Thursday, December 25, 2008

Women Want you to approach them

By Carlos Xuma
Women want you to approach them.

This one is the one that kicks my butt every time. You see, most guys don't believe this, and a lot of guys don't WANT to believe it.

First of all, I have conducted surveys of women, as well as spoken to women in just about every situation imaginable, and there is a big misunderstanding here about what women want.
This is what guys assume:

"If I see an attractive woman when I'm out during the day, I want to meet her. But I'm pretty sure she's busy, and I'll just be a bother to her. She's obviously doing stuff and in a hurry. I don't want to annoy her."

The problem here comes when we make the assumption without VALIDATING it. We never check in to see if it's real.

Most guys will not approach because of this belief.

And the one guy in a thousand that DOES approach her goes in with this belief in his head, and his approach is weak and half-hearted. He doesn't carry himself with any confidence.
Ask yourself: Do you believe that women are bothered when men approach and talk to them?

Before you do anything else, I want you to read this.
I asked a very attractive Asian girl what her experience with guys approaching her was:
I asked: How frequently do guys approach you?

She said: "This week I'd say 0 guys approached. They showed interest but ... weren't able to turn it into a conversation..."

I asked: How many wanted to approach but didnt?
She said: "Percentage-wise, I'd say 95%."
Interesting, huh?
Now, I know that a lot of guys will hear that and say, "Well that's just ONE woman. Most women don't feel that way."


This is true for every woman I've ever talked to.
Here are the facts from a recent survey:
41% of the women I asked said that they are only annoyed at guys when they're boorish and crude...
36% said they are almost always flattered by the approach...
22% said they were excited and happy to meet someone new.

And - get this - 0% (ZERO!) said that they are annoyed all the time when guys approach them.

I also asked them:If you do go to bars, would you go to a bar to meet guys? Or something else?
35% said they went to have fun, but there was a possibility to meet someone...
65% said they don't really go to bars to meet men. They go to socialize and chill.
And - get this - 0% said they go to bars to meet men.

I personally think that every woman goes to bars with that hope in the back of her head that she will meet a guy, but it's not the primary reason she goes.

Women want men to approach them - and especially during the day - because most of the quality women don't go to bars to "pickup" guys.
In fact, here are some of the things women have told me when I asked them, "What would you say to guys who are out there and see a woman they want to talk to?"

- "Just do it - be a man - take the risk..."- "Suck it up and go for it!"- "Just be yourself; don't worry about the perfect pick-up line."- "Do it the worst thing that can happen is she said no But, what if she is interested..."- "PLEASE approach me because most of the time I am assuming that if you do not initiate a conversation, you are not available..."- "Go for it, there's nothing to lose..."

That's a pretty big kick in the butt to get going and do it, isn't it?
But I have to admit, there's not a lot of helpful advice in their words.

"Just do it" is a great slogan for sneakers, but if you could just "do it," you would be doing it, right?

Well, a while back I sat down with some friends of mine that are dating advisers and "gurus," and I recorded all my strategies for approaching women in any situation.
AND I completely broke down and explained my method for getting past Approach Anxiety.

That sick-to-your-stomach sensation of fear and nerves that hits you when you see a woman you want to go talk to... but you can't...
... but you REALLY want to...
... and you still can't...
... but you really want to get to meet her, and you know you HAVE to...
... and you STILL can't do it.

It's like a bouncer is holding your arms and legs and every time you start to move towards her, you freeze up and become paralyzed.
And the worst part about it?
You know that YOU are doing this to yourself.

It's time to get rid of this sensation once and for all.
Kill your approach anxiety, and learn the specific things to say and DO to approach women whenever and wherever you can.

Get a FREE EBOOK with more information from Carlos here


Jeff Magic Dating Coach said...

Took me years, not only to realize this, but to believe it as well. Ready for this one guys?

One of women’s best kept secrets, is that women actually like being approached and flirted with, as long as you don't come off nervous or creepy. smile smile smile.

They only pretend they don't want you to approach them because a woman doesn't want to look easy.

As long as you come in confident and wear a big warm friendly smile on your face, and of course confidently say hello with a relaxed vibe to you, most woman will be more than happy to talk and chit chat with ya, and if she's single, and you have the guts to find out,(ask her) you might even get a date out of it.

My last words of wisdom I leave you with is this..

It's only when you act nervous or hesitate and feel weird about saying hello to her, that it makes the interaction seem or go weird..Remember if you are nervous, she'll become nervous. If you are calm and happy, she'll be calm and happy. That's basic human nature, and that's how the mating game works.

Jeff Magic

Anonymous said...

This great advice guys!! We definately like being approached and truly what do you have to lose? NOTHING and everything to gain.

Anonymous said...

Somebody out there really needs men to be the ones who approach. Where is the primer on teaching more women how to approach?Oh, they don't like rejection?Gee. that's fair!

dave said...

All of a sudden it's "man up!", "You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!" . Somebody out there,( probably women who do not want to get rejected, leaving that for idiotic men) really wants men to HAVE to approach.
Let the women taste some rejection and they will change that tune!