Monday, August 18, 2008

Your Date, Your Image, Their First Impression

Your Date, Your Image, Their First Impression
What Do They Think Of You? Check Your Image for Cause and Effect
by April Masini

Q: Dear April,
My sister is always giving me a hard time about my clothes, and about the "bad impression" they give. Do women really care that much about the way men dress, or is she just being a bitch?

Is Image Everything
Dear Is Image Everything,
You’ve likely heard the expression, "You can’t judge a book by its cover." But if you believe it’s true - I would strongly suggest you not to go into publishing!
Book and magazine publishers have long since proven that although a cover may not tell you what’s on the inside, it is the reason that we’re initially drawn to a book, and it is the reason we choose to take one magazine off the shelf as opposed to another. Here’s the thing—until a book is picked up, guess what? No sale. And no sale means that the great story inside never gets told.

How does this relate to you? Simple. You, like a book, may be fabulous on the inside, but if you haven’t interested people enough with "your cover" to pick you up and see what you’re all about - there is no way they are ever going to find out!

Clearly, my objective is not to defend the value of the book cover, but rather to illustrate a point. That being that your image—from the clothes and accessories you wear, to the car you drive, to your hairstyle and hygiene—is your book cover. It may not fully or accurately represent the whole story that lies inside your proverbial pages, but it will determine your ability to make a sale, in both the literal and figurative sense.

You Only Get One Shot (At Making A Good First Impression)
Remember the adage, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression,” and heed its warning. Those impressions are formed in a matter of seconds. Being both immediate and long lasting (if not permanent), they will largely determine your success or failure – with women, with career, with life.

The Old Double Standard

Many men—though maybe not you—might be reading this and thinking that the lesson doesn’t apply to them because, well…they’re men, and men don’t have to be concerned with their appearances (their “covers”) in the way that women do.

If you’re one of these guys, you’d better wake up…and fast! This type of misconception—and let there be no mistake about it, it most definitely is a misconception—may not only be holding you back from reaching your goals—it might downright prevent your success! But don’t just take my word for it. Studies have shown that white-collar job interviews involving strangers succeed or fail, much more due to appearance-derived judgments than underlying abilities. Is it unfair? Yes. But is it true? You absolutely, categorically, better believe it is!
GUYS, get Date Out Of Your League! Chapter 8, called ZZ Topless, has rules, tips, and advice and outlines a complete (and I do mean complete) wardrobe for you, This chapter that will take the guess work out of how to dress, and will give you confidence in knowing that you look good.
LADIES, I went all out for you revealing wardrobe, hair, make-up, and diet secrets , tips, and tricks in Think & Date Like A Man. Chapter 9: Get A Good Hair-Fare, Chapter 10: Oh, Make Me Over, Chapter 11: There's No Body Like A Hot Body, and Chapter 12: Clothes That Will Get You Close to Him -- are all written with one goal in mind, so that you can learn how to find the man of your dreams, get him, and keep him.
Check Your Image for "Cause & Effect"

It’s been over 2,000 years since Socrates explained “The Law of Cause and Effect," and you know what? After all this time, nothing has changed. When you pick the action, you pick the result. You choose your image – you choose how people will react to you and how they will treat you. That is a proven fact!

Everyone -- from the sexy woman you see every morning at Starbucks who you’ve been working up the courage to ask out, to your boss who may (or may not) give you a promotion, to the maitre d' who determines which table you get -- will make judgments about you that modify their behavior, and determine their treatment of you, based upon your appearance and their perception of you.

In other words, that sexy woman might think twice about saying yes if she’s not crazy about your dirty, scuffed up shoes or the way you were slurping your coffee as you neglected to hold the door open for that elderly older woman. And your boss might not consider you for that promotion if you’re coming in every day looking disheveled and unkempt; or if you did not allow a female client to walk ahead of you to the table, and pull out her chair, at that important dinner he invited you to. And the maitre d’? You know where you’ll be sitting if you’ve missed getting your monthly hair cut – for a third week – or show up wearing a wrinkled shirt and "too loose in the seat" pants! That’s right. The back…next to the kitchen…on the way to the bathroom.

Look The Part

Now that you grasp the importance of your image, it’s time to actually do something about it. Because while it may seem unjust that people make judgments based on “covers”, or that your success depends upon an initial impression of only a few seconds, the great part is that your image—and the judgments others make about you based upon it—is that most of it is totally within your control!
Be The Part

The real question is whether you’re going to positively—or negatively—affect and influence that judging. The real question is whether it will be you getting the promotion, or the well-dressed guy with impeccable manners next to you (you know the one who’s got half the qualifications as you but somehow comes across as more together). The real question is when you’re going to accept the fact that looking the part is one giant leap toward actually being the part.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, 50 First Dates and The Next 50 Dates, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine


Terry said...

I agree with Jay. When you look around in a crowded room both men and women only have visual to use a gage at first. So what we see can clearly make a decision if we want to chat with.

So looking good is the way in, but how you act is the way you stay.

Anonymous said...

Regarding the issue of whether men have to pay attention to their appearance as much as women, I must make an important distinction between the sexes here to show why woman are and should be more focused on their looks.

Generally, in the realm of romance-sex, men are the pursuers; women the pursued. This means that in order to get the man to think about pursuing her, the woman must first attract him visually—and that means she must focus on looking good. True, the man must also look attractive in order to gain a woman’s interest, but he won’t really know whether or not she likes him until he goes up and starts talking to her. If the woman doesn’t catch a man’s eye, nothing happens. If a man doesn’t catch a woman’s eye, he still can approach her. Women don’t generally go up to men — they hang around nearby to get their attention.

I think this is the fundamental reason why women are generally more concerned about their looks than men.

~ Joe

Anonymous said...

Oddly, I dress as if I were going to a job interview, neat, clean and smiling. You certainly cannot tell a book by its cover, but have you ever pulled a book off the shelf merely because something about it caught your eye? That's Speed Dating! You do not judge appearance, so much as you look for what catches your eye...and it's not in the clothing, so much as it is in the "vibes" given off by the WHOLE person sitting before you. If you are happy to be a book in the section of Speed Dating Books, it will definitely show...and who knows who might want to learn more about you and select you from the book shelf!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Jay....first impressions say so much--for both men and women. It also demonstrates how much thought a person has put into looking their best. If a man shows up all disheveled, I am going to think that he is not interested in making a good impression or standing out and therefore, he must not care if I get to know him, or give him the opportunity to take things in a positive direction. Also, some physical things are more out of our hands...but when a person is out of shape, and I mean...very fat--it only translates as someone who doesn't care about their health and hygiene enough to work out and make themselves a priority. I equate someone out of shape to being lazy and unmotivated. Not very impressive, moreso if a woman is into fitness and takes pride in her appearance. When in doubt, or in need of help--go to any department store--like Saks or Bloomingdales and ask for a personal shopper in the men's department. It's that easy!