Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Why bad kissers don't get to second base

Does he love me?, I wanna know!
How can I tell if he loves me so?
(Is it in his eyes?), Oh no! You need to see!
(Is it in his eyes?), Oh no! You make believe!
If you wanna know, If he loves you so
Its in his kiss! (That's where it is!)

So just how important is the kiss? As the lyrics to the song (Cher) say, it's all about the kiss. The article below came out yesterday and confirms that scientific research indicates that if you are bad kisser, you are SOL. Have any interesting stories to tell on this topic? Do you agree or disagree with the article? Lets hear your opinion. You can submit them anonymously here. I have two personal stories to start off.

My first kiss (and the reason I do not smoke). I was 17 years old (yeah, I know, a late bloomer) and had my first kiss in the Taco Bell Lobby in Franklin Square. On the one hand it was kind of cool because I had never kissed before, but overall the experience left me nauseous because the girl tasted like an ashtray. Almost twenty years later, that kiss is still the reason I never got into smoking and will not date a smoker (unless she is trying to quit). Thanks Sue, if your out there!

The Biter. At first I thought maybe she was just kinky and into some type of pain fetish, but then it happened again. Lisa had no idea how to kiss and I think I left with a bloody lip. Needless to say, I never saw her again.
By Jocelyn Voo- CNN Living

(LifeWire) -- Bad kissers -- we've all locked lips with one: the lizard, the washing machine, the cannibal, the spelunker.

"I knew this girl that I'll call Big Tongue," recalls Craig Hinkle, 38, a Westminster, California-based network administrator. "Her tongue was massive, and she insisted on trying to put the entire thing in my mouth. She was very forceful with it, and I started choking."
You can guess that relationship didn't last. And now, what Hinkle knows from experience is actually backed up by science: Bad kissers have little chance of getting to second base.

In a study published recently in the scientific journal "Evolutionary Psychology," 59 percent of men and 66 percent of women said they've been in the position of being attracted to someone -- until they kissed the person.

"At the moment of the kiss, there's a very complicated exchange of information ... that may tap into underlying evolved mechanisms" cluing us in on whether we're genetically compatible, explains Gordon Gallup, co-author of the study and professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Albany. "A kiss can be a deal-breaker in terms of whether a relationship will flower or flounder, so to speak."
Rachel Myeroff, 26, can attest to that. On a second date with a guy, says the New York City-based sales manager, "he just went in for it and attached himself to me in the sloppiest, most horrible kiss ever. He was just consuming my mouth. I most definitely did not call him again."

Why we kiss

Gallup's research suggests that men and women have different agendas when it comes to kissing, an act that occurs in 95 percent of human societies and is believed to have been first recorded in Vedic Sanskrit texts around 1500 B.C. in India.
For men, kissing is more often used as a means to an end -- namely, to gain sexual access. Men also are more likely to literally kiss and make up, using kissing to attempt reconciliation.

Women on the other hand use kissing as a mate-assessment technique, Gallup notes. They subconsciously evaluate mating potential from the chemicals in their partner's saliva and breath, for instance. Women also use kissing as a bonding gesture, as well as to monitor the status of the relationship. If her partner's kissing frequency or technique suddenly changes, that perhaps is a sign of his waning interest.

Other gender differences uncovered by Gallup's research:
• Men show a greater preference for tongue contact and open-mouth kisses.
• Men are more willing than women to have sex with someone without kissing, as well as to have sex with someone they are not attracted to or consider to be a bad kisser.
• Women place more importance on kissing throughout a relationship, whereas men place less importance on it as the relationship progresses.
Improve your kiss

If you've ever been told to kiss off after smooching someone beneath the holiday mistletoe, fear not. Like other skills, one's kissing technique can be improved upon. Michael Christian, author of "The Art of Kissing" (under the pen name William Cane), offers classes, and there's a myriad of how-to books and DVDs.
To improve your technique, Christian suggests switching up your repertoire with different types of kisses:

• Vacuum kiss, in which you suck the air out of your partner's mouth while kissing
• Neck kiss, in which you kiss up and down your partner's neck
• "Lip-o-suction," in which you kiss the upper lip while your partner kisses the lower lip, and then you reverse.

Bad kisses, on the other hand, are relatively easy to pinpoint. "Bad kisses trigger the gag reflex," Christian says. "Bad kisses are also static and repetitious. Varying the speed, intensity and style can help."

Spontaneity also can help you get out of a slump.
"The best kisses are always the ones that happen accidentally," observes New York City resident Benjamin Kayne, 25, a digital media sales director. "(Planned kisses) are just tedious, and I'm sitting there thinking, 'Is this over yet? The commercial is over and I'm missing "CSI".'
Have any interesting stories to tell on this topic? Do you agree or disagree with the article? Lets hear your opinion. You can submit them anonymously here.


Anonymous said...

I met this guy and allowed him to kiss me before I was actually ready to kiss him. It just sort of happened so quickly. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I didn't want him to kiss me again. I felt there was a physical attraction between the both of us but it was only our 4th date and I didn't really know him well enough. Normally, I would have waited for a while. I went to the bathroom before we left the bar and thought perhaps he would pick up on the fact that since I applied lipstick before exiting and maybe, hint.. hint... he would know I wouldnot want to kiss him any further. No, he didn't. he just commented on why did I put lipstick on? Guys, there ia a reason why women do what they do.. I felt uncomfortable and felt he just wanted to take it to the level which I was not ready for.

Anonymous said...

I never leave a date without a kiss goodnight. If the kiss stinks, but the date was great, maybe one more try. But if the date was so-so and the kiss stinks, forget it!

Anonymous said...

I have always been told that I am a great kisser. I think part of the reason is you have to feel that connection...there needs to be an attraction, an emotion behind why you are kissing. Even if it's pure lust, that's fine, too because you are truly feeling it. Also, every one is different and you have to follow the vibe, and some times their lead. Happy kissing...it's one of the most enjoyable things to do in the world!

Anonymous said...

I seem to notice that men who are bad kissers are usually just interested in sex & kissing is the way to get there. Long term relationships with these guys end up unfulfilled because they want sex, sex, sex & never really took the time to learn how to kiss & absorb the feelings that go with it. That's why I feel men should not jump into a sexual relationship until they have mastered kissing. I have my doubts about men who are not good kissers if they are capable of the type of relationship most women want....the feelings & connection.

Anonymous said...

CB said...
I love to watch the way in the romantic movies how a man approaches a woman, looks into her eyes with such passion and then puts his one hand on the back of her neck or the sid of her face and draws her closer with the other hand going around her waist. It just sends such an adrenaline to all the right places on a womans body. I love to have a mirrored image when kissing a man, that way we are insync(tongues moving at the same time and not flapping like a mile a minute in your mouth,lips touching lips and not facial hair) and a little teasing doesn't hurt either. Do you know what I mean?