Monday, May 07, 2007

Breaking up by Text Message or Email



I was chatting with a young lady about her recent date and the conversation started out very positive. "Oh, he was great. We went out to dinner and had a fantastic time. I was looking forward to seeing him again, but then I got an email the next day. He said he enjoyed our date, but did not feel any chemistry. Oh well."

So what do you think about breaking up with someone via text or email? Has it happened to you? Have you done it to someone else?


25 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't consider going out on one date - then telling someone you aren't interested breaking up. I think it is fine to do it on email or text. I've done it to guys many of times because it is always awkward telling someone you barely know you aren't interested.

Anonymous said...

"Breaking up"--i.e., ending a relationship that has lasted more than a few dates--by email or text is tacky, rude, and unacceptable. However, if you meet a person & have just one date & have no interest in having another, I guess sending a message is better than just not calling--at least you end the "is he still going to call, or is it too late" worrying period!

Anonymous said...

After the "First date/meeting" a person should have enough respect for another to AT LEAST converse and discontinue the encounter. We are all in the same boat...dating. I feel communication is important, and email/text message is not the way to give someone a send off. Too impersonal....

Anonymous said...

like i said to my last boyfriend, a breakup text or email is better than just disappearing off the face of the earth, which is exactly what he just did to me after dating on & off for one year, when he promised me he would not do that to me, since he told me he was guilty of doing that to other women in the past. guess that's what i get for dating a younger man - immaturity - we were friends before we decided to become involved with each other & swore we would remain friends if things did not work out, but guess what? friends don't do that to each other & who needs a friend like that anyway? again, if he had just texted me or emailed me at least there's closure - his loss - one chance per person per lifetime......

Anonymous said...

I was recently dating a man for several weeks things were amazing and then i get a text...My ex girlfirend call we are going to try and work things out. I do not think this was appropriate and i called him on it...After one date fine but not after the tenth....

Anonymous said...

It all depends on how important the person you have been dating is to you. After 1 or 2 dates, texting or e-mailing can be acceptable. At least it saves each other time in terms of guessing what is the next move. After you have established more of a connection, I think to text or
e-mail someone is crude and most of all lame. Any man or woman who resorts to this after spending ample time with someone is a big loser and coward! And they deserve to be ALONE. The golden rule applies here...always put yourself in the other person's shoes...and you will do the right thing.

Anonymous said...

Women need face-to-face closure to a long term relationship that ends. I think men need closure too, they just too embarrassed to show their emotions....still!!
A one night date where a man tells a woman that he'll call and doesn't is not in the same category, and it's not appropriate to say what you don't mean. So at least e-mailing a kind rejection is a step in the right direction, fellas!

Anonymous said...

what if you are dating a long time and that person ignore your calls, and doesnt make time. are you suppoused to drag the relationship until they decide to find time to see you?

Georcina said...

Just today my BF broke up via txt

We had been going out for 10 months and I really, really, really, REALLY liked him. He liked me, I thought.

I'm heart broken but it would have been better to do it in person and tell me why (I mean seriously, 10 MONTHS!!!!!!!!!) He should've been A MAN!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Had this happen to me yesterday morning. I'd been dating a girl for a couple of months, spent most of my free time with her, and we were even planning a New Years trip together. She ignored me for almost a week and then sent me a text message saying she didn't want to be in a serious relationship. Really cool. Shows blatant disrespect.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jay,
Just had to say, that's awful about those two people who were broken up with via text message! That is so cold. That has thankfully never happened to me, and I couldn't imagine doing that to someone else, esp. someone I'd been dating for months. They are both better off without someone who could be that mean.
Also, I wanted to "vote" for having the New Year's Eve event in Manhattan. :)
Have a great weekend,

LINY Sweetie said...

This is an interesting phenomenon. My recent situation was 'dissolved' via text message...not by choice. I met him online in 2003 and we had been 'friends' via email, IM, phone and text since that time. We eventually met, and there was great chemistry. However, over the last several months our 'friendship' was becoming more distant, and he was becoming very rude and disrespectful. I finally had to politely tell him via text (as we saw each other less and less) that it was best if we went our separate ways.

I fully explained my reasoning and in classic man fashion his text response was - "later."

Which only confirmed my decision to let him go.

Anonymous said...

My gf of 5 months broke up with me via email. This shows a total lack of self esteem and disrepect on her part. This a cowards way out of a relationship. I classify these types as "runners". They run from everything in life that involves a confrontation. "Runners" usually fail in their realtionships over and over again because they do not not have healthy communication skills. Done and done!

Anonymous said...

I had been dating a girl (5 months) who decided one day to inform me via email it was over. I was left trying to establish some of closure. I had treated both her and her daughter with nothing but kindness and respect and was lft with a vague email. Very cowardly and simply flat out wrong.

Anonymous said...

I actually broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months via e-mail. I did actually do it by phone first, and he tried to make me feel bad about the breakup, but never once appologized for the way he treated me or say that he wanted me back.

He was taking all his stress out on me, and the last time we hung out he hurt my nose then laughed at me saying I should be more tough. I see all these posts that breaking up with someone via e-mail is bad, but you need to look at the reasons why you are breaking up with them. I thought I was too nice and should have just been more of a bitch. I don't feel sorry for him at all that he got an e-mail break up from me.

I do beleive if the guy is nice a in person break up is appropriate though.

Anonymous said...

I actually broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months via e-mail. I did actually do it by phone first, and he tried to make me feel bad about the breakup, but never once appologized for the way he treated me or say that he wanted me back.

He was taking all his stress out on me, and the last time we hung out he hurt my nose then laughed at me saying I should be more tough. I see all these posts that breaking up with someone via e-mail is bad, but you need to look at the reasons why you are breaking up with them. I thought I was too nice and should have just been more of a bitch. I don't feel sorry for him at all that he got an e-mail break up from me.

I do beleive if the guy is nice a in person break up is appropriate though.

Anonymous said...

My gf broke up over text message with me last Friday. All after I tried to contact her to see if I can help her out because she was really sick. Instead of being happy to get attention from me, she was just a bitch. We got on the phone and talked a bit and got into an argument, because I told her that I didn't really feel like hanging out with her after she had taken off without saying a word for 3 weeks. After a one year long serious relationship, she sent me a freaken mean TEXT! COWARD...i hope no other person has to deal with this ever. So messed up.

Anonymous said...

I was dating/sleeping with a guy for about four months... I even asked him if we were just hookups and he said no and that we were dating. Anyway, we were supposed to meet up one saturday night and I texted him around 3pm to set plans and he didn't write me until 10:30 that night to say that he was too tired and could we reschedule. I got annoyed and wrote back that I thought it was incosiderate and that he should have just written earlier to say that- not unreasonable I dont think! Anyway, he just started ignoring me and pretending that I didnt exist, even after I tried to get in contact... I finally confronted him and all he could say was " I have nothing to say to u" This was the most hurtful thing bc indifference is the worst thing ever. He was pretty much my first so I was sooo attatched....

Anonymous said...

I like that term "runner." I agree with someone who posted that people who lack communication skills and avoid confrontations, will e-mail or text when the relationship is over. It is disrespectful and rude.

Is it better than just falling off the face of the earth? No. Both scenarios are disgusting ways to treat a person and show immaturity.

Anonymous said...

2 years. Ended in text message. Only one way to describe. Spineless

Anonymous said...

My fiance broke up with me yeaterday over a txt message! we'd been together for 3 and a half years!!

We were supposed to be getting married next year!

It left me totally feeling like cr@p!

It made me see that i deserve better than that!

Anonymous said...

Two weeks ago my boyfriend (who had been living with me and my two sons) sent me a text saying he was going to his brother's for the weekend, when I was expecting him to come home to go out to a movie together. 2 days later, he sends me an email saying "sorry it didn't work out between us...". After all his talk of wanting to marry me and be with me forever, I couldn't believe he could just disappear without even a conversation. We never even had any real problems, that I knew of! To leave like that is so incredibly cowardly. I agree with the comment about "runners." This guy, too, had run from relationships, jobs, and so on. I still am struggling to find closure.

Dianna129 said...

About a week ago my boyfriend of a year and a half sent me a text out of the blue that he was breaking up with me. It came as a complete shock because we had such a good relationship and always got along. Never argued or anything. Then I wake up one morning and read that text. We talked about living together and going to music school together. Then he turned his phone off so I couldn't get a hold of him. I really loved him lots and felt that he really cared enough about me to not do something like that but at least talk to me about it. He was such a nice guy and I really felt I lost something great. That was the first thing he ever did that truly hurt me. I really just don't understand at all! We were so good and perfect together!

Anonymous said...

I dated a man for eight years, and worked for the same company but in different locations.. we wrote to each other email at work and met when we had our days off and as much we could.. i than moved away due to a job relocation and we stayed in contact by texting, emailing company email, and yahoo. he came to see me here, i would fly too. well one day after eight years he asked if like take a vacation with him alone no kids, no friends bothering us.. he pay for the flight i could pay for food and entertainment. i said cool. made the arrangments. when I flew to meet with him, he not show up. I got so angry.. i flew to his town. and met with him. he did not have the courage to apologize and to tell me why he did what he did. i than flew back to my new city.. and kept asking through text why he did what he did. he one day just started calling me ugly names, than he was speaking in third person. that he was not he, he was speaking for someone else. called me names, than he just broke up.. and never gave me closure, and on top of that. he got me fired because he wouldnt stop emailing me at work and insulting me for no reason. my managers read those emails. and fired me. because felt it was not right to use company emails for that purpose. they wouldnt fire him, he worked same company.. yet fired me.. he is disgusting. rude, immature, and i will get him back for that.. i will see how to get him in trouble. what goes around comes around.

Anonymous said...

I have been seeing a guy for about 3 months, during which time we never hung out at his place. I asked about this several times, and he finally blurted out an address which Mapquest and Google stated does not exist. I later found out that he was not who he said he was, operating under a different name, and naturally I was upset that I had been duped by a guy that I really, really liked. I basically sent him a text statiing that I was on to him and that I knew his real name. Now he wants to talk to me about it, but what can be said, he's an impostor. I cannot deal with a liar. In this case, I feel the text breakup was warranted.