Wednesday, December 12, 2007

How to get a girl and how to keep her

How do You Get a Great Girl... and How Do You Keep Her?

by Savoy, President and CEO of "The Mystery Method"

Guys don’t talk about this stuff. Sure maybe once in a while your best friend might tell you that you’re being too nice or your clothes are out of style, but we are not bombarded with information and advice on how to succeed with women. That’s normal. In general, men are valued, and value themselves, on their accomplishments.

It’s different for women. In general, women are valued, or value themselves, on their relationships. You probably know this, but the implications are important.

Have you ever heard women talking in great detail about their hair? Where they get it cut, how they get it cut, what shampoo, what conditioner, what highlights, it goes on and on. Not just about hair either, but about clothes, makeup, shoes, skin care, etc. For most of my life, I thought this meant women were unusually vain, superficial, and obsessed with minutia.

Now look at it from a woman’s perspective. That stuff is pretty darn important. Even in today’s world, women are judged, especially by other women, on how they look and what kind of man they have. After a certain age, ranging from early 20s in small conservative towns to about 30 in some big cities, a single woman around her married or committed friends is an object of pity, even if they pretend to envy her to make her feel better. So women’s magazines focus on this: how to look good, how to find a man, how to get a man, how to keep a man. This doesn’t mean I endorse that view or see women that way, but as we often tell men on our weekend workshops - we didn’t make the world; we just live in it.

So let’s talk about this world – the real world - as it pertains to dating

Most people get their subconscious mental map of how dating works from movies and TV shows. These do not accurately portray reality. The audience wants the shy and lovable man to get the girl. In real life he goes home alone, while she goes to a party with the challenging man who has an edge to him. Most women do not know, or do not want to admit to themselves, what really attracts them, so their advice is not always helpful There are no magic bullets – no “pickup lines” or pheromones or other shortcuts. If you don’t intuitively understand the psychology behind dating, you either learn it or you hope for luck.

Men rarely want to admit that are not completely successful with women. If a man approaches a woman at a bar and gets rejected, he comes back to his friends and says she was ugly up close or a bitch or any other excuse. This helps him not feel rejected, especially in front of his friends. However, the best thing he could have done would have been to divorce his ego from the process and then figure out why the rejection occurred. The ego issue is crucial – she wasn’t rejecting him, she was rejecting his approach. How could she possibly be rejecting him when she only talked to him for 30 seconds? He just needs to get better at those 30 seconds, then the next 30 seconds, then the 30 seconds after that, and so on. Then he can invest emotional energy in her.

Well guess what? Starting with a few brave souls, there is a community of men who have been learning from each other what works and what doesn’t in the real world. A recent bestselling book, The Game, by Neil Strauss documented how he, as a shy and balding 30something man (5’6, 120lbs) became recognized as the world’s #1 Pickup Artist after working with the top experts in the field from The Mystery Method, the premier dating coaching resource for men worldwide. It’s a trend. Your friends, your neighbors, your competition are all among the estimated 3 million men worldwide who have learned from one of these real world dating/seduction schools. It’s like better shampoo for women, except it has a far more dramatic impact, and still not everyone knows about it.

Try these tips next time you go out!

I certainly don’t have time to go into all of the precepts of The Mystery Method here, but there are basic pointers that I can give that are pretty universal and will improve your success just by themselves. This is just the tip of the iceberg, but it’s a start:

Approach a woman within 3 seconds of seeing her. Don’t stall. You’ll get more nervous and she’ll see you working up your courage. Just go in.

Start with an opinion opener. “Hey, settle this drama for us. My friend over there wants to date his cousin’s ex-girlfriend. Is that cool? How long should he have to wait?” is perfectly fine as an opener. Within 1-2 minutes, switch to another topic. Ask for the opinion as if it’s a real situation; otherwise they’ll think you’re taking a survey.

If she’s with friends, engage her group. Don’t pay special attention to her. Make her earn your attention.

Your body language is crucial. Nearly every guy at our workshops starts off doing most of the following: leaning in to talk to women (stand up straight, always); talking too softly; not smiling; or talking too fast.

Build attraction before building comfort. Don’t prove to her that you’re nice. Prove to her that you have value. Tell her stories that just happen to convey good things about yourself. Make her laugh. Tease her a bit, like she’s your bratty little sister. Many women love that if done in moderation. Once you have mutual attraction, then and only then build comfort by looking for common interests and finding out about each other.

For most women it takes approximately 7 hours from meeting her the first time to having sex with her. Don’t obey this schedule like a slave, but realize that going faster may risk freaking her out (or not seeing her a second time) and taking too long might put you in the Let’s Just Be Friends zone.

Want to learn more?

Check out the guide that pickup artists turn to - Magic Bullets. 202-pages of step-by-step instructions, examples and stories for attracting beautiful women.

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