Sunday, February 05, 2006

I will call you soon...




What does the phrase "I will call you soon" mean when it comes to dating.
This was the topic of a story that came up at our defensive driving singles class. I mentioned a few weeks ago that when a man hears "You are a really nice guy", we know the end is near.

From listening to the story at the driving class, apparently the phrase "I will call you soon" signals that the end is near for a woman. So the bottom line question raised was "Why does a man say he will call you when he has absolutely no intention of calling?"

46 comments:

Anonymous said...

I made the comment. I have such a hard time with this. It goes a little deeper. It has to do with ending a relationship or not continuing on with a rather new one after showing much interest. It is confusing and hurtful.
The single scene at 50 + is not easy. My advice to all of us is to use respect when ending a relationship. If it has been more than a couple dates or gotten fairly intimate on some level, do not just disappear. Do not say you will call and not follow through. It is very hurtful and makes us question ourselves. In reality it is probaby the one who doesn't have the courage to face the other person who has the problem, but at the time we do not feel or see that. We have all been hurt and will continue to hurt. We are all in this together, so be gentle and as truthful as possible. Treat someome as you would want to be treated. It just makes us more defensive otherwise. None of us has gotten to this stage without some rejecton or relationship isssue. Many of us try hard to put that behind us. Not many people try real hard today and many walk away very easily without looking back.
So I hope things continue to go well for me and for all of you. But if not, end things with decency even if it is not a long, time committed relationship.

Anonymous said...

I think some men use that statement because they feel that is what a woman wants to hear. Well guys, we don't if you don't mean it. Even worse is the timed "I'll call you tomorrow night at 8". So, now you sit and wait for a call that never comes and he wasted your time.
We can tell when a meet or date didn't go well. So there are times we ladies get the old "I'll give you a call" and we are saying in our heads "no you won't, and I don't want you to either!" LOL
What it comes down to is respect. Have respect not only for the other persons time, but their feelings. I will let a man know if I just see us as friends ,or ,if I disliked him, I still try and say in a nice way that I don't think there is a match and I wish him luck on his search. It's not that hard and everyone knows where they stand.

Anonymous said...

To me, that comment would mean "I cannot decide now if I'm relly interested, lets give it time" it means "may be I call you but don't hold your breath" Other ideas?

Anonymous said...

who knows. I don't waste my time wondering shy. I move on. If someone is interested he or she will call.

Anonymous said...

Don't worrry not many women hold there breath for men today just becuaseof this type of attitude. Not worth it. Get some spunk and start pursuing. You may be surprised.

Anonymous said...

Don't worrry not many women hold there breath for men today just becuaseof this type of attitude. Not worth it. Get some spunk and start pursuing. You may be surprised.

Anonymous said...

I will call you means I will call you and if they do not it is a lie.
As far as ending a longer term relationship with no explanation , that is just cowardly and rude. We are all in this together. Let's use respect. Most of what we learned, we learned in kindergarten. Put it to use now. Many men seem to just be able to walk away and go to the next one.

Anonymous said...

I will call you means I will call you and if they do not it is a lie.
As far as ending a longer term relationship with no explanation , that is just cowardly and rude. We are all in this together. Let's use respect. Most of what we learned, we learned in kindergarten. Put it to use now. Many men seem to just be able to walk away and go to the next one.

Anonymous said...

It's about control and it stinks.

Mary said...

You will never hear from me again... EVER

nisa said...

maybe ladies can take it like that job interviews, where they might say they'll call if you get the job. if it's not meant to be, ladies shouldn't bother & just move on i guess.

if u ask me, i think at least maybe the ladies can look on the positive side & order the best food. so whatever happens -- at least she have a paid-for great meal. (& yes i believe the guy should pay, that's not a crime...) :)


PS: honestly i really don't do this kind of dating, i'd prefer a more subtle traditional way.

Anonymous said...

I basically agree with all except the last post.....Men are a totally different breed than us women. They say things, but don't really mean them.....they do not think with their head on top of their bodies which is very sad, especially men over 50..you would think by the time they reach 50 and over, they would learn, but all they are is little boys in big bodies........I am beginning to really believe that if it's mean't for me to meet a normal man, I will, be it the grocery store, in the mall, at a club, etc., and if I don't meet that wonderful man, that's okay too....for I am happy with myself first.......he, whomever he might be, cannot make me happy for myself, only I can do that.....so if it's mean't that there's no man, so be it...Remember ladies, "It's better to wake up alone, then next to someone feeling lonely."

Anonymous said...

What is with this "us" and "them" mentality? Be true to who you are, and talk to everyone you meet! For all you know, the person next to you at the bar, who happens to be the same gender as you, might have a co-worker, friend, or cousin that would be a perfect match for you! Regarding "I'll call you soon" - don't ask for a number you aren't going to use, and don't give a fake one if you don't want the call. Both scenarios are disrespectful, and no one deserves that.

Anonymous said...

MEN LIE! that is the bottom line ... maybe because they are cowards and don't like confrontation .(like a woman would be crushed if he said ' you are not my type'!_ . the man should understand that more important thinking is a woman who would rather get on with it, than think .. maybe he will call!! and then get to the reality of it .. that he lied, and he is NEVER going to call .. look at all the time the man has caused you to lose! I would rather know 'up front' if he is or isn't going to call . and if he says he is going to .. then he MUST do it .. don't leave me hanging !

Anonymous said...

I find it is just a difficult to say no thank you to a second date. Women are often "put on the spot" and there are "phrases" that women use like men use "I'll call you"-
Each is intended to avoid conflict and hurt feelings. The truth is, that after a first date, it is difficult to "manufacture" enthusiasm if the connection is just not there. "I'll call you" has become a time honored tradition- a way to "end" it without confrontation.

JWA said...

In my opinion I see alot of woman who go to these speeddating events and either(A)have no clue as to what qualities their looking for in a mate and(B)they the woman do not contact the guy/guys that they matched up with.Please do not go to an event if you are not serious about meeting someone.

Anonymous said...

Most men are cowards, so they lie. At 50 years old I'm sorry to say that I can count 2 men I know that haven't lied.

Anonymous said...

At a speeddating event I met a great young lady and we talked for about 45 minutes.After awhile she needed to leave and I gave her my card with contact info.She said she would call but not so far.
woman should never say they will call when they have no intention of calling. JWA

WAJ said...

I met a young lady at a "mingle" party and I thought we hit it off well.We spoke for about 35 minutes and she seemed to have enjoyed my company.When I gave her my card with contact inf she said she would call but she didn't.I happens to the men as well.Call when you say you will.To me it's the only decent thing to do.

Anonymous said...

i think the bottom line here is that women prefer honesty and men do not like confrontation. i would much rather hear the truth, even if it is hurtful, than to be lied to. i dated a guy that lied to his friend one night to take me out and he told me about it. he said he didn't want to hurt his friend's feeings by not going out with him, so he thought it was just easier to lie. that always stuck in my mind that he lied and had no qualms telling me. i started to distrust him and think that he probably lied to me to go out with his friends, when we agreed to have an upfront and open relationship. well, guess what, i do not date him anymore! i think the biggest issue with women trusting men is the lying. men just don't get it - if they were honest more often, women would be more receptive to them.

Anonymous said...

What do guys say at the end of a first date, if they really do have intensions of calling? What wording is used or is it the same thing: "I'll call you?" Please post your comments, men. I believe that men jump the gun, and don't take the time to get to know someone. It takes at least two dates to feel comfortable, sometimes, and be myself. I can be shy on the first meeting and it takes a little time to open up to show the real me. That can happen once I feel comfortable with the guy and then my guard comes down. Tell me guys, why are you so quick to judge? I think you should give things more of a chance as opposed to deciding w/in the first ten minutes if you like someone or not. Please leave your comments below. But, don't worry, I'm not holding my breathe. LOL

Anonymous said...

Well, I did this to woman not too long ago, becauseI had left her a message asking if she wanted to go do something... she never returned my call... she left me hanging. So, I emailed her and said I'd call her at the end of the week. I left her hanging too. She started it. So.. to all you women, touche.

Paul J. Harris said...

I think it is simple. If I tell a woman/girl, "I will call you soon," it means that I am not interested. If I were to say, "When is a good time to call or I will call you tomorrow [at a certain time]," then I am going to make the call. There sure have been times when I did not call her anyway and I think it is one way to show lack of interest. It may not be the "MAN" thing to do, but why hurt her feelings in person by saying something less. That is up to the individual.

Anonymous said...

Why not just say, it was a pleasure meeting you, it was really nice talking to you and walk away? Most people would leave that alone and be able to move on to talk to someone else, so their night isn't a total loss.

Anonymous said...

I went out with a man on a Monday night, at the end of the evening he gave me a kiss on the cheek and said "I will call you tomorrow and we can make plans for the weekend."
Well Tuesday night no call, but I did know he was to work late so I figured he got tied up at work and would call Wed. Well Wed came and no call. I saw him online and IM him saying something like did you lose me number I thought you were calling last night. He IM back saying he worked late and would call in a bit. Well a week later no call. My question is why did he say he would call and didnt and why did he IM saying he would call in a bit, when he had no intention. I would have rather he said, he thought it over and didnt want to see me again. Don't lie.

Anonymous said...

I think when a guy says, "I'll call you" and doesn't it means that at that moment and time he plans on calling but after leaving the date he thinks more about it and then decides, "she's not for me". I still think he should call and let her know that he thought it over and decided this way but unfortunately men are just plain 'ol clueless when it comes to a womans feelings. We would honestly like to hear the truth rather than getting lied to, led on, strung along a few more times, etc. MEN WAKE UP, BE HONEST, WE WON'T DIE IF YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO GO OUT WITH US AGAIN!!! Give us honesty and let us move on too.

Anonymous said...

because some men are afraid of what some off the wall women will say or do!

Anonymous said...

I think it's interesting that you are a female and you had this experience with a man; I am a man and have had this happen to me with a woman innumerable times. I guess it must just be human nature - people would rathher take the easy way out and avoid any type of potential awkwardness than just "telling it like it is."

Anonymous said...

Another man here, and it just happened to me this week! We had two dates which I thought were great. Left her a voicemail asking about getting together the next day, and late that night got a text message saying so sorry was so busy, will call you tomorrow or the next day. N call tomorrow, the next day, or the day after that.

I will admit I used to end relationships, even breif ones of only a few dates, the same easy way. Not return calls, say somethig vague about calling or whatever. But I stopped years ago after I realized what a dishonest and immature jerk I was being.

What gets me is, in this specific case I suffered this week, and many others like it.. heck, why did she even bother to send the text message saying she would call the day after my voice message? It would have been easier and mre honest to just not respond. Still not ideal, but why go out of your way to lie?

And speaking of text messages, since she decided to text message her reply, why lie? Text messages are very low risk and impersonal, she could have easily said hey thanks but I do not feel we were a good enough match, whatever, by text.. with no risk.

Oh well. Can not understand them.

Anonymous said...

Woman here...
so guys... what does it mean when he invites her to call him?

Anonymous said...

I see alot of people saying that men and women do not have the courage to just tell someone they are not interested. I want to know if those people have ever acutally done just that. I have, and I can tell you that I have given up on it. You tell a man very nicely that you just feel that you are not compatible and they want to know why. I have been told "I really wasn't being myself, I'll be myself now and I know you will like me", "You're just stuck up" and my personal favorite "If you tell me what you need I know I can be that, just give me a chance" Then you resort to having to just ignore the stalker like phone calls anyway. NO THANK YOU! I try to mention many times throughout a meeting that the person is very nice but not what I am looking for, I don't seem receptive to a call for a second date and if that call comes I ignore it. If a person can't take a hint once chances are they won't take it twice. On the flip side I have met many men who have chosen to just not contact me again and I have understood that they weren't into me for some reason, it's not rocket science.

Anonymous said...

I think that when a guy says "I'll call you soon" or "I'll call you later" they are showing a lack of interest without coming right out and saying it. "Just say what you mean, mean what you say but you dont have to say it mean."

Anonymous said...

I refuse to chase a girl. She can call too. If I said I will call you later.. I will BUT if it gets late in the hour I will not call. I would not want to disturb her afternoon. In that case she should call. I am so sick of this silly game girls play. I am never going to play to a ladies ego. Sorry. If she like me the she has to make the first move... I am not putting my self out there like that , That gives her to much power. It should be 50 / 50.

Sorry ladies... you need to tighten up.

Anonymous said...

i've been reading this but my recent situation has not really been discussed.

i was seeing someone for a couple of months and we had some really good recent dates. this was not a first or second date. we were supposed to see one another on saturday night although we had not made definite plans as to where/when.

i knew it was a bad sign when we played phone tag all day saturday. additionally, he is a 'screener' which drives me nuts. at 3:45 i got a garbled message followed by a text message to call him when i got home, as i was in the city. i called him around 5 and got his vm and left a msg that i was now at home. at 6 pm i got a text message 'call u later'. at that point, i realized that we were not seeing one another that evening.

i have not heard at all from him since then. how cowardly is that???

The Other Charlie said...

I can't answer for all men but I will answer for myself. I am a human being and I'm compassionate. As a man I know all about being rejected by women but I'm not as callous as they when it comes to letting someone down easy. I tell the lady I will call her and don't. She's an intelligent grown up she will get it and move on. I'm not trying to be cruel I'm trying to be kind. If she takes it as a devastating blow to her feminine psyche then she may need professional help.

Anonymous said...

It simply means that the man does not want to call. If a man says he's going to call and doesn't, then obviously he's got more important things on his mind. Men can be such jerks!

Anonymous said...

This is so hilarious. This has happened to me 50% of the time based on my internet dating experience. The first time it happened, I was shocked at how rude people were. Now it's like the norm. I just figure that they saved me the time because I don't really want to get to know the type of people who do this type of thing in the first place. It's funny how people find it completely acceptable to lie to others in this one particular situation but wouldn't lie in their "regular" lives. I like to maintain my integrity and honesty with everyone at all times...but I guess that's just me.

Anonymous said...

As someone here asked before, I'd like to know what does it mean when HE is the one who hands you his phone number. I actually called him and after speaking for a while he told me he was running late to his work (which by the way I know it was true) and that he would call me back. 5 days have passed and he hasn't. What could be going on?

Anonymous said...

I am still confused as to why someone, whether man or woman, would ask for a phone number and never call. Especially at a single-mingle. No one is obligated to take a number. It is just a way to meet new people and POSSIBLY connect with someone. I agree with someone's previous comment-just go and meet lots of people. If you meet someone of interest, then exchange e-mails and take it from there. Bottom line: Show respect. No one wants to be hurt and disappointed.

Anonymous said...

After reading all these comments, now I'm really confused. I had a great first date with a woman tonight. After the date, she texted me with a "Thanks for a fun night. Have a great weekend. I will talk to you soon." The cynic in me says that I will never hear from her.

Paul said...

It's a pain, actually, but I treat it like sales. You call 20 people, but maybe you get 1 to 2 responses. I think most people just cannot handle saying "no" or just "sorry, we're not a good match." To make it work requires not saying anything further, otherwise a desperate "I can change" response comes up.

If a girl ignores my calls, I just move on. If a boy ignored a girl, I think the gal has to move on, too. I agree - it's definitely rude not to get a respectable yes or no, but I think we expect too much of people and just get inevitably disappointed. I was raised to talk straight, but I realized most people, men and women, don't talk straight!

Anonymous said...

I too exchanged phone numbers with a guy and was told I'll call you.
That was 2 nites ago, I've left a few messages with him, like why did you get my number and not call, then I said, I think you're full of it (he's a New Yorker) and one day you will meet your match and she won't call you.
I also said, this feels like being back in high school. Then I said, I was so pissed that I cleaned my apt. and did the litter and I thanked him for it since I hate to do those things - frustration over these dumb no calls can be productive, now I have a clean apt.
I just get tired of mind games,
come on guys, try to be truthful or just don't say you will call, thanks for letting me vent.
It's tough being back in the dating world after you're 53 and was married for 25 years and it ended with adultry. I guess I'm super sensitive so I need to harden up.

Thanks for all the comments, I'm sorry I'm not alone everyone since it happens to guys too.

Good discussion all.

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Anonymous said...

I have found that so many people don't act right in NY. I attribute this to liberalism. People who have traditional values and are more conservative leaning tend to have better manners. I've just found degenerate behavior over and over when I tried to socialize. The parents are doing a very poor job of raising kids and mostly liberals are running the schools. Dating has presented mostly low lifes and people who act cheap. Many times people take a phone number and say they will call and don't follow through. I stopped going to dances at Millenium and Docs in NY because people acted like they were 5 years old and not like adults.

Anonymous said...

That's is so gutless, cowardly and lacks integrity. We don't ask yiu to say ill call you!!! What's wrong with, I had a great time thank you!!! That's it!!! Date over! Done! We'll think, ok nice, but next. When they add I'll call yiu, then don't, well then, you're not even a man! Just someone who lacks integrity, respect, the ability to communicate... Total loser.

Anonymous said...

I have every sympathy for people who get left hanging, but please don't blame us liberals. At least we have enough manners, courtesy and decency not to send our young men and women off to fight wars we have no business in. If you really doubt us liberals so much, you need to test your theories better. Most people in New York are decent good folks, just like everywhere else in the USA. If you don't like it, please leave us good New Yorkers and all of us liberals alone!