Tuesday, December 15, 2009
People Are Trying To Impress Their Dates With The Food They Eat
A new study from Cornell University says that women’s dating habits haven’t changed in decades! Women are still choosing to nibble on vegetables when they’re on a date, because they believe it makes them look more feminine and attractive. It turns out, the opposite is true. When you order a salad and only pick at it, the guy will feel like a slob when he’s plowing through his dinner. In fact, in a study conducted by the University of Toronto, men rated women of normal weight, who ate large meals, as more desirable than those who ate like birds. Why? Because men form an impression about you based on what you eat. If you seem relaxed and like you're enjoying your food, you date will perceive you as more attractive, pleasant and open.
According to the study, men, on the other hand, have changed their dating behavior. Now they’re going for the pasta over the steak, and this is the right move. When a guy plops down and eats something fatty, a girl can’t help but wonder if he eats that way all the time. It crosses her mind that he’ll probably pack on weight, clog his arteries and die early. One thing both sexes agree on: The foods to stay away from. According to the study, everyone said no to garlic and onions, beans, and cabbage.
So you’ve carefully ordered your dinner, making sure that there’s nothing stinky, or messy, or unattractive to eat. Now, how can you tell if the date’s going well? Here’s what you do, according to Dr. David Givens, author of the book Love Signals: Offer her a bite of your entrée. Dr. Givens says, if she takes the fork from your hand and slides the food onto her own plate that’s bad news. She’s closed off to you. If she takes your fork and takes a bite, good sign. If she lets you feed her, better sign. If she takes a bite and then offers you a bite of her food, bonus points – date #2 is in the bag.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
The Top Three Dating Deal Breakers
Ladies, if you’re in the dating scene, it isn’t just about knowing what to look for in a mate. It’s also about knowing what to stay away from. So we turned to CNN dating columnist, Audrey Irvine, to find out the top three guys that are total dating deal-breakers.
First deal-breaker is the one-upper. This is the guy who always has to top everything you’ve done or every story you tell. If you ran a half marathon, he just finished his third triathlon. If you’re working on your master’s, he’s got a PhD. Irvine says a man like this can get exhausting. His experiences will always be bigger and better than yours. So before you consider seriously dating a one-upper, think about how you’ll feel when you’re celebrating a big work promotion, and he’s already figuring out how to top you!
Next dating deal-breaker is the back-in-the-day Guy. He’s the guy who’s always talking about the touchdown pass he threw in high-school, or reliving moments from his frat-house days. Irvine says there’s nostalgia, and then there’s “get over it already.” So if those memories are ten years old or older, he’s a dealbreaker!
The final dating deal-breaker: The perfect-in-public Guy. The PIP is great when you’re out to dinner with friends, or at the company Christmas party, but he never turns it off. He always has to be the funniest, loudest person in the room, even when it’s just the two of you watching TV. The PIP is masking some deep insecurities, which is why he spends so much time hiding behind his larger-than-life personality. Unless you’re a therapist with some time on your hands leave the PIP for the next girl!
Looking for Long Island New Years Eve ?
Monday, December 07, 2009
Some of these are my own dealbreakers, but most come from my numerous discussions with you. Please add your own and lets get the opposite sex educated.
Dealbreakers I have heard from women about men
- Guy has bad breathe.-- Bad breathe equals no date, no kiss, or no second date.
- Guy is cheap- Wants to go dutch at Starbucks
- Guy looks like he just rolled out of bed and made no effort to get groomed for the date
- Guy is rude to the waitstaff at dinner
- Guy wears sneakers to a speed dating event
- Body odor issues
- Poor eye contact
- Talks only about himself, not showing any interest in the woman
- Has a very small piece of equipment with respect to the male Anatomy
- Too much, too soon, too fast.. Guy is talking about marriage and exclusivity after the second date.
- Looking for sex way too quickly
DealBreakers I have heard from Men about Women
- Smokers-- Nasty Nasty Nasty.. Did I mention Nasty?
- Not thanking the guy at the end of the date for paying for dinner or whatever
- Not at least making the fake attempt to pull out the wallet to pay for dinner or drinks.. Most (not all guys) are not really expecting you to pay, but that fake attempt or at least a thank you is nice.
- Height- Most (not all) guys are looking for a woman who is shorter than they are.
- Age- Guys are getting better on this one, but it is still a frequent comment I get as far as dealbreakers
- Flakey- She is unreliable and cancels dates at the last minute.
- No career ambition- Wants and expects the man to be the breadwinner
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Does Your Budding Romance Have a Future?
So, you’re dating someone you’re totally crazy about! Is this intense attraction you feel for them love - or temporary infatuation? Here’s how to tell whether your budding romance has a future. Ask yourself these questions from eHarmony online.
How much do you know about the other person’s life? Sure, you may know what they do for a living and where they live, but have you met this person’s friends, spent entire weekends together, or been included in each other’s daily lives? The best way to know if it’s love or infatuation is take an honest look at how unified the two of you are. This doesn’t mean just the level at which you’re opening up, but how much your partner is letting you in, too.
Is the feeling mutual? Although YOU may feel that things are going well, your partner may have other ideas. If only one of you is interested in a future together, it’s better to know that before you get in too deep. So, ask. This is a conversation for the two-month mark or so. It’s important to know where you stand as soon as possible so that you can proceed with caution or commitment.
Do you share common life goals, dreams and ambitions? When the newness wears off, you probably won’t want to invest your time, energy and intimacy with someone who doesn’t share a similar vision of the future. So, before you get too involved, discuss things such as your long-term goals and how you feel about kids. Also, find out where each of your careers rank on your lists of priorities, and how similar your ethics and morals are. Yes, this conversation will probably be uncomfortable, but it’s an important discussion to have about three or four months into a budding relationship. Why? Because it cuts down on wasted time and hurt feelings.
New Years Eve Long Island
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Is He Into You or Not?
Ladies, here are the signs according to science and relationship expert Dr. Kevin Hogan, author of Irresistible Attraction.
If he’s into you, he’ll fuss over you. Let’s say you’re in mid-conversation and he reaches over to brush a piece of fuzz off your sweater – he isn’t focusing on your imperfections, he’s showing interest. Dr. Hogan calls it “lint picking.” Animals do it – they’ll swat bugs away from their mate, or groom each other. It’s an excuse to enter into your personal space.
Another sign of attraction? He’ll look slightly shocked. If you pay close attention, you’ll see a man slightly lift his eyebrows and look surprised while talking to you. It’s a subconscious reaction when a man sees something he likes.
Another clue that he’s into you? He’ll turn his chest toward you. According to anthropologist and relationship expert Helen Fisher, author of Why Him? Why Her? - when a man points his chest in your direction, you’re on his radar. She says it’s the same as when a gorilla pounds his chest and roars – it’s a way to command attention. For a man, it means “Look at me! I’m important!”
One last sign that he’s into you: He’ll slouch his shoulders. Once you’re engaged in conversation, he’ll ditch the gorilla act and slump forward, rounding his shoulders to appear smaller. Dr. Hogan says slouching is a way for a man to seem more approachable and less threatening to a woman. His posture is sending the signal, “I’m on your level, let’s connect.” Anthropologist Dr. Fisher says his relaxed posture means he’s comfortable in your presence.
So let’s review: If he picks lint off your sweater, raises his eyebrows, turns his gorilla chest toward you, and then slouches once you’re talking – he’s into you.
Monday, November 23, 2009
What Is Your Guy Really Saying?
Ladies, it’s time to translate a few “man-phrases” for you. Like, what a man means when he says, “I’ll call you.” The translations come from Steve Santagati, a relationship expert from “The Today Show”:
Okay, so when a guy says, “I’ll call you” – what he means is “I may call you.” Santagati says a man will definitely ask for your phone number if he likes you, but he could also just be looking for quick way to end the conversation. So, don’t count on getting a call.
If a man says, “I’ve been busy lately,” it could mean two things. Santagati says, if you’ve been dating less than six months, it means, “I’ve lost interest in you.” If you’ve been dating longer, it means, “I like you, but I also need to focus on other things.” Bottom line: You may be a big part of his life – but he’s also got a job, friends and family, too.
When a guy says, “I need some space,” what does he mean? “This relationship is moving too fast.” It could also mean: “It’s over.” Santagati recommends asking if he still wants to date you. If he says “yes,” turn back the clock to early courtship behavior where he calls to ask you out on dates. Also, spend time with your friends, take classes, and pursue your own interests. That way, you’re not so dependent on him.
When a man says, “I love spending time with you.” He actually means, “I love you – I think.” Santagati says that just saying the word “love” may be his ways of dipping his toe in the “I love you” waters to see how it feels. So, don’t make a big deal out of it.
Finally, when a guy says, “I want this to last forever” he means, “I’m really happy right now.” Santagati says that if you’re wondering if your relationship has a future, a man’s behavior is more important than his words. For example, is he physically affectionate? Does he remember the things that are important to you? Is he supportive when you need it? If you can answer “yes” to all those questions, your relationship is doing just fine.
Long Island Speed Dating
Monday, November 16, 2009
Love at First Sight Really Does Exist
Is there really such a thing as love at first sight? A lot of scientists say, “Yes.” That it’s definitely possible to realize you’ve met “The One” within three minutes of laying eyes on them. Dr. Helen Fisher is the author of Why Him? Why Her? She says that from the beginning of time, humans have been designed to instantly sort out friends from enemies. In ancient times, it helped keep people safe. Today, we use those same skills to size up a potential partner. Here are the facts on attraction:
First, it takes less than one second to decide whether you find someone physically attractive, which means, your brain immediately eliminates anyone who’s too short or too tall for you, too old or too young, or too scruffy or too well-scrubbed for your taste.
Next, if they fit your general concept of “The One,” you focus on their voice. Once again, you decide whether you like it in a matter of seconds. So, what are we looking for in a voice? Women think men with full, deep voices are better looking than they really are. Men are more attracted to women with higher-pitched voices, or who sound breathy, like Marilyn Monroe. Studies show that men and women think people who speak faster are smarter.
What else happens in the first three minutes of meeting someone? You judge their words. Studies show that we tend to like people who use the same kinds of words we do, whether they’re short words or long words, descriptive words, or scientific words, formal words or slang. Dr. Fisher says you’re more likely to fall in love at first sight if your first conversation turns to something you think is important - like music, kids, or work – and you’re both totally in agreement.
Of course, love at first sight doesn’t happen to everyone. Researchers at Ben-Gurion University in Israel found that only 11% of people say their long-term relationships started at “hello.” However, if you like someone even slightly, the more similar you are – as far as your values, education, background and morals - the more the attraction will grow over time. Whether it’s love at first sight – or love in hindsight – those first three minutes can make or break your romance.
Monday, November 09, 2009
It was held on November 1st at Alletos Restaurant in Lindenhurst (218 Montauk HwyLindenhurst, NY 11757, 631- 226-9205) Great food, great service. Ask for the owner Joe if you go on a date there and mention WeekendDating so he can try to seat you where our reunion couples were. We know of at least 30 marriages, many engagements and many many more happy couples who are together!
Our next Couples Reunion event will be at the Brokerage Comedy Club in May 2009.. If you met your special someone at our events, I would love to have you there! Email Jay-- Info@WeekendDating.com
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Can you please post this situation for your readers.
I recently met a woman at an event and she was absolutely gorgeous. This is the type of woman that gets hit on constantly and has many choices. We were a match, and I emailed her the next day. Four days later, she got back to me and said that she did not check her email much, however really enjoyed hearing from me. I replied back and again, another 3 or 4 days later, she got back to me.
In the next email, I asked for her phone number and she replied almost immediately with a nice note and the phone number. I called a few days later, and no return call. I said to myself, what the heck and called her again the following week. While I was leaving her a voice message, my call waiting kicked in and it was her.
She said that she wanted to get back to me, but couldn't really talk because she was doing something with her daughter and asked if she could call me back later that night. I said it was not a problem, and that I looked forward to speaking with her later that night.
More than a week has gone by and no response. I say to myself, why the hell did she return my call in the first place (and yes, she swears she knew it was me who called), if she had no interest?
I asked my friend Monica about this and mentioned that I was going to send one last email. Monica scolded me and said that under no circumstances should I contact her again. "If she is interested, she will call you"......
"If she does call you and leaves a voice message, DO NOT CALL HER BACK. If she gets you on the phone, say "it was nice hearing from you, but I am in the middle of something and have to go." Monica said DO NOT tell her that you will call her back. Monica said that when you don't call her back, it will drive her crazy and say why isnt this guy up my behind like the rest and that she will call you back.
This counter intuitive game playing stuff is driving me nuts. Does it ever end?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
A few recent conversations seems to reinforce this, but what do you think?
Coversation with Laurie
I went out to lunch with my friend Laurie who told me about a recent dating experience. She was set up on a blind date and had absolutely no attraction to the guy. By the end of the date, he said or did a few things that grew on her, and she agreed to go out with him again. By the end of the second or third date, she started to genuinely like the guy. So he went from having no shot, to having this great gal start to like him as more than a friend.
Guys, does this hold true for you? If you are not initally attracted to a woman, but start to like her personality, could it go past a friend stage? Ladies, has the above type of scenario happened to you?
Coversation #2- See video below from Toni.
Toni recently attended a speed dating event. She told me that she came in, looked at the guys and wanted to walk out the back door because she did not see anyone she was attracted to. Another nice lady, stopped her from leaving, and explained that it would really mess Jay up because the gender balance would be off. Thus Tami stayed.
Good thing she did, because she is completely gaga for a guy she met at the event. She went from having no attraction to anyone, to having a guy that she is crazy about.
Guys, same question? If you are not initially attracted, but start to really like her personality, could it go past the friend stage? Ladies, has this happened to you?
Thursday, October 22, 2009
The "Dos" and "Don'ts" of Text-Flirting
Let’s face it: Dating was complicated enough before cell phones. Now, many new couples express their affection for each other in text messages more than in person! Unless you know what you’re doing, so-called “text flirting” can either improve your relationship or send your date packing! So, let’s break down some “dos” and “don’ts” of text flirting, with relationship intel we found on CNN:
DON’T plan your first date with a text message. Most women agree that guys should make an effort to actually dial a phone and call them at the start of a relationship. Otherwise, a text invitation to spend time together will feel too informal, and your date won’t feel like you respect her. One woman interviewed by CNN put it this way: If a guy she barely knew started sending her flirty text messages, it’d feel like a total stranger using pick-up lines! Creepy.
However, after your first date:
DO let the text flirting begin. The women interviewed by CNN agreed that text-flirting can be fun after you’ve established chemistry with someone. The texts don’t have to be long and poetic. Something as simple as “thinking of you” is enough. The key is to send your flirty texts at random, unexpected times. They’ll feel more genuine that way.
DON’T use emoticons in your flirty texts! Again, this was something the women interviewed by CNN were unanimous about. They said sideways smiley faces, and lovey-dovey heart symbols, are annoying enough when they come from other women. So just don’t do it.
If the relationship doesn’t work out, DON’T break up with a text. Most women agree that’s tacky! Even if you can’t muster the willpower to break up in person, you should at least extend the courtesy of a phone call.
By the way: It should go without saying that “sexting” your new date is a definite DON’T, because the women interviewed by CNN said they’d do one of two things if they received half-naked photos from a guy on their phone: They’d either show all their friends for a good laugh or they’d call the police.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Hi, please let me know what you think of this proposed free event.
Safe alternatives to CD's for singles
With CD's paying 1-2%, I went on a hunt to find a safe alternative and was introduced to the world of Triple Tax Free Municipal Bonds.
Bonds? What?? You Crazy?? I am not tying my money up for 30 years!!.
After I was educated a little more about bonds, I found they seem to be a pretty safe investment and DO NOT require you to keep them to maturity.
Are you interested in a free 30-45 minute event where you can learn about understanding bonds and how they may be a great alternative to cd's? This event would be held by a licensed financial advisor and WOULD NOT...I repeat WOULD NOT be a sales pitch. It would be educational in nature.
If enough people are interested (leave me a comment below or email me at Info@WeekendDating.com) I will set it up.
PS- The event would come with some free food :)
PSS- Full Disclosure- I recently bought Triple Tax Free municipal bonds myself, however would not receive any value from this
Bad Reasons to Break Up
Sometimes it’s clear when a relationship has run its course, but some couples throw in the towel before they’ve really tried to make it work. They think some problems are impossible to work through. So, here are a few BAD reasons to break up. These are from Dr. Neil Clark Warren, author of Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons:
The first bad break-up reason: You've had a big fight. Disagreeing is inevitable – you know that. What you may not know is that having a conflict with your partner will strengthen your bond in the long run. Psychologists agree that the way you resolve your differences can help your relationship climb to new levels. It helps you understand your partner better - what sets them off, what makes them tick. So don’t head for the door when you don’t see eye-to-eye. Stay put and talk it out.
Bad breakup reason #2: Your partner finds other people attractive. Yes, you’ve captured your partner’s heart - but you haven’t poked out their eyes! Physically attractive people are everywhere - on TV, on billboards, and yes - even in the local supermarket. The experts say it’s naïve to think that these people will go unnoticed. In a good, committed relationship, people aren’t cut off to external influences – including you. It’s acting on those influences that’s a recipe for disaster. So no matter where you are or who you’re with – act as if your partner can hear and see everything you’re doing.
One last bad reason to break-up: The relationship doesn’t always make you happy. Here’s a newsflash: your relationship doesn’t exist JUST to make you happy. You’re still responsible for yourself, for accomplishing your individual goals and for keeping yourself entertained. If you’ve abandoned all your hobbies and ambitions because you’re expecting your relationship to fulfill all your needs - you’ve made a fatally BAD MOVE. That’s too much pressure for your partner, and too high of an expectation from your relationship. So take responsibility for your own happiness.
If you don’t, you’ll just keep jumping from partner to partner, because ultimately, nobody can make you happy but yourself.
Monday, October 12, 2009
DUCKS IN HEAVEN !!!
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.When they get there, St. Peter says,
'We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don't step on the ducks!'
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained
for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps..
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
.... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'
The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.
Why Do Men in Their 40s Think I'm Old?
by Rachel Greenwald Guest Writer
I’m single at 44 years old, and men who are near my age seem only to be interested in younger women. I’m active and feel very young, and everyone says I look much younger than my age, but when men in their forties can (and do) date women in their thirties, and when they don’t even respond to my emails through online dating, it makes me feel ancient! How can I overcome this problem?
Ancient in Atlanta
This is a real issue, and I see it everywhere. Men in their 40’s often date women in their 30’s (even 20’s!); men in their 50’s often date women in their 40’s (even 30’s!). This leaves a gaping hole in the singles arena of fabulous women looking for men near their age. The U.S. Census (2008) echoes this problem: there are 30 million single women and only 20 million single men over 40. Yikes! It reminds me of the lost-sock-in-the-dryer phenomenon: you put two socks in the clothes dryer, but only one sock comes out. Where did the other sock go? And where did all the single men your age go? The answer is that men date younger, and men die younger too.
Okay, so we know the reality and it’s unfair, but it’s not hopeless. It requires a shift in your thinking to view this problem differently. Instead of asking yourself, “Why do men in their 40’s think I’m too old?”, you should be asking, “Who thinks I’m young? And who thinks I’m hot?” Now, with these questions, there seem to be two answers: much older men and much younger men. Fifty to 60-year old men think a 44-year old is young, and some men in their late 20’s and 30’s think a 44-year old is hot.
Now, before you start screaming that you don’t want to marry an old man or a baby, consider this core principle from the business world: “You have to sell what people want to buy.” If you’re trying to sell the most delicious candy bar in the world, but all your customers want to buy ice cream, you should sell ice cream. Sure, there are not many women whose first choice is to marry someone 10+ years older or younger, but if that’s the reality of whom you attract, and you really want to find a loving partner, it’s better to face it now rather than spend years alone trying to “sell” something few people want to “buy.”
This doesn’t mean you are going to “settle”: of course not! I want you to find someone wonderful, but “wonderful” isn’t defined by a number. And it doesn’t mean you have to give up on the men closer to your age, but it DOES mean that you need to cast a wider net. Change your online profile to search for men ages 29 to 59, and tell your friends you’re open to fix-ups in this wider age range. Be open to the possibility that Mr. Right may come wrapped in a totally different package (much older or much younger) than you’ve always envisioned. Remember that your real goal is to find happiness, which is age-less.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
I can admit this now, but when I first posted the event, I thought the chance of a successful turnout would have been about 25%. The overwhelming majority of guys I speak with are still looking for a gal that is a bit younger, however times are changing and more guys in their 20's and 30's are open to meeting a woman a little bit older.
I am exploring the possibility of doing another Mature Women, Younger Man event. If you are a man in your 30's or 40's who is interested in meeting women in their late 40's and 50's, please email me at Info@WeekendDating.com
Since I was wrong about the event above being a success, I open up the suggested event proposal below (Older Men, Younger Women) to your comments.
I noticed that you have done an older women younger men speed dating event, so why not do younger women older men; possibly females 33-43,males 49-59. Possibly charge the guys more and give the women an incentive to go. Food for thought. Thanks....AT
I asked a few ladies about your idea and they were outraged to say the least. The feedback is that almost all of my events have the guys older than the women, and the older women younger men event is not the norm.
I will put this in the newsletter and see what kind of response I get.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
She agreed to take me out shopping and we spent a few hours going to different stores and trying on everything from jeans to shirts to work clothes to shoes.
Some guys have a great fashion sense, others know the basics but need some help (me) and others are completely clueless.
Laura said "Jay, you have the color matching down pat, but your clothes just don't seem to fit right. You need help with the cut. Your jeans don't fit right in the butt. You also need to mess up your hair a little."
The end result was that I bought 2 pairs of jeans (that fit right), 3 pullover shirts, two button down shirts and a few sports coats. I was comfortable with everything purchased, but did leave a few suggested items out (they were just not me). We ran out of time, so I didn't get to ask her about the hair style suggestion or shoes, so that will come next.
I wore my new outfits over the next few days and felt like a million bucks.
As we were shopping, the light bulb went off. There are a LOT of other guys that could benefit from getting a new look and I am helping Laura start up a business for it.
Guys, years ago women were burned at the stake for being "witches." It was not that they were witches, it was that they were just so intuitive and things came so naturally to them, that took us guys a lot to learn.
So, if what you are doing now is not working with attracting women, MAKE A CHANGE. An easy way is to ask a trusted female friend to give you her honest advice on your look and take you out shopping.
If you do not have a female friend you trust to do this with, Laura is available to go shopping with you, and give you an honest opinion on your "look."
She is available in Nassau and Suffolk only at this time. She charges $99 for up to two hours.
For a very limited time, any guys who sign up for this package will also get a free regular speed dating ($40 value) event thrown in (but you must wear your new clothes to the event).
Ladies, I am curious to know if you think there is a market to offer these services to ladies as well?
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Well, it is possible that your home is not women friendly! Little things that as guys, we would think is no big deal, can be a major turnoff for some women, and for others a total deal breaker.
I recently had a very attractive female friend stay with me for a week while she was in town on business. We have been friends for about 6 and a half years and she slept in the same bed with me, so I do trust her judgment.
[PS. Nothing happened. My dad has since disowned me and several friends have asked me if I have gone over to the other side. For the record, I have not gone over to the other side, "not that there is anything wrong with that" -Seinfeld
Ok back to the story. Lets just say that the week was a major learning experience. From the layout of my apartment, to some of my clothes, to the color of my walls, having a regular plastic garbage can instead of a stainless steel that matched the rest of the kitchen., I got some constructive feedback, some of which I agreed with, and some of which I did not.
She also threw out 90% of my undershirts. Well she didn't actually throw them out, she gave the shirts to her dog to use as a bed. Why?? They were worn out. I let her give them to the dog because she did have a point.
Did I do everything she suggested?? Nope, however I do keep it in mind, and will make some changes little by little.
Other female friends have told me that they look at a guys toothbrush, check out the bathtub and much more if going to a guys home. Some things raise some red flags and others can make her never return again.
What should you do?- Ask a female Friend
Guys, if you have a good female friend that you trust, ask her to come over and give you her honest opinion of any possible things that may scare a woman if they visit. Ask her for an honest opinion on your clothes and see if she will go shopping with you (if your wardrobe needs an overhaul).
Or, I have some female friends who can help you
I have have a few very attractive female friends who will visit your home to help with ideas to make it more appealing, let you know if you need to burn your clothes, and can even take you shopping.
I do not know what they will charge, but if you are interested, please email me at info@WeekendDating.com and I will find out.
Please comment in the blog
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Despite the tight economy, more and more people are flocking to online dating sites. According to Whitney Casey, who wrote the book The Man Plan, men still don’t know how to talk to women online. So, here are Casey’s tips for the right way to reply to a woman’s profile, courtesy of Match.com:
Follow her lead. If a woman’s profile is long, thoughtful and uses proper English, don’t reply with slang, insults, or text-message shorthand. Make sure you spell-check! For example, if she says she’s a Cubs fan and plays in a dodge-ball league, don’t say: “The Cubs are losers. But that’d be a great way to meet someone – hit ‘em in the face with a dodge-ball!” Bottom line: If you don’t make a good impression in writing, you won’t get the chance to make a good impression in person.
Ask questions, and share information about yourself. It may sound simple, but Casey says most men don’t make conversation – they just make contact. So, ask at least three questions in your first email, and answer the questions yourself. For example: “How long have you lived in New York? I’ve been here for six years, and I love Greenwich Village”.
Personalize your reply. Skip generic comments like, “I’m sure you hear this all the time – but you’ve got a smile that matches your perky personality.” Why? Because you could’ve sent that email to anybody, and she’ll think you didn’t bother to actually read her profile.
Finally, take it slowly. In other words, don’t say, “Hi, I’m single, fun, and ready to be the man in your life.” Women find pushy and overly-enthusiastic guys downright creepy. The smart move: Trade at least three emails and a phone call, and then ask to meet. After all, if you can’t make a good impression via email, you probably won’t click in person, either.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
I think this will help alot of women. Ask men this, after they meet a women how long do they wait to contact her and why? Then after the first date how long do they wait. Would it bother them if women call them after a first date to make plans to go out.
Monday, August 03, 2009
He probably had no idea that he was the talk of the town. How could he know? If nobody was nice enough to tell him, he could go on and on, not having a clue. Guys, in case you have any old pairs of speedo's that you are tempted to wear, you may want to throw them out, or use them as a rag. Although there may be a few ladies that like them, the consensus this past weekend, is that the speedos have got to go.
So lets talk about some other no no's, fashion or otherwise that the opposite sex should know about. Even if you think it should be totally obvious, say it anyway. This poor guy who got the nickname "speedos" for the weekend, had no clue, so lets help each other out and spell out even the "obvious."
Please share your thoughts in the blog.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
At a recent event, my friend Jennifer stopped by to say
hello. After the event, we had the following conversation:
Jay- "What do you think
about Zeek?" (a guy who was participating in the event and
who I knew personally.
Jennifer- "No thanks, I am
just not attracted to him. Well actually, what does he do for a
Jay- "He is in xxxyyyzzz"
it. He doesn't make enough. I need a man that makes more
money than I do"
Jay- "So at first you said
not interested, but if he happened to be a doctor or lawyer, then you
might have changed your mind? What does it matter if you make
more money than he does?" What ever happened to getting
involved because you like the person and want to see if something can
Jennifer- "I am
accustomed to a certain lifestyle. I need a guy who makes at
least six figures, because I do. I have tried dating guys who
don't make as much as me and it just doesn't work. It bothers
the guys as well. They get an inferiority complex. Most
men want to earn more than a woman."
Jennifer- "Women in their
early 20's want someone who is hot and fun, someone they get along
Jennifer- "For women in
their late 20's, early 30's, the priority becomes friendship first,
Jennifer- "For women in
their mid 30's and up, it becomes about lifestyle. (standard of living
to which you have become accustomed)., the kind of life you will have
with this man. Looks and that other stuff is
Jay- "So when you
say lifestyle, you are talking about how much money the guy has?"
Jennifer- "I didn't say
that. Lifestyle is about the standard of living to which I have
been accustomed. I look at the type of life I can have with this
man. Looks and that other stuff is secondary."
Jay- It sounds to me like you
are still talking about how much money a guy makes.
Jennifer- "I need someone
who likes to do the same things as I do. Someone who can afford
it." I have supported my share of deadbeats, and I am not
doing it again"
Some very interesting comments. Please share your thoughts in
Guys- Would it bother you or give you an inferiority complex if the
woman made more than you do?
Ladies- Is Jennifer right? Once you hit your mid 30's, it is
all about "lifestyle"?
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Is a guy with manicured nails a turn on, turn off, or makes no difference at all?
I am still a little stuck being traditional in certain areas (eg women wear earrings and get manicures, spend more; time getting ready than guys etc). The Metrosexual phase just never did it for me.
That being said, I have heard some guys talk about getting their nails done, and have had some female friends (some reading this right now), saying how great it feels to get a manicure and that I should get one. Since I have never had one in my life, I was a little curious to try it. Over time, I would pass by the salon, look in and see a bunch of women getting nails done, and could not get myself to go in.
Well a few days ago, I passed by the salon and it was completely empty, so I went in.
The woman was nice and tried to make small talk, although I really couldn't understand her. (She kept saying Korea, my country, mucho money, dating, and get married. I think she either wanted me to go to Korea to start a speed dating company or wanted to get married).
Twenty minutes later she finished my nails and told me to sit in another chair. Next thing I knew, she was doing my feet. Another woman came out of the back room and and then Mr. Kim entered the salon with a bag full of products. I think he was trying to sell me some imported cologne, but can not be 100% sure. The three of them started talking and laughing for the next 10 minutes until I was finished. This made me feel uncomfortable since I did not know what they were saying.
Have you seen the episode from Seinfeld where Elaine gets her nails done and suspects people are talking about her?
After I left the salon, I noticed my nails and toenails were shining in the sun. This just didn't seem right to me. My nails looked good, but guys are not supposed to have shiny nails!! Ok, Ok, I know I am in that traditional mindset, but I didn't like it. I spent the next two days trying to get rid of the shine with nail polish remover after asking female friends for help, but it didn't work. Finally after the advice of my dentist (a guy with daughters), I bought the right stuff (special pads) to kill the shine.
So, my days for now of getting manicures/pedicures are over. I am curious though as to whether women find a guy with shiny manicured nails attractive, and then maybe I would reconsider.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
There are two types of protection:
First off, lets talk about your screen name. If you are using your full name as part of your email address (example- Joan.Smith@yahoo.com), please consider making up a separate email address when attending singles events. There is no need to give out more information than is necessary when first meeting someone.
Second area of protection is yep, you guessed it, Sex. I was talking to a male friend (we will call him Bob) a about a woman he met on something called Tagged. She was from Arizona and Bob lives in Brooklyn, and he flew out to stay with her for a week. When I asked Bob how the trip went, he said "It was ok, she thought I was too feminine for her, and it looks like it will just be a friend thing."
So asked Bob where he stayed when he was in Arizona, and he said "I stayed at her house. She had a small apartment so I slept in the same bed with her." Hmm, so of course I needed to ask if anything happened and he said "Yes, we had sex. It wasn't very good because I was nervous."
Bob was a little down because things didn't work out with this gal, so I tried to cheer him up and said, "hey, no biggie. Look at it as a vacation. You got to see a new town, meet some new people, and had some "fun"...As long as you were safe, it's all good." He responded that "nope, I wasn't safe. she is clean. She has two kids and her place was immaculate. I met her mom, when I was there."
I said "Bob, wtf is wrong with you? She is clean because she has two kids and you met her mother and her place is immaculate!! What the heck does that mean. How do you didn't get a disease? And how do you know you did not get her pregnant?" Bob responded "she told me she had her tubes tied."
Hey, I am no saint (although I am told that I look like one), but guys, just think with the right head before you do something and be safe. For all we know, Bob could not only have a nice new disease, but he could be a daddy soon, and doesn't even know it.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
"I haven't spoken to him since the last date. It is so annoying. If he wasn't interested, I wish he would have just told me, instead of just disappearing and never contacting me again."
Yep, I admit it, I have done the same thing. Gone out on a few dates with someone and when their was no chemistry, just never called again. But what is the right way, or is their a right way (protocol) to handle it. If you have been dating for a while, then yes, I think their needs to be contact to let the other person know that it is not going anywhere.
But what about if you have dated 3 times or less and are not interested? Do you just not contact the person at all, let them know by email or text, or pick up the phone and tell them. Hey, the right thing to do is the phone, but many of us do not like the confrontation approach.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
I am wondering if any of your readers have faced a similar situation. I had gotten involved with a woman and everything was great. About six months into the relationship I found out that this gal had serious financial problems and was going to file for bankruptcy. From that point on, she started asking for me to put a lot of her personal living expense items (e.g. telephone, credit cards) in my name.
This started to cause a significant strain on our relationship and we are no longer together. I am sure I could have avoided this heart ache, had I known towards the beginning about her serious financial situation. It may have deterred me from getting involved.
At what point is it feasible to ask someone about their financial status?
So what do you all think about this? Comment in the blog
Monday, May 25, 2009
I had also heard a lot of female friends comment that back hair was a major turnoff, so I tend to make sure things are not growing where they do not belong.
So I recently became friends with another gal and the topic of body hair came up at a singles comedy event at the Brokerage. She said "As long as his private area is shaved, he could have back hair, nose hair, chest hair, or any other hair for that matter." Other female friends have recently said the same thing, (not about the privates), but that back hair is not really a turn off anymore.
So what do YOU think about back hair? or any type of hair for that matter?
Comment in the blog
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Friday, May 01, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Back by popular demand, we are once again granting our Two for One offer. This means that two of you can take the class for just $275.00 (that's $137.50 each). However, you must take the class with another classmate to take advantage of this offer. (sorry, no exceptions). Please send deposit as outlined on our website.
www.StandUpUniversity.com- You must mention WEEKENDDATING to get this special offer
She said "I want a guy who will interact with me like he is talking to his friends, not coming off nervous or awkward, just being natural."
Her advice to the guys: When you see a pretty woman you want to approach, don't look at her as a pretty woman, try to imagine you are talking to your good friend.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Advice for Getting a Second Date
Guys, are you a one-date wonder? Many men get so nervous on a first date that they end up making a terrible impression. That’s why we rounded up some relationship experts and asked their advice on acing the first date - and getting the second:
Let’s start with the logistics. If your date is someone you already know or is the “friend of a friend” - pick her up at her home. According to relationship columnist Susan Davis, when a guy does that, it sends the message, “You’re worth the extra effort.” However, that doesn’t apply if you met online. In that case, meeting in a public place is the gentlemanly thing to do.
Either way: The guy should pay. April Masini, the author of Think and Date Like a Man, says that paying for dinner sends the signal that your interest is romantic.
Skip the good night kiss. Honestly, the experts are split on this, but in a Harris Interactive survey, only half the ladies thought kissing on a first date was appropriate. Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t offer her a kiss on the cheek.That’s respectful, and still romantic.
This last tip comes from relationship coach David Wygant: End your date by asking for the next one. So, if she told you she’s a fan of Greek food, say something like, “I know a place that makes the best moussaka. Want to have dinner Thursday?”
To put it simply, chivalry is not dead. If you want to turn a first date into a relationship - do the driving, pay the tab, and end with a respectful kiss on the cheek and a second dinner invitation. That way you’ll both be looking forward to the next time you get together.
NYC Speed Dating
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Women from across the country have ripped into this guy, with some going as far as posting his listed phone number online and encouraging others to call him and tell him what a slime ball he is.
The saga also raises an interesting debate over men who are emotional and are not afraid to cry. Most of my female friends have called Jason a Wuss, crybaby , etc, however a few have said that that is was a pleasant change of pace to see a guy who was not afraid to cry.
So, here is your chance to sound off about the Bachelor show in general and also about whether you think it is ok for men to show emotion and cry.
Speed Dating NYC Long Island Speed Dating
Sunday, February 08, 2009
I am currently at a professional conference for educators in which many of us in the field are discussing how people our own age DO NOT know the updates on birth control and Sex Education.
Since some people are newly divorced, they might remember what they were taught in school, yet need an update.What do you think about offering a "Women's only" and "Men's Only" update on sexuality issue for the singles that use your services? I would love to offer a workshop for singles!!!
I am passionate about what I do, and I promise would make the evening fun!!!
What do you think Please comment on the blog if this is an event you would like to see. Secondly, if you do like the event idea would you prefer it to be women only, guys only, or co-ed?
Monday, February 02, 2009
It is every woman’s desire to be truly loved by a man. So how can you know whether he is truly serious about you? If you are in a relationship now and want to avoid a sudden heartbreak, you need to know whether your guy is fooling around with other women and especially with you. Here are some useful hints and tips that might help you to understand your guy’s feelings for you are true or not.
One of the most useful hint is accountability for his schedule. If the guy is honest he will tell about what he does. But if he is fooling around he will be reluctant to tell what he was doing during a particular time period. This means that he is hiding something from you.Particularly , another woman. Ask your man casually what he was doing in a certain time and if he goes to defensive mode or remains silent, beware!
It is more likely that he is using you and you must expect to be dumped soon.
If a guy is into a serious relationship, he has loads of long term plans. Ask your man how he sees you relationship in about three or four years from now. If he is serious about the relationship he will give a satisfactory answer. Ifnot it is better for you to go into defensive as he is thinking short term and might be using you!
Okay, girls beware of these signals to avoid heartbreaks. Every woman want to avoid serious heartbreaks and being dumped. Also what you must keep in mind is that each and every guy is different and unique. Therefore above may not be true to everybody.
But if you look at the bigger picture you might be aware that most guys do show these signs when they are not serious. These signs have many faces. So take your time to interpret them so that you can take necessary precautions and get ready when something goes wrong.
To get more tips and a free ebook visit Christian Carters Website
NYC Singles Events
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Has this ever happened to you? You see someone attractive. You make eye contact, smile, and they look away! If it has, you probably thought, “I’ll never do that again.” Relationship expert David Wygant says that’s a mistake. In fact, he believes the more you get rejected - the better!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I am only up to chapter 3 but so far it feels a little depressing to be a guy. Most of the information presented seems to give the edge to women as the superior sex and is portraying guys as creatures who can't do more than one thing at a time.
For example, when a guy is watching the television and the phone rings, what does he do? He turns the tv off, or the volume way down so he can answer the phone. What do women do? They answer the phone and can carry on an entire conversation while not missing a beat watching the tv. The book is not saying that women are smarter then men, just that our brains are wired differently.
Hmm, I am saying to myself. This is interesting, but I really don't buy all of these generalities. Then something interesting happened.
I was having a conversation with my friend Vicky while I was driving on the Southern State Parkway. It was a pretty intense topic and we were talking for a while, when all of a sudden, Vicky immediately stopped talking. This happened at the exact moment when I was trying to change lanes on the highway.
I made my lane change and said to her, why did you stop talking. She said "you are a guy, I learned long ago that you won't hear a word I am saying when you are trying to change lanes." I had not realized it, but in my own personal case, she was right. I would get completely frazzled if she was still talking while I was trying to get over.
Ok Ok, I know this is a generality and I am sure that there are plenty of women who wouldn't be able to concentrate if someone was talking while you were changing lanes either?
I will keep reading further along and share any interesting insights or memorable quotes.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I recently went to dinner with a good female friend. We are just friends, but I k now she knows that I really want more. She is very friendly and feels comfortable around me and can sometimes be touchy feely (for example, my hair was standing up and she played with it to get it looking right).
After dinner, she reapplied her lipstick and puckered up her lips. Was that any type of sign that maybe she wanted me to kiss her at some point?
After dinner, we went for a walk and she grabbed my arm and we walked arm in arm for a while. Again, this was somewhat unusual behavior from the past. We always had a playful friendship, but it was always me who would have to put my arm around her.
Once again, am I reading too much into this?
A clueless guy.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Developing Inner Game by Cajun
Inner game is probably one of the most popular subjects in the community. It’s a major sticking point for nearly everyone who has trouble talking to women and it’s a problem that can be difficult to fix as well, since it tends to be rooted in a lifetime’s worth of negative beliefs that are based on things like fear and rejection. Inner game is also a topic that I think can only be discussed from a personal level, that is, I can’t convince you how to think or look at life differently, only you can, but I can tell you how I overcame the very same problems, and hope that you can learn from my experiences.
So what is it?
To me, inner game problems boils down to two things: your experience and your mindset. Every problem you run into with not just women, but life itself, can be attributed to one of these two areas. I’m going to get into both of these, and give some personal insights, so hopefully by the end of this article you’ll have a clearer understanding of what exactly it is that you need to work on to fix your own issues.
When people ask me how I developed my “Rock solid confidence”, I always answer the same; “Practice”. When you think about what confidence actually is you realize that its simply doing something that you’ve done enough times to be comfortable with. It’s only when were thrown into situations that are unfamiliar to us that we start to lose confidence in ourselves. The sad and somewhat ironic reality is that most men are not comfortable talking to women simply because they don’t talk to women! It’s a negative feedback loop that’s perpetuated by a fear of “what might go wrong”. This is bullshit! To be scared of the possible negative outcomes is to be scared of the very thing that enables you to get better!
Think about it this way; when you were learning to ride a bike, were you too scared to get on because of a fear that you might fall down? Maybe, but you got on anyway because you saw how much fun all the other kids were having, even then you realized that the reward was worth the risk. Well this is the same thing, I remember when I first started out with this stuff I used to get drinks thrown in my face, told off, or simply ignored. The first few weeks were rough; it took me a while before I got used to rejection enough that I could understand where I went wrong. Getting used to rejection isn’t easy, but the best advice I can give you is to simply accept it, don’t get mad at her or yourself, don’t go home, just accept that it’s a completely normal, and necessary part of the learning process. You can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs. The sooner you realize that rejection is a necessary evil, the sooner you can come to terms with it and move past it.
Most of us grew up in a society that believed in a 2 concentric circle model of reality. That is, the outer circle being reality, or the world around us, and the inner circle being our consciousness. We experience the outer circle; reality, through our inner circle; our consciousness. This is how we believed reality worked; that our consciousness was independent of it…but recently this all changed.
We are now learning through quantum physics that reality is actually the inner circle, and that our consciousness is the outer circle. That is; reality exists inside our mind, we create our own reality with our thoughts (Or beliefs, if you’d rather).
What does this mean?
As far as any of us know, there may only be 1 reality; your own. Who’s to say I’m not a figment of your imagination, your reality, writing this entire article out to send a message to YOU, from your subconscious mind. It’s possible.
The truth is, whether any of us actually exist or not is irrelevant. Life is a game, and it’s a game that a lot of people are scared to play. Don’t be one of them.
I recently received an email from a student of mine asking about the power of beliefs, and how they work. I replied with the following:
“Think of it this way: what if, let’s say, 15 years from now programmers invent this computer game that is virtually identical to reality. The AI is so smart you can’t tell it’s not a real person. The five senses are so accurately programmed that there is no detectable difference to reality. Now, you get to play this game, but the programmer tells you some hints on how to play, he says this:
“This software is programmed to work intuitively with your brain. So, if you want to be, let’s say, a rich Casanova in the game, then all you have to do is believe that you ARE a rich Casanova, and you will become one. The trick is you have to actually believe it, and then the program takes care of the rest. In fact you can have, and be anything you want in this program as long as you ask for it using these “beliefs”. Think of it as your “console hack”"
I’m sure you saw this coming, but this “game” already exists and it’s called reality. You become who you believe you are.”
Sound a little like the matrix? Well that’s ok, like I said; I can only give advice on inner game from my own personal perspective and this is simply how I believe reality works.
I’ll end this article with something that I’ve never written about before:
I remember the very night that I became good at attracting women, I remember because I had an epiphany that night and it was so mind-blowing that I had to write it down as soon as I came home. It has since become my mantra, and I know that if down the road I ever forget everything that I’ve learned in the past few years, all I will have to do is read this piece of paper and it will all come back. What does the paper say?
“The secret to becoming amazing at attracting women is…to remember that you already are.”
Watch free videos on Inner Game
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
This time I'm responding to an email I got from a woman who recently bought my ebook.
I think you'll “feel her pain” and see why I wanted to respond to her.
She's going through that dreaded situation I've seen lots of women deal with where she was dating a guy and became “physical” with him, but then he quickly pulled away.
Want to know what's going on with a man in this situation and what he's thinking?
And what to do about it?
>>>> Question From A Reader
I've just bought your book.... I'm from Thailand and I appreciated your book so much. Unfortunately, I read the lesson about Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex... but I've already made that mistake and had sex with him. I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwards, but as you told me he would, he became impatient when we talked and it made me so frustrated and upset.
Now he's acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship and make him see my worth?
I feel so disappointed about my actions.
Christian, please help me...
J from Thailand
>>>> My Response
I want to give you a big hug... and then a good SLAP.
Ok, listen closely.
I'm about to share something with you that I want you to NEVER, EVER forget.
It's the reality about how most men work when dating.
A man will NEVER see your “worth” just because he's having sex with you.
It sucks, but that's the way men act sometimes.
And guess what?
You're dating a man.
So let me be very clear here:
Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn't mean that he's spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her in the future.
Because even though you've already moved on to how you're going to settle down together, he hasn't even decided if he wants to try anything “serious” out with you.
Sure, it would be great if a man let you know this before he slept with you, but that's not reality most of the time.
And I'm willing to bet you played a part in this.
You're not entirely innocent.
Were you up-front and honest about what you were looking for?
Or did your true feelings sneak up on you, freak you out, and then freak him out too?
GIVING AWAY YOUR “SELF” TO A MAN
I've got an important question for you...
Who made this guy the final judge of your “worth” as a woman?
Cut it out.
And I'll bet I know WHY you did it.
I'm going to get a bit “deep” and “spiritual” here with you, all in the name of tough love.
You're seeking his APPROVAL in the worst kind of way.
You're waiting and wanting HIM to show YOU that you deserve the experience of open and unrestrained love.
You're counting on him to be the strong and masculine lover you've always wanted, who will break through the barriers in both of your hearts.
That way you can SURRENDER to the deep kind of love that you truly desire from a man.
Unfortunately, that's not what's happening or how he FEELS with you right now.
But deep down, you believe that if you can come up with enough “proof” that he should love and value you, and if you can make things “perfect” between you two, then he'll become the open and loving man you imagine him to be.
It's time for the little girl who's seeking a man's approval in order to experience love to grow up.
It's time for you to stop hoping that a man will become the man you want him to be, when he shows you that he doesn't even have a clue about what love is or how to be with a woman.
But you're so wrapped up in his perspective, what he's doing, his feelings, his emotions and his desires (or lack thereof) that you've all but forgotten about something WAY MORE IMPORTANT.
What YOU really want.
I'll take a wild guess here and bet that the kind of guy that you truly want isn't the kind of guy who would act how this guy is acting.
As in, the kind of guy who would sleep with a woman and then act distant and irritated with her just because she wants to talk about how she's feeling.
So, sorry for asking but...
What the h#ll are you doing!?
You're wasting your energy trying to get the love and approval of someone who acts like a person you don't even want to be with!?
Ok, now that we've verbally smacked you around a little bit, we can move on from what NOT to do, to learning what to do.
LOVE, SEX AND THE MIND OF THE “MASCULINE MAN”
You need a lesson on who a man really is.
There are FASCINATING biological reasons for why men act the way they do.
But the reasons that are the most important for you to understand right now aren't the “scientific” ones.
I'm going to get a tiny bit “out there” right now, but stick with me...
There's a big difference between what I'll call the “masculine” energy and the “feminine” love or energy.
Pay careful attention here.
The feminine energy grows with fullness, praise, connection and love, to allow a kind of “surrender” in all kinds of joyful experiences.
With sex, women surrender to the experience with a man through love and connection, which can make the man and woman as one.
But the masculine energy doesn't work this way. At least not in the “darker” part of a man.
The masculine energy is VERY different.
The masculine energy seeks to break through challenges all alone and arrive at its desire - “emptiness” and “freedom”.
Have you ever heard a man talk about how he wanted his “freedom”... and you wondered what the hell he was talking about?
And you could tell that he didn't even really know what he meant by his “freedom”.
This “freedom” or emptiness is actually the masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.
Just as the feminine means is connection and loving.
Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to sleep or act like they're off somewhere else after sex?
There are tons of pop-culture references to men doing this in TV, movies, books, etc.
People know that men often behave this way.
It's “conventional wisdom”.
But most people don't really know WHY men act this way.
Here's my favorite way of explaining it...
Have you ever thought about why so many men have a strong addiction to watching sports events.
Well, each game is setup in a specific way that draws a man's emotions into the experience.
At the center of each game is a person or a team that rises up to overcome.
It's a kind of trial where a man will break through hardship, competition and challenge.
And when a team or player scores a goal or a touchdown and celebrates, something fascinating takes place.
The man “breaks through” the challenge into “freedom” and the final emptiness of victory.
Then the men will celebrate as though their greatest desires have been fulfilled and cry out as they never have before.
Bizarre and fascinating...
Ok, back to Earth.
How does this relate to dating, sex and love?
With sex, a man doesn't “surrender” to love and connection the way a woman does... unless he learns to.
** And yes, a man can and should learn how to surrender himself with his woman to love **
But instead, men often seek the physical challenge of sex as a goal unto itself, where they can break through to a temporary “freedom” and emptiness.
Whoa... Heavy stuff.
Here's the point, in case you don't like talking in myths and metaphors.
But first, don't go telling this story to the man you're dating or with out of the blue.
He will think you're CRAZY - unless he's the kind of guy that's already on a more spiritual kind of “path”.
This is for YOU to know and to work with.
So back to you....
Notice that in physical experiences with women, or in life for that matter, most men don't have the same strong drive to be deeply and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people around them like most healthy women do.
Often times, they're driven by something that has nothing to do with love, intimacy and connection.
Yeah, I know. Men are CRAZY and messed up and different.
But men don't have to be bizarre and strange this way if they LEARN and become AWARE.
If they have a woman who gets it, she can lead and challenge him into finding freedom through love and connected experience, not through empty physical experience and isolation.
LET'S TIE IT ALL TOGETHER
Here's the thing...
A man will NEVER see you exactly the way you want him to see you, or value you exactly the way you know you should be valued, if... you're doing things just to seek and win his love and APPROVAL.
Yes, you might have “goofed” by being physical with him too early.
But stop being so hard on yourself. It's the past, and it's not the problem now.
The real problem now is something entirely different.
Sleeping or being physical with a man is NOT a bad thing.
Trust me. wink, wink.
But you've got to create the right feelings within him before and during the experience of being together for it to truly bring you closer in love.
Sorry, but just being there isn't going to do it and reach a man's heart.
Wow, I just realized... men are actually so high-maintenance.
So you want to know how to “re-wire” things?
Here's what to do first:
Stop wanting the fact that you've had sex to magically win him over into being an open and loving partner like you are.
Then go back and read the section in my book inside Chapter 8 called “Triggering A Deeper Level Of Attraction In A Man”.
What you need to know is there.
(and read, re-read and put it to use this time!)
But let's keep going and I'll touch on a few of the same points that are in there.
Ever thought about what a man really wants in a woman to date or fall in love with?
I'm talking about mature, healthy men here.
** They want someone that they WANT **
They want to WANT a woman, to worship her, to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her off her feet with their physical and emotional presence.
And for the woman to be utterly and completely taken with them and what they do.
I'm sure you've seen or heard this kind of male fairy tale before.
So why don't men just act this way with women if this is what they want?
Ahhh... welcome to dating.
Because most women don't create the experience that will make a man FEEL this way.
So here's a “center-piece” of the puzzle...
I call it the “Pursuit Gene”.
There's a drive in men that makes them want to be CHALLENGED... and to overcome that challenge.
I know it sounds cliché, but it's true.
Remember the “spiritual” story from earlier?
Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman.
And then they want to win the woman over and feel stronger as a man for having done it.
Men deal with this in one of two ways:
1. They find more “freedom” and emptiness by physically being with a woman in the short term
2. They find connection and love by physically AND emotionally being with the woman in a deeper and “longer-term” way
Here's the AMAZING part...
A woman helps him choose which it will be with her.
The point is, men LOVE the chase.
Some men might tell you that they don't.
Men love the chase and the challenge not in their “logical” minds, but down where it counts.
They love it in their FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.
It's part of their genetic make-up.
But if a woman loses control emotionally, seeks HIS APPROVAL or thinks she can trade sex to receive love before a man's experiencing an intense desire to WIN HER OVER and to be with her, then something bad happens.
The man loses that feeling of excitement and challenge with her.
He recognizes that the woman has already given over physical and emotional CONTROL to him.
Which destroys the strongest “lead-in” to creating lasting love with a man.
It's just one simple word.
Men want to feel ATTRACTION.
And I don't mean that they want to talk about it or analyze it so that it makes “sense”.
They don't want to listen to what a woman tells them is going on and then come to accept and understand how and why they should be in love.
No. That's not how men work.
Instead, they want to FEEL their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.
Get where I'm going here?
If you don't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you and trigger the emotional desire deep inside him to win you over and be with you for the long term, then there's no amount of talking, sharing, or SEX that can change his mind.
In my ebook “Catch Him & Keep Him” I talk about the VERY BEST ways to create great experiences and situations with men.
Experiences and situations that will make a man respond to a woman with INTENSE DESIRE and ATTRACTION.
And not just in the “empty” physical sense, but instead with more deeply connected feelings.
Chapter 9 of the book is titled “From Casual To Committed - Communication Secrets with Men & New Relationships”.
In it are some of my very best ideas on how to build the right “emotional environment” for a man to feel addicted to the love, connection and attraction you share.
He'll wonder why he didn't find you and figure out how to be in love sooner.
Check out the details here:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Thanks and best of luck in life and love.
Monday, January 05, 2009
The TRUTH About How to Approach Women...
QUESTION ABOUT FEAR OF APPROACHING WOMEN:
My understandings on women have changed a lot since I read your books and I have read them several times. I am trying to be the Alpha Man which you insisted we (men) all have to be. I am working on it and to tell you the truth I do feel about better about myself.
But, despite reading all your articles, I still get scared to death when I approach women, my thoughts just turn from Alpha to Beta within seconds and I just can't do anything although I already at least have a plan of how I'll get them engaged into the conversation. There are these thoughts and strange stomach feelings which start building up when I start approaching them to talk.
Now I am at home, just got back from a New Years party, sad, depressed and ashamed of myself. I cannot express in words how bad I am feeling now after having seen all those beautiful women in the party but could still not do anything...
I realise this is affecting my life because I feel lonely and this is not a problem I can talk to anyone to feel better, what's even worse is my close ones do not even try to understand what my problem is.
I can change to become or at least pretend that I am an Alpha Man but the moment I see an attractive woman this all disappears and I come back to being a beta.
I am writing this e-mail to you probably because no one understands this awful problem of mine better than you.
Did you ever find yourself in this situation? If yes then what did you do to overcome this?
Reading, United Kingdom
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS ABOUT APPROACH ANXIETY:
Well, first of all, let me tell you that the experience you are having is a common one for many guys.
When I say "many," I really mean MOST every single guy out there.
So when you try to explain to other guys what you're experiencing, many of them simply DENY that it is even happening. It's crazy, but most guys don't want other guys knowing that they feel fear approaching and talking to women.
It seems un-manly. And it can really be completely humiliating.
I know - I had a TOUGH time admitting it when I had this problem. (Yes, I have had this experience hundreds of times in the past.)
It's funny, but most guys have this epiphany over the New Years holiday that they are not getting the success they feel they should with women.
It's emphasized by the fact that they don't have a date for the party they went to, and then it's really punched into their gut when they don't come home with a number from any of the women they met.
When midnight comes on New Years and everyone else is hugging and kissing their sweetheart, you feel like the loneliest guy on the planet for being ... well, the only one without a girl.
I hated that feeling, and it really pissed me off that I could be in a room full of pretty women and not be able to talk to ANY of them.
I'd stand with my drink in my hand and PRAY that one of them would come over and talk to me, but that never happened. Some other guy would always approach her while I was trying to think up some clever opening line.
"Let me tell you what Approach Anxiety really is..."
Approach anxiety is that sensation you have when you're about to approach a woman, but there's this little voice in your head that stops you dead in your tracks and keeps you from walking over to her.
It's just like the feeling you had when you were a kid and you knew you were in trouble and had to go to the principle's office, or go home to your angry parents.
(Isn't it weird how your senses are all on alert when you're in an approach situation? It's almost like being in a different dimension...)
This feeling is simply known as DREAD.
You're almost completely paralyzed by your own brain, but the worst part is that you don't even really THINK anything when you're trying to just say something - anything - to her.
(I'm getting freaked out as I type this, because I'm remembering the sensation - and just how much it really SUCKS.)
Approach anxiety is something I call a "Compound Emotion." This is an emotion that is so complex and complicated that you can't figure out where it's coming from or how to deal with it.
They get all mixed up in your head, and you have no idea how to overcome it to do what your mind wants to do, but some other part of you is short-circuiting.
In fact it's so complex that I can't possibly overcome this for you in a simple newsletter, but I can give you some tips...
First, start to really monitor that feeling in your body when you get ready to approach a woman. I'll bet that you feel the same things every time, and if you can start to recognize the sensation in your body first, you'll have your first alarm that you can sense when it's about to go off.
If you can sense the feeling before it comes on, you can stop it before it paralyzes you. Just like taking some Vitamin C tablets or echinacea extract to prevent a cold that you feel coming on.
"Everything begins with AWARENESS..."
Next, start to plan how you'll get started in interactions with women. You're probably blowing yourself out because you're trying to run before you can even walk.
Your goal is just to talk with her at first, for just a minute or two. Keep it LOW anxiety.
You need a couple good openers to get you started.
One that I use quite a bit is this:
"Hey... You know, you have a really nice energy about you. I just had to come over and let you know."
Now that is fantastic for getting a woman to open up, because you're giving value to HER instead of just "pickup" lines that don't do anything but scream out "pickup artist."
I personally use that one all the time, and it has never failed to start a conversation.
(By the way, if you'd like more openers like this, please read on for the link below to my bonus article...)
Do you ever feel like you're at a loss when it comes to approaching women and getting them interested in you - romantically?
Read the next couple paragraphs carefully, because what I'm about to tell you has a DIRECT IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE...
"Women are attracted to several KEY behaviors in men..."
These are things that many guys don't know are attractive to women because it goes against what they think of as "nice."
The ideas I've just discussed in the letter above are what I consider to be essential behaviors to incorporate in your identity. These are a critical part of dating success with women.
Most guys spend no time improving their approach skills with women, and they end up chickening out when the time is right to approach a woman they're interested in. They'd rather sit back and talk about what they WOULD do, but not actually muster up the courage to go and really DO IT.
I'm going to tell you a little secret:
I used to be the same way. I remember fondly going to a bar in Kansas City (where I was living at the time) and being so desperate to meet someone that I pulled out a business card, found a woman that looked attractive, and I handed it to her saying, "Excuse me, I think you dropped this."
What chance did that have of working?
About zero. Because even if she did find it cute and endearing that I tried, it was a pitifully indirect method of expressing my interest.
And it didn't work. (If you'd like to read the whole story of my fateful and horrible approach skills back then, you can go read about it at the link I'm going to give you...)
"That failure was the last straw for me..."
I was fed up, and I'd had ENOUGH.
If you're like me, you know that approach anxiety doesn't get better without learning some new skills and techniques to overcome my fears. It simply will NOT get better on its own...
In fact - it usually gets MUCH WORSE over time. It's a lot like social cancer to a man's life. That sounds brutal, but it's true.
I made a decision right then that lasted me a lifetime. I decided that - do or die - I was going to learn how to approach women, how to talk to women, and how to get her interested in me.
No matter WHAT it took.
I started watching other guys, trying out my own stuff, seeing what worked and what didn't, and I everything I learned down.
Now, a couple years ago, I took all that information and I put it all together into something that was designed to get guys past all these hurdles.
I know what it's like to sit there feeling like you can't talk to that hot woman in the bar, or the attractive store clerk you'd like to ask for her number.
I know how it feels in your stomach to go through this every time you see a woman you want to approach.
Now you can finally fix this...
Get the answer you have been looking for here