Sunday, June 03, 2007

Tips on How to Make a "Clean Break"

The following article comes from

Here’s the scenario. You break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend. But then you decide to ‘try again’ and get back together. Then you break up again. Then you get back together. Well, this vicious cycle isn’t good for either partner. Why? Because you’re both stuck in a relationship that makes neither of you happy. So here are some tips on how you can make a ‘clean break.’ These come from Dr. Les Parrott, author of the book Love Talk.

Use direct language. Saying something like ‘We should take a break’ gives the other person hope that the relationship could work out in the future. It may seem mean to say ‘I don’t want to see you anymore,’ but it’s even worse to give the other person false hope.

Tell them what’s wrong with you. When someone doesn’t want to let go, they’ll assume if they change, the break up doesn’t have to happen. So tell the other person whythe relationship won’t work. But make it about you. Say something like ‘I’m too lazy to be with a go-getter like you and I’m not going to change.’ This way, your partner won’t assume you’ll come back if they fix all their bad habits.

Don’t be friends! Planting the idea of friendship means you won’t make a clean break. Tell the person you both need to move on for good. Emotional divorce is crucial in break ups, and friendship won’t achieve that.

Don’t relapse! If you run into your old flame somewhere – and you’re tempted to kiss them – don’t do it! How can you resist? Think about what will happen after the kiss. You’ll probably get back together, and get into that vicious make up / break up cycle again. These negative thoughts will make kissing your ex less enticing. And avoiding these romance relapses will allow you and your old flame to move on and meet someone who truly makes you happy.

Speed Dating and Singles Events from NYC, Long Island, Queens


Anonymous said...

carol says:

A clean break can be an emotional freedom & honesty is best. If it's not working tell (yourself) & your partner the truth; "I'm taking a break & let's see where we both are in 3/6 months from now". Let what is meant to be unfold with time. It doesn't mean you can't try again; sometimes you need to step away in order to move past the rut/issues /habits that are destroying the love that is there. Cherish the good you had. And, if you find someone new, be honest & accept that you've moved on. When you do, you will be able to let go of any hurt & disappointment you may have felt.

Anonymous said...

I am so confused I have been with my boyfriend for alittle over 4 years and I just feel like it's going nowhere. I don't know what to do. We have had our fair share of ups and downs, I want to take a couple months off and truly test are love for one another. But is that the right step to take? I just feel like he's a roomate with benefits. I love him to death but where is it going???