I was talking with a female friend this week about a few of her recent dating experiences and it seemed like a good thing to share with you all.
*Date with Bobby- started out very good and she seemed to really enjoy his company until.....the end of the night when the check came after dinner. Bobby complained about how much the bill was and asked her to pay for half. Bobby is not getting a second date. My friend said "he picked the place and if it was too expensive, we should not have gone there."
*Date with Charlie- also started out great and everything flowed nicely over dinner. "I really liked him.....until the end of the night when he really blew it. After dinner we left the restaurant and it was pretty late. His car was parked out in front and mine was way in the back. He didn't offer to walk me to my car! It was late, dark and nobody was around." As far as a second date goes, Charlie may still get a second date. My friend is a little hesitant but liked him enough to give it another chance.
20 comments:
Complaining is a major turn-off. Had a few good dates til we went to movies. He complained about long line at ticket booth and then to enter theatre. "Oh, come on!" was the line of the night. If you can't handle the minor frustration of waiting a few minutes for a movie, how impatient will he be with major events. Time to move on.
Complaining about how expensive "things" are...that is, the price of gas these days...who cares...we all know this by now. Does a woman need to hear this on a date? Especially when a man is picking her up and driving? It's so insensitive and foolish on any man's part. Also, a major blunder is to invite yourself into someone else's home. You simply do not do that. It's inappropriate and rude and stepping over the line, and making the other person uncomfortable by imposing yourself like that. There is nothing worse that a man or woman that is CHEAP!
i have mixed fellings about the end of dinner check thing TOO MANY!! WOMEN NOW A DAYS JUST EXPECT THE GUY TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING I THINK THATS IS RUDE ON THE WOMENS PART!, GRANTED I WOULD NEVER TAKE A WOMENS MONEY ON A DATE BUT I DO GET ANNOYED WHEN THEY DONT OFFER!! ITS CALLED HAVING MANNERS AND CLASS
Just for the record.... NO WAY SHOULD CHARLIE BE GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE!!!!!! He absolutely should have walked his date to her car!
I agree...give Charlie HIS walking papers. Big mistake on Charlie's part...yes. I am sure it is unintentional--but if the woman dating Charlie is expecting someone who is sensitive, and thinks ahead and innately does the right thing, she is going to be disappointed, if such a simple gesture is an oversight on Charlie's part--and so soon too. How a man or woman behaves early on--upon meeting them is a great indicator of what lies ahead. Actually, when a person shows their colors right away, it's great, since it saves the other person the time and effort by letting them know who they really are, rather than put on some saint act.
Sorry to the person who felt it was "rude" of a woman not to offer to pay for dinner, but you are wrong about that. Whether it is the man or the woman who does the asking, the polite thing is that if you invite someone on a date, you should expect to pay and not expect them to pay their own way. That is the classy way to behave. We are talking about dates that are early in a relationship, so unless you make it clear in your invitation that it is "dutch treat," you should expect to pick up the check. Once you are a "couple," it shouldn't matter so much who pays, and before that, there should be some reciprocating of invitations, but in general, the person who asks should expect to pay. If you want to go someplace expensive but don't have the money to "treat" your date, it is okay to suggest going together if you make it clear in advance that you need to split the costs. But you just don't ask a new person out to dinner, or anything else, then expect them to offer to pay for their own way. That is rude.
to the person who made the last blog about guys paying the bill. I GUESS U JUST DONT GET THE PRINCIPLE IT IS RUDE "JUST TO EXPECT A GUY TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING" ON A DATE. NOTICE THE WQRD EXPECT , I GUESS U FELL MEN OWE U SOMETHING!!!
I am 34 and believe it or not, If i asked a woman to go out to dinner with me, I personally already know that I am going to be paying for the dinner simply because I invited that person along. If she offers to pay, i would simply say,"No I got it..It was my treat, but if you want you can treat me to a soda on our next outing". Try that. If she suggested going out to dinner, then maybe ask what she had in mind and say "Dutch or you wanna take turns"...this at least can get you a 2nd date.lol, Who knows?
I agree with Nahshon...and the others that posted the concept of the "person that EXTENDS the invitation should have the common courtesy to pay"...and not take money from the person THEY invited. To the GUY that wrote--it is rude for a woman to EXPECT. How do you know--what that woman is expecting? You invited her! If ultimately, you are the only one initiating plans, and picking up the tab, and you are in a more serious long-term situation with her--yes, I would agree it is one-sided and that this woman gives off that illusion of "entitlement"--which is not attractive. But initially, when you are getting to know someone, and YOU are the one inviting someone...it is very pathetic to take money from a woman OR a man. I know, when it comes to treating a man out (I am a woman)--I take care of everything, the check, the tip, and anything else involved.
expeting meaning THAT WOMEN JUST EXPECT!!!! THE GUY TO PAY FOR THINGS IS JUST RUDE!! JUST THE WAY I FEEL ITS CALLED HAVING MANNERS AND CLASS!! I FIGURED THAT COMMENT WOULD COME FROM A WOMEN IM SHURE THIER IS A LOT OF GUYS OUT THEIR THAT FEEL THE SAME WAY I DO!! GUESS U FELL THAT MEN OWE U SOMETHINF DONT YAAAAAA!!!
Guys,
I've met very few women in NYC who pay for their dinner. In fact, I've met flirting experts who have all weekend meals paid for by guys who just go along and spoil them. Granted, its unfair, but that's the way the game is played around here. Also found that (rightly or wrongly) most women feel a sense of obligation after a good dinner.
My advice, pay if you want, if not make it clear before. Either way, make sure that the atmostphere is playful and that she gets it that you're responsible and in-charge.
I don't agree with the lack of tact used by these so-called "flirting experts"...and using dating as a meal plan?! Very sad and pathetic in my opinion...and I am a woman. My time is rather limited due to work and my time is also very valuable...so having dinner or lunch with someone is more about enjoying their company, and hopefully getting to know them better later on, whether it involves dinner, a walk in Central Park, or some sporting event like golf! When you are truly interested in someone paying for an invitation you extend to a woman shouldn't even enter your mind. Later on when the relationship is more solid though, I do believe each partner should contribute (according to their ability). The generosity should be something expressed very voluntary and not obligatory..but because you want to do something special for your partner. You guys that responded in a negative, aggressive and cliche manner will be alone for a VERY LONG TIME! Especially the loser that wrote this: "GUESS U FELL THAT MEN OWE U SOMETHINF DONT YAAAAAA!!!" I think you need to go back to second grade and learn how to spell.
to the women that posted last........ I GUESS I WAS RIGHT WHEN I SAID WOMEN EXPECT THAT GUYS owe U SOMETHING GOOD LUCK IN FINDING SOMEONE U WILL NEED IT!! WITH YOURE NEGATIVE POTHETIC ATTITUDE!!!!!!
Here is a VERY big no no for the guys. Before you post a comment or send an email to someone, please spell check it. Major turn off to the ladies if a man can not spell.
AND THE WOMEN THAT JUST EXPECT! TO BE WINED AND DINED WAKE UP!!!! ITS JUST RUDE THIER IS NO LAW THAT SAYS "MEN OWE WOMEN SOMETHING"!! CASE CLOSED!!!
I really think that you need to listen to Jay and use spell check. And please, calm down a little bit, too. But, back to the conversation. I have been on several dates lately, where I have offered to pay and have blatantly been told "absolutely not." I don't know if it's just the guys I've been seeing, or what, but it seems to me that a lot of guys get insulted if you even offer to pay the tip. Some guys won't even let me buy them coffee, so I can see why there are many women whom don't offer to pay anymore. Although, I think it is better to offer and get denied, than to not offer ever.
I cant believe how you are going on about women "expecting" something. It sounds like you are the one who doesnt have any manners or class.
If a business associate invites my boss out to lunch, the other guy pays and vice versa. It's the same with dating, sorry to inform you.
If you are so worried about paying, they you should just invite your dates for a drink.
On the topic of paying for meals and as it was put all on a date.If you introduce yourself as a gentleman in the traditional sense you as a man must expect all the traditional expectations that a woman/lady will have of you. You are putting your best foot forward so you are making a gift of yourself and your actions on a first date. Man up and take it on the chin. Just remember she is choosing when this date is happening. Don't lose sight of the bigger picture you want the woman not the food you purchased to feed her Riiiight!?
On the topic of the young lady that was almost dumping Charlie for forgetting to protect her late at night. I'm not "the" Charlie I'm the other one (The Best One)giving him or any man that you like another chance for making a small judgmental error can make the difference of actually meeting Mr. Right or blowing him off. Don't lose sight of your big picture the idea is to find him and secure him before you fine tune your criticism of the man. Especially if its a first date? Being a little forgiving is a quality that a man finds attractive in a woman.
My thought is why invite a date to dinner? Why not just try coffee or something more casual. That way no one feel obligated to pay. After a few casual dates, you will know if you want to invite someone to dinner.
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