Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Rules for replying to personal ads

From www.Tesh.com
Despite the tight economy, more and more people are flocking to online dating sites. According to Whitney Casey, who wrote the book The Man Plan, men still don’t know how to talk to women online. So, here are Casey’s tips for the right way to reply to a woman’s profile, courtesy of Match.com:
Follow her lead. If a woman’s profile is long, thoughtful and uses proper English, don’t reply with slang, insults, or text-message shorthand. Make sure you spell-check! For example, if she says she’s a Cubs fan and plays in a dodge-ball league, don’t say: “The Cubs are losers. But that’d be a great way to meet someone – hit ‘em in the face with a dodge-ball!” Bottom line: If you don’t make a good impression in writing, you won’t get the chance to make a good impression in person.


Ask questions, and share information about yourself. It may sound simple, but Casey says most men don’t make conversation – they just make contact. So, ask at least three questions in your first email, and answer the questions yourself. For example: “How long have you lived in New York? I’ve been here for six years, and I love Greenwich Village”.   


Personalize your reply. Skip generic comments like, “I’m sure you hear this all the time – but you’ve got a smile that matches your perky personality.” Why? Because you could’ve sent that email to anybody, and she’ll think you didn’t bother to actually read her profile.  


Finally, take it slowly. In other words, don’t say, “Hi, I’m single, fun, and ready to be the man in your life.” Women find pushy and overly-enthusiastic guys downright creepy. The smart move: Trade at least three emails and a phone call, and then ask to meet. After all, if you can’t make a good impression via email, you probably won’t click in person, either.

4 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Hi...I'm not some dating guru...but this is coming from a girl that has experienced when a man is interested...and the bottom line is: When a man is interested, they are quite impatient and they PURSUE what they want...most men...unless they are very meek and insecure. Men are usually quite direct and make plans ahead of time if they are sincerely interested..they do NOT wait for a woman to make advances or give them the red light. You deserve someone that is more proactive (hence, interested) in you. They will not suggest getting together with you on Monday (Laundry night! LOL). That's the truth. doesn't matter how far you live away from each other...when a man is interested--there is no obstacle too great for him. They are relentless in getting what they want. It's that simple. No chasing required here...move onto greener pastures! You deserve that.

K said...

Hi Elizabeth, I guess you're right. I just like him so much that I feel I have to make some moves and sacrifices because I thought he feels intimidated by my educational background which is higher than him. But I guess not because I don't feel he is a meek or insecure type (which I thought he is at first). WIll that be wrong if I just hang out with him as friends as he said that let him know if I wanted to get together again ? Who knows also maybe something will develop from there.

Elizabeth said...

Hi K--I know exactly how you feel--and what is compelling you to act like this--and take the lead...but it's quite obvious that you are viewing this man as more than just a "friend"--so why settle for someone who is so unsure about you--and unable, or unwilling to go the distance and take the initiative or at the very least reciprocate the level of enthusiasm and interest that you are clearly dishing out?! I just don't understand women that don't see the importance of having a man work a little -- rather than just sit back and be pursued by someone...why? And if he is intimidated by the mere fact that your educational background is higher than his, he is not a real man...he is a mouse. Sorry--but that's the truth. A confident and intellient man who knows he has qualities to bring to the table doesn't exhibits insecurities based on how successful or goal-oritented a woman is....as a matter of fact, a man of substance will embrace a woman like that....not cower in the corner. I firmly believe that a real man when interested takes the lead and communicates his interest...doesn't just leave it up to you to make suggestions about getting together again..and then approach it as a friendly get together. Why not hold out for more--and get what you really want...it may no be from this guy--but from someone better...someone more on your level. Hope that helps. More women need to start valuing themselves and all they bring to a relationship. It's when you value yourself, when men stand up and take notice and value you too. Hope that motivates you walk away.

Z! said...

Hi K,

I'm sorry but I have to agree with Elizabeth there. If a man is interested in you he'll definitely make the effort to hang out with you. It's very possible, and I'm reaching here, that his response to your emails is just "charity." He's not really interested but doesn't want you to feel rejected so he goes out on a date with you...it's that or he's expecting something from you that you're not giving him. If the it's the fomer, then screw him...you're not a charity case. If it's the latter, screw him too, cuz if he can't be man enough (or mature enough) to communicate what he wants or is looking for, then he's below your standards.

At the risk of sounding like Greg What's-his-face, "He's just not that into you."