Monday, December 29, 2008

What it means if he doesnt call

By Christian Carter

What It Means If He Doesn’t Call

Ever wonder why the man you're dating and having an amazing time with doesn't call you very often?

Or worse... stops calling altogether?

If you've ever had this happen to you with a man, then you know how FRUSTRATING it can be when a man just suddenly stops calling for what seems like no good reason...

And you've spent more time than you'd like to admit wondering what happened and what YOU might have done wrong.

Most women in this situation fall into a kind of trap that seems to work against them...

Instead of recognizing that the man not calling is an important signal in of itself, they become obsessed with wanting to know what he's thinking and WHY he's acting this way.

But most women also know on an intuitive level that coming out and actually asking a man why he's acting this way wouldn't bring about anything good.

And guess what?

Their intuition is right.

With most men in this situation, if you want to connect with a man and grow closer, then the answer is NOT to try and get him to talk about his thoughts and feelings.

It's time you learned what it really means if a man isn't calling... and what to do about it to quickly "turn the tables" in your favor so that he's the one calling and asking you out.

I'll share this with you, but first I want you to read this email I got recently from a reader about this exact kind of situation.

**Question From A Reader**

Hi Christian,

First of all I think you are great and have learned a lot from reading your book. I am divorced and have been dating a widower for about a month. We get together once or twice a week - I don't expect more than that - as he lives about half an hour away from me. Our dates are great and there is a definite physical attraction on both sides. My problem is that in-between dates I don't hear from him. I know that he works hard and is bringing up 3 children on his own - but how long does it take to pick up the phone and ask me how I am? Am I asking too much? Is it too soon to expect anything? I don't want to complain and frighten him off, as I really like him. What do you suggest?

Looking forward to hearing from you R.J. from Illinois

**My Response**

Ok, let me get the facts straight here...

You've been out with a man for an entire month. (Not long at all, and effectively NO TIME in a man's mind)

You've seen each other once or twice a week or so for 3-4 whole weeks. (Not even enough for a man to see you as "dating")

And you know he is busy and raising three young children on his own. (His attention and focus is admittedly elsewhere.)

But in just a few dates you've already become disappointed and "bothered" by the way he's being... and you're wishing he would CHANGE.


This is bad for YOU, and for him.

The approach and mindset you have right now is almost guaranteed to make this man see you as too demanding and "needy" to want to be with you, when it's just a few weeks in.

So I hope you haven't started talking about all your feelings of disappointment with him yet.. because it wouldn't go over well with the way you're looking at things.

But here's the worst part of all this...

You already have my e-Book and you’re still asking me for the "easy" answer on this, as though there is some magic pill I can give you that will make a man act the way you want or expect him to be.

I'd like to be able to lie and tell you that I could change a man for you.

But I can't... and you know it.

The truth is, I've only got YOU to work with... and you've only got YOUR OWN thinking and your own behavior that you can use to make a difference.

It's time you started thinking about how you can take RESPONSIBILITY for creating the RESPONSE you want in a man...

Instead of sitting around frustrated that he hasn't met YOUR EXPECTATIONS you have for him. (Especially when he doesn't even know what these are)

You need to open up my e-Book and go to page 32.

On that page, I want you to read the section called "Initial Thoughts" at least twice and think about what's going on there.

I want you to think about the 2 types of people I talk about... and the kind of "magic mindset" that's going to help you naturally start creating great situations in your life.

Then I want you to think about how this relates to the idea of COMMUNICATING with a man in a way that creates ATTRACTION inside of him.

As opposed to communicating with a man in the way that KILLS the attraction he might be feeling for you.

Once you've thought about this, I want you to go to page 36 and read the section on "How To Be Honest About What You Want".

Pay attention here to the 4 important questions you need to ask yourself BEFORE you get involved with a man, or start talking about your relationship with him.

And make sure you learn and understand what I call "a unique habit of happy people".

If you could apply this one simple habit to your love life, I know it would immediately give back to you the kind of understanding and satisfaction you're seeking but not meant to get yet from the man you're dating. (Hint - there's a reason why you and he aren't totally "connecting" yet, and it's NOT all about him)

And by the way, you can download a free trial copy of my e-Book at the link below right now, and be reading it in just a few minutes

Download and read my e-Book here right now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Now, you've also asked a great question in your email...

"Am I asking for too much from him?"

Simply put - YES. You're asking for too much because you shouldn't be ASKING HIM for what you want and then hoping that he "meets your demands".

This is a LOSING APPROACH that will 100% guarantee that a man won't want to give you what you're looking for.


Well, it's not because you actually are asking for too much.

It's OK to know that you'd like a man in your life who you're involved with to call you more.

But this isn't about whether this is ok for you to ask for.

No. This is all about THE WAY you ask, and the emotions and expectations a man will see that you're holding onto when you open your mouth and you've been going through a whole lot of disappointment and frustration with him... while he's thinking that you've been out on a few fun dates and everything is fine and dandy.


Here's something you might not have thought about...

Men often communicate and show their feelings in less "direct" ways than simply saying and expressing how the feel.

In fact, most men are a whole lot more conscious of DOING things than they are of how they effect and relate to others on an emotional level.

So... when a man doesn't call, it's often NOT an indication of something else going on in his head that he might want to talk to you about.

Often times it's simply an indication that he doesn't actually FEEL like spending more time around you.

So he simply doesn't call.

In other words, when it comes to men and dating, it's best to look at a man's ACTIONS and BEHAVIORS as the only TRUE INDICATION of how they really feel inside.

As a woman, you can probably spin your wheels dreaming up all kinds of incredible and elaborate ideas and scenarios for why a man isn't calling and what it means about his feelings and your situation.

But, if you're interested in doing more than analyzing and trying to figure out things in your own mind... then it's best to "read" the men you're dating early on by what they DO... and NOT what they SAY.

Which means... a man not calling you often, or at all, is an important signal in of itself.

If a man is spending time with a woman he "likes", but he isn't sure if he would want much more than a few casual dates with her... then here's what he does...

He only calls her every once in a while to keep the "connection" open... making sure not to let the connection die, but also making sure not to spend too much time with a woman or show her too many signs of interest that might indicate he'd want a more serious relationship.

And yes, some men actually think this way and are CONSCIOUS about NOT CALLING women very often if they don't want things to get more serious.

While other men who don't call are usually doing this inadvertently as they're going about their life and not thinking much about wanting more with a woman.

Here's what you need to take away from all this...

If a man isn't calling and you'd like him to call more and to grow in your relationship together, it really doesn't matter WHY.

The only things that matter are if he's not calling because he's not interested in a relationship with you… ever.


If he's not calling because he's just not feeling "that way" for you… YET.

Which begs the question - how do you get a man feeling "that way" for you if he's not feeling it yet?

Well, for starters, you need to STOP doing the things that will promise that a man WON'T feel it for you.


Or getting upset and hurt that he hasn't called when there's no "relationship" yet, and it's just YOUR EXPECTATION that he SHOULD call more.

Or generally taking on any other needy, clingy, or overly emotional behaviors that will have a man thinking you'd be nothing but a pain if he was to get to know you and involved in a real relationship with you.

What you need to do instead is to start to learn the behaviors that create the feeling of ATTRACTION inside a man.

Why attraction?

Because attraction is the one thing that will "override" all the logical reasons a man has for NOT wanting to get involved with a woman or stay single...

And will take over his "emotional world" and have him thinking and acting from his EMOTIONS with you... instead of his "logical mind" that will often try to RESIST a woman and a real committed relationship.

The truth is, if you learn how to keep that intense level of attraction ALIVE in your relationship... and you know how to make a man feel attracted to you on a physical, emotional, and "intellectual" level, then your relationship with him will largely take care of itself.

If you want to learn how to create an intense level of attraction in a man... and keep it going, then check out the chapter on “How To Attract Men” in my e-book now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download


Anonymous said...

this is a great article for the simply fact it understands us man. i personally dont like talking on the phone,if i dont have to. so no im not going to call a women just to sit on the phone. i would just rather keep it for when i am going to ask her out then talk when i see her and yes i have had women come out and ask me why i dont call more and i tell them but they still try to change me and that is when i start pulling away

Anonymous said...

you have to ask your self what else could this mean? It is not usually what you are thinking. maybe he is at his kids baseball practice or school play. you never know what is really going on. if it continues for over 2 months ASK! that simple

Anonymous said...

As a woman I tend to let my mind wonder to why he didn't call or what is he doing with his friends but the truth is you never know what is going on and just thinking will drive you bonkers. A guy friend of mine always gives me advice (hes straight too lol) just ask guys aren't that complicated. agreeing with the two above guys don't like to have long convos or he could be running around you never know what is going on if you don't ask!
and its ok if you fall back every once in a while and start freaking sadly we are wired that way just breath and realize it may not be you.