about it again.

In my eBook, I talk about some of the very best ways to learn how to make man feel ATTRACTION for you.

But above and beyond the meeting and attracting men “stuff”, I also talk about how attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play into the longer term “stuff” around dating, and creating a solid foundation for a future relationship.

In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of a man to tell you the secrets and truths that lots of women will never know about.

The eBook is called “Catch Him And Keep Him”.

I've spent several years now, studying the ways that women (and men) who are “naturals”, communicate using their words, voice tone and body language.

The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC to be around. And you probably know what I'm talking about, if you know any women who seem “lucky in love”. Where everything involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.

And I'll tell you... it's not magic.

You don't have to be gorgeous or young.

And you don't have to be LUCKY.

What you DO have to do is LEARN.

It's a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn it if she wants.

But you're not likely to figure it out by “trial and error”. Many of the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-term aren't “obvious”, at all.

In fact, many of them make no sense... and they're the LAST thing you'd do in a particular situation, if you didn't know the SECRETS.

For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook.

It's jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets.

Go here to check it out:


Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download


Thanks and best of luck in life and love.


Your Friend,

Christian Carter




©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.

I dont wan't a nice guy

Quote of the Week from Memorial Day Weekend at Club Getaway

"I don't want a nice guy, I want a decent guy." I asked Daphne what the difference was and she said "a nice guy is boring. A decent guy will treat you like a queen, but knows how to get down and dirty."

Comment on this post or submit your own quote relating to dating here.

10 Mistakes Women Make with Men

By Christian Carter

“The Ten Most Dangerous
Mistakes YOU Probably
Make With Men—
And What To Do About It...”

Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Women Keep Themselves From Living The Love Life Of Their Dreams— And How To Make Sure You Avoid
Every One Of Them...

MISTAKE #1: Betting Your
Love Life On His “Potential”

Do you know any women who want the man they're dating to behave differently?

Of course you do.

And just like me, I'm sure you have friends who date guys who don't have much going for them or who don't treat them very well.

Somehow these women always have an excuse for the guy's shortcomings.

What's going on here?

It's actually very simple.

Women (and men) don't base their choices of men on how “nice” or “good” someone is to them day-to-day.

Women choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.

And guess what?

Some women will continue to put up with a guy that doesn't treat them very well.

Sometimes for months or years...

But why in the world would a woman do that!?

Well, to put it simply, they confuse the strong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper “connection”.

Women who do this are doomed to end up in failed relationships with the “wrong” guys.

How do I know?

Because I've seen it at least a hundred times...

And because I've been this guy in the past myself.

Thinking back on past dating and relationships I've had, I was selfish and didn't offer much.

I'm amazed the women put up with me.

But they did...all the while hoping that I would somehow change.

The women I dated hoped I'd change.

The only thing they saw in me that led them to want to keep me around was the “potential” they saw in me to share my feelings and communicate with them.

The potential for something better and the potential for me to change and be a better lover, boyfriend, companion or whatever...

The truth was, I was hopelessly bad at these things at the time.

And more importantly, I wasn't even at a place in my life where I knew how to or was interested in developing a deep and committed relationship - with ANYONE.

But deep down these women believed that if they tried hard enough, that it would make up for what was lacking.

They believed that I could become someone else with them.... and that this would be easy for us both.

Talk about a losing battle.

It doesn't make a lot of “logical” sense...

But until you accept that lots of women do this AND that YOU could be doing it on some level, you'll NEVER have the success with men that you choose and want.

MISTAKE #2: Assuming You
“Get” Men & Their Psychology

Men are different from women.

You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.

When a woman sees a man, she can very quickly pick apart certain things about his style, body language, status and character that will tell her all kinds of things about him.

Lot's of women don't even consciously see that they do this because the process is so obvious and simple for them.

But does the same apply for men?

As you probably already know, men are generally more visual.

As a result, they often don't understand non-verbal communication as well as women.

And men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and “intuition”.

Women don't seem to remember this about men.

So do men feel sexually attracted to w0men based just on looks? Or is something else going on?

Well, after studying this topic for years now, and talking to thousands of men and women, I can tell you that men have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.

Especially when it comes to longer term relationships.

Looks just happen to be the most obvious way...

But looks are NOT the most powerful.

If you know how to use your body language AND communication correctly, you can make men feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see that hot, great looking guy that you got to know.

But it's not an accident.

You have to LEARN how to do this.

And ANY woman can learn how...


MISTAKE #3: Pretending To
Be Something For A Man

In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man's attention, to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them.

Another HORRIBLE idea.

Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guys attention will make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them.

Wrong.

Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted to the types of women who kiss up to them, make weak plays for affection or complain to get what they want... EVER.

Don't get me wrong here. Things like being sexy for a man or encouraging him to share his feelings can be good, but it has to be genuine, unselfish, and most of all timely.

You don't have to act like an “easy” woman for men to like you, and you certainly don't have to play like he's some gift to the Earth.

Doing these things actually works to subtly, at an subconscious level, lower your social status with a man, which has EVERYTHING to do with how he sees you as a woman.

So if you think that making him more attracted to you means “playing to the man's fantasies” from the start, think again.

You'll never succeed by looking for a man's approval, finding your way into his heart through sex and not being yourself.


MISTAKE #4: Sharing How You
“Feel” Too Early With Him

Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most women make with men is sharing how they “feel” too early on.

Listen...

Attractive, single, successful men are rare.

They get a LOT of attention from women.

Most women don't realize this, but attractive men are being approached in one way or another all the time by women.

And guess what?

Attractive wen have usually dated a lot of women.

That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.

They know what to expect.

And one thing that turns an attractive men off and sends him running away faster than just about anything...

It's a woman who starts saying “You know, I really, REALLY like you” after one or two dates.

This signals to the man that you're just like one of those “clingy” stereotype women who want to rush into a relationship and can't control yourself from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives.

This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man.

Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.

There's a much better way...


MISTAKE #5: Misreading The
Important “Signals” That Men Send

Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves.

Most women don't pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are.

The signals men send have 4 main levels:

1) Social: Where the man is at in his own life - stability, confidence, direction

2) Emotional: Whether or not he's “emotionally available”

3) Physical: If he's attracted to you... and for what reasons

4) Love State: If he's open to building and growing a relationship in the future

The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely on accident.

That's great news to women...

Men can't help it!

You need to learn to recognize these signals to get anywhere serious with a man.


MISTAKE #6: Relying On
Your Natural Ability To
Judge A Man's Character

People aren't easy to figure out.

Especially men.

The last several years of my life I've spent hundreds of hours learning to understand people.

I've studied peoples behavior, “inner psychology” and more specifically how they think and act when they're dating.

From what I've seen, both men and women have their own secret ways of saying things.

But you can only see these secret communications if you know what to look for.

Women communicate with hints, body language, sarcasm, and flirting when they're first getting to know a man.

They can either directly or indirectly let men know if they're open to something more serious.

Men are different.

Men generally communicate with sarcasm, humor, cockyness and other “indirect” displays of status.

VERY RARELY will a man be able to honestly communicate to a woman whether or not he's ready or capable of developing a meaningful relationship.

Aside from their sexual interests, men send very indirect signals about where they're at.

If you don't know how to read through the signals men send, then you'll get the wrong message.

Getting the wrong messages from men causes women more pain and heartache than any other issue around.

You can avoid this pain if you learn to indentify a good man from a bad one.


MISTAKE #7: Expecting A
Relationship To Make You Happy

A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled.

And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens.

But those are the exceptions, not the rule.

Nothing says “Run!” to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her.

And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there.

Think, “controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!”

So let me be clear...

I think it's important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it's dating, a relationship, whatever.

But if a woman communicates that she's looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of her.

It doesn't have to be spoken by the woman either...

If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless.

This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man.

So what can you do as a woman?

You can get the man interested and involved in your life in a more “natural” way, where he'll be motivated to make you care about your happiness and fulfillment on his own.

This is the only way it really works for people - male or female.

Self-motivation is much stronger than external motivation.

But you have to know how to create this situation with a man... and it rarely happens by accident.


MISTAKE #8: Trying To “Convince”
Him To Like You Or Love You

What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious?

Right! They try to “convince” the man to feel differently.

Well, I have news for you...

YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!

Never, ever, ever.

You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.

Think about it.

If a man doesn't “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being “reasonable” with him?

But we all do it.

Men are the worst at this by the way.

They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts.

Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man.

She might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him.

When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.

Bad idea. Another one that will never work.


MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing
What To Do In Each Type Of Situation

A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman...

And I don't mean just sex.

I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you.

And if you don't know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help!

If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.


MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help

This is the biggest mistake of all.

This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want.

I know, you don't like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.

Hey, I've been there myself.

Let me tell you a little about me.

Over the last few years it's been hard to watch the women around me (even those I dated) struggle to understand the men they were attracted to or dating.

It frustrated the hell out of me and I made the decision to do whatever it took to help the women I knew learn how to be successful with men and dating.

Well, after a lot of hard work and doing all kinds of crazy things to learn the real-world truth about men and women, I finally figured things out for myself.

I've read hundreds of books on psychology, human behavior, dating/relationship advice for men and women, love, attraction, communication, and more. The list goes on.

I can now approach just about any situation with dating and feel confident and understand everything that's going on in an interaction.

Best of all, I've been able to share my knowledge and help women become more successful with men and dating.

It's been a very rewarding experience, and it's how I became fascinated with the female perspective in the dating world.

I've helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling... the one you get when you're lonely, you've been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says “he's not ready”.

You don't have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you'll end up alone.


I Now Have A FREE Email Newsletter...

But the really great news is... after several years, helping woman after woman, I now publish a free email newsletter that teaches any woman how to DRAMATICALLY increase her success with men and dating.

I'd like to invite you to sign up.

It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share you're email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself with no hassles. (And no, I'll never pull any of those tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junkmail when you try to remove yourself.)

Of course, it even get's better than that...

In addition to my free email newsletter, I also have an amazing downloadable eBook that you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES.

It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming your fears, meeting men, great ideas around first dates, cheat-proofing your relationships, and how to take things to a closer “emotional” and “physical” level smoothly and easily.

To sign up for my free newsletter AND download your copy of this online eBook, just go here:

Free Dating Advice Newsletter And Download eBook

Oh, I Almost Forgot...

In this day and age of “instant gratification”, I realize this might just sound like another late-night info-mercial promising to make you wealthy and retired by next week.

Well, that's not the case.

I've spent a lot of time, effort, and energy studying, observing and understanding this area of life.

I wanted to design and create a book that ANY woman could easily understand.

Something you could start using IMMEDIATELY to meet, attract, date, and get close with a great guy.

I want to help you create an amazing relationship with the right man... without having to deal with all the wrong men, be “manipulated” or experience the pain and loss I've helped other women avoid.

I now believe that ANY woman can be more successful with men and dating, and I get emails every day with success stories from women. They've taken what they've learned and found great guys and are growing meaningful relationships.

I know, I know... a book that can teach a regular girl how to be more successful in the dating world?

No way.

Well believe me, this will DRAMATICALLY increase your success, comfort and happiness when it comes to men, dating and relationships... I absolutely guarantee it 100%.

If you'd like to take your success with men and dating to the next level, and find how to create the foundation for the relationship that you've always wanted, then go here:


Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download


And I'll talk to you again soon.


Your Friend,


Christian Carter


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.

5 Ways to Make a Connection with a Woman

5 Ways to Make a Connection with a Woman

Making a deep connection quickly with a woman is a skill that most guys lack. They speak in logical ways, do not listen, and relate everything the woman says to themselves instead of trying to understand things from her point of view. This makes it difficult to establish a connection, evoke feelings in her, and make her feel like she has had a great conversation. Here is what you need to do:

Relate things to them not to you or your life.
When someone says they have had an experience, like going to Thailand, it is common to instantly relate it to yourself and talk about the time you went to Thailand, or say that you have never gone. Instead, try to imagine what it was like for them, bring out the memories, and show interest in their amazing holiday, don’t sweep it under the table by immediately talking about yourself. Connect for a bit, then it is fine to relate it to yourself.

Use what they give you.
When someone is talking they give you pieces of information about them, their feelings and their lives. You can ignore this and talk about yourself or ask another question, but you will be missing an opportunity to connect. Connect on each point before moving on to the next.

Be Observant
Notice things about their appearance (clothes, accessories, hair, nails, jewellery). Women usually put a lot of effort and time into the way they look; their bag might match their shoes, belt, earrings, and dress. Most people don’t notice, they’ll be happy if you do. Jewellery and accessories also often have a story behind them or mean something to the girl.

Be empathetic
If someone has an interest, a passion, or a strong point of view you have 3 options. The first is to say “me too”, the second is to disagree, and the 3rd and best option is to show that you understand why she has this passion, interest or view regardless of whether you share it. If someone likes cooking, you don’t have to also like cooking to show that you understand why she would like it. In the form of a question, tell her why cooking might be something she enjoys so much.

Talk about things that evoke passions and feeling.
What is something they are very passionate about, it might be anything from friends and family, to travel, to ballet. Connect on these points by showing you understand why they feel that way. Do not gloss over them, say “me too”, or immediately change subject, talk about yourself or ask another question.

Do these things and you will make a real connection quickly. Instead of it taking weeks, you can do it in hours or days.

Did you find those tips useful? Learn more here

Using The “Magic” of Intuition with Men

By Christian Carter Dating Advice For Women

Using The “Magic” of Intuition With Men


Have you ever felt “magic” with a man?

Like when the connection you and a guy share is so strong that something inside you just tells you've got something real and special.

That connection and chemistry is almost impossible to describe to someone who doesn't have it, but it's even more impossible to ignore when you've got it.

Even if you know the guy isn't the right kind of guy to be wanting to settle down with.

You can't stop thinking about the man and the connection - it's like a spell over the both of you.

Infatuation, crushes, connections, chemistry or even the “L” word.

That's right, LOVE.

At one time or another, one of these have had almost magical powers over you that make you see, feel and act in ways you never would have before.

Well, believe it or not, there's other magic waiting for you beyond connections or chemistry when it comes to men, dating and relationships.

The best part is that you've got your very own kind of “magic” up your sleeve that you can tap into whenever you want and use it for your own immediate benefit.

What kind of magic and what kind of benefits you ask?

Using this magic could mean the difference between finding out any major issues a guy has before they become a real problem OR getting your heart broken and never have seen it coming.

Let me ask you...

Have you ever been with a guy and he seemed to have it all together?

He was caring, loving, generous, present and aware and you had such an amazing time together.

But then some of his issues popped up out of NOWHERE.

Maybe his issues were some of the dreaded and common ones we predictable and difficult men go through like these:

- He started getting restless and he talked about how he wasn't really ready to settle down.

- He didn't see things getting as serious as you did.

- The connection started fading. He didn't try to connect to you much anymore and share his intimate feelings.

- You weren't a priority. He wanted to spend his time with his friends or other people and didn't value the time you spent together like you did.

- He started flirting, talking to or even getting together with other women even if he wasn't technically “cheating”.

Recognize any of these?

What's going on here?

Here's where your “magic” comes in.

(When I say “magic” in this case, I mean something that will give you perception and insights into situations before and while they're happening)

OK, you might already be thinking,

“Has he lost it?”

“What in the world is he talking about MAGIC for?”

“Who believes in that stuff anyways?”

I'm with you there...

The magic I'm talking about here isn't that far out stuff about conjuring up spells or changing into an animal.

Let's leave that kind of magic to Harry Potter and your imagination.

The magic I'm talking about is different and exists in the real world, but it's just as amazing.

And it centers around an important idea-

*You instinctively know more about what's going on in the world around you than you or your conscious mind fully recognizes.

Wow, getting pretty heavy here.

Don't worry... I'll bring this back down to earth and land the plane quickly. And that's where this will get fascinating...

Here's the kicker-

You ALREADY HAVE this magical ability.

All you have to do is tune into it.

Easier said than done, right. So how does that work?

This “magic” is something that comes “pre-wired” in your brain because of the way your consciousness and your subconscious mind is hooked up to the rest of your complex body systems and senses.

So the good news is that this ability is there for you anytime you want to use it.

But the bad news is that you have to take time to fully tune into it and recognize your ability. Kind of like a practice.

Music is a good analogy for this - You can't just pick up an instrument and start playing, right?

But once you start to become more aware of the instrument, the music and how to play, things start to naturally fall into place.

Sounds, melodies and rhythms just start to flow out of you while you're in the moment.

It's like they appear out of thin air and nothing could feel more natural. And your mind is able to process all the information coming at it and use it to anticipate what's next.

Well, this is EXACTLY what this magical ability of yours is like.

Your mind is constantly picking up on information from your environment, even when you're not really conscious of it.

And all that information is being “processed” over and over to try and calculate the risk, danger, and expectations from your environment to try to find a way towards the outcome you want.

So let's get to it. What is this “magical” ability?

And why am I talking about it?

Well, I'll start with what the ability is...


**INTUITION**

You're probably already familiar with the word.

But stop right there...

When you hear the term “intuition”, it's easy to attach all of your previous feelings and beliefs about it and dismiss it as some kind of new age “flaky” stuff.

I hear you, but indulge me here by keeping an open mind for a few minutes- I'll make it worth your while.

How?

Well, to put it simply, you'd be cheating yourself by not spending the couple of minutes or so that it takes to open your mind to the natural power of your intuition and how to tune into it.

And that couple of minutes could help you solve some of the age-old challenges women have about knowing and understanding what's really inside a man's heart and mind.

I mean, it's not like men make it very easy for women, right?

I don't have to tell you, but MEN ARE BAD COMMUNICATORS when it comes to their feelings, emotions and intentions around love and relationships.

So knowing that men are often this way, you have a choice here:

You can either do nothing about it and continue to be shocked, frustrated, surprised and hurt by the things you find out about men after the fact.

Or...

You can start to create a more perceptive and insightful way of being in your own life and relationships by using more the natural intuitive abilities you already have.

Which one will it be?

Cool... so you're ready to tune into your own intuitive ability.

Good call - let's get rolling.


Using Your Intuition With Men And Dating

Using your intuition might be the best, and in some situations the ONLY, way that you'll be able to see through all the external “behavior stuff” going on with a man and get to the truth of what's really happening inside his mind and what his behavior is when you're not around.

Like when a man plays hard to get, or he doesn't call you much or initiate, or when a man gets close and then withdraws from you right after.

Why do men do this?

For each one of these I've got some interesting insights and theories that can help.

But...

From my perspective, there are some extremely important concepts that you need to understand before you can really “get” where a man is coming from or understand what his behaviors and issues are all about.

First, you need to build your foundation of understanding and make sure your own personal belief systems aren't all mixed up. If they are, there's no way for you to see the real “cause and effect” around you.

You'll just see what your mind is fearful and afraid of, and it will only pick out and see what it knows from the past.

Which is usually is a result of a few things you've experienced before.

Including good relationships, bad relationships, pain, broken trust, destructive behaviors, etc...

Humans learn in all kind of fascinating ways, but not all of them produce decisions and conclusions that reflect the reality of what's actually going on.

That's why I find belief systems so fascinating. Our minds basically act as giant pattern recognition machines - which can either lead us to right or wrong conclusions and ways of perceiving our environment.

But let's bring this back down to earth...

Do you know anyone women close to you who've had difficult relationships in the past?

And now they often have unfounded and negative fears about any man around them?

Their past experiences have had a huge impact on their personal beliefs and how they see themselves and the world.

Anyways, before I get even more off on a tangent-

I've got to get on with it, so I'll need to give you abridged version. In other words, the very shortest route to get away from counterproductive thoughts and beliefs you might already have and onto positive results.

Here are some of the most important concepts you'll need to keep in your mind as you move towards listening to and using your intuition with men:


1. Men Don't Make Sense

All those frustrating things that men do that don't make any sense to you as a woman will NEVER MAKE SENSE. Stop trying to make sense of them for yourself. Trying to make sense of a man in your own terms is entirely counterproductive and gets little or no results other than you becoming increasingly frustrated.

There's a better way.


2. You Can't Figure Everything Out

Have you ever REALLY hit it off with a guy but after a few weeks or months, even though things seemed great, the man pulled away and starting acting distant and cold?

Most men, at one time or another, do things like this that are ridiculous and impossible to figure out. So EXPECT to NOT UNDERSTAND everything a man does. If you can become more comfortable with the idea of not knowing everything about WHY a man does what he does, then you'll feel a strange sense of calm relaxation - along with an increase in your own self-confidence.

I'm not saying that it's OK for a man to do whatever and that you should accept any negative and withdrawing behaviors without bringing it up and confronting it.

You absolutely should take notice and make mention of these things when you see them.

But the more relaxed and positive you can think and feel around these things, no matter what the man is doing, the sooner you'll stop fighting everything in your mind and start creating better situations for yourself.

It's frustrating and counterintuitive, but accepting what's going on and moving forward from that reality in a positive way changes the whole frame of the situation.

But some women get stuck in the “I need to understand why he does this and THEN I'll figure out what to do, think and feel” mindset.

This almost never leads to clear thinking and positive action. Remember, men don't make any sense. So don't depend on their actions making sense for you to develop your own opinions, judgments and next steps.

Pay attention to your gut, what you want in your life and what you know is right instead of rationalizing and finding a way for it to all fit together and be OK.


3. Ask Yourself Questions, Be Patient And Your Intuition Will Talk

Your intuition talks to you through feelings, images, and bodily sensations such as “gut feelings”. Learn to pay attention to what these are trying to tell you and what's going on when they pop up in your mind.

Maybe you're being more open and relaxed when those intuitive gut feelings come to you - so try to get back to that place more often. This way you'll end up being able to tap into your intuition more often when you need it.

If you don't think you have a strong intuitive sense, simply try asking yourself more questions and keep them mulling around in your mind.

When you've got something in the back of your mind, something amazing happens without you even trying.

Your brain takes notice and uses all your senses to find any sign or trace of information that relates to your questions as you go about your day.

It's kind of like a search running in the background on your computer - even though you're doing something else it doesn't stop looking.

After you've asked your questions, your mind will start sending you ideas, feelings and images without you even thinking about it. But sometimes this takes more time than you'd like.

Finally, your intuitive voice will eventually just pop up and start to give you hints and information without you even asking for it. And then it's up to you to pay attention, acknowledge it and make good use of it.


4. Think Positive - Don't Fill Your Mind With Fear And Doubt

Some women end up worrying almost obsessively that something is wrong or going badly with a guy they're interested in or dating once they see some negative sign or pattern.

And once this happens, they want to know what's going on so intently that they start letting their negative and obsessive thoughts take over.

If you want to be able to use your intuition, you need to start interrupting that voice in your head that's the “fear-monger”.

You know the one - that voice that's always worrying just to try and keep you safe and protected.

The thing is, you can't find the truth in a situation if you if your mind is buried in your fears and doubts.

Just like how overly arrogant people can be misled by their false sense of belief in themselves.

Keep a balanced and objective mindset.


5. Start With Smaller, Less Important Questions For Your Intuition To Answer

If your new to using your intuition or you're concerned with if or how to act on it, start with smaller things that might be less important - like whether or not you should go away for the weekend or if your friend will like the gift you've been thinking about for them.

That way, you can be practicing and learn to use your intuition without doing it in high-risk or high-pressure situations. This will help you develop your abilities and become more comfortable to trust what you find with your intuition.


6. Act On Your Intuition With The “Long-Term” In Mind

Years ago I had a huge learning experience when it came to using and listening to my intuition in the right way.

The situation came up when I was worried that a few people I worked with, who were my managers at the time, we're talking about me and scrutinizing my work more closely than they had before.

Feeling and sensing the scrutiny, I immediately felt worried about my job and wondered if they were thinking about letting me go.

The company had laid off several employees a few months before, so I began to think that their extra attention to my work must have something to do with another round of cost-cutting.

Anyways, aside from my own professional insecurities at the time, my gut told me that something bad was coming.

So what should I do?

I was really worried.

I decided to push myself even harder at work to try and show them how valuable I was in hopes that I would keep my job. But that uncomfortable and nervous feeling in my stomach that came with my intuition about their scrutiny of my work stayed with me for the next several weeks.

Well, it turns out that my managers were watching me and judging my performance. But it wasn't for the reasons I feared.

A few weeks later I was called into a meeting with the managers who had been watching me closely.

Walking down the hall to the meeting, I had a lump in my throat and a turning stomach.

My intuition was leading me to the conclusion that this was it - I was getting fired for the first time in my life.

I couldn't believe it.

So I walked into the meeting feelings anxious, defensive and tense.

As I sat down, one of my managers could immediately sense my discomfort and asked me what was wrong.

Without provocation, I immediately started defending my job and showing my insecurities.

My emotions got the best of me and I even said a few negative things about the managers themselves, as I wanted to place what I saw as equal blame on the managers for the companies problems.

They quickly stopped me once I started into these issues.

Then they let me know that they had been watching my performance because they wanted to put me in charge of a new division. They wanted to be confident in their decision so they paid extra attention to my work to be sure - and now they were.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief and my mood completely changed.

End of story.

Thinking back, my intuition had alerted me so that I'd be aware of what was going on.

But the mistake I made was taking that information and using it to justify my own fears and insecurities.

If I would have taken the information, been patient with it and applied it towards my goals in a positive context, then the entire experience knowing that the managers were watching my work would have been fun and enjoyable.

But I didn't use my intuition to see my way to something better, I simply used it as a means to worry and stress myself out.

So all this talk about intuition.

How does it really apply to the men in your life, dating and relationships?

Well, take a man with some of those common negative behaviors we were talking about earlier-

- fear of intimacy
- inability to commit
- flirting, cheating

Intuition can help you see past these things and understand them in the larger context of the deeper real “psychological and emotional stuff” that's hiding beneath the surface.

Your intuition could even help you cut through a man's ego and persona to get to the real person that's hard to find.

I bet you've known a man who other women think would never settle down or have a sensitive side. But you've seen that this actually does have more long term intimate feelings and emotional attachments buried underneath.

Intuition is probably the best tool for being able to identify good and bad qualities in a man - and knowing them for what they are.

A man's external or surface behavior and attitude can be very different than his deeper desires and intentions - as you probably already know.

Some men are, unfortunately, just good at playing the part of an emotionally stable, available and loving guy for a while, even if they aren't.

So it's really up to YOU to learn to get to the “deeper emotional truth” of any man you're interested in or dating.

And yeah, I know men can be sooo frustrating for women.

In a better world, men would be able to tell you honestly and sincerely where they were at.

But as you know, MEN SUCK sometimes.

They can be HORRIBLY out of touch when it comes to feelings and emotions.

So if you're constantly surprised, blind-sided or confused by what people around you do, (most of all men) then it's time to get in touch with the amazing intuitive ability you have waiting for you.

To take your intuition to the next level - the more you already know the better.

For some of the best knowledge out there on what's inside a man's mind, how to identify good men (or the wrong guys), and to read more about the common behaviors most men have when they're either smitten with a woman or desperately unable to get it together, then check out my ebook “Catch Him And Keep Him”.

You can check out all the details here:


Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download


Thanks for reading and best of luck in life and love.


Your Friend,

Christian Carter




©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.

Why Men Withdraw and What to do

Why Men Withdraw,
And What To Do About It

Written by Christian Carter (NOT Jay from Weekenddating)


Tons of women do this one thing.

And it must leave them feeling awful...

I wonder if you do it too?

I'm talking about women who hide their true feelings from a man and fear sharing their desire for a closer relationship and for love.

Ever felt this way?

It's happens when you won't communicate directly with a man about your feelings because you think you'll “scare him away”.

Unfortunately, you're right... it could scare him away.

The way you talk to a man about a relationship turns out to be THE BIGGEST MISTAKE ANY WOMAN CAN MAKE WITH A MAN.

I'll come back to this giant mistake in just a quick second...

First, I'd like to talk about what I've seen in the dating world as a guy and share a FASCINATING story with you.

I've had women communicate their feelings with me in all sorts of different ways from joy to anger to frustration, and I know what each one does to a man.

(and in a larger context, what communicating this way does to any person in general - man or woman)

There's a pattern to the dating experiences that I'd like to share.

THE STORY GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS...

(let's pretend I'm the man in this story and you're the woman)

You and I meet. We both like each other. (lucky me!)

Feelings develop for us both on several levels. (physically, emotionally, socially)

You try to be “patient” and not express too many feelings and what you want to play it cool.

We have a great “connection”, but we never talk about what we want in our future around dating, a relationship or marriage.

Time goes by and things are great for us.

Eventually, you begin to see that you're not getting what you want from me in the relationship.

You want more, but you're scared of talking to me about it because you don't know where I'm at.

You're scared because I've talked to you about all the bad experiences I've had with women in the past.

And sometimes I even make negative remarks about women and their emotions.

You don't want to ruin the good things we have going and rock the boat, but in the back of your mind you know that you'll want to deal with the negative emotions that are slowly but surely building in your mind.

Then as I start to see us growing closer, I begin to use my past issues to tell you that I'm not looking for much more than what we have right now.

So you don't say anything to me directly to communicate what's going on for you and your feelings.

And of course, being a normal guy, I don't say anything either. (Of course, I'm a man!)

You become frustrated and confused that I'm not acting how I used to act.

Things begin to change with the way I treat you.

I don't pay as much attention to you anymore.

I don't surprise you or bring you flowers anymore.

I'm tired everyday after work and just want to watch tv when I get home.

I call you less frequently.

I don't initiate sex as much anymore.

You even consider that I could be seeing someone else.

And after a few months - I've become distant.

So what happens next?

You decide you're not happy with where things are and it's time to have a talk about where we're at.

But you're SCARED of expressing your feelings about what you want, so you let things build up inside you until you begin to let your frustrations with me show.

And to wrap the story up...

You make THE BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU CAN MAKE WITH A MAN...

You start a conversation about the relationship and then you “let me have it”!

(you get upset and lose your cool with me)

All your desires, fears, frustrations and dreams that you've been holding inside away from me all pour out in one big emotional explosion...

This “Big Mistake” can take the form of arguing and yelling, but not exclusively.

Sometimes it's just extreme intensity, perhaps tears.

It might include:

- Complaining about the current state of the relationship
- Talking about the things he does wrong with you
- Showing your frustrations about what you feel is missing
- Becoming upset that he doesn't feel how you'd like him to feel
- Bringing up past issues, arguments or disappointments

But it always creates a lot of emotional tension and “drama”. Especially in the guys mind.

This is THE LAST THING you want to do with a man if you want to get some positive result with him.

That tension that's created stays with him, and he NEVER forgets it.

In his mind, he now thinks of you as “hysterical” and full of issues. His mind defines you by what he saw in your behavior, and it scares him.

Yep, I know it's not fair, but it's the man's weird and twisted reality...

I've heard hundreds, maybe thousands, of men talk about this exact perception of a woman and how they fear being with a woman who they think will make this giant mistake.

Yeah, I know... it's inmature, selfish and not fair of the man, but it's the reality of the situation that lots of women end up in with men.

So how do you avoid this....? I'll tell you how in THREE EASY STEPS.


Step 1) You Need To Understand What's Going On Inside The Mind Of Your Man...

Let me tell it to you straight, as a man...

Women secretly believe that their connection with a man will “naturally” turn into something deeper without any communication taking place.

Kind of like it's the unspoken truth about what's

going on.

Honestly... this isn't how it works for us men.

If you're “assuming” you have a relationship, and that he feels like you do, you're wrong.

Men don't assume that a connection, being together, spending quality time and all the rest means they're in a committed relationship.

Some men do, but not most.

For a man to know he's in a committed relationship, and understand the things YOU want in that relationship, YOU have to communicate with him in CLEAR AND DIRECT terms.

Yeah, that's right... You have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable.

Scary!

But I hear lots of women think that other women are just lucky to have found such a great guy.

And while there are some men who are more equipped and ready for a healthy situation with a woman, it's NOT luck that women in great relationships have found a way to communicate with their guy.

That's right, they've taken time to find the right information and to learn to integrate a certain way of communicating into their thinking and behavior.

It's not easy, but there's help.


Step 2) You Need To Understand What Causes You To Make “The Big Mistake”

EVERYONE wants to have THEIR needs met first. It's basic human nature.

But being able to delay your gratification is an AMAZING thing to develop in your life. (in every part of your life!)

Most people (men and women) want to talk, talk, talk about what THEY think and what THEY want.

The root of this problem basically boils down to needs that are unmet.

So making “The Big Mistake” is really all about being driven by your unmet needs and desires and solely focusing on what YOU want the relationship to be, without honestly and critically considering the man's perspective, his emotional state, his commuication skills and where he's coming from at the same time.

When you do this with a man, you are subconsciously telling him that you're more interested in your feelings and what YOU want than you are in his feelings and what he wants.

And men can read and pick up on women who do this instantly.

I see a form of this “Big Mistake” communication all the time in business by the way.

Some business professionals are the worst at this self-absorbed “need” oriented communication.

Like when someone calls me who wants to get something from me or sell me something and they're not very experienced or polished at it.

The first thing I pick up on is their selfish agenda... and it instantly puts me on the defensive.

But if they've done their “homework” on me and what I'm looking for, and not what THEY WANT from me, when they talk it changes the whole situation the second they show me they've thought about what I want.

It's very simple but extremely powerful.

So let's take this concept directly back to communicating with men.

It might sound cliche', but you've got to learn to listen and understand where's he's at and where's he's coming from.

This cliche' is a around for a reason.

It works.

Patience, empathy and understanding are the first steps towards creating the relationship you dream about.

But you've got to be careful to not become the woman who gives him EVERYTHING and gets walked on.

Use your common sense and intuition to safeguard yourself - I know that your female perceptive abilities aren't used nearly enough, so put these strong tools to good use.


Step 3) How To Avoid Making The Big Mistake

Let me give you a vital piece of information when dealing with men...

Men are CLUELESS when it comes to identifying the things that are “obvious” to women in dating and relationships.

I would know. It's taken me ten years to begin to understand these things for myself - and I spend a LOT of time thinking about it.

Sorry though, I'm “spoken for”... (Oh Please, get over yourself Christian!!)

Ok, enough self-indulgent humor, back to you.

So we know men are AWFUL at initiating and participating in conversations about deep emotions and relationships.

Sorry to break the bad news, but it's almost always up to you to make this communication happen.

It's important to remember to approach the entire conversation from the perspective of talking about what you want AND what he wants.

If you can make a guy feel like you put his feelings and needs a priority in this conversation, and always consider what he wants, I promise he will LOVE YOU for it!

There's no rule that says you can't consider another persons opinions and feelings first in order to get what you want.

In fact, a key goal in negotiating is to let the other person talk first.

When you get to listen first, you ALWAYS have the advantage. You know exactly what the other person wants... and knowledge is influence and power.

I'm not saying you need to take on hard-core negotiating here with a man, but some of the same rules and principles about people and psychology apply.

When you talk to a man from a positive place of listening first, he will be 10,000 times more receptive to what you have to say and what you want once you bring it up than if you approach him from a place of feeling hurt, communicate need and projecting fear and anxiety.

Try this instead.

Ask a positive question or give a positive statement such as, “Honey, I was thinking today that I was happy to be with you.”

It might sound submissive, corny or difficult to say to someone you're having a tough time with, but think about it...

If you're going through all the trouble to worry so much about the future with this person, this is already what you're thinking.

You might want to check out what could be the world's best collection of ideas, strategies, insights and research on the subject of how to avoid the Big Mistakes, and other big mistakes in my ebook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”.

It's full off specific ways to communicate with a man that will instantly amplify the attraction he feels for you and help move things quickly and smoothly from “casual” to “committed” in no time flat.

I've spent the better part of the last year making sure my ebook will give you REAL WORLD ANSWERS and solutions to the things you're dealing with when it comes to men.

Go check it out right now:


Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download


Your Friend,

Christian Carter

©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.

May 2008 Love Horoscopes

By Vanessa Calderon. Seventh Sense Astrology

Your Romance and Partnership Horoscopes for May 2008


ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
You have allies this month, Aries, and they are people you can learn from. And they probably have lots of resources to share with you. And they are probably in some positions of power. If you can hold back on any confrontational urges that you feel this month, you have the opportunity to forge some strong alliances. Your partners are thinking about money, and if you don’t have a partner, go out and take a finance course or something because you may just meet some really attractive people there in the first half of the month. The focus will shift to a party mood by mid-month, and you can be as social as you please, but do not neglect your work or there will be consequences. Talk it up and initiate conversations if you want to see sparks fly!

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
At this time of year, when the sun is in your sign, people tend to go out and spend more money. Whether they are just hitting the hottest nightspots or purchasing homes, it is definitely a time of the year when people are prone to excess. You are no exception during the first half of the month. You’ll be in a downright jolly mood, but don’t go overboard on food and drink. That said, your best places to meet people who share your values are at home in the first half of the month, so throw a party or a bbq and ask friends to bring friends you don’t already know. Chances are you know someone who knows someone who wants to settle down, or at least wants a nice, even-tempered partner to hang out with. If that doesn’t work, go forward with sprucing up your living space, because you could meet someone interesting at a nursery or in an interior design store.

GEMINI (May21-June21)
You might not be thinking about relationships as your first priority during the first half of the month, because you have other important things to take care of. Everything goes back to normal in the second half in the month when Mars gives you the green light to get out and be a social butterfly again. You won’t need to go far, and you might find love this month in your own neighborhood. In fact, you might find love in a place or with a person you never considered before. Mercury is in your sign all month and Venus will enter your sign in the second half of May All of this is helpful when you want to meet people who are as quick-witted and mentally agile as you are. If they can’t keep up with you and they don’t value good conversation, they just don’t measure up.

CANCER (June 22-July 23)
The ruler of your house of romance is angling in a way that could bring a disciplined, hard worker into your life. You are also attracted to older people this month, mostly because the, “old soul” in you comes out into the open. The second half of the month lightens up a bit and you find that you need someone who likes to have fun. You are ready to go out and spend money on frivolous pursuits with friends in the first half of the month, and that is fine to do once in a while. Keep an eye on your wallet though, just in case someone you don’t know very well inadvertently (or advertently) tried to take advantage of your generosity and jovial spirit.
LEO (July 23- Aug 22)
If you have been in a shell lately, Leo, you are bound to bust out of it by the middle of May. Caution turns into confident action. You have a lot to offer this world. Venus and Mars are telling you to get moving in the right direction career-wise, and in relation to self-improvement. You’ll have lots to celebrate and lots of fun is in the starts for the end of the month, when impromptu meetings with friends, and casual gatherings are on your calendar. Some ongoing responsibilities that you have been dealing with for a long time should be more manageable in May, which is a welcome break for you. You seem to attract news about financial arrangements this month as the people around you begin to shift their assets around. You are likely to receive some friendly advice. Grit your teeth and say thank you even if you don’t think it is good advice.

VIRGO (Aug 23- Sept 22)
Friends and romantic interests clash, or you think one of your friends is attractive in the beginning of the month. You had better think very carefully before making a move or saying anything that might ruffle feathers in this situation! People related to law enforcement and education are attracted to you now. Go where those types of people hang out if you want to meet someone unique. A secret you have been keeping could become public news, and it is most likely relationship related. This shouldn’t happen until the second half of the month, so use caution until then to prevent slip-ups. Also use caution when you give friendly advice. It might be taken the wrong way and it might touch a really sore nerve.

LIBRA (Sept 23- Oct 23)
The focus is on home and work during the first half of the month, and then it shifts to meeting new individuals and groups of people in the second half of the month. Most of the month has you handling joint finances. You are going to have an opportunity to travel toward a place that has a different social climate in May. You could meet someone who is in accounting or in some other financial career, and they will help you out in some way. Your experiences this month will have you thinking about learning something new by the last week of May. Go to places where you would learn something along with a large group of other people if you are in the mood to meet someone you have a lot in common with.


SCORPIO (Oct 24- Nov 21)
You are primed for some sort of advancement in your career or a hobby you love could become lucrative for you if you talk to the right people. Attractive people are willing to partner with you this month for many reasons. You will have to remember that some relationships that hit you like lightening go away just as quickly as they appeared, and that not every potential partner becomes one who will stick around. The sun and Venus in your marriage house may have you thinking about commitment. People who are working in the same or a similar field as you, or people you meet though work, are great for hooking up with this month. Just be sure to use good judgment and only get involved with people you know want the same thing out of a relationship as you do. You don’t want to end up regretting a poorly thought-out or impulsive office romance (or any potential romance, for that matter).

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22- Dec 21)
Sagittarians might want to keep their eyes open for attractive people who work in the health, and animal-related fields. Not all of your potential partners would live near by. You can make a great connection on the web, possibly with someone who you thought of as only a casual acquaintance before May began. If you have already started talking to someone new and think that you are compatible, you are right, but take it slow. This is a very changeable month for you and you will probably meet several new people whose company you enjoy. You will also probably meet someone who talks a lot. That’s ok, because you like the person, you find him or her amusing, and you value what he or she has to say. Talkative people and people who can give you advice about your financial status are good bets for now.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22- Jan 19)
You will assert yourself and share your opinions on some very heavy topics this month, Cap. Romantic prospects and new acquaintances enjoy your openness, your attention to detail, your honesty, and your unique brand of Capricornian humor (which is usually sarcastic and dry). You are in the mood for fun and frolic, with Venus dancing through your house of romance and games, and Jupiter playing along. Don’t go overboard, though. Spending just the right amount on games of chance and involvement in speculative ventures requires discipline. All partners, whether they be financial or romantic ones, have strong opinions. They say they are only looking out for your own good, and they really are. Don’t take anything they say to heart.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20- Feb 20)
Relationships take on deeper meaning this month. You may even fall in love, or fall in love all over again. Is it possible that you are growing roots? Maybe you think about it, but only time will tell if you are really one to settle down and stay there. Lively conversation can turn into much more than that, especially with someone you like to spar with. You are being asked to take initiative in all types of relationship matters this month.
If you have time on your hands, look around your home to see what things of value you have. You will keep some, but some can net you a little pocket change. By the end of this month you will be the center of people’s attention, as well as attractive and in-demand.

PISCES (Feb 21- March 20)
You are going to crave flexibility in May, Pisces. You usually take lots of responsibility on for others (especially emotionally), but you’ll be thinking about changing the landscape a little. Travel would do you good, and your trip does not have to be long on time and distance. You can try out the butterfly suit for a while and go social on the local scene. Your best places you can go to see sparks fly: anywhere you would enjoy wildlife, and anywhere you can use your compassion to help others. Whether it be among a group of people with whom you start working toward a common goal, or among people who are lending you a hand, relationships will be fruitful this month. At the very end of the month, you feel like curling up at home with someone special.

Guys that get manicures and pedicures

I was meeting a a friend at Governors Comedy Club last week and arrived a little early. I walked over to bar area and overheard this guy complaining to the bartender about how he was unhappy with the service he received at at xyz company. The bartender seemed to agree with him entirely. So what was he unhappy about? XYZ was an Asian nail salon and the guy got a manicure and pedicure. He was unhappy that they only used one coat of clear polish instead of two.

More and more I hear about the "Metrosexual man" and would like to know what the ladies think about this. Is it a turn on or turn off?

Identity theft

This section usually would usually have an article or something relating to singles/dating, but I am going to discuss an unrelated serious topic, Identity theft.

A gal I am friendly with recently had her identify stolen by a Nigerian fraud ring and is going through he** trying to get her name back. Apparently her computer was hacked and a fraudster was able to take control remotely. Some type of virius was downloaded without her knowledge and a keystroke recorder was installed. The fraudster got hold of her id and passwords for her bank accounts online and other personal information. So now, she is trying to get her name back.

So what are some things you can do to protect yourself?

• Anti-Virus protection: Seems pretty obvious, but some of you reading this right now do not have any type of anti-virus protection. GET SOME
  
  
• Passwords: Dont use your Social Security Number or make all of your passwords the same for different services.
  
  
• Using your credit card online: Make sure the site you are checking out from has a little lock in the right hand corner. This will indicate that you are checking out through a secure server. Some sites do not have the lock, but you can tell that you are checking out through a secure server because the http turns to https (look at your internet browser line).
  
  
• Get an identity protection service. I personally use LifeLock (see link above), but there are many other services out there all that cost about the same, (about $10 a month). Basically they set alerts on your credit file with the major bureaus and you are notified if any type of new account attempt is opened. It can also be a pain in the ass sometimes, but the tradeoff is worth it.
  
  The building I live in recently became wired for Verizon Fios, so I called to set up an account. They took all my vitals including my social security number (they run your credit before issuing you an account) and I set up an installation appointment for a few days later. The next day I got a call from Verizon who said they could not process my order because there was a flag on my account and in order to get the service, I had to fax over two forms of identity. I never got around to sending in the proof of identity, so my order was cancelled. I will get around to it again eventually , and although having to jump through an additional hoop is a pain, it is worth it.

If you do decide to use LifeLock, either click the banner above or use the discount code FaceToFace and you will save 10% on the listed rates.

I like the other gal

Dear Jay:

I had attended one of your single mingle events a few months back and have a dilemma. I was chatting with Sarah at the event and she took my number. She was nice and all, but I was really much more interested in her girlfriend Margaret, who also had attended the event.

Margaret let me know that she was also interested, but could not pursue anything with me because I had already given my number to Sarah. What should I do? I had just met them that night, so it is not like I was dating either of them, but I really would like to get to know Margaret better. Perhaps one of your readers has some advice.

Thanks

Bill


Hmm, this sounds like the episode from Seinfeld called "the switch." Any real life George Costanza's out there who can give some advice here? Please post your comments in the blog

What to ask at a speed dating event

So what can you really know about someone in 5 minutes? Plenty, if you ask the right questions. Remember, your goal is to help determine who you would potentially like to get to know better. Consider it a screening process to help you set up future dates. I also suggest throwing in some deal breaker questions that are important to you.

• What are you most passionate about? This will really help give you an idea about the person's interest and personality. Are they an avid boater, love to cook, are a thrill seeker? This is a much better question than "what do you like to do for fun?" which will result in many of the same old answers.
  
  *What are your all time favorite movies? Again, this may help give you a sense about what makes this person tick. Are they a romantic at heart and tell you a movie like Titanic, a slapstick type who answers with Jim Carey films, into old time classics like Casablanca? This is a better question then "what kind of movies do you like?"
  
  *What radio stations are preset on your car stereo? or Who is your favorite musician? This may give you some insight at to whether you have similar tastes in music.
  
  *Do you have pets? like pets? I am in the minority as far as guys go, in that I like cats, and have two little monsters that keep me up at night. If I ask this question and get a response that "I am deathly allergic to cats", then I know this woman is not right for me. If pets are an important issue to you, then ask this question.
  
  *Are you a smoker? This is another good deal breaker question. I hate cigarette smoke and owe it all to the first gal I ever kissed, Sue. I was a late bloomer and my first kiss happened when I was 17 years old at Taco Bell in Franklin Square. It put such a nasty taste in my mouth that I never picked up a cigarette and would not want to date someone who smokes (unless they were seriously trying to quit). I also lost some family members to lung cancer so this is a dealbreaker for me. If smoking habits are important to you, then ask about it.
  
  *Do you have kids/want kids? Maybe you do not want to date someone who has kids? If so, you can ask whether the person has any children. A better question may be "tell me about your family?" If the person responds and talks about their kids, then you get the information you need.
  
  

Date Guide: Where to go on a date

Where to go on a date?- Restaurant/Activity Resource Guide

*Nassau County Restaurants
*Nassau County-Not restaurant


*Suffolk County Restaurants
*Suffolk County- Not restaurant


*Queens County Restaurants
*Queens County-Not restaurants

*Manhattan Restaurants
*Manhattan- Not restaurants

*Brooklyn Restaurants
*Brooklyn- Not restaurant

*Bronx and Westchester Restaurants
*Bronx and Westchester- Not restaurants

*Staten Island and New Jersey Restaurants
*Staten Island and New Jersey- Not restaurants

Date Ideas: Staten Island and New Jersey (not restaurants)

Have an idea for a New Jersey great date place that is not a restaurant. Share it here!

Date Ideas: Bronx and Westchester (not restaurants)

Have an idea for a Bronx or Westchester great date place? Share it here.

Date Ideas: Brooklyn- Not resturants

Have a date idea for something to do in Brooklyn that is not a restaurant. Post it here and share with other singles.

Date Ideas: Manhattan (not restaurants)

Have a date idea for something to do in Manhattan that is not a restaurant. Post it here and share with other singles.

Date Ideas: Queens County (not restaurant)

Have an idea for a great date place in Queens County (that is not a restaurant). Post it here and share with other singles.

Date Ideas; Suffolk County (not restaurants)

Have an idea for a great date place in Suffolk County (that is not a restaurant). Post it here and share with other singles.

Date Ideas; Nassau County (not restaurants)

Brokerage Comedy Club
2797 Merrick Rd Bellmore, NY
(516) 781-LAFF
Website
Comedy Club


User comment: Always a great place to go on a first date! The food is fantastic too..
Promotion:


Dave & Busters
1504 Old Country Rd Westbury, NY(516) 542-8501
Website
RestaurantVideo GamesBilliardsBowling

User comment: There is just so much to do at Dave and Busters. Nice place to go on a date, but the cost can sneak up on you pretty quickly.

Date Ideas: Staten Island and New Jersey Restaurants

Have a recommendation for a Staten Island or New Jersey Restaurant Date Idea? Post it here

Date Ideas: Bronx & Westchester Restaurants

Have a recommendation for a Bronx or Westchester Restaurant Date Idea? Post it here

Date Ideas: Brooklyn Restaurants

Have a recommendation for a Brooklyn Restaurant Date Idea? Post it here

Date Ideas: Manhattan Restaurants

Asia de Cuba at Morgans
237 Madison AvenueNew York, NY (212) 726-7755
Website Menu
Asian & Cuban

User comment:
Real eclectic decor - great music- lively -
Wonderful combo of Asian & Cuban food- Must have reservation- Always packed after work-

Fleur de Sel
5 East 20th StreetNew York, New York (212) 460-9100
Website Menu
French

User comment: This is my favorite restaurant. It is exquisite food, great service , quiet, classy ambiance. Every course is an experience - on the way out, they handed us a little bag with cookies - It was quite memorable-You don't feel rushed at all- need reservation-

Iguana
240 W 54th St, New York, New York (212) 765-5454
Website Menu
Mexican, Southwestern

User comment: It has a very nice ambiance and very spacious. Its conveniently located midtown Specialized in Mexican/Spanish. Amazing Margaritas and Mojitis too. If you feel adventurous, there is dancing downstairs, but only on certain nights. You can check out the menu on menupages .com. I Highly recommend the frozen Apple Martini and the chicken taquitos, and the Steak salad.


Puttanesca
859 9th Ave
New York, New York@ 56th Street
(212) 581-4177
Website Menu
Italian

User comment: Very nice atmosphere and very good reasonably priced food. Very friendly and attentive waiters. In my experience less hectic on Sat. night than Friday.


Zanzibar
645 9th AveNew York, New York@ 45th Street 212-957-9197
Website Menu
Mediterranean

User comment: Very cool lounge atmosphere, most seating is for (2),great appetizers and cocktails..Gets lively at night (after 10). People kind of dance to the music even though there is no dance floor, but still fun! I had several fun dates here.

Date Ideas: Queens County Restaurants

Sly Fox Inn
177-23 Union TkpeFlushing NY 11366
(718) 969-8169Website
American Contemporary

User comment: Sly Fox has a great deal on a comedy show and dinner for a fixed price. The food was delicious and both me and my date had a great time. It is more of a comfortable relaxed environment in the restaurant. They also have another section where it is more of a bar with booths, tables and tv screens. After dinner we stayed for the dancing.

Irish Cottage
Irish Cottage
10807 72nd Ave Forest Hills, NY
(718) 268-1329
Irish

User comment: They are located between QB and Austin ST. They are small and don't have a website and are not listed on menupages. Think typical Irish pub cuisine and great salads, and the best homemade unsweetened ices tea.. Its a very cute, quaint country atmosphere, with nice quiet tables where you can talk and hear each other, and pretty decent food/bar. Staff is authentic Irish and very friendly as well. They have Irish coffee and dessert too. Good for a nice lunch as well.


Jade
1 Station SquareForest Hills NY (718) 793-2203
Website
Asian

User comment: Jade is new and trendy has good Asian Fusion food, but a little pricey. It really has a Man. lounge scene feel and is spacious-good music too.. The bar is pretty hopping as well, but not so loud that you can't hear each other and there is a small dance floor that opens up later in the evening. They have lots of free shot tasting's and drink specials too. Check it out. You really do forget you are in Queens. They don't appear to have a web site and not listed on menu pages, but I have the menu and can vouch for the food

Date Ideas: Suffolk County Restaurants

Bliss
766 Route 25aEast Setauket, NY
631.941.0430
Website
American

User comment:
Bliss in Setauket is a very nice restaurant. Located on Rt 25a, just east of Nicolls Rd. A little pricey, but quiet, romantic setting & the staff are very helpful. If you just want drinks the bar has a separate Tapas/appetizer menu not available in the dining room.


Tommy's Place
42 Broadway
Rocky Point, NY (631) 209-1900
Website
American

User comment:
Tommy's Place in both Port Jefferson & Rocky Point. Casual place for dinner, inexpensive. You can order appetizers at the bar if you choose. He usually has music at the Rocky Point location on Friday nights. I believe in Port Jefferson music is outside only during the summer months. It is more of a pub/bar feel.

Bistro Cassis
55 Wall Street
Huntington, NY(631) 421 4122
Website
French

User comment:
They just opened another branch in Plainview- South Oyster Road and Woodbury Rd-
Great food- very french atmosphere- Service with a smile. You would try anything on the menu and you can't go wrong.

Date Ideas- Nassau County Restaurants

Hemingway's
1885 Wantagh Ave Wantagh, NY 11793
(516) 781-2700
Website
American Contemporary

User comment: A good restaurant to go to on a date is Hemingway's on Wantagh Ave in Wantagh - just north of the LIRR station. It is a casual & comfortable restaurant, reasonably priced. It has been there for years. They have a nice long mahogany bar for an after dinner drink. On a Saturday night you will find mostly couples at the bar, so you don't feel like you are on a date in the middle of the singles scene. It usually gets a pretty good crowd, so I would recommend doing dinner there around 8pm. Waitstaff/bartenders are all very friendly.


The Melting Pot
2377 Broadhollow Rd. (Route 110)Farmingdale, NY 11735
(631) 752-4242
Website
Fondue

User comment:This place was a lot of fun. It was very interactive and made for a very memorable first date.

Ayhans
1504 Old Country RoadWestbury NY, 11590(516) 222-8000
Website
Other locations in PortWashington, Baldwin,Plainview and Rockville Centre
Mediterranean

User comment:
I recommend Ayans Shis-kabab restaurant. They have a number of restaurants on Long Island. The atmosphere is nice, food is good and reasonably priced.

Stresa East
7940 Jericho TkpeWoodbury, NY (516) 364-1565
Website
Other location in Manhasset
Italian

User comment: Quiet - Classy - you can chose any quiet corner - you will not be disturbed except to be served- Service with a smile- For lunch, try the Grilled Shrimp Salad with a fine glass of chardonnay-

Simply Thai
274 Merrick RdRockville Centre NY 516-255-9340
Thai

User comment:
If two people are into Thai food, I highly recommend Simply Thai on the corner of Merrick Road and Park Avenue in Rockville Centre. This restaurant has the best Thai food on Long Island. The food is fresh and delicious and the wait staff is very friendly. Try a Thai Iced tea.

Sagamore Steak House
650 Jericho TurnpikeSyosset, NY 11791516-496-8000
Website
Steak

User comment:
Hey Jay- I love Sagamore Steakhouse in Syosset.. The atmosphere is very nice and the food is excellent. It is a little pricey but well worth it.

Separated vs. Divorced- Policy issue

Occasionally, I will get a call from someone who is separated and going through a divorce. They will ask if it is ok for them to attend a WeekendDating.com speed dating or singles event. My answer has been that if the divorce process is in the works and their is NO chance that they are going to get back with the soon to be ex-spouse, then it would be ok for them to attend as long as they are honest with the people they meet at the singles event. If they are not sure if they will get back with the ex and are temporarily separated, then it is NOT appropriate for them to attend a singles event.

At a recent event, a participant was not happy when they found out that one of the other participants was separated and not divorced. They felt that someone in the process of a divorce was not mentally ready to move on and be open to a new committed relationship since much of the focus would still be on trying to tie up the loose ends with the soon to be ex. They asked that separated people not be allowed to participate in any future events.