Too Much, Too soon, Too Fast?
Chuck is a very "nice guy" (ut oh, the killer words) who wants to be in a serious relationship. He meets Mary at an event and they really seem to hit it off. Afterwards, they are dancing a little and I see them start to kiss. Ok, so far, so good, right? I hear through the grape vine that they are going out on a date soon. Hmm, maybe this will be another good success story?
A few weeks later, I ran into Mary and asked how things were going with Chuck. "Not so good, actually we don't speak any more." What happened, it looked like you both were really into each other? "He just came on too strong, calling me five times a day, texting me constantly. When I told him I would call him back, he called me back a few hours later, not giving me the chance."
Everybody says they hate the games, and I certainly do not condone them either. However, a little mystery is not a bad thing. Showing all of your cards too soon, and coming on too strong can turn a lot of people off.
What do you think?
Chuck is a very "nice guy" (ut oh, the killer words) who wants to be in a serious relationship. He meets Mary at an event and they really seem to hit it off. Afterwards, they are dancing a little and I see them start to kiss. Ok, so far, so good, right? I hear through the grape vine that they are going out on a date soon. Hmm, maybe this will be another good success story?
A few weeks later, I ran into Mary and asked how things were going with Chuck. "Not so good, actually we don't speak any more." What happened, it looked like you both were really into each other? "He just came on too strong, calling me five times a day, texting me constantly. When I told him I would call him back, he called me back a few hours later, not giving me the chance."
Everybody says they hate the games, and I certainly do not condone them either. However, a little mystery is not a bad thing. Showing all of your cards too soon, and coming on too strong can turn a lot of people off.
What do you think?
6 comments:
i agree - i have found from experience that the faster the man comes on to you, the faster they leave. it would definitely put up the red flags to me to try to slow things down, but no matter how you try to slow things down, it ultimately does not seem to work out.
I have been seeing a guy for 4 weeks. From the beginning he made comments about things we will be doing in the future. I haven't even decided if I like him enough for there to be a future for us! He has made comments about things he wants to buy for his place to make me feel comfortable there this summer, vacationing together, growing old together, etc. He assumes TOO much. It's a total turn-off. I feel pressured and almost trapped, when I should be just relaxing and enjoying getting to know him. He's a nice guy & fun to be with but he's playing it all wrong. He is scaring me away.
I don't even KISS on the 1st date!
34 Female
The same thing can be said for women. How many times have I been to singles events and answered personal ads and a woman tells you about her failed ictopic pregnancy and subsequent abortion?! Some things are way to personal to divulge just to demonstrate that you are open and honest.
I don't think it's a gender thing but rather a timing thing and how the two people handle their feelings in general. Initially, two people could like each other very much but their timing is off. Whether they talk it out rationally, never call back or stage a big angry scene is unique to each couple.
Timing is always key. Sometimes we aren't at the same stage. Someone who is more cautious may want to take things slower, another may be the last of her friends to be married with the biological clock ticking which could make a person move too fast. I've heard of two people who equally wanted marriage and a child so the fast thing worked for them.
For the most part, I am guessing that coming on too strong and too fast is generally a turn off. It's as if it goes against the natural process of dating and learning about each other. Plus, it's easier to bail if there hasn't been too much time or emotions invested.
Appropriate discomfort sets in if things are rushed and maybe that's a healthy reaction and nature's way of protecting ourselves from making a poor or hasty choice? Whirlwind romance is more likely to inspire anxiety which doesn't exactly fan the flames of love.
I think we need to remind ourselves, however, to be more compassionate towards each other. Things happen in life. People get hurt, they need distance or feel needy and desperate. It's not about the commitment phobic man or the psycho stalker woman. It's just the dating game and sometimes we need to go easier on each other.
I met a guy and we hit it off right away. HE bought me flowers on our first date. Did all romantic things any womem would love.Was in general a great guy. We saw each other twice the first week we met. I guess some would say this was too much,to soon but actually we both were so excited to see each other that it did not matter. My head kept telling me to slow down. Well out of the blue he stopped calling and it left me wondering what happened he was so into being with me and all of a sudden he wasn't. I just wish I knew what happened. Is he pulling away because he felt he was going to fast and was afraid of getting hurt.I wonder if men actually think how us women feel when they do this to us and how much it really hurts.
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