tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post5736182438821931423..comments2024-02-24T00:33:51.679-08:00Comments on Speed Dating NYC| Speed Dating Long Island| Long Island Singles| Singles New York: Separated vs. Divorced- Policy issueUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-75406299450846550782011-11-30T11:19:59.949-08:002011-11-30T11:19:59.949-08:00wow, I can see why I will never set foot in a sing...wow, I can see why I will never set foot in a singles convention. I have never seen a more judgemental group of people in my life. You guys that have never been divorced well good for you however you really have no idea at all what anyone who has had a divorce or is going through a divorce has been through. I am so tired of people talking thinking divorce is like this ugly step child. Have you ever watched a lifetime movie? You know that stuff happens all the time, just go on craigslist. There are a ton of people who think they are living the peachy life only to find out their spouse if living a secret life. They deserve to find love too and at whatever time they feel they are ready for it. It's not up to you to judge. Some of these process take months and so take years and I'll tell you something - you shouldnt have to wait that long to find love again if you are ready. If you have some sort of hangup with seperated/divorced or whatever fine - then just say no thank you. But feeling that person is not worthy of your time because they have been fully divorced or seperated for a period of time just means your being close minded and just judging. I am sorry, but its true.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-6110583616511464822008-04-12T17:52:00.000-07:002008-04-12T17:52:00.000-07:00I go to a shoe sale and they are out of size 8 1/2...I go to a shoe sale and they are out of size 8 1/2. I go to the supermarket and they are out of strawberries. I go to a restaurant and they ran out of chicken marsale. I go speed dating and there are separated people there. None of rhese occurrences makes me feel shortchanged! You get what you get when you get where you go. It's a simple as that. The fact that Jay is willing to reflect someone's sincere feelings in his charges is more than I would ever get with my shoes, the strawberries or the chicken. Thank you, Jay, for proposing a "solution" that required the wisdom of Solomon to respect the wide variety of heart-held beliefs. I for one THANK YOU. You should get an A for your efforts...not a scarlet A, but rather an A with a star on the top of yout paper!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-13159973947702335592008-04-11T16:40:00.000-07:002008-04-11T16:40:00.000-07:00You bring up some very good points. So your sugge...You bring up some very good points. So your suggestion is to list the status (separated, divorced, single, widowed) and leave it at that? <BR/><BR/>I have no issue with that. If anyone still feels they were shortchanged by getting less than the promised number of dates (10), I would still honor a pro-rated refund. <BR/><BR/><BR/>Other thoughts?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-45326833325519729882008-04-11T16:27:00.000-07:002008-04-11T16:27:00.000-07:00I applaud your effort. Unfortunately, I think you...I applaud your effort. Unfortunately, I think you are pandering to a vocal minority and creating a worse problem by allowing people who don't want to see separated people to opt out of a date or two. At most you should note their marital status on the sheet but no one should have the opportunity to back out of a 5 minute date on that basis. Who knows they may be pleasantly suprised. Or let's take it to the extreme - also include whether that person has EVER been married or has not had any children because maybe some people think that someone who has not been married can't make a commitment and someone who hasn't had children are selfish and can't handle responsibility and they should have the opportunity to pass a date on those people. I cannot and do not believe that even in a 5 minute date, the person's marital status does not come up. For many people separated is single in all but a document just like a person can be "married" without one. Once you start setting rules......Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-15465189870264007522008-04-10T19:48:00.000-07:002008-04-10T19:48:00.000-07:00If you have a better suggestion to the policy I pr...If you have a better suggestion to the policy I proposed, I am all ears.<BR/><BR/>I had two choices, either ask that separated people not be allowed to participate for any reason OR allow separated people to participate, but take into consideration the feelings of those who were against it.<BR/><BR/>Since you are separated for more than a year, you would be welcome to participate in the events. You mentioned that "being open and honest up front is the best way to start any relationship", so I would like to better understand why you would object to letting people know up front that you are separated.<BR/><BR/>For those of you who have never attended a speed dating events, you only get 5 minutes to break the ice and get to know someone. For some people who assume that separated people are not part of the single crowd, they may not think to ask "are you separated" and then get hit with a surprise later on.<BR/><BR/>Again, this proposed policy is open to debate, and I appreciate everyones comments both supporting me and who are against it. <BR/><BR/>As has been the policy for the past five + years, your feedback makes a difference and helps me shape how the events are run. <BR/><BR/>Any other compromised solutions are certainly welcome.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-51426305041823328812008-04-10T19:25:00.000-07:002008-04-10T19:25:00.000-07:00I first came to this site at the recommendation of...I first came to this site at the recommendation of a friend who has been going to your dating events. I've been reluctant to get back into the dating scene since it's been about 30 years since my last date but I said what the heck and I signed up just a week ago. But now I think I'm sorry that I did because I'm one of those separated folks. How long? 8 years, no not divorced because that damned SOB would have taken every dollar I had because he hurt his knee and hasn't worked for much longer than we've been separated. If you haven't tried to get a divorce, it's not easy.<BR/>Being open and honest up front is the best way to start any relationship, in my case.... separated 8 yrs, ex lives in another state, don't to talk to or see him and I prefer to keep it that way!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-45390703985779293672008-04-10T17:56:00.000-07:002008-04-10T17:56:00.000-07:00That is an interesting thought about a separated s...That is an interesting thought about a separated status event. I will have to do a lot more research, since I still believe the vast majority of people who attend are either single, divorced or widowed. I am not sure I would have enough separated people to do an event, but I will bring it up as a suggested event in the future.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for the idea.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-88535021144636241972008-04-10T17:46:00.000-07:002008-04-10T17:46:00.000-07:00Speaking as a separated person (more than a year) ...Speaking as a separated person (more than a year) I applaud Jay for meeting the needs of his customers. I'm upfront with anyone who asks about my marital status and I'm confident that most people do the same. I'll be back when my divorce is final. But here's a crazy idea: how about an event just for separated people, whose divorces are not yet final? Just a thought.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-67995760204802881432008-04-10T15:20:00.000-07:002008-04-10T15:20:00.000-07:00I met a guy at one of your events that was just be...I met a guy at one of your events that was just beginning to go through the separation process....if I listened to what many of the letters in this blog said, I would never have given him a chance. I too had been separated and not divorced for awhile and I felt he was honest and sincere about his situation.....We have been dating for 3 months and he followed through with everything he said he would do to end the marriage and we are very happy together! I think you are making the right choice Jay. Each person has to make their own decision as to who is right for them. We all have "baggage" and no one should be judging others.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-35552660652151636052008-04-10T14:48:00.000-07:002008-04-10T14:48:00.000-07:00I don't agree at all.The complaints you are gettin...I don't agree at all.<BR/><BR/>The complaints you are getting seem to be from women who don't even want to talk to a separated man rather than let that be one fact in their consideration of whether someone they meet is someone they are interested in getting to know better. Your policy I think will stigmatize separated men. "You don't have a date this round because the woman you would have been talking to doesn't even want to talk to you because you are merely separated." Let each person discover the other and if the woman (or rare man) isn't interested simply because the person is separated they can just say no! BTW - Given the date of the first post, I wonder and have a feeling that I might have been the separated man in question and I can tell you that nothing I said or did could have possibly conveyed that I wasn't emotionally ready to commit to the right woman. And I have a date with someone I met that night and feel as nervous as a 16 year old. However that works out, if I am at risk of going to an event and having to sit out a round because a woman doesn't even want to talk to me (and I guarantee you be pleasantly surprised), I will not be back!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-27911021386903574912008-04-10T13:09:00.000-07:002008-04-10T13:09:00.000-07:00As far as a scarlet letter, there is none. Everyo...As far as a scarlet letter, there is none. Everyone will have the status on the sheets, either single, divorced, Widowed or Separated.<BR/><BR/>The common theme I have read from those in the "separated camp" is that they have nothing to hide, are up front about their situation, that they should not be excluded, and that people should weed out who they want to meet themselves. So everyones status, not just separated people, will be listed and people can decide for themselves.<BR/><BR/>I have attempted to keep my personal views out of this, however it is time to share them.<BR/><BR/>From a business perspective, the smart thing to do would have been not to address the issue when raised to me, and just let everyone attend the events. The more people out there that can attend, the better it is from a revenue standpoint. In the last half hour I have done some competitive research and thus far have learned that most other companies have no published policy on this. The verbal policy is that separated individuals are more than welcome, but it is suggested that they be honest with the people they meet.<BR/><BR/>I have already gotten a few emails from people on both sides saying that I have now lost a customer because of this, and that there are many other speed dating companies to choose from. I feel very bad about that, and certainly hope you will reconsider. If you do not, then please choose another reputable group. (See tips on choosing the right singles group at http://www.weekenddating.com/competitive1.shtml)<BR/><BR/><BR/>From an ethical standpoint, a customer had a concern, and although addressing it is probably bad for business, I wasnt going to sweep this under the rug. <BR/><BR/>Personally speaking, I take the side of those in the separated camp. My sister has been separted for more than ten years. There is no chance that she is getting back with the ex (who has moved on), however they stay legally married because of health insurance reasons. If the day came that she met someone, fell in love, and was ready to marry, then the arrangement would end. Every situation is differnt so to completely elimate those that are separated was not the right thing to do. <BR/><BR/>That being said, I also had to take into consideration those in the other camp. The work in progress policy is not perfect, and I do not think there is a perfect solution that takes both sides into consideration. If you have other solutions, please email me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-78463614684576868932008-04-10T12:34:00.000-07:002008-04-10T12:34:00.000-07:00I think the policy is quite unfortunate. Now peop...I think the policy is quite unfortunate. Now people who are separated have to go to events with what is essentially a scarlet S on them. I, for one, will pass on that and I don't think anyone is the winner there. I've been separated for 1 and 1/2 years and for the 7 years before that my wife and I slept in separate bedrooms in separate parts of the house. I have a better chance of getting together with my first girlfriend who I haven't seen in 40 years than I do my wife. I dare say even before we legally separated that I was more ready to committ to the right woman than many of the single, never married women who I met at one of your events. I didn't lie or dissemble about my situation. If any lady was not interested for that reason, that is her right and I have no issue with that. In this day and age financial reasons play a huge role in finalizing a divorce as they are in mine. If any woman talks and finds out about me, their concerns would be easily allayed. Meeting a woman who is separated would only bother me if AFTER GETTING TO KNOW HER, I believed that her relationship was not over. I don't think anyone wins here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-51488308984056960172008-04-10T12:10:00.000-07:002008-04-10T12:10:00.000-07:00Jay - Although I am one of the "this is not a matc...Jay - Although I am one of the "this is not a match-making service" posters, I understand that as a businessman you have to be responsive to your clients. I think that your compromise policy is just that - a compromise, and so it does have flaws. But, my hat's off to you for trying to find a way through what is clearly a thorny issue. As a last note to the "divorced only" crowd - I met and then went on a date with a woman I met at a speed dating event who was divorced and still living with her husband (two family house - he moved upstairs)! She still loved him even though he had cheated on her with her best friend - and she was totally unready to date. With the current recession - housing slump this will not be a strange situation for the next few years. Look into his or her heart people - legal papers mean nothing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-89627841106627306022008-04-10T12:06:00.000-07:002008-04-10T12:06:00.000-07:00If anyone is aware of the policy that other speed ...If anyone is aware of the policy that other speed dating companies use, please let me know. I have checked and do not see any type of policy listed anywhere.<BR/><BR/>Although the proposed policy can not please everyone, and this topic has opened a can of worms so to speak, I felt it was important to address the issue rather than ignore it. <BR/><BR/>Please email me at info@WeekendDating.com if you have other suggestions on how to address the issue.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-70151208705022237992008-04-10T07:56:00.000-07:002008-04-10T07:56:00.000-07:00Both sides have made some very valid arguments the...Both sides have made some very valid arguments therefore I believe a compromise is called for. I also believe the actual number of separated individuals who attend any specific event is very low.<BR/><BR/>For starters, those of you who pointed out that WeekendDating.com runs singles events and is NOT a matchmaking service are 100% correct. I require a drivers license to verify age at the events, but have no plans on asking for divorce papers or charging hundreds/thousands of dollars for events and doing background checks. That is an entirely different business. So this proposed policy will have to be on the honor system.<BR/><BR/>When registering for an event, I will have a question that asks you to document whether you are single, divorced, widowed or separated. If separated, the question will ask "for how long." This status information will be included on the notescards at our speed dating events. A maximum of two separated individuals (who have been separated for more than one year) per event will be allowed, and I will monitor the registrations. If you have been separated for less than one year, then you would be asked not to participate in an event. <BR/><BR/>At the actual event, you will have the option to "opt out" of any dates with individuals who are separated (the max would be 2 rounds). You will know who these individuals are by reviewing the notescard. I guarantee a minimum of 10 dates per speed dating event. If by opting out of, you meet less than the guaranteed 10, you can talk to me and I will pro-rate you a refund for the number of dates below the guarantee. <BR/><BR/>If you are separated and attend the events, there will not be any guarantee as to the number of dates you will have, since I can not predict how many individuals may decide to opt out.<BR/><BR/>This will be a work in progress policy and will modified by your continued feedback.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-50176405643024734782008-04-10T07:32:00.000-07:002008-04-10T07:32:00.000-07:00 There has been an ongoing debate as to what the p... There has been an ongoing debate as to what the policy regarding the attendance of separated individuals at the events should be. Last week I asked for your feedback to the following question:<BR/>"Would you be open to meeting someone at a WeekendDating.com event who was separated for more than a year and acknowledges that their is no chance they are getting back with the ex."<BR/>85% of the men polled responded that they WOULD be fine with meeting someone who was separated as outlined above.<BR/><BR/>62% of the women polled responded that they WOULD NOT want to meet someone who was separated as outlined above.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-69402970164998749272008-04-08T09:47:00.000-07:002008-04-08T09:47:00.000-07:00To the best of my understanding, and experiencing ...To the best of my understanding, and experiencing this in my own personal divorce/seperation: After you have been legally seperated for one year, it just a matter of filing the DIVORCE papers. That's it....just paperwork! Unless you haven't abided by the Rules of the Seperation Agreement ie; sleeping with your ex, cohabitating, ect. during that year.<BR/>If someone claims they are seperated for more than a year, just ask..."what are you waiting for"......interesting, yes?<BR/>I concurr with the previous. There is still an attachment emotionally.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-9880976437449549242008-04-07T19:05:00.000-07:002008-04-07T19:05:00.000-07:00I am currently separated from my wife. We are liv...I am currently separated from my wife. We are living apart and there is absolutely no chance of reconciliation. My wife and I did not have a relationship for years before that, but stayed together for the kid's sake (a mistake in hindsight).<BR/><BR/>I attended a few of WeekendDating's events when I was newly separated. I was clearly ready to move on and began to pursue opportunities to meet new people. I did have a few dates and had fun, but ultimately met someone at an organized social function at a bar in the city. Thing have been going very well with us for the past few months and we're now dating exclusively.<BR/><BR/>My divorce is still not finalized (it takes time), but I've been up-front with my girlfriend about it and she's comfortable with the situtaion and of my feelings for her.<BR/><BR/>My point here is that I think that separated people are entitled the same opportunities to go out and meet someone that a divorced person is. Obviously every person is different, but in my case, I was ready to date very soon after my separation. <BR/><BR/>I advocate being upfront and honest about your status. If someone I meet has an issue with dating someone who is separated, I would respect their feelings and move on. However, I think that they would be potentially be missing out on an opportunity with me, since for all intents and purposes, I am essentially divorced just without having the paperwork officiated yet.<BR/><BR/>So here's my vote for not trying to put too many parameters around things. I feel bad for those poor folks who are about to get separated in the near future, who now need to wait around for a year before they can take advantage of WeekendDating.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-44231586544391706802008-04-07T16:45:00.000-07:002008-04-07T16:45:00.000-07:00Single is single.........I have dated people who w...Single is single.........I have dated people who were seperated & they always went back to their ex.....regardless of time.......a guy I know recently returned to his wife after being seperated for 2 years & dating.........it is not a judgement... it is a fact seperated people are still married....unless you(jay) are going to make know to everyone at the event who is single & who is still in limbo.......Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-71534358743787271002008-04-07T14:02:00.000-07:002008-04-07T14:02:00.000-07:00OMG - Jay you are going to have to start a detecti...OMG - Jay you are going to have to start a detective service and run background checks on everyone attending your events? The cost per event will have to be increased to $500-$1,000 each. So many of these posts are just so ridiculous. What if I have a child with someone and never married them? What if I am living with someone and I'm looking to cheat on them? What if I have a boyfriend in jail and am looking to date until he is released? There are so many possibilities worse than someone who is just "separated, but not yet divorced." Those looking for "divorced only" are making a big mistake. Not to cast aspersions on anybody, but someone who has made a commitment once is more likely to make one again than someone who has been dating for over 20 years and never married. Good luck to all in finding that special someone.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-2921819755099792332008-04-07T09:41:00.000-07:002008-04-07T09:41:00.000-07:00I'm fascinated, but not surprised at the poll resu...I'm fascinated, but not surprised at the poll results. Men have much less of a problem with this- maybe because they think a separated female at these events is up for sex and not more. Women are really looking for relationships-hard to have when you are not divorced. And just how do you "know" that one is really separated, not just cheating?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-62537818686135493872008-04-06T22:22:00.000-07:002008-04-06T22:22:00.000-07:00If you are separated, you have a wife. I don't dat...If you are separated, you have a wife. I don't date men who have wives. I don't go through the trouble of going to 'singles' events to meet men who are still legally married, no matter how they want to finese their situation. A wife is a wife. <BR/>Get the divorce, take time to become the person you were meant to be, and then start thinking about dating.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-60703365276857907922008-04-03T19:46:00.000-07:002008-04-03T19:46:00.000-07:00I have been separated three years and enjoy your e...I have been separated three years and enjoy your events. I never expect to reconcile and have not completed the divorce for financial reasons. When I meet someone whether at your events or elsewhere, I'm completely upfront with that person, so the re are no misunderstandings. It's up to that person whether they are interested in pursuing something or not at that point. There are many singles at your events that are perpetual singles for the past 15 years that are much more emotionally unavailable than myself. People should get over the status and get to know the person before making judgments.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-29120046981785683832008-04-03T15:00:00.000-07:002008-04-03T15:00:00.000-07:00No, I don't think it's fair of people attending wh...No, I don't think it's fair of people attending who aren't totally available no matter if they're separated for less than a year or more because they most often can't give you that commitment you desire going to an event.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20070900.post-75492155804981778412008-04-03T12:35:00.000-07:002008-04-03T12:35:00.000-07:00What are people thinking? As one poster put it "I...What are people thinking? As one poster put it "If you are so unsure of yourself that you cannot date separated people, then you are too unsure a person for me". Not wanting to date a person who is seperated has nothing to do with being unsure of yourself and you are just insulting people for no reason. A singles event is just that, a SINGLES event. There are plenty of places for a "seperated" person to meet people just NOT at a SINGLES event.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com