Are you Dating with Pizzaz?

By Judith Sherven, PhD and Jim Sniechowski, PhD

 
There are six truths that can make your love life far more fabulous. Keep these in mind - and you’ll be on your way to having the most fabulous dating experience possible.
 
1. You Can't Really Be Rejected
When you start to feel rejected, re-think the idea. Just because you
don’t like asparagus doesn’t mean the asparagus feels rejected. It knows
it’s only the gourmet who will appreciate its special taste.
 
2. Expectations Are Dangerous
The other person is not you and will always flunk your test when you
expect that he or she will match your expectations. The fun of meeting new
people is in finding out about their unique interests, life history, and how
your life can be enhanced from knowing them.
 
3. Everyone Has Been Wounded
Men and women are from Earth. We are not aliens from different planets.
Remember that everyone has been wounded in their lives and what you see on
the surface is often misleading.
 
4. Why Pretend
The best and easiest way to find out if someone is really interested in
you is to tell your truth, be who you are, rather than pretend to be a “good
date” which is no fun, always creates anxiety, and it's false advertising.
 
5. Your Integrity vs Being "Nice"
First and foremost, take good care of yourself when you are meeting
people and dating. Do not give up what you believe in, do not allow yourself
to “just go along” with what the other person wants in order to be nice — because, no matter how the date goes, your integrity is the most important
thing you need to go home with.
 
6. What Do You Really Want?
Be as clear as you can be about what you really want. Is it to be loved
and respected and enjoyed for the rest of your life? Or is it the physical
beauty of a woman or the bank book of a man? Whatever you want is up to you
-- but do not confuse material values with love.
 
Now you can get out there on solid ground, have a great time, and trust you're
dating with the kind of pizzazz that will eventually attract your lifelong love.
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Discover more about Judith & Jim’s Smart Dating approach at

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If you're fed up with dating games that leave you frustrated and confused,
check out "Smart Dating for Success Every Time - Guaranteed" -
dedicated to men and women who are ready for the best love has to offer!

Tips for Smart Dating

By Judith and Jim
Dating can be a nightmare when you rely on old-fashioned ideas of what it means to be a “good date” - catering to the other person, worried about making a good impression, selling yourself short at every turn.
 
But when you follow these Tips for Smart Dating, you set yourself up to succeed on every date AND attract the right kind of person that you’re looking for and who’s looking for you.  
 
1. Beware of the person who comes on too fast.  Chances are he/she is “in love with love”—not you.  There is no such thing as intimacy at first sight.
 
2. Pay attention to your need for instant chemistry and don’t limit  yourself to falling only for “your type.”  You are probably caught up in the challenge of conquering someone who is not very available.
 
3. Avoid creating romantic scenarios during early dates.  Don’t play sexy music.  Stay away from darkly lit, elegant restaurants.  Wait a while before giving  flowers or gifts.  Find out more about the person to determine if you’re really interested.
 
4. Hold off on sex, even kissing.  If your relationship proves to be real, there will come a time when love-play actually means something.  Don’t confuse heat with heart.
 
5. Abandon the ritual of the man being the one to call, ask for the date, plan and pay. One of the best ways to protect against the traps of false romance is to make dating an equal opportunity event.  Share the asking, planning, paying and even driving.  Then you’re both on equal footing as competent, available adults.
 
6. Avoid trying to entertain or impress your family, friends and acquaintances with stories about your dates.  The drama of the story can confuse your perception of what really happened.
 
7. If you’ve just started dating someone, and you’re fantasizing about your future together, please stop.  That is only make-believe and will keep you off balance in reality.
 
8. Go on non-romantic dates—walks in the park, sports events, charity fundraisers, museums or bookstores.  The point is to get to know what your date is like in his or her real life.
 
9.Express your sincere feelings. If you enjoy being with someone, let them know. Then pay close attention to how your comments are received. When they are welcomed and reciprocated, then you can begin to explore what it actually means to each of you to be together. At the heart of Smart Dating, the truth really does set you free to create exactly the kind of relationship you really want.     
 
When you follow these nine tips for Smart Dating, you can relax and know that you are in charge of yourself and the positive outcome of every date you go on.   
 
***

If you're fed up with dating games that leave you frustrated and confused,
check out "Smart Dating for Success Every Time - Guaranteed" -
dedicated to men and women who are ready for the best love has to offer!

Being Single Doesnt mean you are failing

By Judy and Jim

Have you felt tortured by being single - certain there’s something wrong with you?
Perhaps your family bugs you about why you’ve not yet gotten married, acting like you’re weird.

BUT the fact is there’s nothing wrong with you being single. It’s simply a quality of your current life.

And you never know when and why you’ll meet the person who will forever more change your life for the better.

For example, we feel that we were destined to be together - but Jim was not available until the time we met on a blind date over 20 years ago.
He was involved in 2 other marriages and a couple other semi-serious relationships - and there was no way to rush the process that had to unfold in order for our marriage to occur.

So please remember that there’s a larger story going on for you than you are aware of. And don’t come down on yourself - or allow anyone else to do it either!
In the meantime, we strongly suggest you check out our tested and proven program -
Smart Dating for Success Every Time - Guaranteed!

How to make sure she shows up for the date

Now we’ll discuss how to make sure she shows up in the first place and doesn’t "flake"



First, ask yourselves this:



* Have you ever made plans with a woman and not have her show up?



* Have you ever gotten a phone call earlier that day telling you that she "has to work" or "isn’t feeling well"?



* Have you ever made plans with a woman and then she told you to "call to confirm"


If any of that applies to you, you need to really pay attention here. This will banish flakes forever.


First, let’s review the first three phases of The Emotional Progression Model:


Attraction



Qualification



Comfort



The biggest mistake most men make in terms of Day2s is going for the phone number as soon as she is attracted (in Attraction) and not pushing the relationship forward. Then they assume that the woman will meet them again, and they can continue where they left off. Only to get "flaked". They never meet up.



Why? Let’s look at the situation from a woman’s perspective:



She goes out to a restaurant with her friends. While waiting at the bar, an interesting man approaches her. 3-5 minutes later (about how long it should take to get some attraction going), he asks for her number so they can "hang out sometime". At that moment, she genuinely would "hang out" with this man "sometime"...



...but it doesn’t turn out that way.



See, going out "sometime" is different from going out Thursday night. To see her "sometime" all you have to do is be more interesting than doing nothing. That’s a pretty low standard, so of course she’ll agree to it. And, if she has nothing else to do, she might actually see you. However, most worthwhile women rarely have "nothing else to do".



So, to see her at a specific time, you need to be more interesting than anything else she could be doing, like friends, hobbies, work, other dates, or relaxing at home. That’s a tough standard to meet in 3-5 minutes. Especially since over the course of the night she met a bunch of other men. Did you think you were the only man to notice her? She likes all of the attention and flirting, but she doesn’t have time to go on 9 dates this week.



*A woman is going to look for reasons NOT to go out with you*



Remember, meeting up with strange men is scary for a woman. First, there are issues of physical safety. If she’s not comfortable with you, she may feel the risk of date rape or worse. Less dramatically is the hyper-developed fear that many women have of being in awkward social situations. Women do not generally go by themselves to interact socially with strangers. So they bring a friend. To a man, the idea that you might not have a great time with this woman is irrelevant. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. Maybe you don’t care, because she’s beautiful. Either way, you’ll never know if you don’t meet up. Worst case scenario is you cut it short early and go home. Men don’t agonize and worry over whether it will be socially awkward or not. But many women do, and we need to take this into account.



It should be clear by now that a quick interaction leading to some basic attraction and "we should hang out sometime" is rarely going to lead an exceptionally desirable woman into seeing you again. She fears safety, she fears social awkwardness, and who is this guy anyway? She’s busy and she only met you for five minutes. If she’s really trying to convince herself not to show up, she’ll wonder why you’d even call her when you only met for a few minutes and you know so little about her (after all, you spent that time attracting her as opposed to learning about her). Are you desperate? Or are you a player?



To fix that mistake, make sure you get into Comfort during the first meet.



I don’t care if you only have 10 minutes. You just have to play faster. You need to qualify and get into comfort for your "time bridge" (seeing her again) to stick. If you qualify and get into comfort, you minimize ALL of the objections we just discussed.



The second biggest mistake you can make is to go for the Day2 unnecessarily



There is nothing in Emotional Progression Model that mandates meeting her again at a different time (a Day2). Sure, you may have to, like if you meet her on your lunch break and have to get back to work, but a lot of guys are used to thinking of getting a woman’s phone number as something special. It’s not. Phone numbers do not lead to happy social lives; relationships do.



A phone number is a tool. It’s not a goal. It’s not even an intermediate goal. Don’t ever feel proud of yourself for getting a phone number.



In a way, a phone number is an admission of failure, even if it’s sometimes an unavoidable failure. A phone number says "I am not trying to move this relationship forward right now. I am taking the risk that she will flake and am hoping to continue this later. In the worst case, I lose the relationship with her. In the best case, she meets me for the Day 2 and I’m more or less where I am now"



Make sense? A phone number never gains you anything. A Day 2 never gains you anything. All it does is give you another chance to push the relationship forward if the logistics weren’t right to do so when you met her.



Here’s an example from the bootcamp in LA last weekend. We took the guys to a lounge in Hollywood and one of them was deep in conversation with Suzanne, a very fit Asian woman. Suzanne’s friends were happy for her to talk to our guy, because he had already won them over in A2 (as per the Mystery Method). It was about midnight. There was no time pressure. But when our student "ran out of things to say" he took her phone number and rejoined us.



This was a bad decision. All the phone number was going to do was help them meet up again to spend time together. However, they were already in the middle of spending time together. Psychologically, he wanted to "lock in" what he had "gained" so far: her willingness to give him her phone number. That’s a rookie mistake.



Of course, we didn’t let him leave Suzanne. We led him back to her with instructions to escalate until rejection. When the lights came on an hour later, they left to get pizza. And then to go home together. There was no need for a time bridge.



He made dozens of mistakes in picking up Suzanne. We were watching him the whole time and went over them the next day. However, because he had the guts to go for it, and because he did enough things right that he’d learned that day in our seminar, he got the girl.



Ready for the good news and the bad news?



The good news is that now that you know this, you’ll never make these two mistakes again.



The bad news is that you’ll still need Day 2s, and you’ll still get some flakes. To banish flakes entirely, you need to use these ADVANCED tactics:



* Have something specific to do. She should plan to help you shop for your niece’s birthday on Saturday, not "hang out sometime"



* Bait her into suggesting the Day 2. Let her chase you. Drop little hints ("I’m going to X" or "I’d love to do Y") and see if she tries to become part of those plans.



* Don’t make the day2 (or the phone number exchange) the last part of your interaction. That *feels* like a pickup. Stay at least 5 minutes afterwards.



* Engage her friends. When she goes home her friends should be excited for her that you guys are meeting up later and not wondering who that creepy guy was. To a woman, her friends’ approval for the men she dates is very important. Much more important than peer group approval is for men.



* Focus on the Day2, not the phone number. The phone should be an afterthought (and isn’t always necessary, although you take a big risk by not getting it). If she’s all excited to come see you at a book reading you’re going to be at the next night, you don’t need her phone number. If she likes you, she’ll come.



* Set up callback humor. If you have a running joke during your interaction where you have a nickname for her, and later you phone her and call her by that nickname, it often triggers a reversal to the previous emotional state. She’ll be back in the world of being out, having fun, and meeting men, as opposed to whatever mundane thing she was actually doing when you called.



* If she’s drinking, address it. Tease her that she won’t remember anything because she’s drunk. Pretend that you guys would have so much fun together, but she had to ruin it by being drunk and making it so it would be weird when you call. Bait her into convincing you that she’s not all that drunk, that she’s really into you, and she can’t wait to hear from you. After she’s said that, it becomes a lot harder for her to be flaky. Warning, don’t do this unless the girl actually IS really drunk. It will annoy her if she’s just had a drink or two.



While you’re learning all of this stuff, you’ll still get flakes. Here’s what to do when she calls to tell you "I have to work tonight"



* Don’t be upset. Don’t lecture her. She doesn’t care. All you’ll succeed in doing is making her momentarily feel badly. She’ll feel better once the next guy gives her attention, and she’ll associate negative feelings with you. Remember, she’s canceling because she’s not that into you yet. [99% of the time, this is the case. Would she be canceling if it were Brad Pitt?]. Making her feel badly is only going to make her less into you.



* Just in case that wasn’t clear. You planned to meet a girl at 6? You had to leave work early? Fight traffic? Cut your workout short? Miss your favorite show? Tough. She doesn’t care. That’s not her problem. If you tell her all of this, you just look like even more of a tool because you rearranged your life for a date with her.



* Act like a guy who has lots of women interested in him and pursuing him. If that was you, and a girl flaked, your reaction would be "OK cool" because you have lots of other girls who would love to see you and more than likely whatever it was you were going to do was something you were going to be doing anyway with cool friends. If you don’t think you have that attitude down properly, try canceling the next time you set up a first date with a random girl. Listen for her casual reaction. It didn’t ruin her day. It shouldn’t ruin yours.



* A phrase I’ve had a lot of success with (credit Savoy) is "No problem, I’ll invite someone else". Obviously don’t use this on a third or fourth date, but when it’s still casual, it’s perfect.



Flaking sucks. I want you guys to banish it forever. Your social life will improve dramatically. For even more tips and tricks for making your life easier with women, check out the Magic Bullets ebook.

How to get a girl and how to keep her

How do You Get a Great Girl... and How Do You Keep Her?

by Savoy, President and CEO of "The Mystery Method"

Guys don’t talk about this stuff. Sure maybe once in a while your best friend might tell you that you’re being too nice or your clothes are out of style, but we are not bombarded with information and advice on how to succeed with women. That’s normal. In general, men are valued, and value themselves, on their accomplishments.

It’s different for women. In general, women are valued, or value themselves, on their relationships. You probably know this, but the implications are important.

Have you ever heard women talking in great detail about their hair? Where they get it cut, how they get it cut, what shampoo, what conditioner, what highlights, it goes on and on. Not just about hair either, but about clothes, makeup, shoes, skin care, etc. For most of my life, I thought this meant women were unusually vain, superficial, and obsessed with minutia.

Now look at it from a woman’s perspective. That stuff is pretty darn important. Even in today’s world, women are judged, especially by other women, on how they look and what kind of man they have. After a certain age, ranging from early 20s in small conservative towns to about 30 in some big cities, a single woman around her married or committed friends is an object of pity, even if they pretend to envy her to make her feel better. So women’s magazines focus on this: how to look good, how to find a man, how to get a man, how to keep a man. This doesn’t mean I endorse that view or see women that way, but as we often tell men on our weekend workshops - we didn’t make the world; we just live in it.

So let’s talk about this world – the real world - as it pertains to dating

Most people get their subconscious mental map of how dating works from movies and TV shows. These do not accurately portray reality. The audience wants the shy and lovable man to get the girl. In real life he goes home alone, while she goes to a party with the challenging man who has an edge to him. Most women do not know, or do not want to admit to themselves, what really attracts them, so their advice is not always helpful There are no magic bullets – no “pickup lines” or pheromones or other shortcuts. If you don’t intuitively understand the psychology behind dating, you either learn it or you hope for luck.

Men rarely want to admit that are not completely successful with women. If a man approaches a woman at a bar and gets rejected, he comes back to his friends and says she was ugly up close or a bitch or any other excuse. This helps him not feel rejected, especially in front of his friends. However, the best thing he could have done would have been to divorce his ego from the process and then figure out why the rejection occurred. The ego issue is crucial – she wasn’t rejecting him, she was rejecting his approach. How could she possibly be rejecting him when she only talked to him for 30 seconds? He just needs to get better at those 30 seconds, then the next 30 seconds, then the 30 seconds after that, and so on. Then he can invest emotional energy in her.

Well guess what? Starting with a few brave souls, there is a community of men who have been learning from each other what works and what doesn’t in the real world. A recent bestselling book, The Game, by Neil Strauss documented how he, as a shy and balding 30something man (5’6, 120lbs) became recognized as the world’s #1 Pickup Artist after working with the top experts in the field from The Mystery Method, the premier dating coaching resource for men worldwide. It’s a trend. Your friends, your neighbors, your competition are all among the estimated 3 million men worldwide who have learned from one of these real world dating/seduction schools. It’s like better shampoo for women, except it has a far more dramatic impact, and still not everyone knows about it.

Try these tips next time you go out!

I certainly don’t have time to go into all of the precepts of The Mystery Method here, but there are basic pointers that I can give that are pretty universal and will improve your success just by themselves. This is just the tip of the iceberg, but it’s a start:

Approach a woman within 3 seconds of seeing her. Don’t stall. You’ll get more nervous and she’ll see you working up your courage. Just go in.

Start with an opinion opener. “Hey, settle this drama for us. My friend over there wants to date his cousin’s ex-girlfriend. Is that cool? How long should he have to wait?” is perfectly fine as an opener. Within 1-2 minutes, switch to another topic. Ask for the opinion as if it’s a real situation; otherwise they’ll think you’re taking a survey.

If she’s with friends, engage her group. Don’t pay special attention to her. Make her earn your attention.

Your body language is crucial. Nearly every guy at our workshops starts off doing most of the following: leaning in to talk to women (stand up straight, always); talking too softly; not smiling; or talking too fast.

Build attraction before building comfort. Don’t prove to her that you’re nice. Prove to her that you have value. Tell her stories that just happen to convey good things about yourself. Make her laugh. Tease her a bit, like she’s your bratty little sister. Many women love that if done in moderation. Once you have mutual attraction, then and only then build comfort by looking for common interests and finding out about each other.

For most women it takes approximately 7 hours from meeting her the first time to having sex with her. Don’t obey this schedule like a slave, but realize that going faster may risk freaking her out (or not seeing her a second time) and taking too long might put you in the Let’s Just Be Friends zone.

Want to learn more?

Check out the guide that pickup artists turn to - Magic Bullets. 202-pages of step-by-step instructions, examples and stories for attracting beautiful women.

Why bad kissers don't get to second base

Does he love me?, I wanna know!
How can I tell if he loves me so?
(Is it in his eyes?), Oh no! You need to see!
(Is it in his eyes?), Oh no! You make believe!
If you wanna know, If he loves you so
Its in his kiss! (That's where it is!)

So just how important is the kiss? As the lyrics to the song (Cher) say, it's all about the kiss. The article below came out yesterday and confirms that scientific research indicates that if you are bad kisser, you are SOL. Have any interesting stories to tell on this topic? Do you agree or disagree with the article? Lets hear your opinion. You can submit them anonymously here. I have two personal stories to start off.

My first kiss (and the reason I do not smoke). I was 17 years old (yeah, I know, a late bloomer) and had my first kiss in the Taco Bell Lobby in Franklin Square. On the one hand it was kind of cool because I had never kissed before, but overall the experience left me nauseous because the girl tasted like an ashtray. Almost twenty years later, that kiss is still the reason I never got into smoking and will not date a smoker (unless she is trying to quit). Thanks Sue, if your out there!

The Biter. At first I thought maybe she was just kinky and into some type of pain fetish, but then it happened again. Lisa had no idea how to kiss and I think I left with a bloody lip. Needless to say, I never saw her again.
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By Jocelyn Voo- CNN Living



(LifeWire) -- Bad kissers -- we've all locked lips with one: the lizard, the washing machine, the cannibal, the spelunker.


"I knew this girl that I'll call Big Tongue," recalls Craig Hinkle, 38, a Westminster, California-based network administrator. "Her tongue was massive, and she insisted on trying to put the entire thing in my mouth. She was very forceful with it, and I started choking."
You can guess that relationship didn't last. And now, what Hinkle knows from experience is actually backed up by science: Bad kissers have little chance of getting to second base.

In a study published recently in the scientific journal "Evolutionary Psychology," 59 percent of men and 66 percent of women said they've been in the position of being attracted to someone -- until they kissed the person.

"At the moment of the kiss, there's a very complicated exchange of information ... that may tap into underlying evolved mechanisms" cluing us in on whether we're genetically compatible, explains Gordon Gallup, co-author of the study and professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Albany. "A kiss can be a deal-breaker in terms of whether a relationship will flower or flounder, so to speak."
Rachel Myeroff, 26, can attest to that. On a second date with a guy, says the New York City-based sales manager, "he just went in for it and attached himself to me in the sloppiest, most horrible kiss ever. He was just consuming my mouth. I most definitely did not call him again."

Why we kiss

Gallup's research suggests that men and women have different agendas when it comes to kissing, an act that occurs in 95 percent of human societies and is believed to have been first recorded in Vedic Sanskrit texts around 1500 B.C. in India.
For men, kissing is more often used as a means to an end -- namely, to gain sexual access. Men also are more likely to literally kiss and make up, using kissing to attempt reconciliation.

Women on the other hand use kissing as a mate-assessment technique, Gallup notes. They subconsciously evaluate mating potential from the chemicals in their partner's saliva and breath, for instance. Women also use kissing as a bonding gesture, as well as to monitor the status of the relationship. If her partner's kissing frequency or technique suddenly changes, that perhaps is a sign of his waning interest.

Other gender differences uncovered by Gallup's research:
• Men show a greater preference for tongue contact and open-mouth kisses.
• Men are more willing than women to have sex with someone without kissing, as well as to have sex with someone they are not attracted to or consider to be a bad kisser.
• Women place more importance on kissing throughout a relationship, whereas men place less importance on it as the relationship progresses.
Improve your kiss

If you've ever been told to kiss off after smooching someone beneath the holiday mistletoe, fear not. Like other skills, one's kissing technique can be improved upon. Michael Christian, author of "The Art of Kissing" (under the pen name William Cane), offers classes, and there's a myriad of how-to books and DVDs.
To improve your technique, Christian suggests switching up your repertoire with different types of kisses:

• Vacuum kiss, in which you suck the air out of your partner's mouth while kissing
• Neck kiss, in which you kiss up and down your partner's neck
• "Lip-o-suction," in which you kiss the upper lip while your partner kisses the lower lip, and then you reverse.

Bad kisses, on the other hand, are relatively easy to pinpoint. "Bad kisses trigger the gag reflex," Christian says. "Bad kisses are also static and repetitious. Varying the speed, intensity and style can help."

Spontaneity also can help you get out of a slump.
"The best kisses are always the ones that happen accidentally," observes New York City resident Benjamin Kayne, 25, a digital media sales director. "(Planned kisses) are just tedious, and I'm sitting there thinking, 'Is this over yet? The commercial is over and I'm missing "CSI".'
Have any interesting stories to tell on this topic? Do you agree or disagree with the article? Lets hear your opinion. You can submit them anonymously here.