Quote of the Week from Memorial Day Weekend at Club Getaway
"I don't want a nice guy, I want a decent guy." I asked Daphne what the difference was and she said "a nice guy is boring. A decent guy will treat you like a queen, but knows how to get down and dirty."
Comment on this post or submit your own quote relating to dating here.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
10 Mistakes Women Make with Men
By Christian Carter
“The Ten Most Dangerous
Mistakes YOU Probably
Make With Men—
And What To Do About It...”
Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Women Keep Themselves From Living The Love Life Of Their Dreams— And How To Make Sure You Avoid
Every One Of Them...
“The Ten Most Dangerous
Mistakes YOU Probably
Make With Men—
And What To Do About It...”
Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Women Keep Themselves From Living The Love Life Of Their Dreams— And How To Make Sure You Avoid
Every One Of Them...
MISTAKE #1: Betting Your
Love Life On His “Potential”
Do you know any women who want the man they're dating to behave differently?
Of course you do.
And just like me, I'm sure you have friends who date guys who don't have much going for them or who don't treat them very well.
Somehow these women always have an excuse for the guy's shortcomings.
What's going on here?
It's actually very simple.
Women (and men) don't base their choices of men on how “nice” or “good” someone is to them day-to-day.
Women choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Some women will continue to put up with a guy that doesn't treat them very well.
Sometimes for months or years...
But why in the world would a woman do that!?
Well, to put it simply, they confuse the strong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper “connection”.
Women who do this are doomed to end up in failed relationships with the “wrong” guys.
How do I know?
Because I've seen it at least a hundred times...
And because I've been this guy in the past myself.
Thinking back on past dating and relationships I've had, I was selfish and didn't offer much.
I'm amazed the women put up with me.
But they did...all the while hoping that I would somehow change.
The women I dated hoped I'd change.
The only thing they saw in me that led them to want to keep me around was the “potential” they saw in me to share my feelings and communicate with them.
The potential for something better and the potential for me to change and be a better lover, boyfriend, companion or whatever...
The truth was, I was hopelessly bad at these things at the time.
And more importantly, I wasn't even at a place in my life where I knew how to or was interested in developing a deep and committed relationship - with ANYONE.
But deep down these women believed that if they tried hard enough, that it would make up for what was lacking.
They believed that I could become someone else with them.... and that this would be easy for us both.
Talk about a losing battle.
It doesn't make a lot of “logical” sense...
But until you accept that lots of women do this AND that YOU could be doing it on some level, you'll NEVER have the success with men that you choose and want.
MISTAKE #2: Assuming You
“Get” Men & Their Psychology
Men are different from women.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a woman sees a man, she can very quickly pick apart certain things about his style, body language, status and character that will tell her all kinds of things about him.
Lot's of women don't even consciously see that they do this because the process is so obvious and simple for them.
But does the same apply for men?
As you probably already know, men are generally more visual.
As a result, they often don't understand non-verbal communication as well as women.
And men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and “intuition”.
Women don't seem to remember this about men.
So do men feel sexually attracted to w0men based just on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for years now, and talking to thousands of men and women, I can tell you that men have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Especially when it comes to longer term relationships.
Looks just happen to be the most obvious way...
But looks are NOT the most powerful.
If you know how to use your body language AND communication correctly, you can make men feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see that hot, great looking guy that you got to know.
But it's not an accident.
You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY woman can learn how...
MISTAKE #3: Pretending To
Be Something For A Man
In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man's attention, to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them.
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guys attention will make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them.
Wrong.
Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted to the types of women who kiss up to them, make weak plays for affection or complain to get what they want... EVER.
Don't get me wrong here. Things like being sexy for a man or encouraging him to share his feelings can be good, but it has to be genuine, unselfish, and most of all timely.
You don't have to act like an “easy” woman for men to like you, and you certainly don't have to play like he's some gift to the Earth.
Doing these things actually works to subtly, at an subconscious level, lower your social status with a man, which has EVERYTHING to do with how he sees you as a woman.
So if you think that making him more attracted to you means “playing to the man's fantasies” from the start, think again.
You'll never succeed by looking for a man's approval, finding your way into his heart through sex and not being yourself.
MISTAKE #4: Sharing How You
“Feel” Too Early With Him
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most women make with men is sharing how they “feel” too early on.
Listen...
Attractive, single, successful men are rare.
They get a LOT of attention from women.
Most women don't realize this, but attractive men are being approached in one way or another all the time by women.
And guess what?
Attractive wen have usually dated a lot of women.
That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive men off and sends him running away faster than just about anything...
It's a woman who starts saying “You know, I really, REALLY like you” after one or two dates.
This signals to the man that you're just like one of those “clingy” stereotype women who want to rush into a relationship and can't control yourself from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives.
This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.
There's a much better way...
MISTAKE #5: Misreading The
Important “Signals” That Men Send
Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves.
Most women don't pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are.
The signals men send have 4 main levels:
1) Social: Where the man is at in his own life - stability, confidence, direction
2) Emotional: Whether or not he's “emotionally available”
3) Physical: If he's attracted to you... and for what reasons
4) Love State: If he's open to building and growing a relationship in the future
The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely on accident.
That's great news to women...
Men can't help it!
You need to learn to recognize these signals to get anywhere serious with a man.
MISTAKE #6: Relying On
Your Natural Ability To
Judge A Man's Character
People aren't easy to figure out.
Especially men.
The last several years of my life I've spent hundreds of hours learning to understand people.
I've studied peoples behavior, “inner psychology” and more specifically how they think and act when they're dating.
From what I've seen, both men and women have their own secret ways of saying things.
But you can only see these secret communications if you know what to look for.
Women communicate with hints, body language, sarcasm, and flirting when they're first getting to know a man.
They can either directly or indirectly let men know if they're open to something more serious.
Men are different.
Men generally communicate with sarcasm, humor, cockyness and other “indirect” displays of status.
VERY RARELY will a man be able to honestly communicate to a woman whether or not he's ready or capable of developing a meaningful relationship.
Aside from their sexual interests, men send very indirect signals about where they're at.
If you don't know how to read through the signals men send, then you'll get the wrong message.
Getting the wrong messages from men causes women more pain and heartache than any other issue around.
You can avoid this pain if you learn to indentify a good man from a bad one.
MISTAKE #7: Expecting A
Relationship To Make You Happy
A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled.
And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens.
But those are the exceptions, not the rule.
Nothing says “Run!” to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her.
And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there.
Think, “controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!”
So let me be clear...
I think it's important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it's dating, a relationship, whatever.
But if a woman communicates that she's looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of her.
It doesn't have to be spoken by the woman either...
If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless.
This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man.
So what can you do as a woman?
You can get the man interested and involved in your life in a more “natural” way, where he'll be motivated to make you care about your happiness and fulfillment on his own.
This is the only way it really works for people - male or female.
Self-motivation is much stronger than external motivation.
But you have to know how to create this situation with a man... and it rarely happens by accident.
MISTAKE #8: Trying To “Convince”
Him To Like You Or Love You
What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious?
Right! They try to “convince” the man to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you...
YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, ever.
You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.
Think about it.
If a man doesn't “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being “reasonable” with him?
But we all do it.
Men are the worst at this by the way.
They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts.
Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man.
She might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him.
When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.
Bad idea. Another one that will never work.
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing
What To Do In Each Type Of Situation
A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman...
And I don't mean just sex.
I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you.
And if you don't know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help!
If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want.
I know, you don't like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.
Hey, I've been there myself.
Let me tell you a little about me.
Over the last few years it's been hard to watch the women around me (even those I dated) struggle to understand the men they were attracted to or dating.
It frustrated the hell out of me and I made the decision to do whatever it took to help the women I knew learn how to be successful with men and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and doing all kinds of crazy things to learn the real-world truth about men and women, I finally figured things out for myself.
I've read hundreds of books on psychology, human behavior, dating/relationship advice for men and women, love, attraction, communication, and more. The list goes on.
I can now approach just about any situation with dating and feel confident and understand everything that's going on in an interaction.
Best of all, I've been able to share my knowledge and help women become more successful with men and dating.
It's been a very rewarding experience, and it's how I became fascinated with the female perspective in the dating world.
I've helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling... the one you get when you're lonely, you've been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says “he's not ready”.
You don't have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you'll end up alone.
I Now Have A FREE Email Newsletter...
But the really great news is... after several years, helping woman after woman, I now publish a free email newsletter that teaches any woman how to DRAMATICALLY increase her success with men and dating.
I'd like to invite you to sign up.
It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share you're email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself with no hassles. (And no, I'll never pull any of those tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junkmail when you try to remove yourself.)
Of course, it even get's better than that...
In addition to my free email newsletter, I also have an amazing downloadable eBook that you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES.
It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming your fears, meeting men, great ideas around first dates, cheat-proofing your relationships, and how to take things to a closer “emotional” and “physical” level smoothly and easily.
To sign up for my free newsletter AND download your copy of this online eBook, just go here:
Free Dating Advice Newsletter And Download eBook
Oh, I Almost Forgot...
In this day and age of “instant gratification”, I realize this might just sound like another late-night info-mercial promising to make you wealthy and retired by next week.
Well, that's not the case.
I've spent a lot of time, effort, and energy studying, observing and understanding this area of life.
I wanted to design and create a book that ANY woman could easily understand.
Something you could start using IMMEDIATELY to meet, attract, date, and get close with a great guy.
I want to help you create an amazing relationship with the right man... without having to deal with all the wrong men, be “manipulated” or experience the pain and loss I've helped other women avoid.
I now believe that ANY woman can be more successful with men and dating, and I get emails every day with success stories from women. They've taken what they've learned and found great guys and are growing meaningful relationships.
I know, I know... a book that can teach a regular girl how to be more successful in the dating world?
No way.
Well believe me, this will DRAMATICALLY increase your success, comfort and happiness when it comes to men, dating and relationships... I absolutely guarantee it 100%.
If you'd like to take your success with men and dating to the next level, and find how to create the foundation for the relationship that you've always wanted, then go here:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
And I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
Love Life On His “Potential”
Do you know any women who want the man they're dating to behave differently?
Of course you do.
And just like me, I'm sure you have friends who date guys who don't have much going for them or who don't treat them very well.
Somehow these women always have an excuse for the guy's shortcomings.
What's going on here?
It's actually very simple.
Women (and men) don't base their choices of men on how “nice” or “good” someone is to them day-to-day.
Women choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Some women will continue to put up with a guy that doesn't treat them very well.
Sometimes for months or years...
But why in the world would a woman do that!?
Well, to put it simply, they confuse the strong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper “connection”.
Women who do this are doomed to end up in failed relationships with the “wrong” guys.
How do I know?
Because I've seen it at least a hundred times...
And because I've been this guy in the past myself.
Thinking back on past dating and relationships I've had, I was selfish and didn't offer much.
I'm amazed the women put up with me.
But they did...all the while hoping that I would somehow change.
The women I dated hoped I'd change.
The only thing they saw in me that led them to want to keep me around was the “potential” they saw in me to share my feelings and communicate with them.
The potential for something better and the potential for me to change and be a better lover, boyfriend, companion or whatever...
The truth was, I was hopelessly bad at these things at the time.
And more importantly, I wasn't even at a place in my life where I knew how to or was interested in developing a deep and committed relationship - with ANYONE.
But deep down these women believed that if they tried hard enough, that it would make up for what was lacking.
They believed that I could become someone else with them.... and that this would be easy for us both.
Talk about a losing battle.
It doesn't make a lot of “logical” sense...
But until you accept that lots of women do this AND that YOU could be doing it on some level, you'll NEVER have the success with men that you choose and want.
MISTAKE #2: Assuming You
“Get” Men & Their Psychology
Men are different from women.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a woman sees a man, she can very quickly pick apart certain things about his style, body language, status and character that will tell her all kinds of things about him.
Lot's of women don't even consciously see that they do this because the process is so obvious and simple for them.
But does the same apply for men?
As you probably already know, men are generally more visual.
As a result, they often don't understand non-verbal communication as well as women.
And men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and “intuition”.
Women don't seem to remember this about men.
So do men feel sexually attracted to w0men based just on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for years now, and talking to thousands of men and women, I can tell you that men have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Especially when it comes to longer term relationships.
Looks just happen to be the most obvious way...
But looks are NOT the most powerful.
If you know how to use your body language AND communication correctly, you can make men feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see that hot, great looking guy that you got to know.
But it's not an accident.
You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY woman can learn how...
MISTAKE #3: Pretending To
Be Something For A Man
In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man's attention, to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them.
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guys attention will make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them.
Wrong.
Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted to the types of women who kiss up to them, make weak plays for affection or complain to get what they want... EVER.
Don't get me wrong here. Things like being sexy for a man or encouraging him to share his feelings can be good, but it has to be genuine, unselfish, and most of all timely.
You don't have to act like an “easy” woman for men to like you, and you certainly don't have to play like he's some gift to the Earth.
Doing these things actually works to subtly, at an subconscious level, lower your social status with a man, which has EVERYTHING to do with how he sees you as a woman.
So if you think that making him more attracted to you means “playing to the man's fantasies” from the start, think again.
You'll never succeed by looking for a man's approval, finding your way into his heart through sex and not being yourself.
MISTAKE #4: Sharing How You
“Feel” Too Early With Him
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most women make with men is sharing how they “feel” too early on.
Listen...
Attractive, single, successful men are rare.
They get a LOT of attention from women.
Most women don't realize this, but attractive men are being approached in one way or another all the time by women.
And guess what?
Attractive wen have usually dated a lot of women.
That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive men off and sends him running away faster than just about anything...
It's a woman who starts saying “You know, I really, REALLY like you” after one or two dates.
This signals to the man that you're just like one of those “clingy” stereotype women who want to rush into a relationship and can't control yourself from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives.
This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.
There's a much better way...
MISTAKE #5: Misreading The
Important “Signals” That Men Send
Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves.
Most women don't pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are.
The signals men send have 4 main levels:
1) Social: Where the man is at in his own life - stability, confidence, direction
2) Emotional: Whether or not he's “emotionally available”
3) Physical: If he's attracted to you... and for what reasons
4) Love State: If he's open to building and growing a relationship in the future
The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely on accident.
That's great news to women...
Men can't help it!
You need to learn to recognize these signals to get anywhere serious with a man.
MISTAKE #6: Relying On
Your Natural Ability To
Judge A Man's Character
People aren't easy to figure out.
Especially men.
The last several years of my life I've spent hundreds of hours learning to understand people.
I've studied peoples behavior, “inner psychology” and more specifically how they think and act when they're dating.
From what I've seen, both men and women have their own secret ways of saying things.
But you can only see these secret communications if you know what to look for.
Women communicate with hints, body language, sarcasm, and flirting when they're first getting to know a man.
They can either directly or indirectly let men know if they're open to something more serious.
Men are different.
Men generally communicate with sarcasm, humor, cockyness and other “indirect” displays of status.
VERY RARELY will a man be able to honestly communicate to a woman whether or not he's ready or capable of developing a meaningful relationship.
Aside from their sexual interests, men send very indirect signals about where they're at.
If you don't know how to read through the signals men send, then you'll get the wrong message.
Getting the wrong messages from men causes women more pain and heartache than any other issue around.
You can avoid this pain if you learn to indentify a good man from a bad one.
MISTAKE #7: Expecting A
Relationship To Make You Happy
A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled.
And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens.
But those are the exceptions, not the rule.
Nothing says “Run!” to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her.
And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there.
Think, “controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!”
So let me be clear...
I think it's important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it's dating, a relationship, whatever.
But if a woman communicates that she's looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of her.
It doesn't have to be spoken by the woman either...
If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless.
This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man.
So what can you do as a woman?
You can get the man interested and involved in your life in a more “natural” way, where he'll be motivated to make you care about your happiness and fulfillment on his own.
This is the only way it really works for people - male or female.
Self-motivation is much stronger than external motivation.
But you have to know how to create this situation with a man... and it rarely happens by accident.
MISTAKE #8: Trying To “Convince”
Him To Like You Or Love You
What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious?
Right! They try to “convince” the man to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you...
YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, ever.
You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.
Think about it.
If a man doesn't “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being “reasonable” with him?
But we all do it.
Men are the worst at this by the way.
They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts.
Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man.
She might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him.
When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.
Bad idea. Another one that will never work.
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing
What To Do In Each Type Of Situation
A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman...
And I don't mean just sex.
I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you.
And if you don't know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help!
If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want.
I know, you don't like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.
Hey, I've been there myself.
Let me tell you a little about me.
Over the last few years it's been hard to watch the women around me (even those I dated) struggle to understand the men they were attracted to or dating.
It frustrated the hell out of me and I made the decision to do whatever it took to help the women I knew learn how to be successful with men and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and doing all kinds of crazy things to learn the real-world truth about men and women, I finally figured things out for myself.
I've read hundreds of books on psychology, human behavior, dating/relationship advice for men and women, love, attraction, communication, and more. The list goes on.
I can now approach just about any situation with dating and feel confident and understand everything that's going on in an interaction.
Best of all, I've been able to share my knowledge and help women become more successful with men and dating.
It's been a very rewarding experience, and it's how I became fascinated with the female perspective in the dating world.
I've helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling... the one you get when you're lonely, you've been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says “he's not ready”.
You don't have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you'll end up alone.
I Now Have A FREE Email Newsletter...
But the really great news is... after several years, helping woman after woman, I now publish a free email newsletter that teaches any woman how to DRAMATICALLY increase her success with men and dating.
I'd like to invite you to sign up.
It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share you're email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself with no hassles. (And no, I'll never pull any of those tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junkmail when you try to remove yourself.)
Of course, it even get's better than that...
In addition to my free email newsletter, I also have an amazing downloadable eBook that you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES.
It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming your fears, meeting men, great ideas around first dates, cheat-proofing your relationships, and how to take things to a closer “emotional” and “physical” level smoothly and easily.
To sign up for my free newsletter AND download your copy of this online eBook, just go here:
Free Dating Advice Newsletter And Download eBook
Oh, I Almost Forgot...
In this day and age of “instant gratification”, I realize this might just sound like another late-night info-mercial promising to make you wealthy and retired by next week.
Well, that's not the case.
I've spent a lot of time, effort, and energy studying, observing and understanding this area of life.
I wanted to design and create a book that ANY woman could easily understand.
Something you could start using IMMEDIATELY to meet, attract, date, and get close with a great guy.
I want to help you create an amazing relationship with the right man... without having to deal with all the wrong men, be “manipulated” or experience the pain and loss I've helped other women avoid.
I now believe that ANY woman can be more successful with men and dating, and I get emails every day with success stories from women. They've taken what they've learned and found great guys and are growing meaningful relationships.
I know, I know... a book that can teach a regular girl how to be more successful in the dating world?
No way.
Well believe me, this will DRAMATICALLY increase your success, comfort and happiness when it comes to men, dating and relationships... I absolutely guarantee it 100%.
If you'd like to take your success with men and dating to the next level, and find how to create the foundation for the relationship that you've always wanted, then go here:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
And I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
5 Ways to Make a Connection with a Woman
5 Ways to Make a Connection with a Woman
Making a deep connection quickly with a woman is a skill that most guys lack. They speak in logical ways, do not listen, and relate everything the woman says to themselves instead of trying to understand things from her point of view. This makes it difficult to establish a connection, evoke feelings in her, and make her feel like she has had a great conversation. Here is what you need to do:
Relate things to them not to you or your life.
When someone says they have had an experience, like going to Thailand, it is common to instantly relate it to yourself and talk about the time you went to Thailand, or say that you have never gone. Instead, try to imagine what it was like for them, bring out the memories, and show interest in their amazing holiday, don’t sweep it under the table by immediately talking about yourself. Connect for a bit, then it is fine to relate it to yourself.
Use what they give you.
When someone is talking they give you pieces of information about them, their feelings and their lives. You can ignore this and talk about yourself or ask another question, but you will be missing an opportunity to connect. Connect on each point before moving on to the next.
Be Observant
Notice things about their appearance (clothes, accessories, hair, nails, jewellery). Women usually put a lot of effort and time into the way they look; their bag might match their shoes, belt, earrings, and dress. Most people don’t notice, they’ll be happy if you do. Jewellery and accessories also often have a story behind them or mean something to the girl.
Be empathetic
If someone has an interest, a passion, or a strong point of view you have 3 options. The first is to say “me too”, the second is to disagree, and the 3rd and best option is to show that you understand why she has this passion, interest or view regardless of whether you share it. If someone likes cooking, you don’t have to also like cooking to show that you understand why she would like it. In the form of a question, tell her why cooking might be something she enjoys so much.
Talk about things that evoke passions and feeling.
What is something they are very passionate about, it might be anything from friends and family, to travel, to ballet. Connect on these points by showing you understand why they feel that way. Do not gloss over them, say “me too”, or immediately change subject, talk about yourself or ask another question.
Do these things and you will make a real connection quickly. Instead of it taking weeks, you can do it in hours or days.
Did you find those tips useful? Learn more here
Making a deep connection quickly with a woman is a skill that most guys lack. They speak in logical ways, do not listen, and relate everything the woman says to themselves instead of trying to understand things from her point of view. This makes it difficult to establish a connection, evoke feelings in her, and make her feel like she has had a great conversation. Here is what you need to do:
Relate things to them not to you or your life.
When someone says they have had an experience, like going to Thailand, it is common to instantly relate it to yourself and talk about the time you went to Thailand, or say that you have never gone. Instead, try to imagine what it was like for them, bring out the memories, and show interest in their amazing holiday, don’t sweep it under the table by immediately talking about yourself. Connect for a bit, then it is fine to relate it to yourself.
Use what they give you.
When someone is talking they give you pieces of information about them, their feelings and their lives. You can ignore this and talk about yourself or ask another question, but you will be missing an opportunity to connect. Connect on each point before moving on to the next.
Be Observant
Notice things about their appearance (clothes, accessories, hair, nails, jewellery). Women usually put a lot of effort and time into the way they look; their bag might match their shoes, belt, earrings, and dress. Most people don’t notice, they’ll be happy if you do. Jewellery and accessories also often have a story behind them or mean something to the girl.
Be empathetic
If someone has an interest, a passion, or a strong point of view you have 3 options. The first is to say “me too”, the second is to disagree, and the 3rd and best option is to show that you understand why she has this passion, interest or view regardless of whether you share it. If someone likes cooking, you don’t have to also like cooking to show that you understand why she would like it. In the form of a question, tell her why cooking might be something she enjoys so much.
Talk about things that evoke passions and feeling.
What is something they are very passionate about, it might be anything from friends and family, to travel, to ballet. Connect on these points by showing you understand why they feel that way. Do not gloss over them, say “me too”, or immediately change subject, talk about yourself or ask another question.
Do these things and you will make a real connection quickly. Instead of it taking weeks, you can do it in hours or days.
Did you find those tips useful? Learn more here
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Using The “Magic” of Intuition with Men
By Christian Carter Dating Advice For Women
Using The “Magic” of Intuition With Men
Have you ever felt “magic” with a man?
Like when the connection you and a guy share is so strong that something inside you just tells you've got something real and special.
That connection and chemistry is almost impossible to describe to someone who doesn't have it, but it's even more impossible to ignore when you've got it.
Even if you know the guy isn't the right kind of guy to be wanting to settle down with.
You can't stop thinking about the man and the connection - it's like a spell over the both of you.
Infatuation, crushes, connections, chemistry or even the “L” word.
That's right, LOVE.
At one time or another, one of these have had almost magical powers over you that make you see, feel and act in ways you never would have before.
Well, believe it or not, there's other magic waiting for you beyond connections or chemistry when it comes to men, dating and relationships.
The best part is that you've got your very own kind of “magic” up your sleeve that you can tap into whenever you want and use it for your own immediate benefit.
What kind of magic and what kind of benefits you ask?
Using this magic could mean the difference between finding out any major issues a guy has before they become a real problem OR getting your heart broken and never have seen it coming.
Let me ask you...
Have you ever been with a guy and he seemed to have it all together?
He was caring, loving, generous, present and aware and you had such an amazing time together.
But then some of his issues popped up out of NOWHERE.
Maybe his issues were some of the dreaded and common ones we predictable and difficult men go through like these:
- He started getting restless and he talked about how he wasn't really ready to settle down.
- He didn't see things getting as serious as you did.
- The connection started fading. He didn't try to connect to you much anymore and share his intimate feelings.
- You weren't a priority. He wanted to spend his time with his friends or other people and didn't value the time you spent together like you did.
- He started flirting, talking to or even getting together with other women even if he wasn't technically “cheating”.
Recognize any of these?
What's going on here?
Here's where your “magic” comes in.
(When I say “magic” in this case, I mean something that will give you perception and insights into situations before and while they're happening)
OK, you might already be thinking,
“Has he lost it?”
“What in the world is he talking about MAGIC for?”
“Who believes in that stuff anyways?”
I'm with you there...
The magic I'm talking about here isn't that far out stuff about conjuring up spells or changing into an animal.
Let's leave that kind of magic to Harry Potter and your imagination.
The magic I'm talking about is different and exists in the real world, but it's just as amazing.
And it centers around an important idea-
*You instinctively know more about what's going on in the world around you than you or your conscious mind fully recognizes.
Wow, getting pretty heavy here.
Don't worry... I'll bring this back down to earth and land the plane quickly. And that's where this will get fascinating...
Here's the kicker-
You ALREADY HAVE this magical ability.
All you have to do is tune into it.
Easier said than done, right. So how does that work?
This “magic” is something that comes “pre-wired” in your brain because of the way your consciousness and your subconscious mind is hooked up to the rest of your complex body systems and senses.
So the good news is that this ability is there for you anytime you want to use it.
But the bad news is that you have to take time to fully tune into it and recognize your ability. Kind of like a practice.
Music is a good analogy for this - You can't just pick up an instrument and start playing, right?
But once you start to become more aware of the instrument, the music and how to play, things start to naturally fall into place.
Sounds, melodies and rhythms just start to flow out of you while you're in the moment.
It's like they appear out of thin air and nothing could feel more natural. And your mind is able to process all the information coming at it and use it to anticipate what's next.
Well, this is EXACTLY what this magical ability of yours is like.
Your mind is constantly picking up on information from your environment, even when you're not really conscious of it.
And all that information is being “processed” over and over to try and calculate the risk, danger, and expectations from your environment to try to find a way towards the outcome you want.
So let's get to it. What is this “magical” ability?
And why am I talking about it?
Well, I'll start with what the ability is...
**INTUITION**
You're probably already familiar with the word.
But stop right there...
When you hear the term “intuition”, it's easy to attach all of your previous feelings and beliefs about it and dismiss it as some kind of new age “flaky” stuff.
I hear you, but indulge me here by keeping an open mind for a few minutes- I'll make it worth your while.
How?
Well, to put it simply, you'd be cheating yourself by not spending the couple of minutes or so that it takes to open your mind to the natural power of your intuition and how to tune into it.
And that couple of minutes could help you solve some of the age-old challenges women have about knowing and understanding what's really inside a man's heart and mind.
I mean, it's not like men make it very easy for women, right?
I don't have to tell you, but MEN ARE BAD COMMUNICATORS when it comes to their feelings, emotions and intentions around love and relationships.
So knowing that men are often this way, you have a choice here:
You can either do nothing about it and continue to be shocked, frustrated, surprised and hurt by the things you find out about men after the fact.
Or...
You can start to create a more perceptive and insightful way of being in your own life and relationships by using more the natural intuitive abilities you already have.
Which one will it be?
Cool... so you're ready to tune into your own intuitive ability.
Good call - let's get rolling.
Using Your Intuition With Men And Dating
Using your intuition might be the best, and in some situations the ONLY, way that you'll be able to see through all the external “behavior stuff” going on with a man and get to the truth of what's really happening inside his mind and what his behavior is when you're not around.
Like when a man plays hard to get, or he doesn't call you much or initiate, or when a man gets close and then withdraws from you right after.
Why do men do this?
For each one of these I've got some interesting insights and theories that can help.
But...
From my perspective, there are some extremely important concepts that you need to understand before you can really “get” where a man is coming from or understand what his behaviors and issues are all about.
First, you need to build your foundation of understanding and make sure your own personal belief systems aren't all mixed up. If they are, there's no way for you to see the real “cause and effect” around you.
You'll just see what your mind is fearful and afraid of, and it will only pick out and see what it knows from the past.
Which is usually is a result of a few things you've experienced before.
Including good relationships, bad relationships, pain, broken trust, destructive behaviors, etc...
Humans learn in all kind of fascinating ways, but not all of them produce decisions and conclusions that reflect the reality of what's actually going on.
That's why I find belief systems so fascinating. Our minds basically act as giant pattern recognition machines - which can either lead us to right or wrong conclusions and ways of perceiving our environment.
But let's bring this back down to earth...
Do you know anyone women close to you who've had difficult relationships in the past?
And now they often have unfounded and negative fears about any man around them?
Their past experiences have had a huge impact on their personal beliefs and how they see themselves and the world.
Anyways, before I get even more off on a tangent-
I've got to get on with it, so I'll need to give you abridged version. In other words, the very shortest route to get away from counterproductive thoughts and beliefs you might already have and onto positive results.
Here are some of the most important concepts you'll need to keep in your mind as you move towards listening to and using your intuition with men:
1. Men Don't Make Sense
All those frustrating things that men do that don't make any sense to you as a woman will NEVER MAKE SENSE. Stop trying to make sense of them for yourself. Trying to make sense of a man in your own terms is entirely counterproductive and gets little or no results other than you becoming increasingly frustrated.
There's a better way.
2. You Can't Figure Everything Out
Have you ever REALLY hit it off with a guy but after a few weeks or months, even though things seemed great, the man pulled away and starting acting distant and cold?
Most men, at one time or another, do things like this that are ridiculous and impossible to figure out. So EXPECT to NOT UNDERSTAND everything a man does. If you can become more comfortable with the idea of not knowing everything about WHY a man does what he does, then you'll feel a strange sense of calm relaxation - along with an increase in your own self-confidence.
I'm not saying that it's OK for a man to do whatever and that you should accept any negative and withdrawing behaviors without bringing it up and confronting it.
You absolutely should take notice and make mention of these things when you see them.
But the more relaxed and positive you can think and feel around these things, no matter what the man is doing, the sooner you'll stop fighting everything in your mind and start creating better situations for yourself.
It's frustrating and counterintuitive, but accepting what's going on and moving forward from that reality in a positive way changes the whole frame of the situation.
But some women get stuck in the “I need to understand why he does this and THEN I'll figure out what to do, think and feel” mindset.
This almost never leads to clear thinking and positive action. Remember, men don't make any sense. So don't depend on their actions making sense for you to develop your own opinions, judgments and next steps.
Pay attention to your gut, what you want in your life and what you know is right instead of rationalizing and finding a way for it to all fit together and be OK.
3. Ask Yourself Questions, Be Patient And Your Intuition Will Talk
Your intuition talks to you through feelings, images, and bodily sensations such as “gut feelings”. Learn to pay attention to what these are trying to tell you and what's going on when they pop up in your mind.
Maybe you're being more open and relaxed when those intuitive gut feelings come to you - so try to get back to that place more often. This way you'll end up being able to tap into your intuition more often when you need it.
If you don't think you have a strong intuitive sense, simply try asking yourself more questions and keep them mulling around in your mind.
When you've got something in the back of your mind, something amazing happens without you even trying.
Your brain takes notice and uses all your senses to find any sign or trace of information that relates to your questions as you go about your day.
It's kind of like a search running in the background on your computer - even though you're doing something else it doesn't stop looking.
After you've asked your questions, your mind will start sending you ideas, feelings and images without you even thinking about it. But sometimes this takes more time than you'd like.
Finally, your intuitive voice will eventually just pop up and start to give you hints and information without you even asking for it. And then it's up to you to pay attention, acknowledge it and make good use of it.
4. Think Positive - Don't Fill Your Mind With Fear And Doubt
Some women end up worrying almost obsessively that something is wrong or going badly with a guy they're interested in or dating once they see some negative sign or pattern.
And once this happens, they want to know what's going on so intently that they start letting their negative and obsessive thoughts take over.
If you want to be able to use your intuition, you need to start interrupting that voice in your head that's the “fear-monger”.
You know the one - that voice that's always worrying just to try and keep you safe and protected.
The thing is, you can't find the truth in a situation if you if your mind is buried in your fears and doubts.
Just like how overly arrogant people can be misled by their false sense of belief in themselves.
Keep a balanced and objective mindset.
5. Start With Smaller, Less Important Questions For Your Intuition To Answer
If your new to using your intuition or you're concerned with if or how to act on it, start with smaller things that might be less important - like whether or not you should go away for the weekend or if your friend will like the gift you've been thinking about for them.
That way, you can be practicing and learn to use your intuition without doing it in high-risk or high-pressure situations. This will help you develop your abilities and become more comfortable to trust what you find with your intuition.
6. Act On Your Intuition With The “Long-Term” In Mind
Years ago I had a huge learning experience when it came to using and listening to my intuition in the right way.
The situation came up when I was worried that a few people I worked with, who were my managers at the time, we're talking about me and scrutinizing my work more closely than they had before.
Feeling and sensing the scrutiny, I immediately felt worried about my job and wondered if they were thinking about letting me go.
The company had laid off several employees a few months before, so I began to think that their extra attention to my work must have something to do with another round of cost-cutting.
Anyways, aside from my own professional insecurities at the time, my gut told me that something bad was coming.
So what should I do?
I was really worried.
I decided to push myself even harder at work to try and show them how valuable I was in hopes that I would keep my job. But that uncomfortable and nervous feeling in my stomach that came with my intuition about their scrutiny of my work stayed with me for the next several weeks.
Well, it turns out that my managers were watching me and judging my performance. But it wasn't for the reasons I feared.
A few weeks later I was called into a meeting with the managers who had been watching me closely.
Walking down the hall to the meeting, I had a lump in my throat and a turning stomach.
My intuition was leading me to the conclusion that this was it - I was getting fired for the first time in my life.
I couldn't believe it.
So I walked into the meeting feelings anxious, defensive and tense.
As I sat down, one of my managers could immediately sense my discomfort and asked me what was wrong.
Without provocation, I immediately started defending my job and showing my insecurities.
My emotions got the best of me and I even said a few negative things about the managers themselves, as I wanted to place what I saw as equal blame on the managers for the companies problems.
They quickly stopped me once I started into these issues.
Then they let me know that they had been watching my performance because they wanted to put me in charge of a new division. They wanted to be confident in their decision so they paid extra attention to my work to be sure - and now they were.
I breathed a huge sigh of relief and my mood completely changed.
End of story.
Thinking back, my intuition had alerted me so that I'd be aware of what was going on.
But the mistake I made was taking that information and using it to justify my own fears and insecurities.
If I would have taken the information, been patient with it and applied it towards my goals in a positive context, then the entire experience knowing that the managers were watching my work would have been fun and enjoyable.
But I didn't use my intuition to see my way to something better, I simply used it as a means to worry and stress myself out.
So all this talk about intuition.
How does it really apply to the men in your life, dating and relationships?
Well, take a man with some of those common negative behaviors we were talking about earlier-
- fear of intimacy
- inability to commit
- flirting, cheating
Intuition can help you see past these things and understand them in the larger context of the deeper real “psychological and emotional stuff” that's hiding beneath the surface.
Your intuition could even help you cut through a man's ego and persona to get to the real person that's hard to find.
I bet you've known a man who other women think would never settle down or have a sensitive side. But you've seen that this actually does have more long term intimate feelings and emotional attachments buried underneath.
Intuition is probably the best tool for being able to identify good and bad qualities in a man - and knowing them for what they are.
A man's external or surface behavior and attitude can be very different than his deeper desires and intentions - as you probably already know.
Some men are, unfortunately, just good at playing the part of an emotionally stable, available and loving guy for a while, even if they aren't.
So it's really up to YOU to learn to get to the “deeper emotional truth” of any man you're interested in or dating.
And yeah, I know men can be sooo frustrating for women.
In a better world, men would be able to tell you honestly and sincerely where they were at.
But as you know, MEN SUCK sometimes.
They can be HORRIBLY out of touch when it comes to feelings and emotions.
So if you're constantly surprised, blind-sided or confused by what people around you do, (most of all men) then it's time to get in touch with the amazing intuitive ability you have waiting for you.
To take your intuition to the next level - the more you already know the better.
For some of the best knowledge out there on what's inside a man's mind, how to identify good men (or the wrong guys), and to read more about the common behaviors most men have when they're either smitten with a woman or desperately unable to get it together, then check out my ebook “Catch Him And Keep Him”.
You can check out all the details here:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Thanks for reading and best of luck in life and love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
Using The “Magic” of Intuition With Men
Have you ever felt “magic” with a man?
Like when the connection you and a guy share is so strong that something inside you just tells you've got something real and special.
That connection and chemistry is almost impossible to describe to someone who doesn't have it, but it's even more impossible to ignore when you've got it.
Even if you know the guy isn't the right kind of guy to be wanting to settle down with.
You can't stop thinking about the man and the connection - it's like a spell over the both of you.
Infatuation, crushes, connections, chemistry or even the “L” word.
That's right, LOVE.
At one time or another, one of these have had almost magical powers over you that make you see, feel and act in ways you never would have before.
Well, believe it or not, there's other magic waiting for you beyond connections or chemistry when it comes to men, dating and relationships.
The best part is that you've got your very own kind of “magic” up your sleeve that you can tap into whenever you want and use it for your own immediate benefit.
What kind of magic and what kind of benefits you ask?
Using this magic could mean the difference between finding out any major issues a guy has before they become a real problem OR getting your heart broken and never have seen it coming.
Let me ask you...
Have you ever been with a guy and he seemed to have it all together?
He was caring, loving, generous, present and aware and you had such an amazing time together.
But then some of his issues popped up out of NOWHERE.
Maybe his issues were some of the dreaded and common ones we predictable and difficult men go through like these:
- He started getting restless and he talked about how he wasn't really ready to settle down.
- He didn't see things getting as serious as you did.
- The connection started fading. He didn't try to connect to you much anymore and share his intimate feelings.
- You weren't a priority. He wanted to spend his time with his friends or other people and didn't value the time you spent together like you did.
- He started flirting, talking to or even getting together with other women even if he wasn't technically “cheating”.
Recognize any of these?
What's going on here?
Here's where your “magic” comes in.
(When I say “magic” in this case, I mean something that will give you perception and insights into situations before and while they're happening)
OK, you might already be thinking,
“Has he lost it?”
“What in the world is he talking about MAGIC for?”
“Who believes in that stuff anyways?”
I'm with you there...
The magic I'm talking about here isn't that far out stuff about conjuring up spells or changing into an animal.
Let's leave that kind of magic to Harry Potter and your imagination.
The magic I'm talking about is different and exists in the real world, but it's just as amazing.
And it centers around an important idea-
*You instinctively know more about what's going on in the world around you than you or your conscious mind fully recognizes.
Wow, getting pretty heavy here.
Don't worry... I'll bring this back down to earth and land the plane quickly. And that's where this will get fascinating...
Here's the kicker-
You ALREADY HAVE this magical ability.
All you have to do is tune into it.
Easier said than done, right. So how does that work?
This “magic” is something that comes “pre-wired” in your brain because of the way your consciousness and your subconscious mind is hooked up to the rest of your complex body systems and senses.
So the good news is that this ability is there for you anytime you want to use it.
But the bad news is that you have to take time to fully tune into it and recognize your ability. Kind of like a practice.
Music is a good analogy for this - You can't just pick up an instrument and start playing, right?
But once you start to become more aware of the instrument, the music and how to play, things start to naturally fall into place.
Sounds, melodies and rhythms just start to flow out of you while you're in the moment.
It's like they appear out of thin air and nothing could feel more natural. And your mind is able to process all the information coming at it and use it to anticipate what's next.
Well, this is EXACTLY what this magical ability of yours is like.
Your mind is constantly picking up on information from your environment, even when you're not really conscious of it.
And all that information is being “processed” over and over to try and calculate the risk, danger, and expectations from your environment to try to find a way towards the outcome you want.
So let's get to it. What is this “magical” ability?
And why am I talking about it?
Well, I'll start with what the ability is...
**INTUITION**
You're probably already familiar with the word.
But stop right there...
When you hear the term “intuition”, it's easy to attach all of your previous feelings and beliefs about it and dismiss it as some kind of new age “flaky” stuff.
I hear you, but indulge me here by keeping an open mind for a few minutes- I'll make it worth your while.
How?
Well, to put it simply, you'd be cheating yourself by not spending the couple of minutes or so that it takes to open your mind to the natural power of your intuition and how to tune into it.
And that couple of minutes could help you solve some of the age-old challenges women have about knowing and understanding what's really inside a man's heart and mind.
I mean, it's not like men make it very easy for women, right?
I don't have to tell you, but MEN ARE BAD COMMUNICATORS when it comes to their feelings, emotions and intentions around love and relationships.
So knowing that men are often this way, you have a choice here:
You can either do nothing about it and continue to be shocked, frustrated, surprised and hurt by the things you find out about men after the fact.
Or...
You can start to create a more perceptive and insightful way of being in your own life and relationships by using more the natural intuitive abilities you already have.
Which one will it be?
Cool... so you're ready to tune into your own intuitive ability.
Good call - let's get rolling.
Using Your Intuition With Men And Dating
Using your intuition might be the best, and in some situations the ONLY, way that you'll be able to see through all the external “behavior stuff” going on with a man and get to the truth of what's really happening inside his mind and what his behavior is when you're not around.
Like when a man plays hard to get, or he doesn't call you much or initiate, or when a man gets close and then withdraws from you right after.
Why do men do this?
For each one of these I've got some interesting insights and theories that can help.
But...
From my perspective, there are some extremely important concepts that you need to understand before you can really “get” where a man is coming from or understand what his behaviors and issues are all about.
First, you need to build your foundation of understanding and make sure your own personal belief systems aren't all mixed up. If they are, there's no way for you to see the real “cause and effect” around you.
You'll just see what your mind is fearful and afraid of, and it will only pick out and see what it knows from the past.
Which is usually is a result of a few things you've experienced before.
Including good relationships, bad relationships, pain, broken trust, destructive behaviors, etc...
Humans learn in all kind of fascinating ways, but not all of them produce decisions and conclusions that reflect the reality of what's actually going on.
That's why I find belief systems so fascinating. Our minds basically act as giant pattern recognition machines - which can either lead us to right or wrong conclusions and ways of perceiving our environment.
But let's bring this back down to earth...
Do you know anyone women close to you who've had difficult relationships in the past?
And now they often have unfounded and negative fears about any man around them?
Their past experiences have had a huge impact on their personal beliefs and how they see themselves and the world.
Anyways, before I get even more off on a tangent-
I've got to get on with it, so I'll need to give you abridged version. In other words, the very shortest route to get away from counterproductive thoughts and beliefs you might already have and onto positive results.
Here are some of the most important concepts you'll need to keep in your mind as you move towards listening to and using your intuition with men:
1. Men Don't Make Sense
All those frustrating things that men do that don't make any sense to you as a woman will NEVER MAKE SENSE. Stop trying to make sense of them for yourself. Trying to make sense of a man in your own terms is entirely counterproductive and gets little or no results other than you becoming increasingly frustrated.
There's a better way.
2. You Can't Figure Everything Out
Have you ever REALLY hit it off with a guy but after a few weeks or months, even though things seemed great, the man pulled away and starting acting distant and cold?
Most men, at one time or another, do things like this that are ridiculous and impossible to figure out. So EXPECT to NOT UNDERSTAND everything a man does. If you can become more comfortable with the idea of not knowing everything about WHY a man does what he does, then you'll feel a strange sense of calm relaxation - along with an increase in your own self-confidence.
I'm not saying that it's OK for a man to do whatever and that you should accept any negative and withdrawing behaviors without bringing it up and confronting it.
You absolutely should take notice and make mention of these things when you see them.
But the more relaxed and positive you can think and feel around these things, no matter what the man is doing, the sooner you'll stop fighting everything in your mind and start creating better situations for yourself.
It's frustrating and counterintuitive, but accepting what's going on and moving forward from that reality in a positive way changes the whole frame of the situation.
But some women get stuck in the “I need to understand why he does this and THEN I'll figure out what to do, think and feel” mindset.
This almost never leads to clear thinking and positive action. Remember, men don't make any sense. So don't depend on their actions making sense for you to develop your own opinions, judgments and next steps.
Pay attention to your gut, what you want in your life and what you know is right instead of rationalizing and finding a way for it to all fit together and be OK.
3. Ask Yourself Questions, Be Patient And Your Intuition Will Talk
Your intuition talks to you through feelings, images, and bodily sensations such as “gut feelings”. Learn to pay attention to what these are trying to tell you and what's going on when they pop up in your mind.
Maybe you're being more open and relaxed when those intuitive gut feelings come to you - so try to get back to that place more often. This way you'll end up being able to tap into your intuition more often when you need it.
If you don't think you have a strong intuitive sense, simply try asking yourself more questions and keep them mulling around in your mind.
When you've got something in the back of your mind, something amazing happens without you even trying.
Your brain takes notice and uses all your senses to find any sign or trace of information that relates to your questions as you go about your day.
It's kind of like a search running in the background on your computer - even though you're doing something else it doesn't stop looking.
After you've asked your questions, your mind will start sending you ideas, feelings and images without you even thinking about it. But sometimes this takes more time than you'd like.
Finally, your intuitive voice will eventually just pop up and start to give you hints and information without you even asking for it. And then it's up to you to pay attention, acknowledge it and make good use of it.
4. Think Positive - Don't Fill Your Mind With Fear And Doubt
Some women end up worrying almost obsessively that something is wrong or going badly with a guy they're interested in or dating once they see some negative sign or pattern.
And once this happens, they want to know what's going on so intently that they start letting their negative and obsessive thoughts take over.
If you want to be able to use your intuition, you need to start interrupting that voice in your head that's the “fear-monger”.
You know the one - that voice that's always worrying just to try and keep you safe and protected.
The thing is, you can't find the truth in a situation if you if your mind is buried in your fears and doubts.
Just like how overly arrogant people can be misled by their false sense of belief in themselves.
Keep a balanced and objective mindset.
5. Start With Smaller, Less Important Questions For Your Intuition To Answer
If your new to using your intuition or you're concerned with if or how to act on it, start with smaller things that might be less important - like whether or not you should go away for the weekend or if your friend will like the gift you've been thinking about for them.
That way, you can be practicing and learn to use your intuition without doing it in high-risk or high-pressure situations. This will help you develop your abilities and become more comfortable to trust what you find with your intuition.
6. Act On Your Intuition With The “Long-Term” In Mind
Years ago I had a huge learning experience when it came to using and listening to my intuition in the right way.
The situation came up when I was worried that a few people I worked with, who were my managers at the time, we're talking about me and scrutinizing my work more closely than they had before.
Feeling and sensing the scrutiny, I immediately felt worried about my job and wondered if they were thinking about letting me go.
The company had laid off several employees a few months before, so I began to think that their extra attention to my work must have something to do with another round of cost-cutting.
Anyways, aside from my own professional insecurities at the time, my gut told me that something bad was coming.
So what should I do?
I was really worried.
I decided to push myself even harder at work to try and show them how valuable I was in hopes that I would keep my job. But that uncomfortable and nervous feeling in my stomach that came with my intuition about their scrutiny of my work stayed with me for the next several weeks.
Well, it turns out that my managers were watching me and judging my performance. But it wasn't for the reasons I feared.
A few weeks later I was called into a meeting with the managers who had been watching me closely.
Walking down the hall to the meeting, I had a lump in my throat and a turning stomach.
My intuition was leading me to the conclusion that this was it - I was getting fired for the first time in my life.
I couldn't believe it.
So I walked into the meeting feelings anxious, defensive and tense.
As I sat down, one of my managers could immediately sense my discomfort and asked me what was wrong.
Without provocation, I immediately started defending my job and showing my insecurities.
My emotions got the best of me and I even said a few negative things about the managers themselves, as I wanted to place what I saw as equal blame on the managers for the companies problems.
They quickly stopped me once I started into these issues.
Then they let me know that they had been watching my performance because they wanted to put me in charge of a new division. They wanted to be confident in their decision so they paid extra attention to my work to be sure - and now they were.
I breathed a huge sigh of relief and my mood completely changed.
End of story.
Thinking back, my intuition had alerted me so that I'd be aware of what was going on.
But the mistake I made was taking that information and using it to justify my own fears and insecurities.
If I would have taken the information, been patient with it and applied it towards my goals in a positive context, then the entire experience knowing that the managers were watching my work would have been fun and enjoyable.
But I didn't use my intuition to see my way to something better, I simply used it as a means to worry and stress myself out.
So all this talk about intuition.
How does it really apply to the men in your life, dating and relationships?
Well, take a man with some of those common negative behaviors we were talking about earlier-
- fear of intimacy
- inability to commit
- flirting, cheating
Intuition can help you see past these things and understand them in the larger context of the deeper real “psychological and emotional stuff” that's hiding beneath the surface.
Your intuition could even help you cut through a man's ego and persona to get to the real person that's hard to find.
I bet you've known a man who other women think would never settle down or have a sensitive side. But you've seen that this actually does have more long term intimate feelings and emotional attachments buried underneath.
Intuition is probably the best tool for being able to identify good and bad qualities in a man - and knowing them for what they are.
A man's external or surface behavior and attitude can be very different than his deeper desires and intentions - as you probably already know.
Some men are, unfortunately, just good at playing the part of an emotionally stable, available and loving guy for a while, even if they aren't.
So it's really up to YOU to learn to get to the “deeper emotional truth” of any man you're interested in or dating.
And yeah, I know men can be sooo frustrating for women.
In a better world, men would be able to tell you honestly and sincerely where they were at.
But as you know, MEN SUCK sometimes.
They can be HORRIBLY out of touch when it comes to feelings and emotions.
So if you're constantly surprised, blind-sided or confused by what people around you do, (most of all men) then it's time to get in touch with the amazing intuitive ability you have waiting for you.
To take your intuition to the next level - the more you already know the better.
For some of the best knowledge out there on what's inside a man's mind, how to identify good men (or the wrong guys), and to read more about the common behaviors most men have when they're either smitten with a woman or desperately unable to get it together, then check out my ebook “Catch Him And Keep Him”.
You can check out all the details here:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Thanks for reading and best of luck in life and love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
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